


Angels & Devitt's

by calmdowncold



Category: World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Dialouge Heavy, Excessive Swearing, Froyo Shop AU, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Mild Use of Homophobic Slurs, Mutual Pining, Pancakes, Pining, Questioning Sexuality, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-07
Updated: 2018-02-21
Packaged: 2018-10-29 08:06:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 100,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10849893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calmdowncold/pseuds/calmdowncold
Summary: Sami is a happy and unique 17 year old on a quest for acceptance, love... and frozen yogurt."Reach down your hand in your pocket. Pull out some hope for me."





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Been dreaming of this for a while- finally decided to bring it to life! 
> 
> This takes place in Buffalo, NY and everything that happens is 100% based on my own experiences. 
> 
> Enjoy, friends.

Friday, January 20th, 2017. 3:21pm. It’s raining. 

The lanky, 6’2” frame running down the high school steps already stuck out, but the wrap-around headphones cradling a bright red head made him unable to miss. 

He, Sami, made a bee-line for the black car, rumbling on the corner of the block. The 2012 Ford Taurus was almost hidden by the busses lined up against the curb. 

Sami darted around groups of fellow students and outstretched umbrellas, clusters of ice-melting salt crunching under his feet. His heavy backpack thumped against his back as he ran. Once he reached the car, he flung the door open, nearly ripping off one of the many stickers that seemed to hold the vehicle together. He jumped into the passenger seat with a thud.

“Hey! What’s the rush?” The driver exclaimed, brushing a lock of long brown hair from warm hazel eyes. Despite the weather, Tye was dressed in jeans and a tight muscle tank. He never wore shirts with sleeves anymore, since getting a growling black panther tattooed on his arm by a local scratcher. 

“I’ve got my laptop in my bag,” Sami breathed hard.

“Listen, my Baby didn’t bring the rain, be nice to her,” Tye scolded Sami while lovingly petting the steering wheel before him.

Sami rolled his eyes and took off his headphones, storing them in his backpack which now rested on the floor between his legs.

“I’m sorry, Baby.” 

Tye patted the dashboard softly. “She forgives you.”

The radio was turned up as he pulled away from the curb, the blasting bass nearly shaking the doors off the vehicle. 

It had been a year-long tradition, going strong, that Tye would fetch Sami from school every Friday. The plan every week was ‘there is no plan!’ and they would decide on something fun to do together before Tye went off with his girlfriend and Sami would curl up in bed with his homework. 

Tye had graduated last year, leaving Sami alone in the 300-student high school. He chose to wait a year to apply to colleges until they could do it together. They had met only on Sami’s first day in the school, instantly aligning, as if they were meant to meet. Sami had only a few months left before graduating. He could practically taste the freedom. 

 

“What are ya feelin’ bud?” Tye asked, yelling over Drake’s Take Care. It was an album they frequently played. Sami sang the choruses and Tye rapped the verses.

“Are you hungry?” Sami yelled back. 

“Always!” Tye took one hand from the steering wheel and patted his leg, searching. He turned the radio down, as if the lower tones helped him find what he sought. 

“Shit. I think I left my wallet at work.” He flicked the lever next to the wheel to signal a left turn. “Gotta go back.”

“Cool,” Sami shrugged. “I’m in no hurry.”

They drove back the way they came, brandishing matching middle fingers to the high school once they passed it again. It was vacant now, the litter around the campus being the only sign that anyone had ever been there.

The car’s windshield wipers waved frantically back-and-forth, making a usually overzealous Tye double-take every turn and maneuver. The high school was just a mile down from Goddess Tattoo, where Tye worked part-time making appointments and cleaning. He parked on a side street, fearful of any meter-maids eager to fill a quota. Goddess was on the corner of the street, painted with stark black and blue tones, the windows full of display flash designs.

“I’m just gonna run in, cool?” 

“Have fun.” Sami replied apathetically, fishing his cellphone out of his backpack to keep him company. 

Tye climbed out of the car and ran towards the shop, probably regretting his fashion choices in the freezing rain. 

Sami fiddled with his phone, reading his unanswered texts from only his mother and Tye himself. The device very quickly became boring, and he let it fall into his lap. The rain clattered all over the vehicle, creating a background beat for Tye’s music. Sami tapped along against the door handle and chewed the inside of his lip. 

_What the heck is taking him so long..._ He wondered, craning his neck to look back at the shop, as if Tye would be able to feel his glare. 

After a moment of searching, something else caught Sami’s eyes. A neon ‘Open!’ sign in pink fluorescent lights. He squinted at the sign, vision obscured by the torrential downpour. This was something new. He could tell it was across the street from Goddess, but failed to read any text on the windows or door. 

His concentration was broken and he jumped when Tye came bounding out, and ran to the driver’s side, nearly slipping in the process. 

“Got it!” He yelled as he opened the door, letting a gust of wind in with him. “Okay, where to for foods?” He settled into his seat. 

“Hey, has that always been there? What is that?” Sami jerked a thumb behind him towards the sign and Tye’s eyes followed it. 

“The froyo shop?” Tye asked, raising an eyebrow. “Been there long as I’ve been here.”

“Really? I’ve never noticed it.” Sami clicked his tongue, feeling disappointed in himself for not being more observant. 

“You wanna go in?” Tye suggested. “We’re already here. Could be cool.”

Sami pondered for a moment then shrugged, “I don’t know if I’ve ever had froyo before but the internet seems to think highly of it…. I’m down!”

“Alright... “ Tye nodded and sighed, “Really wish I had worn a sweater, I’m not gunna lie.” He jerked the keys from the ignition, bringing a sudden silence as the engine and the music halted. 

“Less’go!” He bolted up and out and Sami followed. They were lucky enough to catch a red light in the intersection and raced each other to the door of the shop. 

Sami could now see the writing on the windows clearly enough to read. It was a curvy font, violet in color, reading “Angels & Devitt’s: Frozen Yogurt and Custard”. The door to the shop featured the same name with hours of operation listed below. 

Tye pushed the door open, sounding a bell. 

They were greeted by a burst of cool air, making them shiver. The store smelled like ice and sugar, and was playing an 80’s rock ballad, tempting Sami to sing along.

Inside, the walls were made of pink-painted brick. A few simple white tables were scattered along the floor, featuring green and purple chairs around them. The floors were hardwood and sparkling clean. There was a counter with a cash register, napkins and spoons and a scale. 

Along the farthest wall to the left, there was a table with thick paper cups, stacked high. Built into the walls were three silver dispensers, all with three levers each. Above the levers were laminated posters describing what flavor of yogurt or custard they kept. 

In the middle of the floor was a marble counter where over a dozen plastic containers held decadent toppings. Sami’s eyes widened at the chocolate dipped marshmallows, Reese’s cups, whole cookies and cheesecake squares. 

Tye loomed over a matching counter, this one connected to the dispensers. It featured fresh cut fruits, granola bites, grated flaxseed, toasted coconut flakes and three flavors of bursting boba balls. 

There was a ramp next to the healthy counter, leading to the restroom and an ‘Employee’s Only’ door, _surely a prep room_ , Sami thought.

“This place is paradise….” Tye whispered when Sami joined him to gawk. They turned to look at the yogurt and custards to choose from. Sami noticed a pattern. The flavors started healthy and low-fat, from a watermelon sorbet to a plain greek yogurt and gradually became more indulgent with yellow cake batter and a double-chocolate. 

“Oh, wait… Oh, I get it. It's like angels… and devils…. but they made it… angels and… Duh-vett’s. That's good.” Tye nodded to himself. 

“T’anks, my mum came up wit’ it!” A cheery voice sounded, making both Sami and Tye jump. They whipped around and were greeted by a beautiful smile and bright orange hair. The girl wore a white tee-shirt with the shop name on it, a halo above the ‘angel’ and a four-leaf clover above the ‘Devitt’. She was carrying three tupperware containers on her hip, full of different candies. 

“Woahhh!” Tye took a step back. 

Sami snickered when the girl patiently smiled. 

“I’m great, how are you, lads?” She sauntered over to the middle counter to top off some candy containers that had run low. 

“Um, we’ve never been here before.” Sami spoke up. 

“Oh, okay!” She left her containers on the countertop and gestured to the table with the mountain of cups. “So what ya do is, take a cup and fill it with however much ya like, ‘den choose whatever you like on top and ‘den I weigh it. We charge fifty-cents per ounce. Easy!” 

“Oh, cool,” Sami nodded and considered his options, before his curiosity took over. “May I ask where you’re from?” 

“Ireland!” She grinned and pointed to the clover on her shirt. “Born and raised until about 2 years ago.”

“Oh, wow! I’ve always wanted to go… Hey, I’m Sami.” He stuck his hand out and could have sworn he caught Tye cringe at his overt-friendliness. 

“Rebecca!” She laughed and shook his hand. 

They continued chatting as Sami and Tye hopped around the store, sampling every flavor before making their choices. Tye chose salted caramel, doused in candy and Nutella sauce while Sami made a cake batter cup with strawberry slices and chocolate chips. 

Tye placed both their cups on the scale to weigh and gave Rebecca his credit card. He always paid for Sami when they went out, despite any protests. 

Between laughs and compliments about the store, Sami noticed a hand-written sign taped to the counter. 

**Now Hiring Fun & Friendly People! ** it read, with the store’s website underneath. Sami raised an eyebrow at it. _Could be a good way to get out of the house..._

Tye pulled out a purple chair to sit at the table closest to the window. Sami sat across from him. They ate and watched the rain while Rebecca darted from the back to the storefront, refilling toppings and wiping counters.

“Did you see that they’re hiring, my sweet, broke friend?” Tye asked while scraping the final remains of his cup for one last spoonful. 

“I did see that... “ Sami mumbled.

“You should put an application in! We’d be neighbors. And you could fill my gas tank every so often.” 

Sami nodded and laughed, “Maybe I will.” 

He wished he had brought his backpack with his laptop inside so he could apply right there. He wasn’t sure if it was the warm pink walls, the great music or the pretty girl that made him so comfortable. He just knew he didn’t want to leave. 

They finished their treats with only each other as company. The rain surely kept everyone safe in their homes for the day. Sami waved goodbye to Rebecca as they left and hoped she hadn’t seen them run as fast as they could back to the car.

~

Sami always had to brace himself before turning his key into the front door of his house. He cringed when his keys clanged against the doorknob, alerting anyone inside of his presence. He walked inside, took his laptop out of his backpack and hung the bag in the closet, barely having time to breathe before his mother shuffled in. 

“HEY! Where have you been, where were you? It’s pouring!” She was dressed in her pajamas already, her light brown hair tied up. A horrified look was stuck on her face.

“It’s Friday, I was out with Tye!” Sami retorted, “We always do something on Fridays, remember?” 

His mother’s hands were all over him then, as if to check his body for harm or injury. 

“But no call? No text? We were thinking you got lost or somethin’!” 

Sami wiggled away from her and bent over to untie his shoes. His personal space was invaded again, this time as the hands pulled a lock of his hair. 

“You’re soaking! We need to get you some new clothes!” She declared and shuffled away to another room.

“I know how to change, I’m okay!” He called out. He protectively held his laptop on his hip and padded away from the closet, looking around. There was no sign of his father so he cautiously ran up the stairs connected to the dining room. 

The upstairs hallway featured 5 doors: Sami’s bedroom, his parent’s bedroom, his brother’s bedroom, a bathroom and his father’s office. The office was the first to the left. Sami gently knocked at it. 

“Hi, dad.” He nearly-whispered to the plain wooden door.

“Hey, bud.” A voice answered from behind it. Sami lingered for just a moment, but left when he was certain that no other words would come. 

He retreated to the last door on the right. It was the smallest room in the house, but it had everything he could ever want. 

His bedroom was painted a medium-grey with a black trim that he had to beg his mother for. His bed was pushed against the farthest wall with a side table right next to the head. Black shelves full of boxed-toys and collectibles were prominent. He had a shelf for his Pokemon toys, two for his plastic Disney collectibles, one for movie memorabilia and two for wrestling action figures. There was a light-colored wood dresser across from his bed, completely clashing with his color scheme. 

He set his laptop on his bed and peeled off his wet hoodie, hanging it in the corner closet. It was just an open space with a bar across the middle, no room for a door. 

He gingerly pulled off his black tee shirt and threw it to the floor since he couldn’t fit a laundry hamper in his room. Just as he was unzipping his jeans to change into some flannel lounge pants, he heard the unmistakable shuffle and his breath hitched.

As if on cue, his mother welcomed herself in without knocking, clutching a few folded garments to her chest. 

“Here you go, honey, you’re gonna catch a cold- ooh, Sami honey you look like you’ve gained some weight, sweetie. I told you all those snacks were gonna catch up to you.”

“THANK YOU, MOM.” Sami yelled, hugging himself. 

She left the folded clothes on his bed. “I’m just saying, honey! No one else is going to point these things out to you, that’s why you need Mama.”

He glared at her as she left and huffed when she didn’t close the door after. He restrained himself from slamming it and got changed into warm, dry clothes in a hurry.

His laptop charging cord was waiting for him on his bedside table, so he hooked everything up and snuggled into bed, pulling the comforter up to his chest. He rested his laptop on his knees, started it up and opened Microsoft Word to try and chip away at an in-progress essay. 

He tried to focus on the words in front of him and turned on his favorite 60’s music playlist to drown out whatever conversation his mother was having with the dog downstairs. Stevie Wonder and Frankie Valli helped him focus for a few minutes and get another paragraph added. He was disappointed for a moment when he remembered that his mother had already been her lounge clothes when he walked in. If she was in for the night, he wouldn’t have the freedom to sing to himself while he did his schoolwork or cleaned. 

He took a break from working to browse a few social medias and look at romantic wedding sites on Pinterest. He thought about the froyo store and even pulled up their website. The layout was pink and warm, like the store. There were a few tabs at the top of the page, nutrition facts, active flavors and employment opportunities. He paused his music and looked to his bedroom door to assure that no one was going to barge in suddenly.  
Once the coast was clear, Sami clicked the tab and starting filling out an application. He regrettably had to check ‘No’ on the question asking if he was over the age of 18. _Maybe there will be a comment section and I can tell them that I’ll be 18 in 6 months…_

He thought that he would feel too nervous to hit the ‘Submit” button at the bottom of the page, but found himself smiling as he did so.


	2. Two

Sunday, January 22nd. 4:14pm.

Sami loved the way the earth felt after the rain. 

The grass was shining a gorgeous emerald as he trudged through the park. He didn’t mind the occasional drip onto his head as he climbed around trees, making them shake. He was careful to not stand in one place for too long, lest the wet mud engulf his sneakers. He walked instead of biking or skateboarding, hoping to clear his head. 

It had been a mild winter and he was grateful for that. Life was maddening when the ground was covered with snow and ice and he couldn’t retreat to nature. There was a favorite spot in the park he was hunting for, praying that no one else had discovered it. 

It was a silly thought to have since the grounds were still mostly vacant. The air was still too cold for most but Sami couldn’t handle another moment of his mother prattling about ‘bathrooms’ and ‘her emails’. He packed a lunch, his journal and a bundled up blanket into his backpack and snuck out the side door of the house, yelling a goodbye as he left. 

_Oh, thank gosh…_ He celebrated when he saw his favorite tree unoccupied. It sat atop the highest hill in the park, overlooking the lake. It was high enough that it caught every bit of sunlight coming through the clouds. There were other trees to the right of his, running all down the hill, creating a cozy and safe feeling. To the left, there was a rose garden that Sami loved to visit. The pink toned roses were always his favorite. He figured that it would probably make for a great place to kiss someone. 

He took off his backpack and unfolded his blanket to curl up on. He retrieved his journal, thankful that he always kept a pen in place of his last entry. He sat with his back against the tree, ankles crossed, careful to not get any mud from his sneakers on his blanket. 

His journal was plain, but sacred. It had an unassuming black leather cover, a juxtaposition to the pages full of colorful ink. Being a vegetarian, he felt some guilt about using a leather product, but since it was the most thoughtful gift he’d ever received from his father, he used it nonetheless. 

The pen he had kept between the pages this time was purple. He started to write. 

_Sunday. I put another job application in the other day. The girl that worked there was super pretty. Maybe the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen._

He retrieved the peanut butter and jelly he made earlier from the brown paper bag in his backpack. 

_Tye said I shouldn’t freak out if its been a week or and they haven't called or something. He told me that I'm "a ten" and anyone would be missing out by not hiring me and I’m not sure what that means but I’ll do my best._

A few crumbs spilled onto the page and he brushed them away, smearing purple ink. 

“Dang it,” he mumbled, his mouth full. 

_I feel bad coming to the park without Butterfly. But I didn’t have time to get her jacket and boots ready. I had to get out._

His mother’s brown and white Papillon puppy had been scratching at his leg when he was making his sandwich. He knew that she hadn’t been for a walk in a while since his mother refused to leave the house in even slightly-cold temperatures. Butterfly was her birthday present last September but Sami had instantly bonded with the excitable fluff ball. He kept her safe from the giant stomping paws of his father’s brindle Boxer, aptly named Tank. Sami didn’t see much of him, save for walks. He was usually kept in the bed next to his father’s office desk. 

_She’s a good girl. I promised to take her out after school tomorrow._

Sami looked up from his journal to watch some geese fly above his head, towards the lake. He took a deep, soothing breath. 

_I’m almost finished with my essay. Tye hasn’t even started his. I wrote almost 900 words and the limit is 650. I guess I tend to ramble._

His phone started ringing, barely audible from the pocket in his backpack. He hadn’t intended on even looking at it while he was out; only kept it on him for emergencies. 

He fished it from his backpack, assuming it was his mother calling to scream ‘why did you leave me’ or something of the like. Surprisingly, it was a number he hadn’t seen before. 

Sami was always hesitant to answer calls from unfamiliar numbers. Just looking at it left a sinking pit in his stomach. There had been a few instances where he received horrific calls from some guys at school, calling him slurs and telling him to kill himself. He was pretty sure they got his number from a girl he had asked to prom. He figured that was his punishment for even being so bold. He took a deep breath and answered.

“Um, hi. Is dis Sami?” The voice said. Sami’s heart fluttered when he recognized the accent.

“This is!” He squeaked, covering his mouth with his hand when his voice cracked. 

“Hey! Dis is Rebecca from Angels & Devitt’s. You put an application in?” 

“Yes I did!” 

“O-okay!” She seemed like she was attempting to match his enthusiasm. “Well, if you’re interested, I’d like to set up an interview with you.”

Sami felt his eyes well up with tears. He glanced down to his journal, as if it had somehow conjured this magic. 

“I would love to!” 

“Okay… Hey, did you come in the other day?” Rebecca asked. 

“Yeah, I came in with my friend Tye and we talked!” 

“Dats what I thought! I figured your name might’a been Samuel or somet’ing but I like dis a lot better. Do you wanna come in on Tuesday? I could fit you in the afternoon, I see dat you’re still in school.”

“YES.” Sami didn’t care about how eager he sounded. “B-but, but I won’t be in school too much longer! And I’ll be 18 soon! And yeah, I can come in whenever!” He hadn’t noticed that his body had shifted from lounging against the tree trunk to upright, his free hand now clenched. 

“Okay, why don’t you just come in after school? I’ll be here all day.”

Sami paused, confused by how casual she sounded. Was this another prank? Was the prettiest girl, _maybe ever to exist_ in on it somehow? 

“Yeah... “ He answered, after maybe too long of a wait. He shook his head, reminding himself that this was a very good thing indeed. “Yeah, definitely. I’ll be there.”

“I’ll see you den!” She chirped and hung up. 

Sami stared at his phone, at his journal again, then to the ripped jeans he had on. _Frick, I have to get nice clothes… Maybe mom can… Oh no._

He let out a groan, now realizing that he had to tell his mother what he had done; what he was going to do. He put his pen back into the spine of his journal and packed his things back up, making sure to fold the dirty side of his blanket inward.

He skipped away, resisting his body’s urge to run home. 

~

“Why do you want to leave me?!” Mother screeched. She was clutching her chest and wearing a face of pure horror. “You know, you don’t understand what working is like!” 

“Ma, I gotta learn eventually, right?” Sami had his arms outstretched, trying to comfort her. “I’m not _leaving_ you, I think it’ll be good!” 

“You really want to work with food, Sam?” His father spoke up. He didn’t speak much higher than a murmur, but Sami never had a hard time picking up the low rumble of his voice. He had left the kitchen when mother started her wailing, to check on the hockey game in the living room. 

“Yeah, I think it’d be fun.” Sami dropped his hands to his sides and met his father at the entrance of the living room. The Buffalo Sabres were losing by a landslide. Tank was resting in the center of the couch.

“Well. Whatever you think, bud.” He didn’t look away from the television. His father was one of the only people Sami had to _literally_ look up to, at a towering 6’5”.

“Sami! You don’t know anything about food!” She yelled from the kitchen. She had returned to preparing dinner, seemingly the only thing that could calm her down. 

“Well, ma, they-”

“They’re gonna train him as he works, hon.” Father spoke up again. Sami blinked at him. He stepped back towards the kitchen, curious to see her reaction. 

She was standing with her arm crossed, glaring into the direction she knew he stood. 

“Do what you’re gonna do, Sami!” She turned her back to him to retrieve vegetables from the crisper. 

He chose to interpret that as her blessing and decided against asking for new clothes. 

~

Sami retreated to his bedroom after eating in mostly cold silence. He took his clothes off but before changing into something to sleep in, he sorted through everything in his closet. He wanted to piece together something impressive to wear. He tried everything on, from a black button up that he deemed too formal, to a white crew shirt that he deemed too casual. He settled on grey jeans for the bottoms, digging out the only pair he owned that wasn’t ripped. 

Between changes, he took a step back and accidentally caught sight of himself in only his underwear. His brow furrowed at the pale skin. He poked and pinched at his stomach, painfully reminded of what his mother had said the other day. Leaning closer to the mirror, he inspected his face, seeing if any progress had been made on developing a beard. Sadly, none. 

He leaned away and smirked. _No one’s gonna want to hire me._ He shook his head and folded his clothes up, sorting them away in his dresser. He rummaged through the bottom drawer for the comfort of his pajamas. 

There were some familiar scratching noises at his bedroom door. He opened it and Butterfly happily bounded in. She bounced around the edge of his bed, her legs too short to climb up. He scooped her up as he settled himself in, deciding on listening to music and relaxing until he fell asleep. A few congratulatory texts from Tye and his girlfriend Dana remained unopened in his phone. He assumed that they would be too busy to talk to him anyway. 

Butterfly curled into a protective ball by his side. He pulled up the _Dirty Dancing_ soundtrack on his phone, plugged his headphones in and quietly sang so only she could hear.

 _Tomorrow’s a new day,_ he reminded himself, kissing her soft head between songs. _It’ll be okay._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kind of a filler, hopefully giving more information on sweet sami. <3


	3. Three

Tuesday, January 24rd. 12:50pm.

Sami couldn’t stop his knee from bouncing, shaking the table where he was sitting. 

He had more tabs open on the school’s computer than he could count, reading up on the psychology programs in the Western New York colleges that had been recommended to him. His guidance counselor had spent many an afternoon on the phone with Sami’s mother, usually being screamed at about ‘lack of motivation’ and ‘fire under his ass’. 

Psychology was his chosen major and that had completely been his mother’s idea. She insisted that, despite having no interest or appeal whatsoever, it would be the best path for him to take. She spoke, time and again, with convincing confidence that Sami could become a millionaire genius life-saving doctor this way. 

He looked over his shoulder to assure that none of the other students in his study hall were paying him any attention. As always, he found himself completely isolated so he closed one the University of Buffalo’s psychology major tab. With one more glance around, he switched over to the tab he had secretly saved- information on the University's Music Performance program. He read up on the required courses- vocal diction and music theory, among others- and thought he could cry. He made a mental note to write the details of the program down in his journal- too afraid to do it now in case someone saw what he was writing and called him gay. 

Tye had been planning on enrolling in UB’s music program, but the difference, Sami thought, was that it cool when he did it. He considered writing a note to himself about declaring a double major but rejected it when he decided that he wasn’t smart enough to do so. 

The bell rang, dismissing his study hall. He copied a few links on the music programs and emailed them to himself, planning on later reading in solitude. 

He continued to shake all through his English class, ever uninterested in Jay Gatsby. 

Senior year had been the quietest of his high school years. Most of the people who had tortured him in prior years had moved on to better things- jobs, relationships, parties. Sami had trained himself to stop speaking out of turn and stop smiling at everyone. It was frequently hard to maintain. 

He had spent all 17 years of his life struggling to make or keep friends. Being bubbly and outgoing in personality made it so that he never stopped trying, despite endlessly getting his feelings hurt. He had heard, over and over again, his vernacular loudly mocked by those around him. He had seen his mannerisms mimicked. He had experienced new faces seeming excited to be his friend and quickly watch their smiles fade to disdain after he spoke. After a while, he concluded that the problem existed within himself. He was the weird one. He was the one unable to mold. 

It was always on the particularly dark days that the thoughts came back. 

Sami had only ever found one saving grace. 

Tye was charismatic, handsome, likeable, athletic; everything Sami couldn’t be. 

Tye had lived his whole childhood and adolescence surrounded by praise and success, while Sami’s had been filled with rejection and doubt. Their connection was difficult to put into words, complex yet perfect. Sami thought he summarized it well in a journal entry one, brushing away tears as he wrote, _I think we both needed someone to look past the surface._

Two became three in the year that Tye graduated high school and met Dana Brooke at a local gym, owned by her parents. 

Sami could never forget the first time he met her, walking side-by-side with Tye into the gym. The clangs of weights being dropped against bars and onto floors filled his ears. In the front of the building were the elliptical machines and a bar for refreshments. Framed photos of Dana’s family members flexing under spotlights at bodybuilding competitions adored the walls. Sami had never felt more insignificant than he did while marveling at the physical finesse that seemed effortless for them. 

Dana was working the check-in desk, clad in her Under Armour tights and sports bra, shaking a protein smoothie. Her arms and stomach were perfectly sculpted, tanned skin accented by bright blond hair that framed her pretty face. Sami didn’t think people who looked like her existed in the real world. 

They spent plenty of time together and quickly learned that they could only bond over a love for Tye. Still, Sami never hesitated to talk her ear off and even developed a crush on her over the last summer. She was the only girl to ever politely smile and listen when he ranted and flailed. 

The final bell rang and Sami sprang up from his seat in the back of his trigonometry class, alarming the half-asleep students around him. He ran outside, not even bothering to put his headphones on, and unlocked his bike from the metal rack in the parking lot. Angels & Devitt’s was on the same street as the school, just a few blocks up. Still, Sami took off in the opposite direction, intending on looping around the school building and up the side streets so he could avoid any and all social interaction. The detour tacked an extra ten minutes onto his commute, but invisibility had become a trusted ally for him.

He focused on his ride, moving as quickly and safely as possible. A black v-neck shirt he found buried in his closet paired well with his grey jeans. He had woken up extra early just to iron it. The outfit had been preserved all day via fasting, and he would not allow it to be tarnished by something as silly as riding through a puddle. 

He turned up the side street that connected at a crosswalk to the main street. He locked his bike back up at the stop sign adjacent to Goddess Tattoo. Taking a deep breath, he walked to the corner and peered over his shoulder. Tye was at the front desk in the shop, talking to a customer, unaware that he was being watched. Sami smiled at him anyway and crossed the street. 

He had wanted to enter the store with a nonchalant confidence, as if his chest wasn’t threatening to burst from nervousness. Unfortunately, he forgot about the bell that rang when the door was opened and it scared a small yelp out of him. 

There was a different girl working the counter this time, making his embarrassment double. 

Amazingly, she looked up from the book she was reading and grinned at him.

“Hey, how are you?!” She chirped. Her long brown hair was pulled into a side-ponytail. Her Angels & Devitt’s tee shirt was tie-dyed. Sami’s nerves calmed almost instantly. 

“Hey! I’m great! How are you?” He bounced over to the counter. 

“I’m great too!” She smiled even bigger than before. “Hey, are you here for an interview?” 

“Yeah, I am!” Sami knew that he was shouting a little but couldn’t help himself. This girl’s energy was bringing him back to life and right out of his nervous shell. 

“Oh my gosh!” Her hands clasped her face. “You look awesome! You’re gonna do so good!”

“Really?!” Sami looked down at himself, feeling his stomach growl the slightest bit. It had been worth it.

“Yeah you look sharp! Hey, I’m Bayley by the way!” 

“Well, thanks! Yeah, I’m Sami!” He almost made the motion to shake her hand but she did one better, running around the counter and pulling him into a tight hug. He hesitated at first, mostly just from shock, but then instinct took over and he squeezed her back. 

Rebecca emerged from the back room, followed by an older man. She was holding a clipboard.

“How did I know?” She asked the man, gesturing to Bayley and Sami. 

Bayley released Sami and ran back to her position at the counter. As if on cue, a group of customers entered the store. 

“Hi, Rebecca.” Sami smiled sheepishly. 

“Hi, Sami. C’mon, den.” She waved for him to follow. Her orange hair was down today, falling to the middle of her back. 

Sami stomped up the ramp to the back room. Metal shelves lined the walls, all filled with containers and boxes and tubs of product. Everything was neat and labeled. A prep table was set up in the middle of the room, with cutting boards and boxes of gloves on top. There was a three-compartment sink to the far left. To the right, an oven next to a door to a walk-in freezer.

Rebecca set her clipboard down on the prep table. “Sami, dis is my dad, he owns da store.” The man smiled and shook Sami’s hand. 

“Fintan Devitt, good to see ya.” He spoke quietly. He was dressed casually in a buttoned shirt and jeans. 

“Hey, sir! Thanks for having me!” Sami smiled. Over the man’s shoulder, he noticed a set of stairs that lead to a small office. There was a computer on a desk and two swivel chairs around it. Overlooking the desktop was a camera monitor, showing the store floor’s activity. In it, he saw Bayley wiping down tables. 

“Okay, Sami. If you’re okay wit hangin’ out here, I’ve just got to ask you a few questions.” Rebecca continued. 

“Yeah definitely!” Sami brought his attention back to her perfect face. All the advice forums he researched suggested keeping eye contact during interviews. 

“Okay. Sami Sebei… You’re 17...” Rebecca looked over the paper on her clipboard, “First t’ing, how about you tell me about yourself?”

Sami blinked, briefly forgetting who he was. “Um! Okay! Uh… I like movies, and I like biking…I have two dogs a-and they’re um, my favorite things...” 

Rebecca smiled while he stammered. Her hazel eyes and long eyelashes distracted him further. 

“Okay,” She nodded, as if to save him. “And why do ya wanna work here?” 

Sami smiled softly again, reminding himself to breathe. “It’s awesome here,” he chuckled. Rebecca and Mr. Devitt exchanged glances. 

“I love it here. The first time I came in here, it’s… it’s so nice,” Sami’s hands found their way upwards, grasping at air, grasping at the more complex words that escaped him. 

“I mean, you were so nice to me and Tye and now it’s like, Bayley was so nice to me and…” His hands became fists while he struggled for words. “I don’t wanna be like, um, sappy, but no one is hardly ever nice to me and… and it’s just… really nice here.”

He squeezed his eyes shut when Rebecca looked down at her papers. 

“And the yogurt is awesome.” He added quickly, earning a laugh from Rebecca. 

_Saved it._

Rebecca wrote something down on her clipboard. “Okay, so ya like biking? Do ya live around here?” 

“Yeah!” He took another breath and wiped at his eyes, trying to make himself look collected and calm. “I live a few blocks away in the west side. But-but I’m always around here! I love going to Delaware Park near here and-and-”

“Okay!” Rebecca cut him off. “So what do ya t’ink is your greatest strength and your greatest weakness?” 

“Um.”

Self-assessment was never a strong suit for Sami. He did not have a detection filter for when he was talking too much or being too brave; too loud. He couldn’t tell if he matched his zodiac sign’s description. He never gave himself too much thought. He did find in his interview-prep research that what Rebecca asked was a common question, but to avoid thinking about it, he told himself that it probably wouldn’t come up. 

Panic began to rear its head so Sami mustered up his brave face and did what his mother always told him to do in times of trouble- tell the truth. 

“Strength and weakness… I think…. I think they’re the same thing. I think I’m too friendly?” Sami asked, as if the Devitt’s would offer their opinions. Rebecca nodded for him to continue. 

“Um… yeah. I mean, I always think it’s a nice way to be. But I get hurt a lot… and that’s… no fun.” Sami looked at the floor for a moment then remembered what he had read about eye contact. 

“But I just think being nice and being friendly and being trusting is the best way to be… and I’m not gonna stop… and I don’t... “ Sami actually chuckled, “-don’t think I _can_ stop. It would take something really bad to get me to stop smiling.” 

Rebecca nodded again, scribbling something into her notes. 

“Well, Sami, dat’s great, I t’ink you-” She stopped when her father placed a hand on her shoulder. They looked at one another for a mere moment, then back to Sami. 

Mr. Devitt offered his hand again, “Good to see ya, Sami.” 

Sami shook his hand again and he left, walking out of the room and down the ramp. Sami glanced to the camera monitor and saw him take a seat at one of the shop tables. 

“Wha... “ Sami felt his heart sink.

Rebecca was watching the same monitor with intent. She turned back to Sami, making a ‘come here’ gesture with her hand. Sami leaned in, wary. 

“He only ever leaves when he likes da person we’re interviewing!” She whispered excitedly.

“What?!” Sami rasped back. “Why? Shouldn’t it be the opposite?” 

“It’s just how he is!” She shrugged and cleared her throat. Sami stood up straight. 

“Okay!” She said loudly. “So what we’re gonna do is figure out what works best for ya in terms of a schedule,” she scratched a few more notes down. “You’ll have t’ree separate training sessions. One wit Bayley, one wit my assistant Lexi and one wit… me.” She sighed. Her face sank a little but Sami didn’t even notice.

“Wait, I’m hired?!” He chirped, ecstatically. 

It was Rebecca’s turn to blink. “Of course you’re hired!” She said, incredulous that he would even ask.

“Oh my GOSH.” Sami’s hands were in his hair. He resisted the urge to jump and hug her. She continued. 

“Usually, my brot’er does the final training round but he’s... a little sick right now. You’ll meet him soon, eit’er way.” She smirked and continued to scribble. “You and him will be the only boys here, he’ll be happy about that.”

Sami was only half listening while she explained the paperwork that would have to be completed, the restrictions of hours he can work while still underage and what his training would consist of. Sami’s heart was pounding too hard for him to focus. He was going to get out of the house. He was going be free. He was going to hang out with pretty girls all day _and_ get payed for it.

“So do ya have any questions fer me?” She looked up. 

“Uh… yeah! When do I get a cool tee shirt?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay for the boy! 
> 
> next chapter is when things get interesting!


	4. Four

Wednesday, February 1st. 5:50pm. 

Sami was presented with a cool tee shirt as he walked in to Angels & Devitt’s on Wednesday- his first official work day. He shook all throughout his school day in anticipation. It had taken only a week for his guidance counselor to give him his working papers, but to Sami it felt like an eternity of waiting.

He was given good news as well that day. Regents exam week had been at the beginning of the month and Sami passed all his exams with ease. The time had come to start putting in college applications; he knew that. However, It may as well have been entirely impossible for him to focus on anything other than the frozen yogurt shop up the street. 

His parents had half-heartedly congratulated him on getting the job. He was left speechless when his mother accused him of only wanting it as an excuse to get out of the house. _Can’t really make an argument when she’s right._

His shirt was black with the clover and halo logo, a few sizes too big because everything appropriate was too short on his lanky frame. He borrowed a neon pink hair tie from Bayley to tie the extra fabric off. 

The first day of training was easy; he learned about how to use the register, how to tender payments and talk to customers. The register was basic, featuring a few different colored buttons, all clearly labeled. He quickly caught on to using it and impressed Bayley by offering to sweep and wipe down tables between customers without being asked. She said she would leave a positive note for Rebecca. 

Sami learned that it was Bayley who played rock ballads and electro hits in the store. She had an 80’s affinity like he did. He was able to relax around Bayley and sing while he cleaned. It was wonderful. 

Sami learned that Rebecca was the supervisor of the store, assisted by Alexa, the second in command. Bayley warned Sami not to take anything Alexa said too seriously. _Whatever that means!_ was scribbled in his journal later that night. 

He asked Bayley about the brother Rebecca had mentioned. She couldn’t offer much insight about him, other than a few side comments regarding how _”gooorgeous_ ” he was. Sami didn’t even know his name yet, but refrained from asking Bayley, lest he look foolish. 

When the store closed at 9PM, Bayley showed him how to clean the dishes and leave them out to dry. They plastic wrapped all the toppings, safely storing them in the fridge or shelves. The closing procedures were easy, mostly only requiring common sense.

He biked home from his first day with a smile, feeling an unfamiliar but welcomed confidence.

~

On Thursday, Sami went in for another four hours in the evening, this time to meet and train with Alexa. 

He was thrilled to see Rebecca sitting at a table when he walked in. She had her hair braided today and no makeup on. He swooned. 

“Hi sweetie!” She beamed as he walked in. Sami didn’t notice the girl behind the counter roll her eyes. 

“Hi Rebecca! Oh… hi!” Sami ran over to the counter and extended his hand to the girl. She was at least a foot shorter than him, with long blonde hair in a ponytail and a diamond nose stud. Her big blue eyes were heavily outlined in black and she wore a pink flannel over her store shirt.

“Hi, I’m Sami!” 

Her tiny hand vanished in Sami’s giant one. “Hey. Lexi.” 

“It’s so nice to meet you! Um, what are we doing today?” Sami bounced as he asked. He felt a hand on his shoulder and smiled at it. Rebecca looked up at him with sympathetic pride. 

“We’re gonna work on the back-room procedures.” Lexi continued, her voice high and monotone. 

“Alright, I’m gonna cut out.” Rebecca patted the shoulder. “Gotta bring da boy some food.”

Sami blinked when Lexi audibly snarled. Rebecca sighed. 

“I know…” She nodded. “Have a good night, you two.” 

Sami looked at Rebecca quizzically, too worried about seeming nosy to ask for insight. 

So, moments after greeting Rebecca, he said goodbye to her. He looked to Lexi with a smile. 

“Okay, so what-”

“Let’s go.” She stomped past the counter and up the ramp to the back. Her ponytail swished when she suddenly whipped around to look up at him.

“Did you bring a notebook?” 

“Oh!... No I didn’t... “ Sami admitted sheepishly. Lexi’s lip curled a little as she looked over the machines and shelves in the back. 

“Well I hope you’re quick ‘cause I’m only gonna say everything once.” 

Sami started to chuckle and planned on telling her how good he was at Rubik’s cubes and puzzles and Legos but before he could get any word out, she began. 

“The sink is made of three compartments, one for water, one for soap, one for sanitizer.” 

“Okay!” 

“The sanitizer is used to clean down surfaces, prep tables, dining room floor tables. The soap is for the dishes and your hands.”

“Okay, got it!” Sami nodded enthusiastically in her direction. She glared up at him. 

“Don’t interrupt me.” 

“Oh… sorry.” Sami whispered. It felt as though all his excitement was a balloon that Lexi popped with her sharp words. His hands wrang nervously by his chest as she continued. 

“We keep everything in the freezer dated, there are markers on the dry erase board, and you rotate everything that comes in. The freshest product is kept farthest in the back. Make sense?” She looked back at him. He nodded, afraid to make noise. 

She stomped over to the back of the yogurt dispensers. “Make sure to stir these once an hour, at least, otherwise the product will separate.” She pressed one of the many buttons, all of which looked the same to Sami, and a whirring noise came from the machine. She walked over to the metal shelf that held the containers of toppings. 

“Make sure to keep these organized.” She took a Tupperware container from the shelf and pointed to the label on it. “They’re all clearly labeled. Candy goes with candy, cereal goes with cereal, cookies go with cookies. I usually have them alphabetized, like they are now. I’d advise you to keep them that way but I’m sure Rebecca’s brother is going to ruin it when he gets back so-” She slammed the container back onto the shelf, “-whatever.”

Sami’s breath hitched. He was ashamed to admit feeling a bit of relief, thinking _Okay maybe she’s not mad at me, she’s mad at him…_

The bell on the door rang as a group of people shuffled in. 

“Can you get that?” Lexi huffed, and Sami wordlessly trotted to the front to greet the guests. 

Sami helped the customers, blushing when he was complimented on his red hair by a cute girl. 

When the customers had paid and were comfortably seated and chatting, he hesitated at first, but diligently scurried to the back to rejoin Lexi. _I guess I know what Bayley meant..._ he thought and frowned. 

She was waiting for him, arms folded, in front of the freezer door. 

“Alright, come on.” She turned right as he opened his mouth to speak. The freezer door opened with a _whoosh_ and she stepped in. Similar metal shelves to the ones in the back were inside, all filled with thick plastic boxes. She pulled her flannel a little tighter around her small frame and pointed as she explained. 

“This is all the yogurt”, It was hard to hear her small voice over the whirring from the cooler, “It’s delivered to us frozen. You date it and throw it in the back, like I mentioned before.”

Sami looked over the different boxes, all plainly labeled ‘chocolate custard’, ‘vanilla gelato’. He nodded along while straining to hear Lexi continue. 

“Rebecca’s gonna teach you how to make the mix when we run low on something. That’s usually Finn’s job but Rebecca’s gonna show you. Let’s go.” She stormed past him, out of the freezing cold. 

Sami shuddered and closed the door behind them. _Hmmpf. Finn. That’s a nice name._

“So... “ He dared. He wanted to get on her good side but determined that she wasn’t the type to make small talk about the weather. “What’s Finn like?” 

She let out a groan, startling him. Leaning against the prep table, she rolled her eyes and bit her lip. “Finn is… something else.”

“Oh?” Sami mumbled, “I haven’t met him yet…”

Her lips pursed. “Hmpf. He is… very beautiful… and very... “ She grasped at the air before her for words. “I don’t know. You’ll see.” She walked down the stairs to the office area.

Sami’s nose wrinkled at her response, deciding to drop it. He followed her over to the small computer desk, where she had sat down. He felt a little flutter in his heart when he noticed something that had slipped past him during his interview. 

The desk had tiny stuffed Disney characters strewn about, sitting on the computer screen, on top of the hard drive. She had Dumbo, Moana, and Figaro among Sami’s absolute favorite, Bambi. 

He couldn’t resist, “Oooh! Are those yours? Do you like Disney too?! I love Disney, I have so many of those!” 

She gave him a sidelong glance for a moment, annoyed at first, then amused. She leaned to the side and opened a cabinet under the desk and pulled out a plastic folder. It was coated with Disney Princess stickers.

“This is my schedule folder... “ She admitted, smiling slyly. Sami sprang up with excitement. 

“What! That’s so cool! I have so much Disney stuff, I collect it! I go to all sorts of antique malls and comic book stores and toy stores and I’ve found some old stuff on eBay and a-and-”

“Yeah,” Lexi chuckled, making a ‘calm down’ motion with her hand, “Yeah I love Disney a lot. Rebecca got most of these for me.” 

Her smile faded, “Now can you go take care of the front? I’m gonna start the daily paperwork.”

“Okay! Yeah!” Sami beamed at her, and skipped to the front to start cleaning and filling toppings. Smiling to himself, he thought, _no one who loves Disney that much can be mean… I knew it!_

It had started to lightly snow outside, which meant that customers would be few and far between. He decided to use the time to make the store as neat and clean as possible, since he would be training with Rebecca tomorrow. 

Lexi gave him permission to plug his phone in and play any music he wanted on the overhead. He chose the ‘50’s Hits’ Pandora station and sang along with Dion and Frankie Valli while he worked. 

~

Friday came, the same as the previous days. Sami shook in his chair during every period in school. He was eager to tell _someone_ about his excitement, but no one was present to listen. He smiled to himself anyway, sure that anyone would be jealous if they knew who he got to work with. 

Labor laws restricted him from working more than four hours at a time on school nights while he was still a minor, however on weekends, he could work up to eight. On Tuesday and Wednesday he went home after school to shower and eat before heading out but today he nearly overexerted himself by peddling as fast as he could through the slush to get there. 

He locked his bike up at the same street sign as before and strolled into the store, whistling. There were a few customers sitting inside and he smiled at them as he walked in. A Coldplay song he vaguely recognized was playing. He smirked at one of the yogurt dispensers that had an ‘Out of Order’ sign taped to it. 

Rebecca wasn’t at the counter so he hurried into the restroom to grab his work shirt from his backpack and change, spritzing himself with extra cologne, just in case. 

He left the restroom and searched the back room for Rebecca. She wasn’t by the machines or the desk or in the freezer. He stood around idly for a few moments before he heard a door crack open. Trotting down the stairs to the office area, Sami noticed a back door off to the side, behind the computer set-up. The door opened a little wider and his favorite orange head peeked inside.

“Sami! C’mere!” Rebecca smiled and waved him over. 

He rolled his eyes at himself for not noticing the door before. _I guess the point of training is to learn things._

“Shouldn’t we watch for people?” He whispered, although unsure why he was doing so. 

“I wanna show you somet’in’! I’m listenin’ for da door.”

“Well… okay.” Sami followed her outside. 

They left the door open and walked out onto the concrete floor of a back patio. Three adirondack chairs were set up with a small side table. There was an old metal jar on the floor that once held maraschino cherries, now holding sand and cigarette butts. Beyond the patio was a wide grassy yard, fenced off at about 100 yards. Wooden pillars supported the deck above them, where tenants of the apartments upstairs could stand outside. 

Rebecca gestured to the scene. “I wanted to show ya dis. Dis is where we hang out when it’s dead, or maybe when ya just need a break from da store.”

“Oh wow, nifty!” Sami exclaimed. 

“Yeah. A lot of da time, me and Finn hang out here when someone else is workin’. Oh! That reminds me! C’mon.” She grabbed his wrist and escorted him back inside, just before the front door bell rang. 

She ran to the front to help the customer, leaving Sami to put his backpack and jacket away. After they had left, she came back and pointed to the back of the ‘out of order’ dispenser. 

“So I was jus’ talkin’ to my brot’er on da phone, dats why I was outside. And he’s really good at repairing da machines. I tried to get ‘im to explain it to me, but,” she shrugged, “I’unno, I just don’t get it. But its okay because he’s gonna come over and work on it so you can meet ‘im later!” 

“Oh, great!” Sami fake smiled, unsure how to feel about meeting the fabled _Finn._ He figured that Rebecca was the best person to ask the question he had asked his other coworkers. 

“What is Finn even like?” 

To his dismay, Rebecca rolled her eyes but still smiled. 

“He’s… insane.” She chuckled and waved for him to follow her up front. Instead of heading behind the counter, she pulled up a chair from one of the tables and invited him to sit. 

“My brot’er is… without question, my favorite person on the earth. But he’s just something else.” 

“That’s what Lexi said!” He threw his hands up. “She said that and that he’s really good looking.”

Rebecca barked a laugh. “Of course.” She shook her head. “I mean, he is really good lookin’ but… There’s so much more.”

Sami nodded, finally satisfied with a response. 

“You’ll see soon,” She smiled and took her phone from her pocket. “He’s been havin’ a really rough couple weeks… Dis’ll be his first work day back in like, two weeks.”

“Yeah, you said he was sick!” Sami commented. 

Rebecca blinked at first, as if she forgot ever saying that. “Oh!... Yeah…” She brought her phone up to text and Sami smirked. _I mean, she said it…_

Thankfully, Sami’s innate ability to notice things that most others would deem ‘irrelevant’ struck again. With Rebecca’s hands up, holding her phone, he noticed a unique ring on her finger. 

“Hey, that’s cool! What is that?” He pointed to it, grateful that he didn’t allow too much of an awkward silence to pass. She looked where he pointed and her face lit up again. 

“Oh! T’ank you!” She held her left hand out flat so he could look at it. The silver sparkled around her ring finger and featured a pair of hands holding a heart with a crown on it. 

“It’s called a _Claddagh_ ring.” 

“A klah-duh ring.” Sami repeated, internally cringing at how uncool it sounded coming from him. 

“Yes. My fiancee got me one and Finn one… Y’know, before we got engaged.” 

Sami blinked, suddenly feeling his heart actually sink. _Of course. Of course the most amazing girl in the world is taken._

Rebecca continued, “It’s an old Irish t’ing, but it’s pretty popular wit’ Americans, I notice. How it works is, on yer left hand, if ya wear it wit’ da crown pointing towards yer fingertips, like mine is, it signifies that yer engaged. My brot’er wears his on his right hand, with da crown towards his wrist. Dat means yer in a relationship but not engaged.”

Sami swallowed the dry lump in his throat and blinked a few more times, as if that would rid his brain of the _Gosh, what a lucky guy_ thoughts that repeated. 

“That’s really neat,” He squeaked and involuntarily shuddered. She smiled again and went back to her phone, giving him a chance to take a deep breath. He told himself to rid his body of any feelings of jealousy as he exhaled. Right as he relaxed, his brain threw one more _She wouldn’t like you like that anyway_ , assuring that he felt terrible no matter what. 

“So how were yer first two days?” She asked as she stood up. 

“Oh! Great!” Sami perked back up, reminding himself to be happy. “Really great. Me and Bayley had a really fun night, we have so much in common!” 

Rebecca nodded as she rounded behind the counter and disappeared under it, only to reappear moments later with a bag of chocolate covered pretzels. 

“I knew ya’d get along, I told my da’ that.” She opened the bag and set it on the table where they were sitting, grabbing a handful before sitting back down. The radio switched over to a song by The Cranberries as Sami stole a few from the bag.

“How was workin’ wit’ Lexi?” She asked, her mouth full. 

“Uhhh… “ Sami hesitated. He didn’t want to tell Rebecca that she was mean at first, since he soothed himself by concluding that she was only mad at Finn. “I dunno if she likes me very much but I sure like her a lot.”

Rebecca snorted, and said frankly “She’s such a bitch sometimes.”

Sami gulped and avoided responding by shoving the pretzels in his mouth. 

As if on cue, a person dressed entirely in black approached the store door and stomped their feet at the entrance to shake off any excess slush from their boots. The face was obscured by sunglasses, a scarf and a beanie. Rebecca whipped around to see who it was and alarmed Sami with a shriek when she saw.

“Ah, he’s here!” She jumped up and opened the door for him. _Finn._

He stepped inside and wiped his black wing-tipped boots on the rug. 

“Did you take the train here?” She asked incredulously. 

“Yeah,” He responded, voice muffled from the scarf.

“I could have came and got you!” She flailed, making Sami chuckle. It was odd to see someone else do it. 

“I got it,” said the muffled voice. He pulled off his sunglasses and handed them to her. He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, adjusting to the difference in light. 

Everything changed when he opened his eyes and looked up. 

Sami’s breath caught in his throat at the sight of the most beautiful blue eyes he had ever seen. They seemed to glitter; framed by perfectly sculpted eyebrows.

Faint crinkles formed around the eyes when the face smiled under the scarf. 

“Hello!” The muffled voice said. 

Sami blinked hard, forgetting speech. He swallowed and whimpered out a pathetic “Hi there.”

Rebecca took Sami’s wrist in hand and pulled him closer. 

“Sami, this is Fintan Jr., ot’erwise known as Finn.” She beamed with pride at her brother. “Finn, this is Sami, our wonderful new acquisition.” 

Finn removed the cloth gloves he had protecting his hands and began unraveling his scarf. With each layer removed, Sami noticed something spectacular. 

First, a button nose, then high cheekbones accented by _just_ the right amount of stubble. 

The world seemed to slow down when Finn completely removed his scarf, batting long eyelashes as he folded it up. 

His rosy lips were heart-shaped and full, forming a simple and content smile. 

Sami was shocked he could hear anything over the sound of his pounding heart, but the lyrics of the song in the background seemed all too appropriate when Finn offered him a hand to shake.

_And I’m in so deep. You know I’m such a fool for you. You’ve got me wrapped around your finger, ah, ahh._

Sami took the hand in his, feeling the cold of Finn’s own silver Claddagh ring contrast his warm skin. 

_Do you have to let it linger?_

“Good to meet ya,” Finn smiled wide, revealing perfectly imperfect teeth. His voice, now unobstructed, was low and calm. Sami melted at the sound. 

He tried his best to smile and nod back. He took his own hand away, but the tingling feeling from the contact remained. 

Finn took off his warm hat, running his fingers through his dark brown hair. A silver bar was pierced through both sides of his right ear’s cartilage. Tye would have been able to recognize it as an ‘industrial’ piercing. Sami only saw it as the coolest thing he’d ever seen on a real person. 

Finn removed his pea coat, folding it at the collar. Underneath, his Angels & Devitt’s shirt was white, long-sleeved and tight fitting. He handed Rebecca his coat, mumbling “Handle that, darlin’?” as he did. 

Sami wasn’t sure if Finn was blinking extra slowly or if his own eyes had become hazy to protect him from becoming overwhelmed. If that was the case, they were much too late already. 

_Do you have to let it linger?_

Rebecca had left to hang up Finn’s coat in the back. Sami hadn’t noticed her leave until she placed a soft hand on his shoulder upon coming back. 

“How d’you like it so far, Sami?” Finn asked. The soft lilt in his voice made Sami’s name sound precious and special. It made Sami grin, despite himself.

“I love it,” He said, barely above a whisper. Rebecca lightly scratched at his shoulder. 

“He’s a good boy,” She said, looking from Sami to Finn. “He’s doin’ so good.”

“Beautiful,” Finn smiled again, giving Sami another head rush. 

The world sped back up when the front door bell rang, snapping Sami back into real time. He felt light-headed and dazed, but dragged his body away from leaning on the counter, taking his proper position behind it instead.

The radio turned from The Cranberries to Oasis. Finn looked over his shoulder to the customers coming in and yelled a greeting. Rebecca removed her bag of pretzels from the table and rolled them up after popping another handful into her mouth. 

“I don’t even know if I remember how to work dis…” Finn chuckled as he rounded the corner to the register. 

“Sami could teach ya,” Rebecca said. 

The customers picked their treats and Finn cashed them out, fumbling only slightly with the register buttons. They had a seat at a table and Rebecca took their place, standing in front of the scale on the floor side of the counter. 

They were almost the same height, Finn being perhaps a half-inch taller. Sami marvelled at them in awe, mentally concluding that these were the most beautiful people he had seen or will ever see.

The siblings chatted, Finn inquiring what was wrong with the machine, while Sami gawked. He looked from boy to girl, entranced. He compared features and profiles for a few moments before realizing something. 

“Hey,” he croaked, unintentionally interrupting a sentence, “Are you guys twins?” 

“Yes!” Both voices turned and answered him at the same time. Finn pushed up his shirt sleeves and showed Sami the inside of his left wrist. Rebecca mimicked the motion, showing her right. They displayed matching black tattoos, Finn’s a roman numeral ‘one’; Rebecca’s a roman numeral ‘two’.

“He’s actually about six minutes older,” Rebecca shrugged. 

“Best six minutes of my life…” Finn mumbled. 

“What was that?” Rebecca sneered. 

“I love you!” Finn grinned at her. Rebecca narrowed her eyes at him for a moment before they both erupted with giggles. Sami felt a new dizziness. 

“Can you just come look at it? I was messin’ wit’ it all morning.” Rebecca said, bringing attention back to the malfunctioning machine. 

“Alright, fine.” 

“Come on, sweetie.” Rebecca waved for Sami and lead the boys behind her to investigate the machine. 

Finn brought his hand to his face, inquisitively looking for an answer. Sami stared at him, wide-eyed, offering absolutely zero help to the issue at hand.

“You checked the wiring?” He asked. 

“Aye.” Rebecca gave him a nod.

“Made sure the mix wasn’t stuck and clogging?”

“Aye.” 

“Turned it off and back on again?”

“Aye aye.”

“Shit,” Finn huffed. “I gotta get in there.” He walked to the prep table where Sami leaned, yanking a plastic glove from the ever-present box. All of Sami’s attention was given to watching Finn pull a glove over his hand, as if it were some grand spectacle. Finn took special care to not rip the glove over his ring- a shimmering reminder to Sami about what Rebecca had said earlier. He suddenly felt a bit nauseated. 

Finn gave Sami a wink, “Spot me, mate?”

“O-okay... “ Sami nodded as enthusiastically as he could. 

“When da machines are off,” Finn walked over to the broken one and pointed to a panel of buttons on top, “there should still be a red light flashing.”

There was no light. Sami looked over the buttons that Lexi had failed to explain. Three featured cup shapes, one full, one half and one empty. A button next to it read the word ‘Mix; one next to that, ‘Defrost’. 

“Now dis one went and died on me and I’ve gotta find out why. I have a hunch.”

Finn pulled the machine out from its display compartment on the store floor, checked the buttons and switches to assure that it was turned off, then dropped to the floor. 

The machine was held up by wheeled legs just high enough for Finn to scoot underneath and look. He fit about his head and half his torso under and began poking and prodding the machine. 

It was when he fit his frame under it, however, that his tight shirt rose up on his frame, exposing a flat tummy and protruding hip bones. Sami’s eyes glassed over as they focused on the sight, completely captivated by the trail of hair running from Finn’s navel down to his Armani underwear. A bead of sweat ran down Sami’s neck. 

He had only ever fainted after getting blood drawn at the doctor’s office, but what he saw before him was bringing back a similar, equally terrifying feeling. 

“Check for da light, Sam!” He yelled. 

Sami nodded, despite knowing that Finn couldn’t see him do so. He was afraid to speak, and unsure if he even could. He saw Rebecca give him a sideways glance, maybe just a hint of concern in her face. 

Finn continued to play with the machine, twisting his body when he needed a new grip on something. Sami’s eyes were glued to his exposed skin. He was not checking for the light.

“Dere it is, Finn!” Rebecca chimed, bringing Sami back. 

“Ah, oh yeah!” Sami nodded, as if he had seen it at the same time. 

“Da fuckin’ thing needs to be lubricated!” Finn yelled, “I just wiggled the pipes around a little, they’re dry.” 

“I got’cha.” Rebecca turned and dug around the bottom level of the toppings shelf. The front door bell. 

Much like a zombie, Sami turned to walk down the ramp, mumbling a vague ‘I got it’. 

He greeted the customers like normal, but did not once actually see their faces. His eyes were still in the back room, staring at Finn. He couldn’t see anything else. 

When he took the guests’ credit card to swipe, he noticed a trembling in his hands. With a gulp, he handed it back and instructed himself on how to breathe. 

He was not sure exactly what was happening to his body or why his heart was thumping so strongly.

All he could think after a minute of breathing was, _Man, the girls were right… Finn really is something else._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to make it very clear that whenever the word "fuckin" is used by either of the twins, it is intended to be read as "FOOKIN".
> 
> Thank you.


	5. Five

Friday, February 3rd. 4:29pm. 

Sami’s fingers drummed against the counter, mimicking the frantic heartbeat in his chest. He stared straight ahead, eyes focused on nothing particular. He could feel every pump of blood rushing through his body, making him feel electrified and light-headed. While he was completely unaware of what had taken him over, he knew he had to get back to normal or else Rebecca would worry. 

The twins’ voices carried over to his ears from the back room, although he could not make out the words they spoke. He shivered. 

_It’s okay,_ he thought. _Just take some breaths and calm down. You forgot to eat today, that’s all._

He listened to his subconscious and closed his eyes, remembering the breathing exercises he had read online before. _In through your nose…_ , he inhaled, _out through the mouth,_ and slowly exhaled. _Okay good job, now do one more… In through-_

“Sami!” Rebecca’s voice broke his concentration. 

He turned to the source of the voice, blinking hard. The slow breaths may had worked if he focused but the loud interruption set his nerves ablaze. 

“Yes?” He called back. 

“C’mere, muffin!” She yelled back, loudly but sweetly. 

Sami swallowed, muttered a defeated “oh dear” under his breath and marched to the back, fists clenched. 

To his dismay, Finn was still under the machine, his flat tummy still exposed. Rebecca had placed a jar of mechanic’s lubricant next to him so he could properly oil the pipes and tubes that kept the machine running. Sami told himself to look at Rebecca no matter what. 

“Sami, I’m gunna show ya how to refill a dispenser when Finn’s done greasin’ it. Until den, we were t’inkin’ about orderin’ a pizza?” 

Sami blinked. “O-okay. I like pizza.” 

Finn climbed out from under the machine and stood, removed his grease covered gloves and pulled his shirt down. Sami allowed himself one sideways glance in that direction. 

“Should be okay for another couple weeks.” Finn sighed. He quickly swiped at his nose with two fingers then looked to Rebecca. 

“Okay, dat’s enough work for today. Buy me pizza.” 

She nodded, “Fair. Sami, what do you want? We usually get mushroom and spinach.” 

Sami nodded and smiled, despite disliking mushrooms his entire life. 

“Okay,” Rebecca took out her phone and turned to the outside door to make the phone call. Sami heard his subconscious pleading for her not to go; pleading to not be left alone with _him_. The chances of Sami being stunned with another gorgeous smile or hearing his name said in _that_ voice were entirely too high if they were left alone. 

But of course, she could not hear his internal cries and walked out. 

Finn stood with his weight shifted to one leg and texted, oblivious to Sami’s panic. 

Sami folded his arms on the table and leaned into them, giving him a better view of the wonderful face before him. He liked how Finn’s hair was shorter on the sides and long on top. He liked the ear piercing. He noticed a small dent of a scar above Finn’s right eyebrow and he liked that too. 

Sami told himself to say something. _Ask him what his favorite movie is. Tell him something about yourself. Talk about his sister. Say something interesting. Make a good impression. Be cool. For the love of god, be cool._

“Uh… I like your… a-accent!” Sami blurted out, about the farthest thing from cool. 

“Oh t’anks!” Finn mumbled and pocketed his phone. He mirrored Sami’s position, leaning on the table, arms crossed. “It’s not nearly as strong as it used to be.”

He smiled softly. It was terrifying, thrilling, scary and welcoming all at once. Sami tried not to blush.

“Yeah, you’ve been here two years right?” His voice squeaked. 

“She has,” Finn nodded towards the outside door, “I came to the States about… two years before her.” 

“Oh!” Sami said quizzically, “I didn’t know that. Why’d you come over earlier?” 

Finn bit his lip and cocked an eyebrow, as if Sami had said something peculiar. He opened his mouth to answer, but, as if one cue, Rebecca came inside and interrupted. 

“Okay, half an hour, boys.” She stepped up the stairs and joined them at the table. 

With no warning, she smiled at Sami and lovingly ran her fingers through his hair. Her long nailed scratched at his scalp, making him shiver. 

“See, dis is da color I want, Fintan.” Her hand settled on the back of Sami’s head, lightly scratching absent patterns on his neck. Any chance his heart had of slowing down was completely tarnished. 

“Yeah, I like it a lot.” Finn nodded. Sami looked incredulously at him, now unable to conceal the full blush in his cheeks. He had completely forgotten what was being discussed with Finn mere moments earlier. All he wanted to think about was how close he was to the world’s prettiest girl and how this _closeness_ must mean that _surely_ she likes him, but his brain interrupted with a mental stab. 

_You don’t even like girls anymore._

Sami swallowed hard at the thought and felt his brow furrow. He tried to shake the thought away, grateful for shivering at Rebecca’s touch earlier. 

The siblings had started a conversation, something or other about hair dye, but Sami tuned it out. _I like girls..._ he told himself. He reminded himself that he had just forgotten to eat today. That’s why he felt weird. It wasn’t because of Finn. It wasn’t because of stubble-covered cheeks or Claddagh rings. 

His hands had started to shake when he heard the front door bell ring.

“I’ll get that!” He said, over-enthusiastically. Rebecca took her hand back and he skipped away, hoping to leave the dark thoughts in the back room. 

The enthusiasm doubled when he saw who stood in the door. 

“Tye!” He cried, and was greeted by a big smile and opened arms. He ran into them, crouching to rest his head on one of the ever-exposed shoulders. 

“I’m so happy to see you,” Sami mumbled, bewildered at how Tye always managed to rescue him in times of need. 

“I’m happy to see you too, bud.” Tye gave him a few hard pats on the back. “I can’t go a Friday without seeing your fuckin’ mug.”

Sami broke away from the hug. Keeping his arms around Tye, he frantically whispered, “I’m having a really weird day.”

“Yeah? What’s goin-” Tye started to whisper back. 

“Look at dis fuckin’ guy!” Finn’s voice called out from the ramp. 

Tye peered over Sami’s shoulder, confused at first, then his face broke into a brilliant smile. 

“What the hell? Look at this guy!” Tye yelled back. 

Sami’s head whipped from Tye to Finn. They ran up and hugged one another. 

“Uhh... “ was the only noise he could make. 

Tye and Finn squeezed each other and laughed before breaking apart. Finn smacked Tye’s snapback off of his head and they laughed again. Sami could only blink. 

“I had no idea you worked here, bro! I work across the street!” Tye said, running to rescue his hat from under a chair. 

“My parents own dis place, man!” Finn retorted. 

“Dude you hired my favorite person on the planet!” Tye gestured to Sami, still standing there agape. 

“Oh yeah? He’s my sister’s favorite person too.” Finn said, nodding to Sami. 

“Wait what now.” Sami mumbled, suddenly back on earth. “How uh… how... “

“He goes to Dana’s gym!” Tye grinned. “I haven’t seen you in so long, bro!” 

Rebecca must have heard herself mentioned and she trotted down to the store floor with everyone else. She smirked when she saw that it was Tye causing the fuss. 

“I told you that I worked in a dessert shop on Elmwood… You come in here and see my Irish twin sister and don’t realize that this is what I meant?” Finn said incredulously. 

“HEY, you aren't the only Irish people in the world!” Tye rebutted, offended bravado played in full. 

“Sami…” Rebecca mumbled, gently grasping his hand. “C’mon…” she pulled him away, whispering, as if to not interrupt the reunion taking place. 

In the back, she glanced at the camera briefly then rolled her eyes. 

“That’s my best friend... “ Sami mumbled, pointing to the camera. 

“Ah, yeah. I remember.” Rebecca nodded. “I t’ought he was familiar when I first seen him. He works across the street, I’ve gotten tattooed dere.”

“Oh yeah!” Sami perked up now that conversation had moved on to Tye. “He loves it! I’ve never been inside ‘cause I’m kinda… _I’unno_ nervous to go in? But sometimes I wave at him when I’m walking here and-”

“Does he talk about a Corey at all?” Rebecca interrupted, giggling at Sami’s rambling.

“Yeah! He owns the shop, I think.” Sami nodded. He had heard the name a thousand times before from Tye, ‘Corey bought me lunch’, ‘Corey’s up my ass about my messy handwriting’.

“He comes in here all da time wit his kids. He did parts of my side piece.” Rebecca gestured to her ribs with an open palm.

Sami blinked, considered, and proceeded with caution. 

“Oh… um… Can I… Can I.. see that?” 

Rebecca nodded happily and without hesitation, lifted her shirt up until the cups of her bra were visible. Her entire right rib cage was decorated. An elaborate and vibrant tree covered her side with a Celtic knot embedded into the trunk. Under the tree, right above her hip, was a bed of flowers, laurels and leaves sticking out here and there. Looking closely, Sami could see names hidden in the branches of the tree. She pointed to them.

“Das me mum-” _Leonie_ , at the highest branch “me dad, of course you met him,” _Fintan_ “right beside her, and me brot’ers.” _Eoin, Ciaran_ beneath their parents. 

“Where’s Finn?” Sami asked, searching the tree for her twin’s name. 

“Ah.” She nodded and pointed lower. _Finn_ was wrapped inside the petals of a scarlet rose. The colors were brighter and fresher than the rest of the tattoo.

“He was…” She hushed her tone, “a later addition. Believe it or not, his name wasn’t in da original piece. I added it later. Corey did dat.”

“Oh… golly.” Sami murmured and instantly cringed, mentally asking himself who even talks like that. Unfortunately, it was all he could muster at the time. He wanted to ask why Finn was excluded. He wanted to ask why she later decided to add him in. He wanted to ask her everything, but instead, told himself to mind his own business. 

She moved to pull her shirt back down and Sami caught another glimpse of the hot pink bra. He could not help but notice that her ribs were visible through her flawless pale skin and gulped. _Why is everyone showing me their tummy._

Finn and Tye were still yelling on the store floor so Rebecca carried out the intended lesson, teaching Sami how to prepare product. It was easy, a three-step process, she said. Remove yogurt from freezer to cooler to thaw for at least three hours. Once thawed, throw it into the mixing vat in the back of the machine and let it churn. Give it an hour of mixing and serve. They prepared a cake batter mix together that she had thawed ahead of time. 

Sami glanced over to the camera every time Rebecca looked away. Tye’s back was to it now, and he could only see Finn smiling and laughing as they caught up. It was nearly blinding, even through a screen. 

The front door bell rang as the pizza delivery arrived. Rebecca took his hand again and they scurried to the front. She paid and thanked the driver and took the pizza box onto her hip. 

“‘Mate, do you wanna stay and eat?” Finn asked. Sami’s nose crinkled. _Only I call him that…_

“Nah, man, I gotta go to ‘Bucks and get Corey’s extra espresso whatever-the-fuck before he stabs me.” Tye shrugged nonchalantly, a major contradiction to his hyperbole. He turned to Sami. “I just had to see the love of my life.”

Sami broke a smile, “Thanks, honey.”

Sami didn’t notice Finn’s smirk. 

“Alright, love you babe. Finn, good to see ya. Beck, you’re beautiful-” Tye started.

“Fuck off.” She responded plainly, setting the pizza box down on the counter. Sami blinked at the interaction. It seemed entirely too harsh, but he had never been a good detector for sarcasm.

“Sounds good. Bye!” With a nod and an ever-enthusiastic smile, Tye left, braving the quickening snowfall to appease his boss. 

Finn clicked his tongue as Tye left, commenting on the likelihood of business dying as the snow fell. Rebecca considered the outside for a moment then turned to Sami. 

“Sweetie, do you wanna head home after eating? I don’t want you to get caught in dis.” 

Sami shrugged. He didn’t want to seem like the snow phased him at all but somehow he knew it was in his heart’s best interest to get away from Finn. So he agreed, nodded and tried to smile. 

Sami accidentally caught Finn’s glance when Rebecca was behind the counter, retrieving paper plates. It looked critical, cold even, the ice blue in his eyes imitating a knife. Sami felt himself shrink. 

“You’re really tall... “ Finn stated. 

Sami nervously chuckled. 

“Do you play basketball?” he continued. 

“No….” Sami mumbled, shaking his head. It was a common question. Coach Angle had asked him to try-out once. Sami enthusiastically attended but after he accidentally tripped three star players because he ran in the wrong direction and gave himself a nosebleed by bouncing the ball off of a wall and into his own face, he was not invited back. 

“Do you do like, hockey?” Finn’s questions continued, one eyebrow raising. 

“I’m not really… one for playing sports,” Sami admitted, knowing full well that he failed to hide the bit of shame he felt. 

“Hmm.” Finn bit his lip again, not breaking his stone gaze. Sami felt his heart speed up again, still not knowing exactly why. 

“What do you do then?” was the final question. 

Rebecca placed plates of food in front of both of them before serving herself. Perhaps she noticed Sami struggling, maybe she was just eager to talk about her new employee. Sami prayed it was the latter. She answered for him. 

“He likes biking, and movies, you said?” She smiled. “And he’s got puppies and he’s the cutest boy in the whole world.” 

Sami blushed and looked at the floor. He considered responding, something along the lines of, “no you are” but kept quiet when he couldn’t think of anything better. 

“Yeah, ya did mention dat.” Finn nodded, taking a small bite of his pizza. 

“Thanks,” Sami mumbled at her, wondering exactly how red his cheeks were. He summoned his courage from earlier and attempted to counter the questioning back to the blue eyed Adonis. 

“So um, what do you like?” 

Finn snorted at the question. Sami didn’t notice the dirty look Rebecca gave him. 

“I pretty much only like my sister.” Finn said, mouth full. 

Sami nodded, trying not to appear wounded by the curt answer. It was understandable; Finn’s sister was pretty fantastic. Still, as oblivious as he was known for being, Sami could tell that a wall was up around Finn. He understood now why none of the girls could give him a straight answer when he asked about him earlier in the week. 

Rebecca and Sami continued to chat, with Finn mostly observing. His eyes rarely turned away from Sami. 

After choking down two slices of mushroom covered pizza, Sami recovered a jacket from his backpack. 

“Please text me when ya get home,” Rebecca said, helping tuck Sami’s scarf into his hood.

“I don’t have your number!” He responded, perhaps too eager. 

“Oh!” Rebecca held her hand out so Sami could give up his phone. She tapped her information in, and before she could hand it back, Finn took it from her hand. She looked at him quizzically before seeing that he put his number in as well.

“Just in case.” He said and gave Sami another wink, the first casual look since they sat down and ate together. 

“O-okay… Great!” Sami nodded. He accidentally stared at Finn’s mouth for a moment, wondering if he would get to see another lip bite. 

_No. Stop that. That’s weird._ His subconscious barked. 

And with that, he could not be away from the store or the twins fast enough. 

~

Sami locked his bike up in the basement and ran upstairs, a little past 7pm. He yelled some acknowledgements to his parents, followed with something about being exhausted. Although he knew a shower was best to make him feel better, he needed to get these racing thoughts out of his head. 

In the safety of his room, he pulled his shirt over his jeans, stepped out of his jeans and jumped into bed. His journal was kept safely tucked under his pillow whenever he was away. He flipped it open to the empty page, bookmarked by a pink pen, and unloaded, not even bothering to write down the entry date. 

_Holy flipping crow. Today was nuts. School was terrible but I passed all my exams so that’s pretty neat. I have to start putting college applications in but I really really don’t wanna. I went into work and Rebecca was there and she’s awesome and I think I like her but she’s engaged and it’s to NOT ME but thats okay because shes happy but then I got to meet her brother and”_

The frantic scribbling stopped. 

Sami stared blankly at the last words he wrote, as if to analyze them. He read the sentence over and over. _I got to meet her brother. I got to meet her brother._ Cautiously, as if the words would attack him if he moved too fast, he ended the run-on paragraph with a period and continued. 

_And he’s the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen._

Sami put his pen down. 

He was completely aware that it was these thoughts that were making him nauseous, making him fidget, making him want to jump out of his skin. The healthiest route he could take would be to write down what he was feeling. 

He picked the pen back up, hovering the point over the period of his last sentence. 

It was put down again. 

He thought about someone from school finding his journal and reading the entry that had not yet been completed. It was a possibility. Even though he only ever had his journal in his room or at the park, surely someone from school could still find it. His brain played out a scene of his journal getting passed around a gym locker room. He could hear the laughter. 

Tightening in his chest had become an all-too familiar feeling in this day. He thought about his guidance counselor calling his parents. Telling them what he had heard about. Sami’s rational brain knew that Foley would never betray him like that… but what if he did. What if he _had_ to.

Tye. What would he say? Would he break up their friendship? He would surely be horrified and offended that he hadn’t been the first person that Sami came out too. 

“But I’m not-!” Sami blurted out, then smacked a hand over his mouth. Angrily this time, he picked the pen back up. 

_I don’t know whats happening to me. I’ve never seen a more beautiful person in my life and hes a boy. I’ve never thought this way about a boy before… I mean there was that time that I was having those dreams about Patrick Swayze but that was just some stupid dream! Its not my fault, whatever my subconscious makes up._

He frowned at himself. 

_Mom says she doesnt have a problem with gay people but she doesnt understand why they want to get married in “our churches”. I don’t know what that means. Do they churches belong only to non gay people. That’s not very saint-like._

He put the pen down and took a moment to reflect. Comments like the church one had been rather frequently passed around amongst his immediate family. They always made his stomach turn. He had developed a habit of slipping out of the room whenever politically charged discussions began. One particular time, he recalled, his brother snarling “don’t the gays have enough” while an upbeat Lady Gaga song about pride played on the radio in the kitchen. 

_I’m not gay though._ He scribbled. _I can’t be. I saw Rebecca’s bra today,_ He nodded as he wrote. 

_Besides Finn probably doesn’t even like me. He knows Tye. He likes Tye. That’s like, a zillion times better._

Sami sighed and put his pen down again, resisting the urge to throw it across the room. He closed his journal with the pen inside and cupped his face into his hands. He remained like that for a mere moment, then, almost involuntarily, he instead grabbed his favorite Bambi pillow and screamed into it.

Feeling little relief from that, “what am I doing” was repeated over and over into the pillow. He stayed like that, gently swaying. When he brought the pillow to his chest to hug it, he was not surprised to find his vision blurred from gathering tears. 

He mumbled a few more soothing phrases to himself, feeling a tear roll down his cheek as he whispered “I like girls, though…” into Bambi’s soft ear. 

Reaching for his journal, he saw read over the last sentence he wrote. He was unable to remember a previous written entry ever being scrutinized like this one was. It felt as though he was misusing his journal by refusing to write down his true thoughts. He decided that the safest bet to take was also perhaps the more nerve wracking: Ask Tye for advice.


	6. Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fair warning- a few instances of homophobia, mostly internalized, will be in this work.

_Sami ran through the trees, blurred collages of green and yellow flashing all around. He looked left, right, up and down, finding only more foliage everywhere. He was searching for something. It was urgent._

_His chest heaved as he ran, but he felt no pain. Between bounds of his long legs, he felt grit in his hands. He saw scratches and flakes of bark in the palms- he must have climbed a tree._

_It was summertime. He was in a short sleeve shirt and his many freckles were lit up from sunlight exposure._

_Through the trunks and bushes, he saw the clearance of a gravel path. He gratefully found it, hearing the crunch of the rocks beneath his sneakers. Surveying around, he saw a hill in the distance… His favorite hill. With his favorite tree atop it, solitary and welcoming. Was this what he had been looking for?_

_Only a few steps had been taken towards the tree when he felt the weight of another body ambushing. Someone had jumped onto him, their feet leaving the earth. He fell to the ground, causing a flurry of pebbles to spray about._

_The body on his did not attack or cause harm- it felt safe. Happy, even._

_He turned to see who it was and was met with brilliant blue eyes._

_“Tag! I got you!” The soft voice giggled, a distinct lilt present._

_The two stood up and Sami examined his companion._

_The person- he- was dressed fabulously, quite a contradiction for a game of tag in the park. Sami smiled, helping brush dust off of the Armani sweater. He felt the smooth fabric under his fingertips, vivid and real._

_“Finn, you cheated!” He heard himself say. “I got lost!”_

_“Did not!” Finn replied, grinning ear to pierced ear. “Come on, we gotta find Becky!”_

_Finn lead Sami to his favorite section of the park. The gravel path they followed lead directly to the rose garden. Sami took a deep inhale of the beautiful and delicate scent. He could feel Rebecca’s presence somewhere, but could not see or hear her._

_He felt a tug at his sleeve._

_Finn was pointing to the pink toned roses, pure joy in his face._

_“Sami look! Look!” He said. “These are my favorite!”_

_Sami laughed and kneeled over to inspect the flowers with Finn. The petals were perfectly curled and soft to the touch. He gazed again at Finn and, despite the sun being high in the afternoon sky, nothing was more blinding than his smile._

_Sami leaned in._

**BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.**

“Huh?!” Sami sprang up in bed. His hand slammed onto the bedside table, failing to grasp his cellphone to turn the alarm off. After a few frantic grabs in the pitch dark, he found it and tapped the screen. 

_Saturday, February 4th. 7:00 AM._

He had forgotten to turn his alarm off for the weekend. 

With a defeated groan, Sami slumped back into bed and tried to get comfortable. He placed a hand, delicately now, over his chest, feeling his heart pound. An uneasiness lurched around his stomach, although it wasn’t a nauseating feeling. It felt light and almost tingling, reminiscent of how he felt before descending a hill on a roller coaster at Darien Lake. Surely it was just because of the scare he just went through, not because of his dream. _Wait._

“That was… a dream.” He mumbled, eyes popping open. A dream. _Oh no._

Figuring _Well, I’m awake now,_ he reached for his journal, left just beside his bed on the floor. He opened to the last page and, using his phone as a dim flashlight, read the last entry and groaned again. It was unfinished. 

He stretched out his right arm, giving blood flow to the long limb. He began. 

_Sorry I never finished writing last night. I must have passed out. I had a really weird dream. I feel kinda funny. Maybe sick. I have to see Tye at some point today. He makes everything make sense._

Sami wrote down the details of the dream while they were still fresh. For some reason, he didn't want to forget it. 

And with a sigh, he concluded, _”I have no idea what is happening._

He closed his journal and made his bed, tucking it safely away under a pillow, and headed for the bathroom for a hot shower. 

~

 **What’s your schedule?** was texted to Tye at 7:25AM. Sami was still wrapped in a fluffy green towel. It would be hours before he got a reply.

Sami got dressed and made himself toast with blueberry jam, hoping for a pick-me-up. He let the dogs outside, gave them both adequate pats and scratches then sat at the dining room table with his journal to plan an inoffensive and non-incriminating speech for Tye. He thought sitting up straight instead of writing slumped in bed would prove for optimal results. 

A draft was started. 

_I’ve been having weird dreams and heart palpitations and I think I know what caused it but what do I do-_ He wrote and frowned, deeming that too melodramatic. He scribbled it out. 

_I’ve been feeling unsure of myself lately in terms of who I am as a human being and I think it may be due to a conflict in my attraction-_ No, too elaborate. Tye would tell him to speak english, please. Besides, he had only had these feelings for a day. Scribbled out. 

_I met a boy so beautiful that it gave me a stomach ache?_ He smirked at that one. It seemed like the simplest way to word his dilemma…. But then he'd would want to know who the boy was. No way. Scribbled out. 

Butterfly appeared at his side, overshadowed by Tank. 

“Hi babies,” he mumbled, breaking off one tiny and one large bite of his toast for them. The click-clack of the dogs’ nails on the hardwood floor reminded him to turn some music on. He wasn’t feeling upbeat enough for his usual 60’s hit list. Slow 80s love songs, it was. 

He welcomed the opening guitar riff of a U2 song and continued, playing it as loudly as he could get away with. The dogs settled into their respective beds for a nap, pleased with the shared treat.

 _Everything I thought I knew about myself is changing._ He wrote, considered it, and nodded. It was true. He continued. _I think I need your help because you know me and understand me better than anyone. I’m trying to be honest with myself and I can’t, so I need you to be honest with me. I’ve been forced to put a lot of thought into something that I’ve refused to think about for what may possibly be forever._

“ _And I sti-ll haven’t found, what I’m looking for_ ,” he softly sang to himself, not quite grasping how fitting the lyrics were for the situation. He instead mused about how U2 was also from Ireland, leading him to believe that nothing bad could ever come from that country. 

_I’ve liked girls my whole life and its always ended up being terrible for me,_ He scratched that last part out. No need to bring up past scars. This present issue was traumatic enough. 

_But I’m starting to think that maybe I don’t like girls anymore…?_ He concluded, after tacking a question mark at the end. He wondered if there was a more subtle way to word what he was thinking. Tye had been able to read his mind before. Hopefully he would prevail here and fix everything. 

“ _You broke the bonds, you loosened the chains, carried the cross, of my shame_ ,” he sang. 

**Ding!**

Sami looked at his phone incredulously. There was no way Tye was awake. He tapped the screen and his heart skipped a beat. The contact name had not been put in by Sami himself, evident by how it only read “finn.”

 **can you come in tomorrow. Beck wants to do a thing.** was all it said. He must have gotten Sami’s number off of his original job application.

“A thing?!” Sami squeaked. _What is a THING? Why didn’t they ask me yesterday? Are they gonna beat me up?_ He opened the message to respond to it, then stopped. What if “finn.” thought he was weird for being awake so early? He pondered for a few moments, then decided that a responsible employee would answer promptly. 

**Yeah!** He typed, then backspaced. Too eager. **Yeah, what time?** He deemed that ‘good enough’ and sent. Ellipses appeared under his message as Finn typed. 

**Uh.**

**Please hold.** Finn responded in two quick blurbs. 

Sami stared at the screen, resisting the urge to reply **Okay, holding!! (:**

Minutes later, a new message rang in, the first of a newly formed group chat. 

**What time are we doing the thing?** Finn said. 

Sami scrolled the numbers attached to the chat. Only two were in his contacts, the first being “finn.” and the second being “Rebecca Quin Devitt<3”. Three more numbers were attached. If it was a work ‘thing’, he deduced that Bayley and Lexi were two others, but he couldn’t decide who the third could be. 

**I’ll be there to open. Noon work for everyone?** Rebecca responded. Sami shrugged and typed in agreeance, promising he would be there. Within minutes, all the other numbers agreed as well. _I guess it isn’t weird to be awake at this time._

He wanted to ask the group what they were planning but decided against it. What would the other numbers think if they knew he wasn’t in on the… thing?

He heard a door upstairs creak open, following by thunderous footsteps that could only belong to his father. He glanced at the time, shocked to see that 8AM had come. _Time flies when you’re panicking, I guess._ He headed into the kitchen to make his father a morning coffee. 

Leaning against the kitchen counter where the Keurig brewed, he wracked his brain. The owners couldn’t have been expecting a busy day, especially not following a heavy snowfall. He wondered if the third unknown number attached was Rebecca’s fiance. He was probably handsome and successful. 

“You’re up early.” Dad commented plainly. Sami looked to him and smiled. 

“I forgot to turn my alarm off,” Sami whispered. It was easy to assume that his low tone was because of the early hour, but truly, Sami never spoke too loudly around the man, in fear that anything he said could be interpreted incorrectly or just sound stupid. He could never be sure. He handed him the fresh cup, heavy cream with two teaspoons of sugar. 

His father thanked him and lumbered out to the dining room to greet the dogs. They giddily danced around his feet. 

Sami made his own cup, completely black, and reassumed his position at the table. He shut his journal, hastily but silently. Alas, he was noticed. 

“You get a lot of use outta that thing?” Dad asked.

“It’s my favorite.” Sami nodded. 

His father smirked slyly. “I’ll have to get you another one next year, then.”

Sami laughed nervously, unable to vocalize how happy it made him to hear. He ran upstairs to hide the journal again, reading over his last words. He hoped that they would sound better being said. 

With a deep breath, he tried to shake off the thoughts that had prompted the entry and joined his father and dogs downstairs to catch up on the soccer tournament highlights together. 

~

 **I’m workin til 5.** Tye responded, shortly past 10AM. 

He had, since 8AM, told himself to forget any conversation prompts altogether, then gone back again, thinking the most responsible thing would be to get it over with. His decision ping-ponged, making him grateful that his father was not the type of individual to ask what he was thinking about.

 **What are you doing after that?** Sami responded. At this present moment, he was completely certain that the talk needed to be had. 

**Nothin to my knowledge. Wanna link up?**

Sami stared at the screen. **Yes please** was sent. He reminded himself that he could change plans later. 

Almost instantly after sending the message, he felt overcome with sleepiness, as if the emotional stress wore him out. He felt a strange guilt about napping in the middle of the day, but noises from upstairs signaling his mother waking up convinced him to go get some extra rest. 

He did not allow wishes for another dream to be had. 

~

Tye arrived at Sami’s house at 5:32PM. 

Sami had spent the rest of the afternoon walking the dogs and re-watching The Lost Boys after waking up. 

There had been no dreams. 

His mother clicked her tongue as he shuffled out of the house in corduroy pants and a sweater. She didn’t know whether to criticize Sami’s outfit or Tye’s blasting music. He ran to the car quickly as possible, nearly slipping on an ice patch outside.

“Babe, be careful!” Tye called out. Sami crashed into the passenger seat. They pulled away from the driveway after Sami suggested a cup of coffee from the locally owned hangout. It was located on Elmwood Avenue; a few blocks south of Angels & Devitt’s.

After struggling to find parking on the busy street for fifteen minutes, Tye locked the car and they ran inside.

The store, aptly named Brew, was warm inside, smelling of bread and coffee grounds. Inside the front doors, guests walked into an open dining room with benches and couches. Past the counter was a more formal room with plain tables and chairs. Everything from the floors to the pillars was hardwood. A few bar seats overlooked the busy street, although those seated there all had their noses buried in laptops and books. Sami and Tye decided on hot chocolate to counteract the blustery day and claimed a corner table, sitting across from each other.

“So what’s up buddie?” Tye asked, delicately sipping from his steaming mug. Sami stared back into what were probably now his _second_ favorite pair of eyes. 

“I just… really wanted to spend some time with you.” Sami chuckled. It wasn’t a lie. 

Tye snorted, “Hah. Gay.”

Sami blinked hard, briefly hearing his inner thoughts screaming.

“Uh… Well I wanted your advice on a… thing.” He borrowed the word from the group chat earlier. 

“Oh? Alright. You were kinda freakin’ out yesterday.” Tye cocked a slit eyebrow. 

“Yeahh... “ Sami nodded, rapidly losing confidence. He wished he had his journal to throw in Tye’s face so the words wouldn’t have to be spoken. 

Tye noticed his hesitance. “Did… did something bad happen, bro?”

Sami bit his lip then regretted doing so, as the action reminded him of Finn. An involuntary “oh dear” was murmured. 

“Dude, you can tell me.” Tye put his mug down on the table, concern painted on his face.

“It’s not… _bad._ ” Sami said, wanting that look to disappear. 

“Well, tell me, bro.” Only Tye could make a term like ‘bro’ sound soft and endearing. 

_Moment of truth,_ Sami took a deep breath, feeling scrutinized. He analyzed the stare that bore into him, and found only genuine concern and love beneath it. Holding back was no longer an option after that.

“Okay so I’ve been feeling really confused about everything- well, not actually everything, really just this one thing but it’s making EVERYTHING seem different and weird and I don’t know how to feel about my life or myself.” Sami spat out all in one breath. His hands had uncontrollably began to flail as he ranted; one of his unfortunate quirks. 

“I think maybe I’ve always had these feelings but I just didn’t wanna accept it because you know how my mom is, but when I stop and think, y’know, I think it’s been forever and not just like with Patrick Swayze or George Michael, like I remember this one time in kindergarten-”

“Sami!” Tye held his hands out defensively. “I love you and I want you to get this out but what are you trying to say?” 

Sami’s hands and his face froze. He had forgotten to make his point.

“Uh... “ He said, calmer now. He surveyed the dining room quickly. Quietly now, he confessed, “I think I might… like guys.”

Tye didn’t speak. His eyes turned from concerned to amused and Sami did not like it one bit. 

“Are you… are you serious?” Tye asked, a crooked smile turning his mouth. 

“Yes?” Sami responded, now even more unsure. “What is… that face.”

Tye turned defensive again, laughing now. “Hey, no issue! I just… uh. I didn’t think that was news.”

 _”Excuse me?”_ Sami hissed, at least it was the closest thing to a hiss he could muster. 

“I always thought you liked dudes a little!” Tye said, ever so matter-of-factly. 

“And you didn’t tell me?” Sami’s voice cracked as he resisted growing in volume. 

“Why would I tell you what you like?!” Tye whisper-screamed back now. 

Sami flailed for a moment until his hands found refuge on his head, pulling at the red curls. 

“But why?!” 

“Well, you remember that time we went and saw Pearl Jam last year and Dana said she would do Eddie and you said ‘yeah, same’.” Tye used finger-quotes. 

“I was in the moment!” Sami nearly shrieked. “And I wouldn’t _do_ him, maybe just like, y’know hang out, get some coffee... “ He shook the thought away and relaxed his body when his friend giggled. He finally took a sip of his neglected hot chocolate. After, “I can’t believe I planned a speech on how to tell you and you already knew.”

Tye shook his head, “It’s okay, dude. You did say you needed advice though? I might not be the best guy for the job if you’re looking for dating tips.”

Sami shrugged, “I just… wanted your help figuring this whole mess out. I don’t know what’s up with me.”

“I don’t think it’s a mess, dude.” Tye said honestly. “But y’know, if you’re having issues with this, maybe you could try talkin’ to your new boss, Finn.”

“What.” Sami gulped. That was _not_ a name he wanted to hear. 

“Yeah, he’s like, really open about being gay. You wouldn’t know it from how much he flirts with Dana but yeah, it was one of the first things he told me when we met,” Tye chuckled. “I think he’d be able to give you proper advice for figurin’ shit out.”

The internal screaming returned. 

~

Sami and Tye spent the remainder of the evening in Brew together, discussing anything and everything. Tye gave countless assurances that he would not treat Sami differently, reminding him that he loved him ‘that whole time’ already thinking he was gay. Sami lost count of how many times he sighed or groaned. 

He told himself before bed of how loved and appreciated he already was, without the addition of _another_ person. 

Sunday morning, Sami was only lucky enough to sleep in until 10AM. His nerves were in full force by that time so he showered and got ready to leave, assuming that over-punctuality never hurt anyone. He threw his work shirt in his backpack in case he was invited to stay. 

The density of the snow had stayed intact since the temperature had not risen at all. He decided to walk, pulling a thick beanie over his ear buds. A vague goodbye was yelled to his father at 11AM and out he ran. 

Taking extra care to kick over untouched snow mounds and _not_ slip on ice again, Sami arrived at the store at 11:32. Pearl Jam played in his ears the whole time since Tye reminded him of the concert. Despite a lifelong love for classic hits, a soft spot remained in his heart for grunge after hearing it as a baby, courtesy of dad. 

Inside the store, he was greeted by 2000’s rap hits and Rebecca at the counter. 

“Hey! Yer early! Come here, come on.” Never one to procrastinate, she pulled him to the back before his jacket was pulled off. 

Around the prep table, Lexi was filling out paperwork, accompanied by a new face. 

This girl was tall, close to Sami’s height, but with a muscular build. She had long and thick blonde hair, high cheekbones and a beauty mark on her chin. 

“Char, dis is who I was telling you about.” Rebecca said, beaming up at Sami. Her arm had linked around his. 

“Hey! Charlotte. Nice to meet you. Sammy right?” She asked, holding a hand out. Sami pulled his scarf down from his mouth and shook her hand; his own still gloved. 

“Yeah, Sami! Nice to meet you!” He said, still a tad breathless from his walk in the thin air.

“Sami, Charlotte is my best friend and just started here yesterday!” Rebecca bounced as she spoke, as if to do an impression of Sami. 

“Oh, what! That’s awesome! I can’t wait to hang out.” He grinned at Charlotte. 

“Me too,” She chuckled, as if unsure how to respond to such friendliness. 

Lexi spoke up, between chews on her pen. “We’re having a group photo shoot today.” 

“Is that the thing?” he asked. 

“It is.” Charlotte nodded. He felt a slight sting of intimidation, wondering why _she_ knew about the thing before he did. He had worked there for a whole two weeks after all, vastly superior to her twenty-four hours. 

“After da thing,” Rebecca pointed out two cardboard boxes on the floor. They had “LOVE STUFF” written on their sides in sharpie. “I t’ought maybe we could start decorating for Valentine's day.”

The door opened again and Bayley came inside, clad in snowflake patterned fleece leggings and a North Face jacket. 

“Hey friends!” She called out. Everyone followed Rebecca to the front. 

“Where's Finn?” Bayley asked the group. 

Lexi groaned and stormed behind the counter. Rebecca gave her a sympathetic smirk. 

“It's still early but… he wouldn't wake up.” She shrugged. “I'm sure he'll be here.”

“I tried waking him up!” Lexi threw her hands up. “I yelled at him. I even shook him a little!” 

Sami giggled and asked “Do you live together?” 

“We all do,” She gestured to herself and Rebecca. “and Bayley comes over like twice a week.”

Another twinge of jealousy. 

The group sat and chatted until a quarter past twelve. Angels & Devitt’s shirts were changed into and hairstyles were fixed and perfected in the bathroom mirror. Rebecca smoothed out Sami’s fluffy head for him, ruffled from his winter hat. 

“Are we gonna start without him?” Sami accidentally lamented, whispering so only she could hear. 

“We don't have to. He has a habit of showing up when you least-”

“OI LEXI.” Finn stepped in the front door. 

“-expect him.” Rebecca muttered. She gave Sami’s scalp one last gentle scratch and patted his chest. 

Finn’s gorgeous face was twisted into a mischievous smile as Lexi ran up to him and punched his shoulder. He looked more offended about her touching his expensive sweater than hitting him. He had a messenger bag strapped around his chest. 

“You had a good night, huh?! Get lots of sleep?” Lexi snarled. 

“Oh no,” Finn said calmly. “I was reading my Bible all night. Didn't fall asleep until almost 8AM in da mornin’.” 

“Oh.” Lexi blinked, her mouth turning to a firm line. “That’s nice. I was up all night too because my asshole roommate and his boyfriend don’t know how to _fuck quietly._ ” She growled. 

Finn shrugged, snapping his chewing gum. “WOW, that’s bloody tragic. So sorry for ya.”

Sami couldn't recall ever seeing a face more filled with pure rage than Lexi’s was in that moment. Nor was he accustomed to such coarse language. 

Finn made himself comfortable, despite the daggers being stared into his back. A camera was pulled from his bag. 

“Alright let's do it.”

“How you gunna rush us when you were late?” Rebecca chided. Finn looked appalled. 

“You left without me!” 

“YOUDIDNTGETUP.” Lexi yelled, voice reverberating off the store walls. 

Rebecca made a ‘calm down’ gesture to them both. “Let's do this” she repeated her brother's words. 

Sami, Charlotte, Bayley and Lexi were herded against the first dispenser machine. “Tall people in da back!” said Finn. 

“Oh, gosh, that's me.” Sami mumbled and stood awkwardly behind the girls, hands in his pockets. 

“Me too.” Charlotte rolled her eyes. “Tall people always being discriminated against.” She turned to Sami and winked. “Hey honey do you wanna maybe… go to a grocery store and reach the top shelf later together?” 

Sami giggled. “Yeah, and after that we can go to Darien Lake and breeze past the height requirement with zero effort.”

“Will you hold my hand?” Charlotte flashed her perfect teeth. _Is this flirting?! Am I being flirted with?_ he silently pondered, noting to himself about what a weird week he was having. 

Lexi was making a cup of vanilla yogurt, swirling the cup left and write to create a curl. A few half-filled cups had already been made and placed to the side. 

“Lexi, you're wasting so much product!” Rebecca scolded. 

“I need a _picturesque_ cup!” She growled back. 

When she was satisfied, a few sprinkles were strategically dropped onto the yogurt curl.

“Okay everyone smile!” Rebecca said as Finn positioned himself against the counter, pressing buttons on his camera. Charlotte stood hip-to-hip with Sami. Bayley wrapped her arms around his waist and Lexi stood front and center, proudly presenting the model froyo cup. 

They took at least five different photos, big smiles, silly faces and poses abound. 

The camera was passed to Charlotte and she took photos of Finn and Rebecca hugging, standing back to back, laughing together. Sami’s felt his heart flutter as he watched. After the shoot, Finn produced his own laptop from his bag and plugged the camera’s cord into the USB port. Sami was bold enough to sit next to him at the same table. 

“We’re gonna develop da good ones and frame ‘em, da ones of you are gunna be ‘Da Angels’ and da ones of me an’ Beck are ‘Da Devitt’s’.” Finn explained. 

“Oh, neato!” said Sami, instantly hating himself afterward. 

Finn snorted a laugh. “Yeah, _neato_.”

Rebecca brought the box of decorations over to the table where they sat. 

“Sami, do you wanna help me and Bayley decorate?” 

Sami perked up, despite his face still feeling hot. “Yeah totally!” 

They got to work. Rebecca had collected, over the years she said, garland of glittery hearts, posters and window clings of arrows, cherubs, flowers, cartoon animals. 

And that was only one box. 

While they worked, Sami got to talk to all of the girls, only occasionally put off by something sarcastic from Lexi. Charlotte was cut from the same cloth as Rebecca, sweet and smart. Finn diligently edited the photos on his laptop while they hung garland around him, rapping the words to every Nelly and 50 Cent song as they played. 

“So Sami…” Rebecca started, smiling slyly. “Do _you_ have a girlfriend?” 

A bark of a laugh was involuntarily emitted, followed by a monotone “No. Absolutely not.”

Rebecca laughed, “Why not!” 

He shook his head, “I’m… not the dating type, I don't think.” It wasn't completely untrue. Seventeen years of rejection had lead him to believe he was simply unloveable. 

Sami didn't notice Finn look up from his computer screen, interest now piqued. 

“Aw... “ was all any of the girls could add. The subject was changed. 

“Sami could you get me da other box?” Rebecca asked, standing on a chair to tape a string of hearts on the entrance doorway. The store was already thoroughly decked out, but he did as she asked and skipped to the back. 

Whistling, he retrieved the box and opened it to take a look at everything before delivering it. He took a few things out to inspect, but jumped when he heard a yell from the front. 

“My baby!” Finn’s voice was high with excitement. Sami glanced to the camera out of curiosity, not expecting the horrific heart-stopping feeling that followed. 

No amount of years could erase the face from Sami’s mind. He could never forget the two-toned long hair, the tight band shirts or the front-tooth gap. 

Finn was clinging to, kissing and hugging Seth Rollins.

Sami squeezed his eyes shut when a pain wracked his chest. Instead of blackness, he saw himself being slammed into a locker. He felt the sharp pain of his head being bashed against the metal of a water fountain. The linoleum floors of the high school hallways flashed before his eyes, as they had time and time again when he had been tripped or pushed to the floor. He heard the laughter. _Seth’s_ horrible nasally laughter. 

Now he heard it again, just one room away. A shuddering breath escaped him. Finn was kissing his high-school tormentor. Finn was hugging the person who caused him to miss a full week of school when he was too ashamed to go in with a black eye. Finn was dating the only person Sami had ever managed to dislike. That meant, he couldn't help but think, that there was no way Finn could be a good person. _And there's no way he’ll ever like you._

He clutched his chest, holding in a sob. Any noise he made would surely draw someone's attention to the back, where he was now holding the prep table to steady himself. 

As much as he hated to see it, he couldn't turn away from the camera. Seth handed Finn something- a rolled up fabric, it looked like. Finn crept on his toes to kiss Seth’s cheek and Sami’s heart may as well have jumped out of his chest to die before his eyes. 

“Sami?” Rebecca whispered. He whipped around to see her standing in the doorway, horror and worry in her face. 

“I’m okay!” Sami blurted out, sounding out of breath. His heart pounded as if he had run a mile. 

“What happened?” She asked, voice small and scared. 

“I just. Got. Upset.” Sami spat out each part of the sentence individually. He didn't have the mental capacity to formulate a lie at the time. 

“Why are you upset? Can I help?” She trotted over to him and pulled him into her arms. He rested his head on her shoulder and let himself be held, despite wanting to run and hide. _She must be friends with him too._

Another sob caused his rib cage to shudder. He tried to calm down, tried to breathe in the scent of her perfume but he felt his brain turn to complete panic. He knew he could not tell her the truth, and surely someone else would notice how long he was taking to bring a box over. 

Instead of the truth of the matter at hand, he confessed the _other_ thing that consumed him. 

“Rebecca… uh, I think I'm gay.” The words tumbled out. 

He had hoped that his first experience with ‘coming out’ would have been more impactful or special. Instead, he was sobbing into the hair of a girl he barely knew while covered in glitter. 

He supposed it could have been worse. 

“Baby, is dat what you're upset about? I’m sorry I shouldn't have asked you those personal questions.” She patted his back. 

“Ugh.. Yeah.” He lied. “Not the questions, it's just… on my mind.” 

He gave the camera a sideways glance. Seth was leaving, waving to the other girls as he departed. Sami was able to take a breath. 

“It’s okay sweetie,” she continued. He was glad that she seemed oblivious to the actual cause for his anxiety. “Yer at the age where yer figurin’ shit out. It sucks.”

They broke apart. Sniffling, Sami tried to smile. “It’s… really tough, yeah.”

Rebecca hummed and patted his back again, looking away. “Hey um… We’re having a Monopoly party in a few days. Wanna come?”

“Really?” he asked incredulously. Blinking he stammered, “Yeah, for sure!” then almost regretted it. Surely Seth would be there. 

Still, her face held so much kindness. “Yes, really! Ill text you wit’ what day we settle on.” 

Grabbing the second box, he followed her up front to continue decorating. Finn was sitting back at the table, content smile on his face. 

“What did he bring you?” Bayley asked innocently. 

“Uh.. “ Finn hesitated briefly. “My underwear…”

Sami had a stomach ache for the rest of the day. 

~

“Baby, your father’s taking me on a date!” His mother yelled as Sami walked in, a little past 2PM. 

“Oh yeah?” Sami asked, voice muffled by his scarf. “You going to WalMart?” 

“Hell yeah!” Dad added.

Sami laughed and wished them a good time, agreeing to watch the dogs in their absence. 

Mere moments after he stepped in, they stepped out. It was perfect, since he felt like solitude would do him good after the hellacious weekend. 

Continuing his Pearl Jam kick, he plugged a speaker into his phone and blasted the _Ten_ album and started picking up around the house. 

He allowed himself to get lost in the music, imitating every yip and howl that Eddie Vedder was known for. He thought about the rhythms, the drum patterns, the guitars, the chords. He thought about his lack of courage to pursue the music major he desperately desired. Anything other than what he had witnessed earlier.

Spraying the glass surface of their coffee table with Windex, he wiped a paper towel in circular motions, singing his heart out. One song switched to another, and he recognized the new one as his all-time favorite. 

It took on an all new meaning as he focused on the lyrics. 

“ _Now the air I tasted and breathed has taken a turn,_ ” he sang. Moving on to wipe down the TV screen, he felt a shift in his mood. Any attempts to be ignorant to the day’s events were tarnished. 

“ _Oh, and twisted thoughts that spin round my head, I’m spinning,_ ” His chest was hurting again; a dull ache. Tears formed in the corners of his eyes. 

“ _I know someday you’ll have a beautiful life. I know you’ll be a star, in somebody else’s sky, but why, whyyy, WHY can’t it be- can’t it be mi-ine?!_ ” He was screaming now. The beauty and melody that his singing usually held was gone. The tears seeped from his eyes, rolling down his cheeks as he cleaned. Sami fell to his knees as Eddie wailed, his voice sounding exactly the way Sami's heart felt.


	7. Seven

Monday, February 6th, 12:45PM.

Every corner was peered around, inspected for danger, before Sami was comfortable walking past it. Nerves were on high-alert following his accidental sight of Seth Rollins the day before. 

Seth had graduated two years ago but a few of his old friends remained in the school, either as fifth-year seniors or Sami’s classmates. He thought Kevin had been glaring during their shared Environmental Science class and he could have _sworn_ that Baron gave him a dirty look while he was locking his bike up. Fairly enough though; Baron had never liked Sami ever since he adamantly refused to call him by his chosen name in Drama class. Having a unique name was something that Sami held close to his chest, and _Tommy_ wasn’t going to steal it.

A million different scenarios had already played out in Sami’s head. Maybe in the two years since his graduation, Seth had become a brand new person. Maybe he was kind now. He and Finn could be wonderful, charitable, gracious humans who deserved each other.

Or _maybe_ he was still a horrific jerk and so was Finn and everything Sami thought he knew about his new bosses was a lie and there would be no option left but to quit Angels  & Devitt’s and move to Montreal with his grandparents. 

They both seemed plausible but at the time being, Finn was too hard to read to be sure. 

Amazingly, Sami escaped the school unscathed. He reminded himself that no one cared anymore. Perhaps they never did and were just following Seth’s lead the whole time. 

He walked into the store after school; same as last Monday. After changing into his work shirt, only a grumble of acknowledgement was given from Lexi.

A few spills and spots stained the tables so he got to work, wiping and disinfecting. Some mindless pop music played on the radio and he was happy to bop his head along. An innocent distraction was welcomed. 

“Hey loser,” she started, “I have to finalize your schedule. Fill this out.” 

Sami was unphased by the name. It wasn’t new. 

She thrust a paper at him, every weekday listed and a space for any unavailable dates. He, at first, penciled in that he was open every day, any time, but to avoid looking too eager, removed Thursdays. _Homework catch-up day._

Lexi briefly glanced at the paper. “Do you have like, Dungeons and Dragons on Thursday or something?” 

“No,” Sami scoffed. “They wouldn’t let me join. The main guy said I didn’t take it serious enough.”

His face briefly contorted to a sneer, remembering how self-righteous Xavier was when Sami said he didn’t know the rules. That was one of his last attempts at socializing with school people. He distinctly remembering writing _Even the nerds don’t want me,_ in his journal that night.

“Oh my god.” Lexi said blankly, her eyes wide. “Okay. Whatever. Holy shit. Please change the mixes.”

“Uh, okay!” He trotted away, unsure of what turned her mood. He briefly considered that maybe she too was friends with Seth, and that was why she didn’t like him. Maybe she had been told stories about his torment.

Then he recalled her not liking Finn either and shook it off. 

The music was still audible in the back, though the machines whirring and humming made him strain. Diligently still, the defrosted strawberry and chocolate mix was removed from the cooler and blended into the dispenser. After that, the containers they shipped in had to be cleaned and recycled so he hopped on to the sink to start some hot water. He glanced into the camera and saw Lexi filling out more papers, ponytail swishing this way and that way as she turned her head. 

The dishes were done, recycling was separated, all surfaces wiped down before Sami pulled fresh fruit from the cooler to start chopping. 

Annoyed with being unable to hear, he decided that singing was the best option to escape the white noise from the machines. He placed his phone on the prep table and searched for something inoffensive. A “2000’s Smash Hits” playlist was innocent enough. He selected something he could sing along to, despite the soreness in his throat from screaming. Surprisingly, he knew all the words to the Kelly Clarkson song that played first.

“ _Broken up, deep inside, but you won’t get to see the tears I cried,_ ” was sang while the strawberries were sliced. The lyrics hit closer to home than he wanted, but practice was needed on high notes so he powered through. 

He found himself cutting along to the beat of the song, occasionally using the knife as a microphone, not realizing yet how good it felt to get lost in something other than thoughts. “ _Now all that’s left of me, is what I pretend to be. So together but so broken up inside_ ”.

The doorbell rang as guests shuffled in, but he barely noticed, anticipating the note coming up in the song. He banged his head along while he collected the fresh slices to rinse off. The knife was still in his hand, pointed end brought to his mouth to sing into. 

Due to Lexi’s small feet, he did not hear her run up the ramp to the back. 

“ _Seeing you, it kills me now. Now I don’t cry on the outside, ANY-MO-ORE!_ ” He belted out, oblivious to his volume. 

He turned around, feeling a presence, and with a yelp, dropped the knife to the floor. 

“Holy fizz, Lexi!” He gasped, “You scared me half to death.”

Her eyes were wide. Sami felt his face grow hot and red, too shocked and embarrassed to even celebrate the flawless execution of the high note.

“Um. Okay. I finished your schedule. It’s on the counter. Can you please help these people, they have like four kids, I can’t do it.” She said, monotone. 

“Yes, yes.” He scurried to the front, mortified. Any hope of her ever liking him had surely vanished now.

~

The rest of Monday’s shift was uneventful. Lexi switched with him for the rest of the evening, barely emerging from the back. While quickly calming down, he kept the radio playing ‘Today’s Hits’, deeming his ignorance to these songs for the better. 

On Tuesday, the school day was more relaxed. He avoided eye contact with everyone. He was thankful that he did not work with Lexi that night, feeling unable to take any abuse. 

Unfortunately, he _was_ closing alone with Finn for the first time ever. 

He biked home instead of straight to the store. The idea was to change his clothes and fix his hair before going in; he wanted to be as presentable as possible. A short entry was made in his journal in hopes that writing about his nerves and anxiety would relieve them. He promised himself to not bring up Seth. _Keep it professional._

Biking to the store was difficult. Mind distracted, he accidentally hit every pothole and bump. He locked up in the usual spot and peered into Goddess Tattoo’s window for a reassuring wave from Tye. 

Finn was playing a 90’s rap station when Sami walked in. 

“Hey, mate.” he called. He had army green pants hugging his legs and a backwards snapback hat to match. Sami swooned.

“Hi there!” He answered, voice cracking. He joined Finn behind the counter to punch in on the register, nose filling with a wonderful cologne he had not noticed before. The overt-kindness took over. 

“Holy wow, you smell good,” Sami squeaked. 

Finn chuckled and smiled, looking to the ground. 

“Thanks. Did my sister show you everything? Are you good?” 

“Uh... “ Sami pondered, unsure how to answer. How could he know what he was not showed?  
“Yeah, I’m good.”

“Alright, beauty. ‘Cause I don’t really feel like doin’ too much today.” Finn grabbed a Starbucks cup from under the counter and passed by Sami to pull up a chair. 

Sami hesitantly joined. As he sat, he noticed a blotchy red mark had been bitten or sucked into Finn’s neck. He gulped. 

“I gotta tell ya, mate” Finn started, putting his feet up on another chair. “First Tye and Dana were tellin’ me about this awesome wonderful guy, den my sister’s gone on about ya. I been lookin’ forward to hangin’ out.”

Sami felt a blush coming, “Gosh... “ That was the last thing he had expected on hearing. 

“Did my sister tell you about the Monopoly party? We decided on Saturday.” 

“She did! I really wanna go!” It was the truth, but the anxiety remained. 

Saturday was doable. It wasn’t a school night, and maybe if he got a ride, Mom would understand… But what if Seth would be there? Sami decided to be bold, aware of the danger line he tiptoed across.

“Is uh, your boyfriend going to the party?” He asked cautiously. 

“Pfft, yeah right.” Finn rolled his eyes. 

Sami blinked. While he knew generally nothing about even the concept of significant others, Finn’s reaction did not seem like the correct one to have. He continued. 

“He wouldn't go if I paid him. ‘Sides, I don't want him to. We don't have dat kinda relationship.”

Sami faked a laugh, “What do you mean?”

“He's not one to hang out wit my family.” Finn said plainly, as if it were obvious. 

“.... Why not? Your family’s awesome.”

“Because he’s a dickhead.” He said, chewing the straw of his iced coffee. His eyelashes batted as Sami tried to comprehend. 

Obviously Sami shared Finn’s opinion, though perhaps with less colorful language. This attitude from Finn was quite the jarring contradiction from what Sami had witnessed the other day. 

“Oh... “ He was not willing to admit that hearing Finn bad-mouth Seth made him giddy. He considered suggested they break up, but instead, was interrupted. 

“You have really pretty eyes” Finn stated, words obstructed slightly by his straw. 

Sami gawked. “ _I_ have really pretty eyes?”

“Yeah. They’re really rich and dark… Pretty.”

Sami’s brain churned in overdrive, as if he were presented with a complex math equation. One thing he had always lamented over were his brown eyes. They were so run-of-the-mill, so unspecial. Yet, here was Finn and he... liked them. 

“My eyes are boring… Thank you?” Sami nervously chuckled, now hyper-aware of the dreamy stare Finn was giving him. 

“I don’t t’ink they are.” 

Sami was once again met with screaming inside his head. He tried kept his courageous momentum going, also eager to run away from the compliment.

“Hey uhm, you never did tell me why you came over before Rebecca?” 

“Ah, mate,” Finn chuckled. “That’s one hell of a story.”

Sami shrugged. This was the most conversation, the most _personality_ he had gotten out of Finn yet. He wasn’t willing to let it slip away. 

“I mean, I’m here all night.”

Finn’s nervously swiped at his nose with two fingers, “Well, alright. I don’t usually share dis story, it’s uh… I usually just tell people that I wanted to go to an American college or some shit, but I don’t t’ink you’ll judge me.”

“No, never!” Sami said genuinely. 

Finn smiled at the floor. “Alright, well... This may be too much information but… “ 

He took a deep breath before diving in. 

“So, I’ve been interested in sex stuff since I was really young.”

Sami’s breath caught in his throat, but he swallowed it down, keeping his no-judgement promise. 

“I found out what sex was like, way too young. Bein’ left alone with the tv at night really messed me up, y’know? But it just fascinated me. And when I got to be in my teens, I got into a really weird part of the internet… discovered some people a lot like me. I got a ton of followers on social medias and all. Eventually, I got into cam-modeling and like, I was dating this guy who was ten years older than me and-”

Sami cleared his throat, afraid to interrupt, but relentlessly curious. “Uh… what is ‘cam modeling’?” 

Finn gaped for a moment. “My god, you really are an angel.”

“Um... “ Sami looked at the floor. 

“‘Cam-modeling’ is like when someone does shows from their webcam, like a type of… entertainer. A lot of da time, others have to like, pay to watch someone’s shows because they’re usually sexual. Anyway, that’s what I was doin’.”

Sami felt himself breathing hard while trying to maintain a casual composure. He genuinely felt no air of judgement or negativity towards Finn. This was just all so much. He said words like ‘sex’ and ‘sexual’ in such lackadaisical manner. He actually _dated_ older men? It was all so… grown up. 

“It was really somethin’. People would send me money an’ presents and shit just because I was hot. An’ this dude I was dating at the time, he kept encouraging me to do more extreme stuff so I could get my viewer rating up an’ like, make more money.” Finn stared blankly, as if lost in the memory. After a moment he mumbled, “... and that was a mistake.”

“Yeah?” Sami whispered. Just listening was making his stomach uneasy.

“Yea... I ended up like, doin’ way too much on camera. Like, real explicit stuff. And when he stole all my money from doin’ it, I made da mistake of cryin’ to my sister about it.” Finn made eye contact again, smirking. 

“Oh no... “ Sami could feel the _bad_ coming. 

“And she told my parents.” His mouth formed a line. “They didn't know what to do, they were… horrified, y’know.”

“Gosh. I can't even imagine….” Sami nearly whispered. It should have been obvious that he could not imagine such a scenario but he wanted to assure that Finn had his undivided attention. 

“T’inkin’ back, I’m pretty sure she would’a never said anythin’ if she knew they were gonna send me away.”

“So they just… made you leave?”

“Yea!” Finn nodded nonchalantly. “They sent me to live wit’ me auntie in Boston. And she was super strict, she didn't let me talk to anyone. I didn't see me parents or sister for that whole two years. I got to talk to Rebecca on like, Christmas and our birt’day but we would only ever jus’ cry on the phone.”

Finn spoke so indifferently but still Sami could see the pain. There was that wall put up again. Maybe he had mostly gotten over it in the years that had passed or maybe he didn’t want to acknowledge it while talking to a borderline stranger. Whatever the reason, it did not keep Sami’s eyes from welling up. 

“An’ my parents have always had like, entrepreneur type attitudes. They wanted to open up a dessert shop or somethin’. Honestly I think me mum just missed me because she suggested they pack up and move to America. Start a business.” A sigh from Finn. 

“So they did. They stopped in Boston, bought a car, picked me up, and we drove all the way here.” Finn stopped for a moment to smile. “Me an’ Rebecca sat in the backseat toget’er the whole drive, just huggin’ and cryin’. We haven’t really left each ot’er’s hip since then.”

Sami sniffled and blinked fast to stop any tears. Seeing Finn smile made him feel alright again. 

“Oh… That’s horrible, I’m so sorry… But it turned out okay?”

“Aw yeah, I’m fine.” Finn sounded complacent. “It’s in da past. I don’t even t’ink about it anymore, y’know? Everyone has a bad period I t’ink.”

Sami quickly searched his memories, looking for something similar to use empathetically. 

“I mean, I got beat up a lot in school?” He offered. 

“What?!” Finn said incredulously. “Why?” 

“Uh... “ Sami thought. He had come up with many hunches on why he was given such a rough run amongst his peers. Usually he blamed himself entirely. He was too talkative, too weird, liked too many unpopular things, too tall, hair too red. Any of those surely could have been the reason.

“No one ever liked me… ‘cept Tye.”

“That’s bullshit.” Finn snarled. 

Sami assumed that Finn’s curse was in reference to himself, as if Finn was accusing him of lying. He wouldn’t have been the first. Sami’s stomach sank a little. 

“Why would anyone dislike you? You’re sweet, you’re smart, you’re funny. I don’t get it. Who is that much of a miserable prick that they’d attack you.” 

_Four._ Sami had now been given _four_ separate compliments from Finn. Little did Finn know, of course, that by complementing Sami, he was also slighting his own romantic partner. 

At least that’s what Sami told himself. 

Either way, his stomach went from sick to feeling fluttery and light. Finn had looked him in the eyes, his own _pretty, rich eyes_ and said nice things. Finn was defending him. Finn was _offended_ about what had happened to Sami in the past. 

It was incredible. 

But, he was still unsure of his friendship with Finn, so Sami hesitated and awkwardly ran a hand through his hair. “Oh…. y’know… guys just… didn’t like me… um.”

“Dickheads. All of ‘em. You’re a treasure.”

“Oh... “ Another blush made his cheeks hot. “Well, thanks Finn. I’m doin’ my best.”

Sami happily hummed for a moment before thinking of another inquiry. 

“Hey… I just realized I don’t know… How old are you? If you don’t mind me asking.”

The question made Finn laugh. “I will be twenty-one, end of July.” 

Sami was taken aback. 

How could someone only three years older than him have accomplished so much? Were the events of his past even accomplishments? Either way, Sami felt a strange envy and a worse intimidation, the same way he did towards Finn’s stubble and his unguarded way of speaking. 

Instead of acknowledging that, however, Sami merely compared their July birth dates, saying anything possible to keep Finn talking. 

~

Moments past 9PM, Sami slunk into the house, creeping softly as possible. The hardwood floors betrayed him, squeaking with almost every step. His emotions had been exhausted. 

Closing with Finn had been both fun and nerve-wracking. Sami quickly learned that they had the major personality quirk of _over-sharing_ in common. Though, of course, it seemed charming when Finn did it. It was an honor to be present to hear his words. 

Even through his anecdotes, Finn maintained an air of mystery that left Sami perplexed and hungry for more. He wanted more stories, more trivia, more of the shy giggles that made the corners of his eyes crinkle. 

Sami felt cursed, as if every time Finn got closer to letting him in, a pesky customer would enter the store, giving Finn perfect opportunity to change the subject or take his turn listening instead of speaking. 

He sighed and allowed himself to be seen. His mother was sitting at the dining room table, scrolling Facebook on her laptop. Sleep was tempting, but first the daunting task of asking permission had to be overcome. 

“Mommy?” Sami dared. 

“OH, Sami you’re home. Look at this, your auntie is getting divorced again.” 

“Really, wow... “ Sami feigned interest, unsure how to proceed. 

“This’ll be three for her, my goodness.” 

“That’s crazy... “ Sami offered, curling down to rest his chin on her shoulder. She aimlessly reached back to lightly scratch his head. Sami savored the affection for a moment, before guiltily reminding himself of his motive. 

“Um, mom, I was meaning to ask you-” He purred.

“What now.” Her tone dropped completely. 

“I mean, if it’s okay with you…”

“Sami.”

“My friends are having a party... “

 

“What friends?!”

He winced. “Ouch.” 

“Oh, you know what I meant!” She swatted at his arm. “Tye?”

“No, um. I mean, he knows them too, but… ” Sami stood tall again, hands nervously wrung at his chest. “My friends who actually like, hired me… They work at the store… with me.”

She gawked dramatically. “Well where do they live?”

“Um, off of Abbott-”

“All the way in the south side, Sami?!” 

The information affected her as if she had been shot in the chest. As if on cue, his father walked in from the basement, carrying a basket of freshly laundered clothes. He was notorious for walking in at the worst possible moments. 

“Sami wants to go to a party in South Buffalo!” She shrieked. 

Dad’s face barely changed. “Okay… I’ve been telling you he needs to find a kegger and let loose for a while now.” 

“Oh my gosh” Sami buried his face in his hands. “It’s not a kegger.”

Dad feigned disappointment. 

“It’s a Monopoly party.”

“My goodness, how cute.” Mom actually smiled. 

“That’s probably the most ‘Sami’ thing I’ve ever heard of.” Dad grumbled, setting the laundry basket on the dining room table to start folding. 

Attempting to keep stern, Mom persisted, “Who are these friends? What are their names?” 

“Their parents own the store! It’s um, Rebecca and Finn, they-”

“I wanted to name you Finn, he wouldn’t let me.” She interjected. 

“-they’re twins and they’re from Ireland and they’re really fun and nice! We hang out a lot in the store because there’s not too many customers when it’s snowing.” 

Mom made a face. “Well… alright, it’s okay with me. But I’d like to meet them if you’re going to be spending more time together.”

“Really!” Sami bounced. “Oh my gosh, yes! And-and, yeah, you will!”

He bounded up the stairs to his bedroom before she could change her mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, I sure do love dialogue, huh. 
> 
> Also when I was 17, my mother expressed genuine disappointment in my not having "found a kegger" yet. 
> 
> parents r weird.


	8. Eight

Saturday, February 8, 2017. 4:03PM.

Sami was fashionably late. 

“The only reason you don’t want me to go is because you know I’d wreck you.” Tye said matter-of-factly, driving with one hand. Sami acted horrified. 

“What! You totally could go! ALSO, I am a Monopoly champion, okay.”

“Bet.” 

“Do you want me to ask if you can come? You know they’ll say yes.” 

“No, no. This is your opportunity to branch out without me to lean on… I expect details of how hardcore you crash and burn later.”

“Ah. Thank you.” Sami rolled his eyes as the car exited the freeway with a _whoosh_.

After getting permission to attend the party, Sami had prepared to beg Tye to drive him across the city, but of course he happily agreed. The rest of the week had been spent sorting what to wear to the event, ( _Is argyle too dorky?_ ) what not to talk about and how to remain calm when or if Finn’s relationship status came into discussion. 

He had decided, _no, it looks good on me_ , _maybe don’t mention how many times you’ve seen The Breakfast Club_ and _when in doubt, shove chips in face._

~

The southern side of Buffalo shouldn’t have been as different to the rest of the city as it was. As soon as the threshold from east to south was passed, every other building became a tavern, pub or mom-and-pop diner. A few old relics still stood in the forms of a laundromat, corner stores, a post office. Flags of Ireland hung from nearly every house and metal shamrocks adored the street lights of Abbott Road. The twins lived on a side street, safely tucked between a questionable tattoo shop and Cazenovia Cafe. 

The Devitt house was dark blue in color, lit-up windows illuminating the two floors. The front porch was wide and fenced off with two chairs and a hammock hanging from the pillar. Tye sped into the driveway and Sami’s heart started its trademark flutter when he noticed Finn relaxing on the porch, cigarette between two fingers. He was wearing a black snapback today with a cardigan to match. Sami thought the way a plain v-neck shirt and jeans looked exceptional on him was rather unfair.

“Hey! Wanna come inside?” Finn yelled to Tye, who waved a hand.

“Nah, I’m going out. See you later, bud!” 

Sami clumsily exited the car, thanking Tye again before he peeled away from the house. Finn took a last long drag from his cigarette before flicking it off the porch and welcoming Sami inside, offering a quick navigation of the house. 

Stepping in, Sami’s ears perked up when he instantly recognized the music playing. 

“So, welcome home. Fair warnin’, the girls have been on a disco kick... “ Finn explained. In their house, the front door lead directly to a wide living room with overstuffed chairs,a wrap-around couch and a giant television. Staircases past the closet space lead both to the second floor and to the basement. They had an enviable open floor plan; each room flowed into the next. Past the living room was a dining room, buffet tables on each wall adorned with framed photos. A Monopoly board was set up on the table in the center of the floor. There was a small bedroom adjacent to the door to the backyard. 

The kitchen was the farthest room from the front door; also where the girls were dancing to Earth, Wind & Fire. Smells of fried dough and spices filled the room. 

“I found a Sami.” Finn pointed back to his discovery. 

Rebecca, Lexi and Bayley had matching buns tying up their hair- orange, blonde and chestnut respectively. 

“Sami!” Rebecca grinned while Lexi tended to frying pans on the stovetop. She gave only one glance before returning to her work.

Bayley, never one to restrain, pounced and took Sami into a tight hug. “We didn’t think you’d actually come!” she said.

“I made it!” He hugged her back, slightly distracted by whatever marvelous thing Lexi was concocting. “What uh… what’s going on over there... “

“Did you eat?” Lexi asked. 

He shook his head, still in Bayley’s firm grasp. 

“Okay great.” Lexi summoned him over. With a lean, he towered over her small frame to peek at what smelled so fantastic. A steep cooking pot was filled with bubbling oil. Wooden skewers protruded from the brim of the pot, stuck inside balls of dough cooking underneath. 

“I’m making fried dough pockets, filled with a three-cheese blend. When they’re done cooking, they get sprinkled with basil and I have homemade spicy marinara for dips.”

“Oh my gosh.” said Sami, eyes wide. 

“And over here,” Lexi removed the lid from the next pot, releasing a billow of steam, “is macaroni with my special cheese sauce. It’s a cream base with onion and garlic powders to season.”

“Are you serious?!” Sami was ecstatic. 

Food was one of his few pleasures in life, next to movies and singing. His mother had been more critical of his body shape as of late, and thinking of eating these incredible cuisines without guilt could bring him to tears. 

“Well, Finn barely eats carbs, but when he’s in the mood, it’s-”

“Go hard or go home, Alexa.” Finn interrupted. 

“Yes, that. Anyway, everything’s almost ready.”

“Awesome... “ Sami surveyed. 

“Finn, did you provide a tour?” Rebecca asked. 

“I did about da bare minimum.” 

“Okay,” Rebecca took Sami’s hand, tearing him away from the smells, “C’mon, muffin, come outside wit me.”

She held her other hand out to Finn, who produced a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and surrendered them to her. Rebecca then pulled Sami to the side door and into the backyard. The back porch was huge and circled in shape. It featured a glass table with an umbrella secured shut in the center, presently covered in light snow. A garage was against the back fence, past the grass lawn, with a basketball hoop connected to it. 

Sami had been slightly confused at first, but this was too much. “How can you guys afford it here?!” 

Rebecca removed one cigarette and a small lighter from inside the pack and lit up, chuckling at the question. “Ahh… Our parents pay for… a lot.”

“Oh, wow.” Sami mumbled, feeling a chill from the wind, but not daring to complain.

“Yeah, I t’ink dey feel a little guilty about… what happened wit Finn… He told me you heard dat story.”

“Oh yeah…” Sami looked at his shoes. “He did tell me… it was awful, I felt so bad.”

She exhaled a cloud of smoke. “Yeah dat ripped us apart, almost permanently. I was really judgmental o’ him for quite a while. I even t’ink I hated him for a bit. Dats why he wasn’t included in my tattoo at first, y’know?”

“Is _that_ why?” Sami accidentally sounded horrified. It was hypocritical; he had his own reservations about Finn’s past. It just seemed impossible to believe.

“Mhm.” Rebecca nodded solemnly. “Yeah, we weren’t always like this.”

Sami was hit with a familiar wave of inadequacy. How could he be shocked to hear about tension between the twins? He had only known them for a couple weeks. He was barely a part of their lives.

“But honey,” Rebecca placed a hand on his shoulder. “I dragged ya out here because I wanted ta ask ya ‘bout somethin’.” 

He snapped out of his own thoughts and braced for pain. “Oh yeah?”

“Yea… Me an’ Lexi were talkin’ about you yesterday. She told me something interesting.”

_Frick._

“She said that yer always singin’ when you work toget’er. Like, a lot.” 

“Oh... “ Sami slouched over. “I’m sorry… If it annoys her, I promise I’ll stop, I just can’t help it sometimes-”

“NO, BABY!” Rebecca held her hands up in defense. “Don’t stop! She told me that you’re amazin’!” 

His eyes widened, “She _did?_ ”

“Yes! She was so surprised when I said I’ve never heard ya before. But I wanted to ask, y’know, I’d love to hear ya sing sometime… “ She seemed to proceed with caution. 

Sami stammered, “Oh! Um… I mean. You can, I just… I don’t even realize I’m doing it, most of the time. I just... I love singing… so much.”

“Yeah?” Rebecca’s mouth curled up, “Is that what you wanna do? For a career?” 

Sami blushed, “Oh gosh… I mean I’d love to perform or sing forever but… my mom… “ He sighed. “I’m sorry, I’m like, over sharing as it is.”

“But I asked?” 

She had a point. 

Sami’s hands came up, attempting to sculpt out the words he could not say. 

“I just… My parents don’t know… that I sing and stuff. My mom wants me to be a doctor.”

“Oh... “ She scratched at his back. “And yer da’?”

“Uhm,” his voice went high, “I don’t think he cares… what I do?” 

“I’m sure he cares… “ She mumbled. Sami could tell that she didn’t know what to say to comfort him. He considered telling her that it was no longer a point of pain. Instead, she continued when he failed to respond. 

“Well, for what it’s worth? I care. You can sing to me an’ Finn anytime.” With that, she stepped onto her toes and pecked a kiss onto his cheek.

Embarrassingly, a fit of giggles overtook him instantly. No girl, save for his mother or aunties, had ever kissed his face like that. It was exhilarating. 

He was both relieved and horrified to hear the door opening as Bayley poked her head out.

“Dinner’s ready!” She called excitedly. 

Rebecca matched Sami’s stupid giggles when she saw the blush in his cheeks and pulled him back inside, flicking her cigarette into a distant snow pile.

~

“Just so you’re prepared, we’re gonna play for about an hour then Finn is gonna get mad that he’s losing and flip over the board.” Bayley said plainly. Sami looked to Finn, who nodded to confirm. They were sitting at the same table where the board was laid out for play. Rebecca and Lexi sat at the opposing heads of the table, Bayley on one side and Sami and Finn next to each other on the opposition. Everyone had a hot bowl of mac-and-cheese in front of them. The pizza pockets were in a tray intended for chips and dip. 

Sami could not help but compliment Lexi over and over on her cooking gift, commenting on how her dishes were better than his mom’s and he’d never been so happy before. 

“I want this cheesy mac at the wedding, Lex.” Rebecca added, her mouth full. 

Sami’s ears perked up. He dared. 

“Hey Becky... “ Sami said slowly, testing out how her nickname sounded from his own lips. “Outta curiosity… Can I go to your wedding?” 

“‘Course.” She had another spoonful, “Finn’s gonna need a date,” and wiped her mouth on the back of her hand. She managed to make messy eating nothing more than charming. 

“Yep.” Finn agreed, ripping a pizza pocket in half so the cheese stretched apart, before diving into the spicy sauce. 

“Um.” Sami’s boldness hadn’t failed him yet with the twins. “Do you think I’ll get to meet your fiance before then?”

Rebecca snorted, looking amused at the question first. She searched his face for humor, then her dropped to something more quizzical. 

“Oh, sweetie... “ She looked to Lexi and giggled. The blonde returned the gesture.

“What?” he said, confused.

“Do you really not know?” Rebecca asked. Finn and Bayley had broken into snickers of their own.

Sami gaped, “Um… no?”

Rebecca smiled graciously. She held up her left hand to show her Claddagh ring. At the same time, Lexi held up her own hand to show a sparkling diamond engagement ring. Sami double-taked from girl to girl. 

“Wait, really?!” 

“Yes really” was said by all four in unison.

“We thought you were gonna figure it out on your own,” said Lexi, shrugging. 

Sami took a moment to think. 

He had, at least to his knowledge, never spoken to a lesbian before. And yet, here he was with _two._

And they were his _friends._

Shame weighed him down, making him feel attached to his seat. He could feel himself starting to feel differently about the girls, but he could not pinpoint why.

It was Rebecca who had comforted him during his accidental outing. It was Rebecca who kissed his cheek an hour ago despite being engaged to a woman. 

It was Rebecca, _Finn and Lexi, too_ who made him feel safe and comfortable in his own skin. Because, he now understood, they were the same as him.

And with that realization, the shame melted away, and all he felt was gratitude. 

Despite that warm and liberating feeling, all he could muster as a response was a goofy grin and “Huh. Neat.”

After dinner, Sami sat back in his chair with his pants unzipped, belly full. Rebecca put out a bowl of pretzels that he couldn’t even dream of touching. Dirty dishes were filled with hot water and left alone “to soak”, Finn said with a wink. 

Everyone picked their game pieces. Sami always claimed the “little iron guy” when playing with his parents so he held the tradition up here as well. Rebecca chose the ship, Bayley the top hat. Finn and Lexi played rock-paper-scissors for the Scottish Terrier. He lost every round then chose the car, later performing a miniature rant about how the piece was grossly underrated. 

With that, the game began. Sami found himself, accidentally at first, just staring at the smiling ball of energy beside him. 

Finn seemed so at peace. It made sense, Sami thought, since he was in his own home with friends. There was just something so electric about watching him laugh or hearing him curse when he ended up in Monopoly jail. Every thing he did or said was exciting. He was so funny, so smart and fascinating. All of his facial expressions were mesmerizing. Sami was hooked, and even after he was aware of his staring, he could not stop. 

“Sami, it’s your turn!” 

“Sami!”

“What?!” He tore his eyes away from oblivious Finn’s visible collarbone and snatched up the dice. “Silly me, I was day dreamin’.” 

He did not notice Lexi raise an eyebrow first in his direction, then smirk to Rebecca.

He rolled and cheered briefly as his game piece passed the ‘Go!’ line. As Bayley, the designated banker, prepared his 200 dollar winnings, Finn, who was still in jail, audibly growled. 

“This is bullshit!” He snarled, and in one fluid motion, dug his fingers under the board and flipped it. Pieces, money and property cards flew every which way as the girls all exploded with uproarious laughter. 

“It hasn’t even been an hour!” Bayley shrieked between gasps. 

In a huff, Finn stormed from the table to the living room and threw himself onto the couch. Sami took a deep breath to stop his giggles and joined him, occupying the cushion closest to his head. Unintelligible grumbles were muttered while Finn pouted. Sami wanted nothing more than to aimlessly rub his shoulder or smooth out the dark hairs that had become unkempt. 

He kept his hands folded in his lap. 

Sami felt bad about leaving the girls to clean up the mess Finn had made, but they quickly decided the chore could wait.

“So that's Monopoly night.” Bayley explained with a shrug, plopping down by Finn’s feet. Lexi casually sauntered in and, instead of sitting on a couch cushion, sat down onto Finn’s lower back. 

She leaned into his ear. “You’re cleaning that up, brat.”

“Ya know, ya tell me that every time... “ Finn retorted, sounding short of breath. 

“Oi, look who’s callin’.” Rebecca held up her ringing phone, showing a Facetime request from Charlotte. 

Sami glanced at the clock, shocked to see that it was already past 7PM.

“Hello, my love.” Rebecca walked around the living room, cooing into her phone screen. 

“Hey! I think I’m done with everything?” Charlotte’s voice came through the speaker. 

“S’long as everything’s clean, you’re fine.” Rebecca assured. “Lexi made pizza fried dough and Finn lost miserably at Monopoly.” 

“Um, that’s amazing, I want, and yeah, duh.” Charlotte went on about work and Rebecca diligently answered any of her questions about the job requirements. 

Sami was enjoying the calm, feeling close and warm among his friends, before Rebecca took a step towards the staircase and howled in pain, followed by a string of curses. 

“God **DAMNIT FINN.** ” She yelled. 

He shot up, knocking Lexi over into Bayley’s lap. 

“Did you step on a Lego?!” She asked, concern mixed with amusement. 

Sami thought Lexi was kidding and had stood up to assist with whatever thing had harmed Rebecca. Before he could help, Rebecca stormed over to her brother and threw what was unmistakably a green Lego brick in his face.

“Goddamnit Fintan, clean up your Legos!” 

“Aw, don’t talk about my Legos, we have company!” 

“You have Legos?!” Sami matched the volume of the twins while completely missing the point of why they were yelling. Charlotte was cackling through the phone; Bayley had a hand clamped to her mouth.

“Yeah! Yeah, he does have Legos!” Rebecca’s voice got progressively higher. She handed her phone to her fiance. “He collects ‘em! And he leaves them all over the house for me to step on or the cat to choke on!” 

“There’s a kitty?!” Sami did it again. 

In his eagerness, Sami had failed to notice Finn cowering as he was scolded. His perfect cheeks had turned red and the bites he made on his own lip looked more nervous than enticing. He found it horrific and unacceptable. With a quick clearing of his throat, Sami decided to try and make Finn feel better.

“I love Legos _AND_ kitties... “ He mumbled, as if only to Finn. 

Finn looked up, hopefully, and barely above a whisper, asked “Do you wanna see…”

“YES.” 

“Sami, can ya stop being adorable while I’m trying to teach him a lesson.” Rebecca said, pinching the bridge of her nose. The tension in the air vanished, seemingly as soon as it had appeared. 

“Show him the castle!” Charlotte’s voice suggested. 

“Come wit me.” Finn skipped from the couch to the stairs, narrowly evading a playful punch from his sister. 

Sami stomped up the stairs, apathetic to how overly enthusiastic he looked.

“This is my room.” Finn placed a hand on the knob of the door right at the top of the staircase. “It’s got… some stuff in it.”

He opened the door and lead them inside. Almost instantly, Sami had to let a _”wow!”_ escape his lips. 

Finn had every normal bedroom furniture piece- his bed was placed against the far left wall, neatly made with silky looking black sheets. His clothes dresser was a dark wood with multiple different creams and lotions organized on top of it. A corkboard hung with a calendar and appointment cards pinned to it on the closet door.

The unusual additions to his room were what awed Sami. 

Pages of a sketchpad were posted all over the walls, featuring incredible pencil drawings. Sami recognized at least three each of Rebecca and Lexi, one or two of Charlotte and Bayley. The detail was exquisite- clearly a lot of time and effort had been spent on each portrait. 

“Did you draw these?!” He gaped. 

“Erm... Yes.” Finn mumbled. 

“They’re amazing!” 

“... T’anks.” Finn smiled at the floor. 

He had a department store mannequin propped on a stand in the corner of his room, painted from head to toe in black and red. The face he had given it featured sharp fangs and one wild eye; skin made to look like scales and fire and ash. 

“What _is_ this?” Sami revered, eyes wide. 

“It’s um…” Finn awkwardly folded his arms, “like my interpretation of a demon… an Irish demon.”

“Is there like a story behind it?” 

Finn looked like he was unsure how to proceed. “He um… His name is _Bálor._ He was a king among da demons… He was known for causing destruction and ruinin’ everything… So I always kinda related to him.”

“It’s _amazing._ ” It was the only word Sami could think of. He got closer to examine the work deeper. His knowledge on artwork was minimal, but it was apparent that Finn had spent days, if not weeks, on the paint. Different sized strokes were evidence of multiple brushes used. 

“I had no idea you were this talented... “ Sami stood up straight to study the sketches again. 

“Erm…” Finn hesitated briefly before pointing to a three-tier display shelf in the opposite corner of the room. “Here’s where I keep my Legos.” 

The lowest shelf held a Lego castle, the middle one a tank and the top shelf had the best creation of the three- a giant pirate ship, complete with canons and skull bearing flags. 

“Woah, what?! Holy jeepers, everything is just getting better and better.” Sami flailed for a fleeting moment, before resting on his knees to inspect every feature. 

Finn kneeled down with him. “No one cares about it but… dis is my favorite t’ing i've ever made.” 

“How could no one care?! This is so awesome!” 

Finn looked to the floor. “My boyfriend thinks it's stupid…” 

“He’s stupid!” Sami sneered without thinking.

“Yeah... “ Finn shook his head and pointed to the middle shelf. “Look, the tank has a little driver seat wit a guy in it.”

“What!”

They stayed on the floor and talked about Legos, about collecting, about art and demons for longer than Sami could keep track. Another sketchpad of Finn’s was opened so Sami could _ooh_ and _ahh_ at his work. He hated himself for feeling it, but couldn’t deny the strange joy he had when he noticed that Seth was in none of Finn’s drawings. 

A gentle knock at the door interrupted a long-winded anecdote Sami had been telling about the differences in Legos and Mega Bloks. 

“Come in?” Finn’s nose scrunched. 

Rebecca let herself in cautiously, holding a gorgeous colorpoint Ragdoll in one arm.

“Kitty!” Sami squealed, more juvenile sounding than he intended. 

Finn met his sister at the door to take the cat into his own arms. 

“She was nappin’ on Lexi’s laptop.” Rebecca smiled and scratched the purring chin.

Finn held her close to his chest, burying his face in the fluffy neck. The cat responded with an adorable _prrt!_ and rubbed her nose against his forehead. 

“Sami, this is Gucci. She’s Fintan’s child.”

“She’s all I have” Finn’s voice was muffled from the thick fur. 

Sami bounced from the floor to meet them. He had to duck to match Finn’s height so he could pet Gucci’s presented belly. Without thinking, Sami wrapped an arm around Finn’s shoulders.

“I can’t have cats… My parents are both allergic.” He lamented. 

“You can play wit ours.” Rebecca nodded. With a smile, she left the three of them alone, saying something about checking on dessert.

“She’s so pretty,” Sami lightly rubbed at the cat’s satin-soft ears, earning a thunderous purr.

“I love her so much,” Finn cooed. 

What happened next was surely an accident. 

Sami had been leaning too far into Finn’s personal space to pet the cat. That’s all. 

Surely. 

But something about the way the word ‘love’ sounded in Finn’s voice, in his accent, prompted Sami to look up from the furball’s blue eyes and into the beautiful boy’s instead. 

Wordlessly, Finn pressed his forehead to Sami’s. The tips of their noses touched and Sami could have convinced anyone that he had just finished running a marathon from the way his heart pounded. This was it. This was how his dream ended before he woke up. It was happening. 

Finn nuzzled Sami’s nose, so lightly and quickly that he wasn’t sure it even happened. 

It couldn’t have happened. 

“Boys! Dessert is ready!” Rebecca called from downstairs. 

By the time Sami had snapped out of what was _definitely_ a lucid daydream, he was standing straight and Finn was leaving kisses all over Gucci’s head. They trotted downstairs together for Lexi’s homemade cheesecake and ice cream. 

The table had been cleared of Monopoly pieces, despite Lexi assuring that Finn would be the one to clean it. 

The group reclaimed their original seats for dessert. Next to Sami, Finn still held Gucci in his arms, offering her licks from every spoonful of his ice cream. 

After finishing another plate of food, Sami was certain that the uneasy feeling in his stomach was from over-eating. He glanced at his phone for the first time all night, bewildered to see that it was nearly 9PM. He must have been making a face since Rebecca quickly noticed. 

“Sami, is it past your bedtime?” She asked genuinely, but it was nearly impossible for the question to sound anything other than snarky. 

“Okay, all joking aside, I have never been out this late and it’s kinda thrilling.” 

“What a bad boy.” Bayley laughed. “You’re in the west side right? I can take you home, I live in Riverside.” 

With that, Sami began his goodbyes and thank-yous to everyone. More compliments were thrown at Lexi for the phenomenal food. Rebecca pulled him into a rib-cracking hug and gave him another surprise kiss on his temple. 

“Say goodnight, Gucci!” Finn moved the cat’s paw to look like a wave. 

Sami waved back, “Bye Gucci,” and with a cracking voice, he squeaked, “Bye Finn!” before running after Bayley and climbing into her car. 

They drove home mostly in happy silence, content from the night’s fun. 

A full recap of the events was relayed to his parents when Sami got home at 9:30PM. With heavy eyelids, he scooped Butterfly into his arms for nightly cuddles and retreated to bed. 

Once his pajamas had been stepped into and pillows fluffed, they settled in. 

Sami's brain was overcome with thoughts of Finn the entire time he searched for a position to rest in. Butterfly had curled into a ball and fallen asleep long before he managed to get comfortable. He thought about the glittering smile he had watched all night, and wondered how someone so beautiful could also be so talented. It didn't seem plausible. 

No matter how badly he wanted to think about it, Sami refused to let himself dwell on the split second of tenderness they shared. He certainly imagined it, anyway.

Instead, The last thing Sami remembered was hoping that Finn was snuggling his Gucci as well, and that he would have good dreams.

He fell asleep smiling.


	9. Nine

_A rowdy crowd shuffled into the glass double doors. The building was made to be shaped like a cave, imitation brown rock surrounded them._

_Sami was the tallest person by far, not bothered by the children pushing past. Their excited squeals filled his ears; familiar smells of popcorn wafted about._

_The Buffalo Zoo had been building a Rainforest Exhibit for over a year now and somehow, someway Sami was managing to see it the first day it opened._

_He knew it had something to do with the backwards-snapback he was following._

_Finn knew exactly where to go and sped up to a trot once they got inside, as if to imitate the screaming kids around them._

_The glass doors lead the guests first into a gift shop, filled with every type of knick-knack and souvenir imaginable._

_Finn pulled him inside and the artificial humidity hit them like a smack._

_The exhibit was set up with rock paths, one leading left and one right, habitats displayed behind glass. The ground that they stood on was elevated and a short fence protected anyone from slipping into the swamp that had been created below the habitats. Caiman, turtles and koi swam freely, visible with only a peek over the fence._

_In the first habitat, a giant anteater lumbered around his grassy home, tongue protruding here and there to lap up any stray delicacies. On the other end of the fork, an ocelot mewled as a small crowd gathered to coo over her intricate markings._

_Between the forked paths was a makeshift waterfall, creating a refreshing mist for those walking past it._

_Sami looked up to see a bright red macaw flying overhead._

_Without warning, Finn swung a skinny-jeaned leg over the fence and started climbing down the support beams to reach the water below._

_“Uh, Finn?” Sami heard himself say. “I don’t know if you’re allowed to do that.”_

_“It’s okay, Sami, I’m Irish.” Finn responded._

_“But Finn that doesn’t make any sense.” Sami spoke. Despite his protests, Finn’s head disappeared under the platform and Sami ran over to watch as he jumped and landed square on a rock. Finn summoned him down with a ‘come hither’ motion._

_Against his better judgment but still without hesitation, Sami followed the lead and shimmied down the same support beam Finn had. He did not stop to wonder why none of the other zoo-visitors were opposed to what they were doing._

_Somehow, the boys did not slide around on the slippery rock. Finn took Sami’s hand and laced their fingers together, pulling him down to sit, legs-crossed, on their perch._

_Sami looked around at the animals peacefully going about their business, swimming or napping, unbothered by the intruders._

_Finn took Sami’s other hand and held it tight, earning his attention back._

_Finn snuggled close, his delicious smell replacing any odor from the animals. He pressed his forehead to Sami’s and their noses touched, just like he had at the party._

_Sami marveled at the feeling. It had been real! It happened! It was happening now again!_

_Like last time, they nuzzled noses and Sami could have sworn that he felt Finn’s perfect lips brush against his-_

Butterfly’s shrill barks woke him up with a jump. 

“Shush!” Sami growled, burying his face in his dog-haired covered pillow. 

He squeezed his eyes closed, breathing heavily, trying to go back to where he was. Finn’s face, his mischievous smile, was burned into Sami’s eyes. He clenched his fists together, trying to recreate the warm hands intertwined in his own. 

Sadly, the efforts were moot. Finn wasn’t there. And Sami had never felt so cold and alone.

As if to add insult to injury, his phone began to blare his school alarm as another yap from the puppy scolded him. 

In a daze, he trudged downstairs to let Butterfly outside. His body was operating on autopilot; thoughts miles away. Tank had been awoken by the barking and commotion. Yawning, the big brindle joined them. Sami barely felt him run out the open door, as if he was still living in the dream world.

It had happened. He had shared a wonderful, sweet moment with Finn. It was real. 

“It was probably nothing but it felt like the world,” Sami mused as he watched both dogs play in the yard, smirking at himself for the Morrissey quote. He shook his head and tried to come back to earth. 

_This is two now,_ his subconscious reminded. _Two dreams._

“I know.” Sami responded, filling the dogs’ kibble bowls after they had ran back in. 

_You’re a freak._

“I know.” He said with gritted teeth. “I just... “ He started, before remembering that he was talking to the air. 

_.... like him a lot._

Now feeling ashamed, he trotted back upstairs to start up a shower and get ready for school. 

~

Since Lexi had finalized the work schedules, Sami’s weeks were starting to regulate.

Every Monday, like this one, he would despair through a six hour school day then bike straight to Angels & Devitt’s for some tough love with Lexi. 

Tuesday, he would internally whine through school then go home, freshen up, and spend the evening at the store fawning over Finn. 

Wednesday, morning torment. Evening laughs with Bayley. 

Thursday, educational suffering, then homework and Netflix. 

Friday, counting days down to graduation, and the evenings switched from spending time with Tye or flirting with Charlotte and Rebecca.

It was bliss.

Unfortunately for Sami, however, this Tuesday fell on what was usually a cursed day. 

_Valentine’s Day._

Every fourteenth of February had been spent despairing. Sami had spent this day, every year, being excluded from classroom parties and in recent years, alone in his room while Tye went out with Dana. It was usually a day dedicated to self-pity and bags of heart-shaped candy, always resulting in guilt and a stomach ache. His mother always hugged him extra tight, covered his face in kisses and reminded him that he was her Valentine, but somehow that was not enough to appease the loneliness. 

This time around, however, he vowed to do something different. There was a Walgreens around the corner from the school that sold cheesy cards and for the first time ever, Sami had a plan, and the finances to make it happen.

His parents always exchanged cards with cute messages inside, so why couldn’t he?

He zoned out in his environmental science class and last period study hall and drafted a letter in his neatest handwriting on a spare notebook paper. 

_You make me so happy. I look forward to seeing your face every week and I miss you every other day. I even dream about you sometimes. All I wanna do is play Lego’s with you. Happy Valentine’s Day, love Sami._

Lips pursed, he read over his work. It was simple, it was honest. 

It was terrifying. 

Just thinking about presenting a card full of _mush_ made Sami’s knees weak. There had been moments in the past where he tried to express sincere emotion to others. Sasha had thrown out a drawing he made her in front of his face. Emma laughed hysterically until she cried. 

He shook the memories away. This was different. Finn’s face had touched his face. That _had_ to mean something. Yes, the idea of giving him _anything_ made his heart beat faster, but nothing had ever affected him as much as the shared moment he desperately wished to recreate. 

Morrissey had to be wrong. 

~

With a groan, Sami discovered his front bike tire was dangerously close to flat. A hipster bike shop had opened next to Goddess tattoo so regrettably, he headed there instead of shopping. He knew the area well enough to list four general stores in the Elmwood area, and could have definitely just called Lexi to give her a heads up for his lateness. But he felt himself creeping towards her good side after the party and didn’t want to spoil that. He decided to just go straight to the store. Walgreens was open late and, worse case scenario, there was always tomorrow. 

So, the routine continued. Leave school, avoid peers, bike over, lock up at the corner, wave to Tye and head inside. 

The store was more crowded than he remembered ever seeing. It was easy to recognize why since every table was occupied by a tandem pair. Angels & Devitt’s was the spot for Valentine’s Day Eve date night. 

Lexi was at the counter, looking frazzled. A short ‘hey.’ was all he was given. Lucky he had decided against being late. 

Making his way to the back to change, Sami looked back to Lexi for a moment and when he faced forward again, slammed directly into Finn. The shorter boy had been carrying four containers of toppings to refill and dropped every one of them in the collision. 

“Oh no, Finn! I’m sorry! I’m so clumsy, I’m sorry.” Sami nearly yelled. Instant mortification took him over. 

“S’alright, mate.” Finn said plainly, bending over to collect the containers up and take them back to the prep room. Sami followed, seeking out the broom and dust pan they kept to sweep up the Oreo crumbs and colorful Nerds candies littering the floor.

“I’m so sorry Finn.” He said again. Finn shrugged silently and slammed the containers down onto the prep table. 

Sami stared at his tightened jaw and furrowed brow. _Oh, no..._

As if on cue, his eyes welled up at the worst possible time. He scurried away with the broom to clean up the mess he made. 

His bottom lip quivered and he blinked as fast as he could to keep the tears from spilling down his cheeks. Finn came back down the ramp, nonchalantly stepping around the pile Sami had swept up, leaving a trail of cologne behind him. It hit Sami’s nose and caused the smallest sob to escape. 

If Finn was mad at him now, all the plans for romance would be foiled. He reminded himself that he shouldn’t be doing it anyway. He would only get hurt again, emotionally or otherwise. Surely if Seth found out, he would come to Sami’s house and beat him up again. Or worse, it would be Finn’s turn to laugh in his face. 

The plan didn’t seem worth it now.

He swept as quickly as possible while another few customers stepped in. In the back, he emptied the dust pan, glancing over to the machines to see if any maintenance was needed. 

Finn came back and ripped the cooler open to grab fresh fruit. Sami could actually feel the tension. 

The machines were all fine and the store floor was too occupied to continue sweeping around. He was afraid to ask Finn so Sami retreated to the front to ask Lexi how he could help. 

“I dunno,” she said between fake smiles to customers. “We’re like, slammed. Are the mixes good?” 

“Yeah, I checked.” He sniffled. 

“Well. Just keep up on everything. You can tell Finn to leave if he wants.” 

_Gulp._

“Okay… I’ll do that... ” He ran to the back, certain that if he had a tail, it would be between his legs. 

Both the prep room and the tiny office were empty, but the door to the back porch was noticeably cracked open. Sami tip-toed out. 

Finn was sitting on the edge of an adirondack chair, hunched over his phone screen, cigarette between two fingers. Goosebumps covered his naked arms thanks to the crisp air. 

“Finn?” Sami dared, sounding small. 

He was given one quick glance. “Hey.” 

With hesitation, Sami crept outside and took the chair next to Finn’s. He wanted to touch the skin, wanted to give Finn some comfort or warmth. 

“Uh, Lexi said I can tell you to leave if you want?” Sami whispered. The fear of words being misconstrued or mocked kept his volume low. 

“Alright.” Finn didn’t look up from his phone. 

Old thoughts crept back into Sami’s head, making him wonder if he had actually imagined the intimate moment at the party. This version of Finn did not seem capable of offering forehead touches or cuddles. The trembling returned to Sami’s lip. 

“Are you okay?” He tried. “I’m sorry I made a mess, I wasn’t paying-”

“Sami.” Finn locked his phone and dropped it into his lap. The cigarette-free hand curled into a fist.

“Listen to me, bud. You didn’t do anything.” He annunciated every word so strongly that his accent disappeared. “Myself and my boyfriend got into a fight this morning and he is a fucking waste. It’s been a bad day for Finn. I am not upset with you.” 

“Oh…” Sami was met with that miserable glee that found him every time Finn bad-mouthed Seth. It seemed to happen more and more frequently. “Can I help at all?” 

“No, baby.” Finn relaxed, falling back into the deep chair. Sami’s heart skipped a beat, both at the pet name and from noticing the lack of a Claddagh ring on Finn’s finger. “He’s gonna pick me up and we’re gonna fight some more and I really just wanna get drunk and never leave my house again. Fuck.” 

Sami shuffled his feet and considered what to say. Finn was already in one of his Seth-hating moods. Now, if ever, would be ideal time to open up and tell the truth about Seth. Recall the horrible stories, in whatever excruciating detail was needed to make Finn break up with him forever.

“What happened? If I may ask?”

“He’s… So he has this hockey team he’s on right?” Finn’s words tumbled out, as if he’d been rehearsing. “And he tells me he’s going to hockey, but he showers _before_ he leaves?”

Sami’s nose wrinkled. 

“Like, why would ya shower before yer going to get all sweaty and gross?” Finn explained. 

Sami nodded, still confused. 

Finn bit his lip, briefly looking away. “He’s not goin’ to fuckin’ hockey... “

The meaning of the implication fell on Sami like a sack of bricks. He always knew Seth was a mean-spirited jerk. But if he was unfaithful to the smartest, funniest and most beautiful guy on earth… Sami couldn’t come up with words spiteful enough to describe him.

He attempted to be cute instead of vengeful. “Can I come visit you if you never leave the house again?” By the grace of the universe, he earned a brilliant smile. 

The card plan was back on. 

“Yes. Only you can come visit me.” A drag was taken from the cigarette. 

“Okay. I’ll bring you spinach pizza… and we can cuddle.” Sami mumbled the last part. 

Finn groaned. “Ugh, all I want is pizza and cuddles but I have to go talk to this fuckin’ guy.”

Sami involuntarily snickered. Finn hadn’t sounded bothered at all. Maybe they _could_ cuddle someday. Maybe Seth would be gone someday. 

A text came in on Finn’s phone. He grimaced at it. 

“...He’s out front. I’m gonna go get yelled at.” Finn gave a thumbs-up. 

Sami could not find the courage to ask him to stay, or even to tell him that he deserved better. Maybe he would write it in the card. 

~

Chaos continued all throughout the night, in the form of stubborn machines or nasty customers. By the time they could lock the doors for the night, Sami and Lexi felt abused and exhausted. They crumpled into the only two chairs that hadn’t been turned upside down on a table top for a much needed break and dipped into Rebecca’s snack stash. 

Sami refused to let Lexi stay back and clean by herself, even if it meant breaking a child labor law. He assured her that the two of them could clean up extra fast, be done by 9:45, and that would only be _kind of_ illegal. 

“I can drive you home after.” She said, craning to sweep under every table. 

“Nah, I got my bike.” Sami smirked, reluctant to turn the offer down. They had discovered today that they worked excellently as a team, and he was certain that they were even becoming friends. 

“It’ll fit in the back. I gotta make a Target run, do you wanna come?” She emptied the dustpan into the trash. 

Sami blinked, now _certain_ that he couldn’t say no; not like he wanted to, anyway.

“Yeah, okay! I’d like that.” He nodded. Surely Target would have Valentine’s Day supplies, even if the goods were picked over. A text was sent to his mother to assure he did not receive a frantic phone call when he was one minute late.

The two cleaned as quickly and efficiently as possible, beating their own goal time at 9:32PM. Lexi set the alarm and closed up the store while Sami retrieved his bike, then followed her up the side street to where a massive silver F-150 pickup was parked. 

“Is this yours?!” Sami gaped. 

“Yep.” She clicked a fob on her key set and the truck lights illuminated the snow pile before it. 

“... How.” Sami stared in wonder. 

“You know how old people drive like, sitting on top of the steering wheel?” 

“Yeah?” 

“That’s how.”

“Ah.”

Sami gingerly lifted and store his bike in the truck bed, then stepped with ease into the passenger seat. Lexi climbed into the driver side, grabbing the handles on the door and inner ceiling to assist. 

“I cannot believe this is what you drive.” He chuckled after she adjusted her seat, getting as close as comfortably possible to the wheel. The car started with a _vroom!_ once the key was turned and loud rap music came screaming from the speakers. Lexi smacked the volume button off. 

“That’s how you know Finn drove last…” She rolled her eyes. “But yeah. This was my dad’s and he said I wouldn’t be able to drive it. So when he upgraded, I bought it off him.” 

Sami laughed, “That’s glorious.” 

The rumbling truck pulled away from the street, Lexi maneuvered a U-turn and headed north on Elmwood. They drove in comfortable silence for a few minutes; the low hum from the heater almost lulled Sami to sleep. 

“Did you get to talk to Finn before he left?” Lexi’s voice pierced through his drowsiness. 

“Yeah, briefly.” 

“Did… Did he say anything?” She probed. 

“He said he got into a fight with Seth.” Sami tried his hardest to sound apathetic. 

“Mmm… yeah I got to listen to that one. He was screaming on the phone. Then I tried to make him feel better and he told me to ‘mind my fucking business’.... Rough morning.” 

Sami nearly choked. Finn, _angelic Finn_ said those mean words? There was no way. 

“Oh… my gosh, that’s terrible.” He couldn’t act apathetic anymore. 

“Yeah so we were kinda feeling weird about working together.”

“Is that… is that common?” Sami asked, almost hysterical. 

“... No. I mean, everyone has bad days. I yelled back at him, y’know? It’s fine. We’ve gotten into worse fights.” She shrugged. 

Sami took a moment to consider. 

Finn and Rebecca had already become a huge part of his measly life. He spent his days texting Rebecca and nights dreaming of Finn… but here was this reminder again. 

These people were almost strangers. And there was no possible way they thought of him as fondly or frequently as he did of them. 

Every time an upsetting tidbit or anecdote was learned about one of the twins, Sami despaired. Not only due to wishing he could have _somehow_ fixed their strife, but because it made him feel like they didn’t need him. 

Look at everything they had already gone through. Look at how strong they were together; as a family. There was so much history he hadn’t been a part of. 

Sami wasn’t needed. He was never needed. 

He shook the thought from his head as Lexi pulled into the Target plaza and found the closest parking space to the door. 

“Come on, dork face.” She turned the truck off and hopped out; Sami followed. They walked up together, each one of his steps equal to three of hers. 

The store was quiet and mostly empty; fluorescent lighting a harsh juxtaposition from what could have been a peaceful shopping environment. 

Sami did his best to not dwell on sad thoughts as he pulled a red shopping cart from the corral. He leaned over the cart as they strolled and chatted; Lexi threw random items in occasionally. A seasonal aisle was set up in the middle of the store,, decked out in pink and red. Sami had stopped their progress to look at the leftover boxes of Valentine’s cards when Lexi tapped his shoulder.

“Look at this.” She held her phone screen up to his face, extending her arm high as it could go. 

The phone displayed a message window between her and Finn. A new message was at the very bottom, reading **Waiting for you at home**. The text was accompanied by a photo of Finn, looking innocent with his bottom lip stuck out, and holding a pizza box. 

Sami tried not to swoon over the cuteness. 

“This is what he does.” Lexi said, nodding as she texted back. “When he knows he messed up.”

“He gets you pizza?”

“Yeah! Or any food really. Ya know, he’s not the best with words but when he feels bad about something he did, he apologizes with food.”

“I mean, he could not apologize at all, right?” Sami offered. 

“Very true. Come here real quick.” She summoned him to her level and held her phone out in front of her face. He eagerly knelt down until his chin was at her shoulder and smiled. To Sami’s dismay, he saw on her phone that the ‘selfie’ was being sent to Finn. 

**We’re playing in target (:** he watched her type, and send. 

“Ugh, I made the worst face.” He groaned. 

“I liked it.” She continued texting. “But yeah. You should ask Rebecca, he’s always done this stuff. She told me a story one time about how when they were kids, he broke one of her toys. Totally on accident, I guess but she was crying and like, mad at him. So he asked their mom to help him bake her cookies so she’d forgive him.”

“That's so precious!” Sami laughed, pushing the desire for cookies from Finn to the back of his brain. 

“Yeah, he's cute.” Lexi smirked and went aimlessly digging in her purse. After a moment of searching she produced a grocery list, written in what Sami recognized as Rebecca’s handwriting. 

“Now what else….” She looked it over. 

While she was distracted, Sami murmured a ‘be right back’ and went to quickly investigate the seasonal aisle. The single greeting cards were all overly sappy or intended for married couples. There were some character ones for children, but none that he liked. Some had been thrown about by hasty customers and he checked on every overturned and discarded option. Somehow, there were none special for someone to give a platonic friend that they have romantic dreams about. 

Odd. 

He stood and smirked, considering perhaps heading to the crafts aisle for some colored pencils to make his own. The idea was quickly forgotten when he remembered Finn’s superior art prowess. Anything he made would surely be seen as garbage. 

Disappointment came over him like a wave and, with a hanging head, he turned around to meet Lexi where she had travelled, just a few aisles over. 

He took only one step before tripping over a box that had been left on the floor and nearly toppled to the floor with a yelp. 

“Son of a- wait, what is... “ Sami regained his balance, only to bend over to pick up the offending box. 

It was a collection of Valentine’s, like children would hand out in class, but larger in size. The back of the box said that they were all blank inside, and featured intricate designs of hearts and arrows. One was visible through the clear plastic, with purple doilies and red hearts on the cover. He looked at the price sticker and gawked- only $4 for 10. 

“Yesss!” He excitedly whispered to himself. While the original intention was to find something for Finn, he decided he could make one for his mother as well. 

And Rebecca. And Lexi. And Bayley and Charlotte. 

Before skipping over to catch up with Lexi, he couldn’t help but snatch a package of velvety zoo animal stickers to accompany his purchase. 

“Hey, there you are!” She looked up to see him quickly throw his findings in the cart. Luckily, she did not inquire. 

“Listen, the boy wants me to take you home. Wanna come over?” She asked, pointing to her phone. 

“He _does_?” Sami’s eyes widened in a moment of giddiness, before wretched reality hit him again. He sighed, “I can’t… I have stupid lame school in the morning.”

“Aw.” Lexi obviously couldn’t care less. “That’s fine. You can come over whenever.” 

“Okay,” Sami sadly agreed. There was no way his mother would allow him to hang out so late on a school night, anyway. Besides, Valentine’s weren’t going to write themselves. 

Items were cashed out and packed into the truck bed. The two made a quick french-fry stop at the Five Guys across the plaza then made their way back to Buffalo’s west side. Sami had to periodically feed Lexi fries since she couldn't take her hands off the steering wheel. 

At almost 11PM, they arrived on Sami’s street. 

“Welcome home, ginger snap.” 

Sami’s nose wrinkled at the nickname. “Thanks for drivin’ me, Lex. I wish I could come over.”

“Ah, yeah. Finn tried to get me to kidnap you. I told him you need your education.”

Sami sighed again. Protecting his future didn't seem important when Finn, of all people, was requesting his company. 

“But like… while we’re on the topic?” She spoke hesitantly as she parked the truck in front of Sami’s house. 

“Yeah?” He heard a low bark in the background; had to be Tank. 

“I been kinda meaning to talk to you about him.” She pulled the keys out from the ignition and sudden silence greeted them.

“What about?” 

If Sami had ever felt unsure or nervous before, any of those emotions multiplied by ten couldn’t have touched what he felt now. 

Did she know? Had she been reading his mind? Or worse, did Finn tell her something bad? 

“Just like… We’re friends, right Sam?” She turned to him and made a face, as if the words tasted unpleasant on her tongue. 

“I hope so.” He answered honestly. The words slurred since his thumb had found its way to his mouth. Nail biting had remained one of his worse habits. 

“Okay. ‘Cause I would want any of my friends to give me a heads up about this.” She took a deep breath. “I know… You have some feelings for Finn.”

“Lexi, wait-” He tried to interrupt; tried to keep her words from falling out into the world and making them real. He didn't want them to be real, and he _especially_ didn't want another person aware of them. 

“No, no, let me just get this out. I know you have feelings for him, and that’s totally fine. I just want you to maybe consider… letting it go. Now that’s way easier said than done, okay, yes. But trust me, you don’t wanna go any further than friends with him.” 

“Wh- what do you mean?” His eyes stung as tears welled up again. 

Admitting to the romantic feelings he had for Finn was not a thing Sami planned on doing, maybe ever. Without thinking about it, he knew he did not stand a chance at making his (literal) dreams come true. But hearing her tell him that it wasn’t even worth the effort? The hope? 

It was crushing.

“I'm telling you, he’s my brother and I love him so much. But he's kind of a trainwreck and he is not who you'd want as a partner, okay?” There was a hint of pleading in her voice. The words hurt her to say as much as it hurt Sami to hear. 

He sniffed and brushed an escaped tear from his cheek. “I don't understand, Lex.”

She paused in thought. “He tends to be very selfish… He doesn't think or care about other people's emotions. He doesn't communicate, ya know? I just… don't think he's what you should have as a first boyfriend.” 

She reached over and squeezed his thigh. “Listen to me, I don't wanna upset you. It's fine to like him. I just need you to know… Don't pursue that.”

“I’m not upset,” Sami squeezed his eyes shut; very clearly upset.

“Good boy.” She gave his leg a few hard pats. “I hope you're not mad at me.”

“Not at all.” His chest shook as he concealed a sob. It was true; he wasn't mad at her. Perhaps just mad at being unable to conceal his stupid, waste-of-time crush. 

“Alright. And just so you know, I'm not telling Beck that we talked about this. This is completely between you and me. So don’t feel embarrassed?” 

“Mhm…” He didn’t want to say anything more, save for another goodnight. Once he was out of the truck and his bike was recovered from the bed, he ran inside. Lexi didn’t pull away until she saw that he was safely inside. 

Once his mother had a chance to inspect him and assure that he was safe and sober, he bolted to the solitude of his bedroom. Sitting on the edge of his bed, Sami ignored the scratches from puppy claws at his door and finally allowed himself to cry. 

~

Sami pulled on a red cardigan come Tuesday morning; feeling festive. He was actually relieved that he hadn’t dreamt of Finn after talking with Lexi. It would have probably been a nightmare anyway.

He packed up his Valentine supplies and biked to school early so he could sit in the corner of his homeroom and write the notes, unbothered. 

During the school day, a few teachers gave out candy and expressed a desire to be lenient on homework, but with finals and college applications coming up soon, they simply couldn’t. 

Sami finished all of his notes in study hall, the finishing touches being fuzzy animal stickers strategically applied to each. 

Despite the anxiety it gave him, he tried his best to be honest in Finn’s card. The original draft was tweaked until he was satisfied.

_You make me so happy. I look forward to seeing your face every week & All I wanna do is play Lego’s with you. I hope we can be best friends for a really long time. I promise I’ll always be there for you when you need me. I know you’ll be there for me. thank you for making the simplest things feel exciting and new. Happy Valentine’s Day, love Sami. _

“Nothing gay about that right?” Sami accidentally whispered to himself at the computer table, then whipped around to see if anyone had noticed. Of course, he was practically invisible. 

The finished products were safety tucked away between two textbooks and slung over his back. He went straight to the store, fighting a stress-induced stomach ache the whole time. Surely, some cake batter yogurt would fix him up. 

He stepped into the store to the sounds of “Lovefool” by The Cardigans over the speakers. Half the tables were occupied by couples enjoying their treats, but to Sami’s surprise, every employee was huddled around the checkout counter. 

“Hey friends!” He chirped. All the girls smiled and greeted him, but the shy wave he got from Finn was what made him blush. 

“Ya got the red memo wit’out me even tellin’ ya! You look so cute.” Rebecca gushed. Her hair was French-braided with heart shaped barrettes, complimenting her red skinny jeans. Everyone else had red or pink somewhere, from Bayley’s headband to Charlotte’s sneakers to Lexi’s lipstick. Finn had a snug-fitting red cardigan just like Sami’s over his Angels & Devitt’s shirt.

“Hey look, we’re like twins!” Sami pointed to himself and to Finn, who giggled adorably. When Sami felt himself start to swoon, a quick glance over to Lexi’s disapproving face brought him back. 

“We are also like twins.” Rebecca deadpanned to Finn. It was met with brief silence at first, then the group exploded with laughs in unison.

“Sami,” Charlotte started, pulling him by the wrist to the back room, “you gotta come have one of these pink velvet cupcakes Lex made.”

Sure enough, on the prep table were the most beautiful cupcakes he had ever seen. White whipped frosting was accented with sweet raspberry syrup and edible glitter. Sami wasted no time in digging in. He broke the cupcake in half, making a sandwich so his face wouldn’t get covered in frosting. 

“Are we ‘avin’ a party?” He asked, mouth full. 

“Oh yeah. Beck’s kind of a holiday freak. Wait til Christmas, man.”

“Mmm,” Sami brushed crumbs from his chin. “Well, in that case.” 

He removed his backpack and landed it onto the table with a thud. He recovered the cards from between the textbooks and shuffled the pink envelopes they were stuffed in until he found Charlotte’s.

“Here you go!” He grinned and handed it over. 

“Oh my gosh!” She gladly accepted it. “Did you make everyone Valentines?!” 

He sheepishly nodded, and without warning, was dragged back to the front.

“Sami made everyone things!” She excitedly proclaimed, pointing at the stack of cards in his hand. 

One by one, they were passed around. 

Bayley was the first to rip her envelope open and read aloud. 

“Dear Bailz. I feel so normal and happy around you. My whole life i’ve been told that I smile too much but you smile even more than me and all it does it brighten my day up. Happy Valentine’s Day, love Sami.” She read with a hand held to her heart. 

They were met with a chorus of _awww_ before Charlotte decided it was her turn to read aloud. 

“Dear Charlotte. I haven’t known you for very long but you already make me feel so wanted and welcome in your life- something that very few people have ever done. I can’t wait to get to know each other better and hang out more. I love making you laugh and being tall with you.” 

Sami couldn’t possibly blush any redder. It was cute and heartwarming to see the girls read their cards, squeal and hug him. 

But what would Finn do? 

What would the girls think after hearing what Sami wrote to him? It was innocuous enough, sure. But would they see through his innocent ploy? 

Finn seemed to tune out from the group. Sami watched as his finger ran over the fuzzy giraffe sticker used to close the envelope. 

Lexi carefully opened hers, cooing at the tiger sticker. “Dear Lexi. I love being around you, even if its in silence or during a day full of chaos. Thank you for accepting me into your life and home and job even though I’m weird.” 

She smirked, as if to hide a smile. “Thanks, nerd.”

Rebecca gently punched her arm. “He’s not a nerd, he’s an angel.”

“He’s kind of a nerd.” Lexi giggled, “But a cute nerd.”

“Okay, me next.” Rebecca bounced on her toes as she opened hers up. “Dear Becks. Thank you so much for liking me and introducing me to your awesome family. My life is so much happier now that I know you. I can trust you with anything and you make me feel so safe. Happy Valentine’s Day, love Sami.” 

She covered her mouth with one hand and looked away. Muffled, she said “Thank you, honey.”

Sami found himself nervously swaying to and fro, both from having his sentiments exposed and in anticipation of Finn’s reading. 

“Am I last? Okay... “ Finn modestly mumbled. He removed the giraffe sticker from the envelope and stuck it to the back of his hand before revealing the card itself. He cautiously opened it and read it silently, eyes moving back and forth with each line. 

Sami never stopped staring; his breath quickening slightly. 

“Finn, you’re bad at this game!” Bayley chided. 

Finn merely glanced at her before turning back and reading the card over again. Wordlessly, and with a small smile, he handed it to Rebecca and nearly pounced on Sami with the tightest embrace. 

Sami felt his body become weightless, even as Finn's hug constricted his ribs. He felt the lean, hard frame against his own soft body as he wrapped his arms around Finn’s strong back. 

Finn stepped up to his toes to tuck himself into Sami’s neck and whispered, “I love it. Thank you,” so no one else could hear. 

Finn’s breath was cool and fresh from his spearmint gum on his ear, but Sami still felt as though the room had increased by one hundred degrees. 

The girls cooed and passed the card around as the boys held one another. 

Sami didn't mind. 

He didn't even think of the warning Lexi had heeded the day before. 

Nothing else seemed to matter while Finn’s stubbled cheek was pressed against his.


	10. Ten

Sunday, March 5, 2017. 10:03AM. 

The rest of February had come and gone in a flash for Sami. 

Outside, snow was clearing, revealing patches of mud for fresh grass to sprout up in the spring. Minute by minute, the days grew longer, giving more sunshine to melt the frozen earth. Soon it would be perfect weather to skateboard to school in only a hoodie and sneakers. 

Sami couldn’t wait.

He had loved every minute of spending Valentine’s Day with Finn, despite constant customer assistance and store upkeep. The weekend after, he was invited to a movie night with the Devitt’s, and a mall trip the week after that. He couldn’t imagine a more ideal environment than when Tye and Dana tagged along for their hangouts. He finally had a _group_ of his very own, like the enviable groups in his favorite movies. 

To both his dismay and relief, no more intimate moments were shared with Finn. It was rare that they were left alone together, and Sami’s paranoia couldn’t help but think the arrangement was on purpose. 

He thought about Lexi’s warning every day since she gave it, but simply saw too much of Finn to care. Every laugh and smile pulled him deeper into his dreaded feelings- no matter how terrifying they were. 

Wariness in his conscious mind, however, stood no chance against the persistent dreaming. 

He awoke, on the first Sunday of March, unable to remember specific details of a dream, but feeling a familiar ache he had grown accustomed to. 

Sitting up to stretch his long limbs out, Sami felt a nagging pressure in his boxer briefs. With a groan, he slumped back into bed and shot his own lower body a glare. He considered himself bedridden until he could calm down, lest he run into a family member in this state. 

So he snuggled back into his pillow and closed his eyes to attempt to remember the most recent dream. All he could imagine was the scent of Finn’s cologne and the softness of his skin when they had accidentally brushed hands at the movies-

He shuddered and decided to think about literally _anything_ else and wait for his annoyance to go away on its own. The last thing he allowed himself to notice on the subject was, begrudgingly, how frequently this was happening to him lately. 

~

A generous bowl of Lucky Charms and soy milk was poured after a refreshing shower, and Sami sat on the couch with his parents to watch basketball highlights. 

It was a nice change of pace for approximately ten minutes; before he remembered why he disliked being home. 

His parents spoke over each other, bickered over trifles, spoke nastily about strangers and tried to force his opinion on sensitive topics. The feeling was ridden with guilt, of course. His parents had always been his guide; teaching him to walk and talk and hold the door open. But as he grew older, they had become a guide for how _not_ to behave. They were beacons of bad habits and worse language. 

He told himself that surely they could change if he took over position as guide. 

But where could he begin? 

He chose to eat his cereal as quickly as possible then banish himself to his bedroom instead, but, miraculously, a text from Finn came in on his phone. 

**Hey. Need you to come over. Urgent.**

Sami balanced his bowl on one knee to reply. 

**Is everything okay? Dunno how quickly I can get there**

Ellipses flashed. 

**Yep. Need you tho. ASAP.**

“What’s wrong with your face?” Mom asked. In his concern and confusion, he must have conjured up a doozy of an expression. 

“Uhhh… Nothing wrong? Just got a weird text… I’m gonna go get ready to head out.” 

“Now, wait, hold on now!” She raised her volume considerably. “What do you mean ‘weird’ and where do you think you’re going?” 

He stood and chugged the milk in the bowl. “‘Weird’ as in my company has been requested, ‘where’ as in Abbott Road.”

“SAMI.” She yelled, startling both his father and the resting dogs. “Why do you keep going over there?! What are you getting up to?” 

His nose wrinkled. “Uh, bad movies and snacks, usually?” 

“You listen to me, Sami Zayn.” She pointed a finger _and_ whipped out the middle name- neither a good sign. 

“You are not leaving this house until you promise me that you’re going to bring these children home so I can meet them!” 

“What?!” 

“Just let him leave, hon…” His father grumbled without looking away from the television. 

“No! You barely leave the house for seventeen years now all of a sudden you’re never home!”

“I didn’t have any friends, ma?” Sami reminded her. 

“Well, I never know where you are and I never know what you’re doing! I’m sick of it!”

“Uh… I mean, I can write the address down for ya?” said Sami, alarmed to hear the twinge of an Irish accent he had accidentally picked up. 

“Promise me you’re bringing these kids home next time! This is twice that I’m asking you!” She looked to be approaching cardiac arrest. Sami chose to appease instead of think. 

“Okay, mommy, I promise. I’ll ask about it when I get there.” 

“You’d better! You’re starting to remind me of Stephen with all this attitude, you know!” 

Sami’s jaw involuntarily clenched. “I’m sorry, mommy.” He slowly backed out of the room and ran upstairs, mostly unsure of what he had apologized for. 

~

Getting dressed to leave proved more difficult than Sami had anticipated. His eyes stung as he sniffled, trying his best to stop any sobs before they started. 

Living an entire life of unpopularity had lead to being called offensive names pretty commonly, and while those hurt, nothing was more painful than being compared to his older brother. 

Stephen, as a child and as an adult, was made of every detestable trait their parents possessed. He was mean-spirited, judgemental, manipulative and intolerant. 

However, he was also handsome and gifted in every sport he tried a hand in. He hadn’t been cursed with red hair or too-long legs. Him being six years older than Sami made it hard for them to find things in common, naturally. But him mocking and belittling of everything Sami showed interest in assured that their relationship was strained, at best. 

Stephen had been the first in a long succession of bullies. 

Three years had passed since Sami had seen or heard from Stephen. Shortly after he completed basic Army training, he was stationed in Afghanistan. Every so often, he would call or send a letter home. Sami was usually mentioned or asked about, but never anything further. Mom caught him up on everything going on in Stephen’s life, even if the update was never asked for. 

It felt horrible to admit, but the three years he’d been gone had been the best of Sami’s life.

“Enough of that,” he told himself, rubbing his eyes, as if to push the tears back into their ducts. He pulled on forest green chinos that he had purchased after seeing Finn wear something similar. A nicer outfit could have been assembled, but his presence was requested “ASAP” so he paired his bottoms with a warm v-neck long sleeve. 

A final once-over was given in his full length mirror. He leaned in to examine his face, and to his delight, saw what he convinced himself was stubble growing about his chin. 

He scampered out of the house, unwilling to waste any more time. 

~

Biking was the preferred means for any destination, but with the apparent dire need for his presence, the 58 minute bike ride simply wouldn’t suffice. 

The stop to the 7 bus downtown was luckily right around the corner from the house so he patiently waited then paid his fare. That route took 15 minutes to reach the North Division and Ellicott Street bus station, where he connected to the 16 to South Buffalo. This ride was only an extra 10 minutes before passing the questionable tattoo shop that occupied the corner of the Devitt’s street. Sami listened to Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers the entire way there. “Wildflowers” made him think of Finn.

He stepped around puddles towards the house, feeling a fluttering sensation in his stomach. Finn was still refusing to reveal what was so important but assured Sami over again that nothing was wrong. 

Sami’s nerves were in full force when the dark blue house came into his vision, but almost instantly eased when he saw the living room curtains drawn back and Finn’s face poking out. He was waiting on a couch that had to be under the window. Sami didn’t remember the furniture being laid out that way but disregarded the thought when Finn blinded him with a smile. Sami’s feet picked up to a jog and stomped up the stairs. The front door flew open and in a flash, Finn sprung out and ambushed him with a giant hug. 

“I’m so glad yer here,” Finn said, muffled by Sami’s sweater. 

“I missed you!” Sami purred, wrapping his arms around the small frame. Nevermind that he had just seen Finn two days prior. 

“I miss you,” Finn agreed. “Come inside.”

Sami relished in how good it felt to hold Finn and be held; taking in his smell before his body became threateningly excited. They separated and Sami noticed fresh goosebumps had broken out over Finn’s pale skin. Surely from the chill in the air, Sami noted. 

“Are you gonna tell me what was so urgent now?”

Inside, the house and everything inside it had been turned and flipped around. The sectional couch was pushed under the window, as Sami had hypothesized, angled so it created a type of barrier from the entrance door. The dining room table had stripped of its chairs; now stood guard opposing the couch. 

A pile of blankets, pillows and a few folded comforters sat in the middle of the carpeted floor. 

Sami’s eyes widened and he turned to Finn, who bore what could only be described as a ‘shit-eating grin’. 

“Wanna make a fort?” He asked, stifling giggles. 

“YES.”

~

Sami took his sweater and sneakers off, feeling overdressed compared to Finn’s basketball shorts and tee shirt. This was the first time Sami had ever seen his bare feet, and noticed a tiny black triangle tattooed into his ankle. He intended on asking about it before noticing what tee shirt Finn was wearing. 

“Oh my gosh, is that Venom?!” He squeaked. 

Finn looked down at the comic-book inspired design. “Yeah, you know it?”

“Do I know it?!” Sami bounced. “Yeah! Spiderman has the best villains out of ANY comic!” 

“Yes, totally!” Finn’s voice raised with excitement. “I would say Batman is a close second wit villains. I was Bane and Joker da last two Halloweens, Anti-Venom before dat.” 

Sami’s brain could have exploded. He tried to think of an eloquent way to word his thoughts but failed. 

“You’re a nerd, too?!” He flailed. 

Finn doubled over laughing. “Yeah… Pretty huge nerd actually. Dats kinda why I invited you over, too.” 

“Nerd stuff?” 

Another laugh. “I t’ought maybe we could watch Star Wars toget’er if we make a fort. I been wantin’ to watch it over.” 

Sami mentally reminded himself to keep his feet on the floor. 

“Yes, please! Let’s get started!” 

~

Fort building is serious business. 

Sami brought the chairs close enough to the couch so a thin sheet could safely be draped over; creating a roof. Finn used his filled sketchbooks as weights to keep the corners in place. A fleecy comforter was spread out on the floor for extra softness. Two blankets were put aside; one for each boy. The others constructed walls, with a final comforter strewn on top to make the inside darker. 

Sami reached over to adjust the placement of some blanket corners when he was poked right under his ribs. A yelp escaped his throat which caused another fit of laughter from Finn. 

“No, I’m so ticklish!” Sami tried to scold while holding his flank. 

“Oh, you should _not_ have told me that!” Finn said with an impish grin. He threw his body onto Sami’s. 

They rolled around in the softness, howling and tickling. 

Amid turning each other round and round, Sami’s mind travelled to a strange observation. They had been hanging out together, spending endless hours in one another's company, but this was the first time he had experience such a playful side of the beautiful boy.

Finn had a habit of being closed-off and guarded; Sami thought he did it without even meaning to. He was, as his mother might say, ‘hard to read’ and sometimes came off as aloof or pretentious. It was discouraging at times, but Sami never gave up on trying to break down those walls. 

Right now, as he was pinned on his back, trying to protect his sides from Finn’s onslaught of pokes and prods, he felt as if his work hadn’t been in vain. 

In a fluid motion, Finn turned from laying beside Sami and hopped onto his waist; straddling him. He leaned down until their cheeks brushed. Sami was in the middle of pleading for mercy from the attack, laughing so hard that tears streamed down his cheeks, when Finn lightly bit on the cartilage of his ear. 

It felt somewhat painful but also intensely pleasurable in a way Sami hadn’t felt before. When Finn’s teeth scraped against the sensitive skin, Sami let out what, no matter how hard he tried to deny it, could only be described as a moan. 

Mid-moan, Sami realized what he had done and attempted to turn the noise into a gasp of pain, a laugh, _anything_ other than what it was. 

“Oh, I’m sorry!” Finn jolted up, accidentally rolling his hips into Sami. 

“Oh, nuh-no! Haha, d-don’t apolog-ize!” His words were interrupted by nervous giggles. The desperate need to ‘play it cool’ seemed impossible as Sami felt his arousal growing. 

“Me an’ my sister always bite each other when we wrestle, I’m sorry!” Finn said again. His face looked frantic. 

“Oh, no, haha!” Sami tried to think of something to say but the only phrase his brain could produce was _Get off me. Get off me. Get off me._ He just kept laughing, until it grew almost hysterical. 

Finn climbed off and pulled him up so they both rested on their knees. By that time, he had his own nervous chuckle developing. 

“You wanna pick a movie?” Finn saved them both with the question. 

“Uh, yeah!” Sami tried to wipe his brow casually; praying that he didn’t ruin any progress made. 

“Okay. Oh, and I got a thing for you.” Finn climbed out of their sanctuary. 

Sami took the moment of solitude to take deep breaths. He begged his body to calm down; to not ruin every good thing he had. The last thing he needed was to scare Finn away or make their friendship uncomfortable. Sami had zero intention of ever revealing any type of non-platonic feelings, and he refused to let his body do it for him. 

He heard thumping down the stairs and saw Finn’s silhouette climb to his knees and crawl back into the fort. In one arm, he cradled two stuffed animals. 

Sami was handed a plush black-and-white penguin with buttons for eyes and an orange beak. Finn held a plush giraffe to his chest, bearing a hopeful expression. 

“What! Penguins are my favorite!” Sami exclaimed, hugging the toy. It smelled like Finn’s bedroom. 

“Yeah. I asked Tye.” Finn bit his lip. “I dunno how you knew giraffes are my favorite.”

“I guessed! Intuition, maybe.” Sami rubbed the fluffy fur against his face. “And you could have asked me!”

“I wanted it to be a surprise... “ 

“Well, thank you!” Sami took another sniff. “Have you been planning fort building for a while?”

“Erm, yeah. I been trying to get someone to make a fort wit me but I uh, got dat for ya a while ago.” Finn shyly admitted. 

“Oh my gosh, thank you!” Sami beamed. “I love it… Why did no one make a fort with you?” 

“Well, my sister’s been kinda mad at me…” Finn rolled his eyes and crawled over to sit cross-legged right in front of Sami. 

“How come?” 

“Uh…” Finn looked hesitant, “Well we do this dumb thing where, when one of us in in da shower, ya go in wit a glass of freezing cold water and throw it on da other person?”

Sami barked a laugh. “Really?”

“Oh yeah, we been doin’ it forever. So she was in da shower the other day and y’know, I had my glass of cold water. I pulled the curtain back to throw it on ‘er, didn’t know Lexi was also in dere wit ‘er and she got the worst of it.”

“Oh, no! So she wouldn’t make a fort with you?” 

“Yeah she wasn’t down. That’s… kinda why I didn’t tell you why I wanted you to come over. I didn’t want ya to say no.” Finn shrugged. 

“I would never!” Sami exclaimed, apathetic at how eager he may have seemed. 

“So uh, I made the mistake of asking Seth to build a fort wit me. I t’ought it would be fun but,” Finn smirked. “We just ended up like, foolin’ around and havin’ sex… Den he left right after.”

Sami winced. “Wow…” was all he could offer. He started to feel offended that Seth was asked before he was, then painfully reminded himself that he _would_ come first. It sounded like they had worked out any issues they were experiencing. 

“I mean, I guess dat’s all he really wanted. Which is fine. I get like that sometimes, y’know? Everyone does.” 

“Um… Sure.” Sami tried to nod in agreeance, but couldn’t. 

The confession slipped out. “I actually, uh. Fun fact? Have never… had sex.” 

Finn’s eyebrows raised in surprise. “Oh! No way?” 

“Yeah, way!” Sami nodded. There was no way the confession was actually surprising. 

Without his permission, the next confession came tumbling out of his mouth.

“I have never… even… kissed anyone before.” 

“...Oh.” Finn said quietly, after a pause. His eyes searched the carpeted floor; as if he was looking for a comforting response. 

“Why not?” Is what he came back with instead. 

“Uh, no one likes me? No one ever wanted to kiss me.” Sami squeaked honestly. He tried to force a chuckle out. “I’ve uh, never told anyone that either…” 

He hugged the penguin to his chest. It was true; not even Tye knew the extent of his pathetic reality.

And here it was. That dreadful, all too familiar feeling. Here was the shame, the horror, the anguish that came with the confession. He had felt it a thousand times before, in his room, while writing in his journal. It was so much worse to say out loud. Now because of Sami’s giant stupid mouth, he was now giving access of this pain to the person he wanted to kiss so badly.

“Well, I hope you don’t t’ink dats a bad t’ing.” Finn said matter-of-factly. 

“What?” Sami genuinely didn’t believe what he heard. Of course it was a bad thing. Everyone else his age had moved on, had a thousand kisses by now. He was isolated in his innocence. 

Finn shrugged. “I like dat about ya.” 

“You like how no one likes me and I’ll probably be alone forever?” Sami gawked dramatically, earning a belly laugh from Finn. 

“Oh, hush. I mean… I just like it. I dunno why. I t’ink no one’s worthy of kissin’ you, if I’m honest.”

“Um.”

“I mean it.” 

Sami swallowed hard, trying to think of anything other than the near-kisses he had with Finn in his dreams. 

“Trust me, it’ll happen when its supposed to. I know dat sounds cliche and stupid. But yer in no rush.” 

Sami blinked. “It’s just, everyone else has already… and I’m like, almost an adult.” 

“Dere’s no time limit, my love.” Finn smiled contently. 

Sami bit his own lip, using the rush of pain as means to keep himself on earth. 

He found it difficult to look into the glittering blue eyes, so he looked at Finn’s feet instead. Anxious for a topic change, he was relieved to notice the triangle tattoo again. 

“Hey what is that?” He pointed. 

“Da tattoo? It’s a triangle.” Finn moved his leg so it was more visible. The plain black lines looked faded and blotchy in parts. 

“I like it. It’s like a square, but less.” Sami said, almost instantly hating himself for the goofy observation. 

“Yeah. Hitler used pink triangles to mark gay people in da concentration camps… It’s since been like, reclaimed y’know?”

 

“Oh man, I was not expecting that explanation.” Sami snorted. 

“Yeah,” Finn looked at the three lines lovingly. “It’s tiny and it may seem dumb but its just for me. Helps me remember what gay people before me fought for, ya know?” 

“Yeah... “ Sami pondered, feeling insignificant suddenly. He remembered Tye’s advice about asking Finn for help regarding his sexuality and the confusion that surrounded it. Surely now would have been ideal- they were already on the subject. 

He just didn’t feel ready. 

But the look of acceptance and happiness on Finn’s face told him that he would we ready and willing to help whenever he could. 

“Wanna make some snacks?” Finn asked, breaking the brief silence. 

Sami wondered if the emotions he held in his chest were readable through his eyes. He mentally shooed them away. 

“For sure.” 

~

In the kitchen, Sami saw his Valentines cards for Lexi and Rebecca posted on the fridge. With an excited squeal, he plucked them from the magnets that held them in place and re-read them. Finn’s was missing from the surface. 

“D-Did you keep yours?” He asked, with hesitation. He couldn’t imagine Finn would throw it away. 

“Oh yeah. I put it away in dis… I have a special, like, box dat I keep stuff in. Mementos and such.” Finn stared at his fingernails as he spoke. “But I took da sticker off and stuck it to my phone… Ya know, um. Speaking of da card, I wanted to apologize real quick.” 

“Why ever would you apologize?”

 

“Well,” Finn rolled his eyes and sighed, “I just didn’t know if I embarrassed you. Like, everyone else read dere’s out loud but I have kind of a hard time reading… especially under pressure like dat.” 

Sami held a hand up in defense. “Oh, no! No, I wasn’t embarrassed at all! I mean, I didn’t know they were gonna even do it like that… I mean, I wrote it just for you.” 

“Yeah, I know.” Finn nodded. “It’s just dat… sometimes when I read t’ings, the letters in the words make like anagrams? I t’ink dats what dey’re called... and I get really confused.”

“Oh wow,” Sami said, as if in wonder. “I’ve heard of that!” 

“Yeah I t’ink a lot of people have it… but I dunno, I feel really weird about it. Kids in school used to pick on me and shit. Call me stupid.” Finn sounded distant as he dug in the kitchen cabinets for a big white bowl, intended for a mountain of popcorn. 

Sami blinked. Even _Finn_ got bullied for something?! It was unimaginable. These people had the honor to be graced with such a wonderful presence and they squandered it away with mocking him for something he could not control?

Unacceptable.

“Okay first of all,” Sami put a pointer finger up for emphasis. “You are **not** stupid. All sorts of smart people have quirks that make them imperfect. Did _you know_ that Albert Einstein never could memorize his own phone number? And everyone thinks he’s like the smartest guy ever! Second of all-” He bent another finger back to make another point, but was silenced by Finn’s beautiful giggle and the crinkle in his eyes that accompanied it. 

“T’anks, Sami.” He handed over the giant popcorn bowl.

“Of course!” 

They fished out one of Lexi’s big cooking pots, popcorn kernels and salt from the confines of the cabinets. 

Before Finn opened the bag of kernels and set the stovetop to simmer, Sami’s curiosity overtook him. 

“Uh, Finn?”

“Uh, Sami?” He responded, looking at the pilot light under the stove. 

“Can I see your box of special stuff?” He asked innocently. 

It may have been a mistake, as Finn visibly froze up. His hand stuck in position on the heat control knob.

“Uhhh... “

“I mean, if it’s okay with you! I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have even asked, I’m just… Gah, I’m sorry, you don’t have to!” Sami repeated over and over. 

“No, no.” Finn shook himself out of his statuesque state and looked up at Sami’s pleading face. “You can see... if you want.” 

“O-Okay… I mean, if its private…”

“You’re a part of it,” Finn shrugged and summoned with a wave. 

They stomped upstairs and into Finn’s room. Sami took another opportunity to gawk at all the art on display. He had forgotten how impressive it all was. 

Finn opened his closet door, rattling the cork board that hung on it. Sami fist-bumped the B  
lor painted mannequin in the opposite corner. 

A rack of black jackets and pressed shirts were pushed to the side so Finn could climb on his knees to the back of the closet’s floor. Sami couldn’t help his prying eyes from peeking in after him. 

While Finn was searching through an old-looking footlocker pressed against the very back wall, Sami _accidentally_ took a glimpse at the well-defined buttocks seemingly presented before him. Finn’s shorts left little to the imagination. 

A nasty mixture of guilt and shame overwhelmed him and he decided to focus on the shelf of Lego’s until Finn requested his company on the floor.

With a gulp, and brushing away a bead of sweat that had formed on his temple, Sami obliged. _Lotsa new feelings today_ , he mused with misery. 

“Okay… this is my special box.” Finn pulled out from the footlocker and placed a blue cardboard box before Sami’s crossed legs. It was the size of a standard sneaker box and featured the ‘Armani Jeans’ logo on the cover. 

“And uh, I haven’t really shared this wit anyone except Rebecca… Dats why I was a little nervous, but… You helped make it so special so you can see.” Finn gazed fondly at the still-closed box. 

“Oh, coolio!” Sami squeaked. 

“See…” Finn popped the lid off the box. There was a noticeable smell that came from inside; like a masculine woody cologne. Lo and behold, Sami’s card was the first thing on top, still in envelope but missing the fuzzy giraffe sticker. 

Sami leaned in towards the box with a sniff and hummed at the pleasant scent. “What do you keep in here?” 

“Oh, various things dat are important to me.” Finn started shuffling items around. With a wink, he said “I’ve got this wonderful Valentine from the world’s cutest boy…” 

Sami giggled, wondering if his blush intensified. 

“...and ya know. I’ve got a birt’day card dat Rebecca gave me when we were kids. The acceptance letter I got from my first modeling deal.” 

Finn lifted every item as he plucked it. Sami gleefully read the card from ‘baby Beck’, as Finn referred, chuckling at the misspellings and crude drawings of them inside. 

Next, a stack of letters was removed from the box. Finn set those aside without comment and continued rummaging. 

“Ooh, what are those?” Sami’s big mouth never failed. 

“Ah… Those are… Just some letters my ex-boyfriend wrote me. Dat I still have because I’m pathetic.” Finn mumbled with chagrin. 

“Oh, Finn… “ Sami muttered. His heart sank from merely hearing news of anyone else Finn had dated. “That’s not pathetic at all.” 

Finn moved a few things around in the box until he found a Polaroid photo and, reluctantly, handed it over to Sami. 

“Dat was at our cabin last summer…” 

The photo featured Finn smiling bigger than Sami had ever seen. He was being held by a ruggedly handsome boy, about the same age, with long chocolate colored hair and soulful blue eyes. 

“That’s Chad…” Finn said mournfully. 

“He’s handsome!” Sami chirped. 

“Oh yeah.” Finn spoke fondly, but still sounded sad. “We dated for over a year straight... “

“What happened?” Sami hesitantly asked; fearful to bring up any hard memories. 

“Well,” Finn exhaled hard. “We had like a mutually agreed on break-up. He moved to Minnesota last summer, he got all these scholarships. He wants to become an Olympic wrestler and Sami, I swear, he’s gonna make the team.”

“Wow, really?” Sami swallowed his jealously. “Do you still talk to him?” 

“Here and dere, y’know.” Finn recovered the photo and admired it briefly, before sorting it away with the letters. “When he first moved, we promised to Skype every week. We did for a while, then he was busy wit’ classes and practice… He made friends and he’d go out wit dem instead of Skype wit me. So every week turned into every other week, den once a month… now I hear from him every so often.” 

“Oh… I’m sorry.” Sami said, unsure how to proceed. 

“Ah, yeah. He surprises me by callin’ me every now and den… Checkin’ on me, y’know?” He pointed to a dark blue Nike headband in the box. 

“He left this in my room the day he left. An’ he never admitted to it, but I t’ink he left it on purpose.” Finn took it from the box and, to Sami’s surprise, brought it to his face to smell. “‘Cause he definitely sprayed it wit his cologne before he left.”

That had been the source of the luxurious fragrance. Sami suddenly felt self-conscious. He decided to torture himself further. 

“You really loved him, huh?” 

“Yes.” Finn nodded, and Sami could have sworn he had been stabbed in the heart. 

Finn began arranging the box contents back where they originally rested. “Yeah, he was so good to me. He wrote me all those letters from his dorm at da university. I loved him so much… I still do, it’s just. I’m ready to move on, I t’ink.”

“Well, you did move on, right?” Sami accidentally sneered at the thought. 

“Oh, yeah for sure. Moved on to the worst relationship of my life, no big deal.” Finn said, voice thick with sarcasm. He closed the lid on his box and crawled back into his closet to safely tuck it away.

Sami watched him move the clothes in his closet back, as if he never touched them at all. 

It was then that his mouth acted independently from his brain. 

“Finn, can I tell you something?” 

_Wait, what. No!_ his brain scolded. 

“Of course, babe.” Finn looked back with uncertainty. He must have had the same anxieties about that question that Sami had. 

_Well, now you have to._

“Did you uh… did you know that me and Seth went to the same high school?” Sami proceeded with a usually-unknown confidence. 

“Uh… No, I didn’t know that.” Finn pondered for a moment, then sat back with Sami on the floor, mimicking his crossed legs. 

“Yeah, we did.” 

With a deep breath, Sami decided it was much too late to turn back. 

He had dealt with enough suffering and misery from Seth’s actions. 

There was no reason, and absolutely _no way_ he would allow the same thing to continue for Finn. 

“I just want you to know… he was really really awful to me while we were at the school together.”

Finn’s brow knit together. “What do you mean?” 

“I mean, he used to push me into the lockers almost daily. He would knock my books down and laugh with all his stupid friends. He actually punched me one time, that was exceptionally terrible.”

“Are you… Sami, are you serious?” Finn’s face had turned stoic; voice monotone. 

“I wouldn’t joke about this, Finn.” He nodded solemnly. “I saw him in the store that day we were decorating and it… messed me up. I got really upset. I think I had mostly forgotten about it since it was a while ago, but man…” 

“Why didn’t you tell me when you found out?” 

Sami thought for a moment. 

“I was scared?” He answered honestly. “Scared to think about him, scared to maybe have to confront him. I kept telling myself that maybe he changed and maybe he was good now. But I hear the way you talk about him… the way he treats you… He is not nice.” Sami shook his head. 

“Sami… you could have told me sooner…” 

“I know. And I’m sorry. I promise that I wanted to tell you. But I didn’t wanna ruin a good thing for you. But now, I mean. You _had_ a good relationship.” 

Finn flinched at the mention. 

“And now you’re with this _jerk_.” Sami spat out the meanest word he could think of. 

“You don’t deserve to be around this-this-this villain! You’re an amazing, smart, talented, awesome guy! He doesn’t deserve to even breathe the same air as you!” His hands sculpted the words as he ranted.

When Sami stopped to take a breath, he found a wounded expression stuck on Finn’s perfect face. 

“Do you really mean that, Sami?” 

“Of course I do.” He accidentally squeaked. 

Finn stared off somewhere distant; his signature lip bite showing his anxiety. 

“Sami, I can't… really express what you sayin’ dat means to me. I really wish you had told me sooner.” Finn mumbled. 

“I wanted to.” Sami felt himself pout. “I just didn’t know how.”

Finn seemed to ponder a response for a moment, but instead scooted over so they sat side by side. He gently rested his head on Sami’s shoulder.

Finn flashed his beautiful baby blues up and quietly but sincerely said, “T’ank you.” 

He reached over to take Sami’s hand and laced their fingers together. 

While his gorgeous face was still turned up, Sami summoned all of his boldness and leaned in to nuzzle their noses together. Amazingly, Finn snuggled into him and took a deep breath. 

They relaxed there together for a few moments and listened to each other breathe. Sami mentally declared that no place on earth could even compare to how perfect it was right there with Finn. 

“Wanna go watch Star Wars?” Finn asked, voice still low enough to maintain their peace. 

“Definitely.” 

~

Popcorn was prepared, burned, and prepared again while the boys talked in the kitchen. Finn blamed his mind slipping away from the stove on Gucci, who had arrived to rub her soft head on their ankles and demand scratches. She was to be the only girl allowed in the fort. 

One carried the bowl of buttery goodness while they other carried the purring cotton ball into their safe haven. They settled on A New Hope to start. 

Both boys snuggled into blankets and laid on their stomachs, shoulder-to-shoulder. They squeezed their respective stuffed animals and laid on the extra pillows strewn about. 

Finn acted horribly betrayed when Gucci chose Sami’s shoulder blades as her nesting spot. She pricked his back as she kneaded before curling into a warm circle.

The movie started and popcorn was munched and thrown back and forth. 

Only around 45-minutes into the movie, Sami cuddled into his pillows and blanket. That, combined with the low purring from Gucci and Finn’s shoulder against his brought Sami into a wonderful serenity. It wasn’t long after that that he accidentally drifted to sleep. 

The last thing he remembered hearing over the action and explosions in the movie, was the distinct scratching of pencil on paper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure if anyone reading is a fan of The Wonder Years but "Lucky Charms and soy milk" is a direct nod to their song "Logan Circle" from the album The Upsides. it's my favorite album ever and I'd recommend it to anyone.
> 
> Also, if you're having a hard time picturing it or curious about the inspiration. Finn's triangle tattoo is based off of the same one that Louis Tomlinson has. I myself have the same tattoo. (:


	11. Eleven

Sunday, March 5. 2:58PM. 

Sami awoke from his accidental nap, feeling the weight of much more than a Ragdoll on his back. 

He tried to stretch out, hearing familiar giggles above his head. Long fingernails appeared at the nape of his neck, lightly scratching.

Rebecca was laying on him; in clear violation of fort’s the ‘no girls allowed’ rule. 

“Gucci, you got heavy.” He said with a yawn.

“Meow.” said Rebecca. 

“With all the table scraps she gets, it’s possible.” Lexi’s voice chimed in. Sami squeezed his bleary eyes shut for a moment; when they opened, he saw her sitting on Finn’s back. 

“She is an angel and deserves all da world’s scraps.” Finn mumbled. He was focused on his sketch pad scratching here and there with an expensive pencil, glancing up to the movie on the laptop screen every so often. Based on the current scene, Sami estimated that he had been asleep for about forty-five minutes.

“You could have woken me up.” Sami said, slurring his words, both from sleepiness and from the sensation of Rebecca massaging his scalp.

“I couldn’t.” 

“You tried?” 

“Nah. You looked too peaceful.” Finn closed his sketchpad. 

Sami purred, staring through half-lidded eyes. His face must have been reflecting the incredible bliss he felt, since Lexi commented. 

“Look at you pretending to like girls. So cute.” She sneered. 

Sami’s body froze, as did Rebecca’s hand on his neck. 

He thought back to the out-of-place confession he had made when she caught him in a panic. Had she told Lexi? Or was Lexi just _assuming_ the way Tye had? 

“I like girls!” He spat out, voice suddenly clear, then deemed that too harsh. “I mean, I like… boys… too, I guess?” 

_Nailed it._

“You don’t sound sure.” Finn remarked. He was making _the face_ again. The face Sami first knew him for; the calculating and considering face that made him squirm. 

Sami considered lying, to make the face go away. He wanted to sound so confident and secure with himself; as if this never crossed his mind at all. 

Then again, he reminded, these were his friends. He wasn’t with his parents or the strangers at school. He didn’t have to put on a show anymore. 

“Well. It’s weird. It’s like, I know I like girls but then I see… certain boys…” He tiptoed around any accidental confession, “... and I’m like ‘ooh, boys though’. And I’ve liked girls my whole life! But it’s not the same feeling! Liking girls feels so comfortable and warm but liking boys feels like, electric and… just different! So I’unno. I don’t know what’s up with me… I’m probably rambling now and none of this makes sense…” 

“Sami, do you know what ‘bisexual’ is?” Rebecca asked, resuming her scritches on his head. 

“Uh. That’s when like, you can’t decide what you are, right?” 

“No!” All three responded in unison. 

“Sami, bisexual is where you’re attracted to both boys and girls.” Lexi explained. “It doesn’t mean you’re indecisive. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you, it doesn’t make you weird. It means you like both, either equally or one more than the either. It all depends on you.” 

Sami blinked. 

Something clicked into place. 

“Wait… really?” 

“Yes! You don’t have to chose. And it doesn’t affect who you date or end up with. You really haven’t heard any of this before?” 

Sami uncurled himself and sat up, crossing his legs. “Well, no! I’ve only ever like… I mean, I’ve seen that in movies but it was always like…” 

“The weird boys or the slutty girls?” 

“... Yeah.” 

“Dats not how it is…” Rebecca chuckled. 

“It’s super stigmatized. A lot of people don’t even think it’s a real thing. But as soon as I learned what being bisexual is, I knew that’s what I was.” Lexi continued. 

Sami stopped and pondered. 

Ever since meeting Finn, it seemed like the nights not spent dreaming of holding his hand were spent staring at the ceiling and contemplating his identity. He would relive interactions from the day, recall times he felt attracted to girls and convince himself of his own heterosexuality. Other times, he rehearsed the eventual ‘coming out’ speech he would give to his parents because of the cute boy he saw earlier. Everything felt so divisive; so black and white. 

_… Come to think of it_ he thought, coming dangerously close to admitting something he had long denied. 

It hadn’t _only_ been since first meeting Finn. 

As young as first grade, Sami recalled having little crushes on classmates, no matter their gender. He had been too young to even think anything wrong of liking the boys in his first grade class. His mind hadn’t yet been twisted and shamed by the world around. 

“Oh my gosh... “ He muttered. 

Lexi nodded patiently. “Yeah. Same.”

“That’s… that’s what I am.” Sami said, mostly to himself.

And as if by miracle, he felt both a physical and mental weight melt away. 

“Yes!” Rebecca pulled him into a hug, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. He remained stoic in thought. 

“Welcome to da queer club.” Finn rolled over onto his back, resting his head on folded arms. 

“Oh my gosh, do we get cool jackets?” Sami grinned, earning laughter from his friends.

~

The movie ended, and the fort went from a secret hideaway for the boys to a paradise for cuddles. 

Rebecca had curled up where Sami once laid, with one arm draped over her brother’s chest and Lexi lying practically on top of her. Finn had crawled closer to Sami to sprawl out by his crossed legs. 

Everyone was warm and at peace. 

Sami internally lamented over his accidental snooze earlier; now too awake to join them. Lexi’s groggy voice piped up after a few silent moments. 

“Sami, sing... “ She mumbled.

He was taken aback, and instantly flooded with nerves. 

“Um… I can’t.” 

He considered feigning a sore throat once the girls whined at his denial. 

Then Finn slowly opened his eyes and lazily pawed at the closed fist resting on Sami’s lap. 

“Please?” The perfect lips muttered. 

_Oh god._

“But… I don’t know what to sing…” 

“Something for me?” Finn requested, barely audible, but perfectly clear in the calm of their fort. The girls hummed their approval, reminding Sami of their presence. 

“For you… Okay. “ Sami thought for a moment. 

He recalled the first moment they met. While Finn did have him _wrapped around his finger_ , The Cranberries’ “Linger” was deemed too blatant. Sami chose the next best thing. 

With a deep breath, _in through the nose… out through the mouth_ , Sami watched Finn’s eyes close again as he began his serenade. 

“ _Oh, my life… is changing every day. In every possible way._ ” 

Rebecca smiled and hugged her pillow tighter when she recognized the song. 

Sami did not notice. He had imagined before that singing in front of Finn was the scariest thing he could ever do. 

Instead, staring at his resting face brought him nothing but relaxation. 

“ _I know I’ve felt like this before, but now I’m feeling it even more… Because it came from you._ ”

It was relevant.

Sami noticed a few stray hairs had fallen across Finn’s forehead when he rolled around in the fort. Summoning all the strength and courage he had left, Sami gently brushed them back. 

Finn’s fingertips aimlessly caressed the back of Sami’s hand; featherlight and loving.

“ _And then I open up and see… The person falling here is me…_ ” 

It was true.

He heard a strain of pleading in his own voice. The lyrics came out like a confession as he stroked Finn’s forehead. 

“ _And now I tell you openly, you have my heart so don’t hurt me._ ” 

It was everything Sami didn’t feel brave enough to admit. 

“ _A totally amazing mind; so understanding and so kind…_ ” 

Involuntary tears welled in his eyes as he recalled Finn’s confessions of cruelty from Seth and past schoolmates. He wanted to sing the line over and over again until Finn understood exactly how cherished and adored he was. 

“ _You’re everything to me._ ” 

He couldn’t sniff the tears away, lest he draw attention to his condition. One escaped and rolled down his cheek. He didn’t dare take his hand away from Finn’s gentle touches to wipe it away. 

“ _And, oh, my dreams. It’s never quite as it seems. ‘Cause you’re a dream to me._ ”

Almost every night. 

“ _A dream to me._ ” 

Finn opened his heavy eyelids as Sami caressed down his high cheekbone. 

He fell asleep a moment later. The girls were already snoring. 

Overcome and embarrassed by emotion, Sami placed soft kisses on Rebecca and Lexi’s foreheads and snuck out of The Devitt House. He would later tell them that his mother demanded he come home and he hadn’t the heart to wake them. 

~

Tuesday, March 7. 12:30PM. 

Sami had been called down to the school’s main office, without warning. 

While fully aware that he had never done anything wrong, never earned a detention or suspension, his mind raced with the possibilities of what he could be in trouble for.

Apologies and pleas were mentally rehearsed until he turned the corner into the office and saw his mother waiting by the desk. 

“Mommy? Is everything okay?” Worry turned to instant panic. 

“Hi sweetie!” She beamed. “I made you an appointment to get your eyes checked.”

“Now?! There’s nothing wrong with my eyes!” He said incredulously. Leaving school early sounded like absolute paradise but it seemed so unlike her to allow or encourage it. 

“They’re running a sale! You’re not gonna be under mommy’s insurance for much longer so we should go now. Unless you wanna go back to class?” She shrugged. 

“Uhh, well we’d better not miss that sale, huh?” 

She signed a paper to legally dismiss him and they scampered to the car outside. 

After seat belts were buckled and the radio was adjusted, Mom proudly proclaimed, “I’m taking you to that nice eye doctor in Lancaster!” 

“What! The one with the Keurig in the waiting room?” 

“Yeah!” 

She started the car and they pulled away. Sami noticed some students skipping class across the street, cigarettes in hand. Only a few blocks had been cleared before she took one hand off the steering wheel, grabbing Sami’s to hold. 

“I miss you, honey. I never see you.” Her voice was so warm and soft; an unexpected change from the usual shrill brashness. 

“I’m here, mommy.” He squeezed her hand. 

“I’m happy you’ve got your friends, sweetie. I just miss having you home.”

Sami’s nose wrinkled while he formulated a response. 

The whole point behind ever even applying to Angel’s & Devitt’s was to use it as a means to get out of the house. He wanted to get away from the noise, away from the invasions of privacy, the ignorance. His job there had worked for that purpose but also given him new friends and given him a reason to be around the most amazing human he’d ever encountered. 

He did not miss being in the house. He wondered if he even missed his parents, but felt too much guilt to even allow such a thought to pass. 

“I love you, mommy,” seemed like a safe and innocent enough response. He was completely at a loss for appeasing words. 

“I love you, my perfect boy.” 

He wiggled in his seat at the pet name, like a dog wagging its tail. 

“You invited your friends over for dinner with mommy, right?” 

He froze. _Oh, no._

From wrestling with Finn, to learning about Chad to education about bisexuality and singing his friends to sleep, Sami had completely forgotten the promise he made. Even if he had remembered to ask… How could he? What if they thought he was strange? Surely no one else was so attached to their parents the way he was. 

“Oh, yeah for sure.” Escaped his lips without permission. 

_FRICK._

He had been hoping that she would have forgotten the proposed ultimatum, since it hadn’t been mentioned for a few days. 

“Wonderful! What time are we doing it? You can help mommy make sauce.” 

“Uh… I didn’t ask about a specific time?” He dug the lie deeper. “They’re busy a lot this coming week… y’know with Saint Patrick’s and all.”

_First, lying. Now you’re stereotyping your friends?!_

“Well, what about next Saturday! The day after Saint Patrick’s Day.” 

_Quick, quick. Think of an excuse. Go, go, think, think. Three seconds, think, two, quickly, um, one-_

“Yeah, that sounds great.” 

_UGH._

He stared out the window and imagined what excuse he could conjure up to get himself out of this mess. 

Lancaster was a wealthy suburb just outside of Buffalo. The half-hour drive took them through fields of corn, masses of acres of land, extravagant houses and local shops. It seemed so much quieter than their Buffalo neighborhood; so much happier. 

The optometrist office was easy to miss, hidden in a plaza with a candy store and a pharmacy. Sami helped himself to a free Keurig hot chocolate and small talk with the cute girl at the desk. 

He was quickly helped and invited back to the doctor’s office. His mother joined him without asking and looked through every cabinet and drawer while they waited.

After a routine checkup and an overly-friendly doctor who was _so sure!_ that Sami played basketball, it was revealed that his vision wasn’t nearly as flawless as he thought it was. A prescription was assigned, leaving only the task of picking eyeglass frames.

~

“Mom, I can’t do this.” 

“Just get what you like!” 

“Everything looks like trash on me!”

“Sami Zayn! What an awful thing to say! What’s wrong with those ones?!” She shrieked, earning sideways glances from other patients in the lobby. 

Sami gave the squared frames she pointed to a try. They fit comfortable, would match any outfit, but what he found most appealing was how the solid black seemed to hide his face. He told himself that if he settled on these now, he could go to work and see Finn sooner. 

_Sold._

~

Thursday, March 9. 6:32PM. 

“... and he’s probably gonna come to my house and smother me and stab me and then crossfit out my bedroom window without a trace!” 

“You mean _parkour_ out your window?” 

Tye was in Sami’s bed, tucked in and hugging his Bambi pillow while Sami paced circles on the floor. Butterfly was curled in Tye’s lap while Tank lay on his feet. They had the house to themselves while Sami’s parents were out shopping. 

Tye hadn’t been updated on what had been going on with Sami and Finn. It wasn’t being omitted out of privacy reasons; more because Sami didn’t think it was of any importance. Sure, his heart fluttered at even the mention of the other boy’s name, but there was no way anything would _actually_ come of it… so why mention it? 

But the day in the fort had been too much, and no amount of screams into his pillow or scribbles in his journal could appease the fantasy he had invented of Seth Rollins finding out that he sang Finn to sleep and actually murdering him. 

Tye wasn’t convinced. 

“First of all broh, he’s not even gonna find out. Secondly, he’s probably too busy pourin’ baby oil on ‘imself to care. Thirdly, why were you even gettin’ so close to Finn, dude, if you’re this worried?!” 

“I dunno, it just happened!” Sami shrieked. “We were playing in the fort and ended up getting really personal and then I fell asleep and the girls came home and everyone was snuggling and I just like… couldn’t help it.” He slumped into a puddle on the floor. Tank growled at his sudden movement. 

“Don’t you think you’re overreacting? It doesn’t sound that serious.” 

“But it _felt_ super serious.” Sami groaned, rubbing his eyes. 

“Well you worked together Tuesday right?”

“Yeah?”

“What was that like?”

Sami sighed. “He didn't even acknowledge it happened… just like last time.” 

“ _What last time?_ ” Tye said frantically. 

“It was nothing!” Sami yelped. 

“That doesn't sound like nothin’!” He shook his head dramatically. 

“It was… okay.” Sami sat up. “It was at the Monopoly party and we were playing with his kitty and got super close and like…”

Tye's eyebrow raised. “Go on?” 

“Just…”

At a loss for words for how to describe the intimacy, Sami crawled over to his own bedside where his friend lied. 

“Like this.” He said quietly, and invited himself to press their noses together; recreating the moment he had with Finn. 

Tye did not shy away from the contact, nor did he freeze up or act weird. He allowed himself to be nuzzled into, pressing their foreheads together. 

Sami reclined back. “We did that.” 

“Well, well... “ Tye sounded shocked. “I leave you alone for one day and you’re already snugglin’ up with the hottest Irish import since Guinness itself? I’m proud.”

“Oh my god, shut up… and move over.” 

Tye scooted as close to the edge of the bed as he could, earning another growl from the dog resting on top of him. Sami stepped over the animals to nestle his body between his friend and the wall. 

“Alright, alright.” Tye started once Sami had settled in. “All joking aside… What’s going on between you and him? Are you tryna become like, _the other man_ or what?” 

“What!” Sami squeaked. “Absolutely not! And there’s nothing between us at all, so it doesn’t matter.”

“Mmm.” Tye made a skeptical face. 

“What. What is that.” 

“Mmmm.” The face deepened. 

“Tyson Ronald, what does that mean.”

“I just think… maybe… you wouldn’t be having such a hard time with all this if you opened up about it.” 

“Dude I’ve been yelling about this baloney for forty-five minutes!” Sami’s hands flailed towards the ceiling. 

“But you’re not being honest.” 

“Do you want to fight right now!?” Sami nearly screeched.

“You’re not telling me what’s going on! And I think you need to just say it out loud! For _your_ own sake.” Tye slowed the sentence down, making the faint Canadian accent in his voice more prominent. 

Sami’s hands fell to his sides. He blinked, understanding but not appreciating the direction Tye’s attempt at coercion was taking. 

“No.”

“Just say it.”

“I can’t.”

“Bet.”

“No, Tyson! No bet! You’re asking me to say it out loud and I flippin’ can’t say it.” 

“Dude, I already know what’s happening, just say it so we can move forward!” 

“NO.” The hands flew around again. “Because if I say it, that makes it real and that means I have to deal with it and acknowledge it, and then you’re also aware of it and it’s not just me and what if you ask me about it and-” 

Tye snatched one of the hands from mid-air to hold it steady. He could have continued his persuasion, but kept silent for that moment, squeezing Sami’s hand until he calmed down. 

“Come on, now.” 

“I really, really like him _a lot_ , dude.” Sami whimpered. 

“Well that’s okay…” Tye released the hand. “‘Cause he likes you back a lot.”

Sami scoffed. “Yeah, right. Are you insane?”

“Uh, are you blind?” He picked the volume back up, making his voice shrill. 

“N-no! But he’s dating that jerk and even if he wasn’t, there’s no way he’d ever… Ugh.” Sami’s sentence turned into a disheartened growl. 

_... want me._

Tye rolled his eyes. “Alright, whatever bro… Are you going to their party tomorrow?” 

“I wasn’t really invited.”

“What the fuck, why?!” 

“Well…” Sami ran his hands down his face, grateful for a subject change. “I mean I _was_ but it was strongly implied that I wouldn’t have fun.”

“Why not?” 

“I mean, I don’t drink so everyone else would be shaggin’ nines and doin’ lines and I’d be the awkward penguin in the corner with a Diet Coke so-”

“Wait, what now?” 

“... Well y’know, I don’t drink so I’d be the only guy there not turning up or whatever.”

“No, the… the lines and nines bit?” 

“Oh.” Sami cleared his throat. “I heard Finn say that once and it kinda like, stuck in my brain… Anyway, no I’m not going to the party.”

Tye stretched his limbs out and shook his head. “You are just… a treasure.”

~

Saturday, March 10. 12:15PM. 

_I can like whoever I want basically. It doesn’t matter if they’re a boy or a girl, I can like them. It’s incredible. I don’t have to freak out or pick a side or anything crazy like that. And I did some searching, a ton of people are bisexual! David Bowie and Angelina Jolie and Wonder Woman! I had no idea. It’s so amazing that so many people just want to love and they don’t have to feel pressure to be a certain-_

Sami busily scribbled a journal entry with neon blue pen when a text came in. His phone was sat on the bedside table and he turned it to check the screen. 

**Can you come in, please? I need you.** it read. It was from Finn, who Sami knew was opening the store today. He thought for a moment. His glasses were due to be picked up today, but that was his only other activity planned. He texted back a quick ‘please hold’ and put on his best puppy face to go ask his mother for a ride. 

~

 **I’ll be there soon I promise. Are you okay?** Sami texted back after much begging and an exasperated shout of _you’re lucky you’re so cute!_ from his mother. 

**I just really need you here with me.**

Sami’s stomach flipped over. 

What could possibly be wrong? Clearly this was an issue that Finn’s sister or roommate could not solve. 

Sami’s knee shook during the entire drive back out to Lancaster. 

Once there, he collected his new glasses while Mom paid. The technician adjusted the arms to fit his face perfectly. 

Putting panic aside, once the glasses were on, Sami looked in every direction around him, as if seeing the world for the first time ever. He gawked at traffic and buildings while walking back to the car, apathetic of how goofy he may look. Colors had never been so vivid before. Shapes so well defined! His mother was even more beautiful than he knew. 

A headache threatened to form behind Sami’s eyes on the drive back to Buffalo. But Fleetwood Mac was playing in the car and a Tim Hortons stop was made so he couldn’t even dream of complaining. 

She parked in front of Angels & Devitt’s at nearly 2PM. Sami went to bounce out of the car quickly as possible, nerves at an all-time high. 

“Aren’t you forgetting something, Sami Zayn?” 

He paused and instinctively searched the floor of the car. Phone, _check_ , wallet, _check_ , keys, _check_.

“I don’t think so, mommy, I didn’t bring a bag or any- Oh.” 

He leaned over and kissed her presented cheek. 

“Thanks, mommy!” And practically flew from the car. 

Stepping inside, he was greeted by the door chime but no handsome Irish boy. It was almost silent, with only the whirring of the machines to listen to. 

“Hmpf... “ Sami walked to the back room and searched around. The prep table hadn’t been touched, the mixes hadn’t been filled… Nothing looked different than it did when he had closed the store fifteen hours ago. 

“Finn?” He called. The door to the backyard was closed and locked. 

“Mmff... “ A familiar sounding grumble responded. 

“Finn, where- Oh my gosh!” 

Finn was curled into a ball underneath the paperwork desk. Sami had walked right past the office without noticing him due to the cardigan he had pulled over his head like a shield. 

“Finn!” Sami scrambled to the floor and crawled over, gingerly pulling the sweater down. 

Finn looked more unkempt than Sami could ever imagine him looking. His hair was mussed this way and that way, eyelids heavy and dark. The only color in his face were two nasty scrapes, one across his forehead and one on the bridge of his nose.

“Sami…” He cringed at the exposure of light. “I’m so fuckin’ hungover.” 

“You’re- what! Oh my gosh, Finn, get out from there, come on.” Sami reached under the desk, placing his hands under the other boy’s arm s, gently pulling him out from his hiding place. He helped Finn to his wobbly feet. 

“How did you even get here?” Sami tried to whisper despite his hysteria. 

“Bayley dropped me off.” Finn shook out his whole body and squeezed his tired eyes shut for a moment. Now that was talking more, the room took over the smell of stale alcohol leftover on his breath. 

“Your face is all scritched.” Sami moved to touch the scratches but restrained himself. 

“I fell…” came out like a groan. 

“Okay… oh my gosh, Finn.” Sami thought fast. There was a 7-11 just a block up from the store, and an organic grocery store across from that. 

“Okay listen Finn. I’m gonna leave you again but only for a few minutes, okay? I’ll be right back, I promise!” 

“Whyyyy... “ Finn folded his arms on the prep table so he could rest his head on them. 

“I’ll be right back! Don’t move! And don’t fall asleep!” 

Only another whine was given in response. Sami deemed that good enough and ran outside, turned the corner and sprinted to the 7-11. 

He grabbed a shopping basket and frantically ran through the aisles, grabbing Neosporin, Band-Aids, antibacterial wipes, a packet of Advil and a cold water bottle. He searched the salty snacks for the same peanut butter crackers his mom always got him when he was sick, tore a bag off the peg, then ran to the beverage cooler. 

Unsure of why he had this random knowledge in his brain, he chose a ‘Rehab’ edition Monster Energy since those were supposed to be helpful for hangover recovery. _Did Dana tell me that?_ he pondered for a moment before shaking the thought away and running to cash out. 

Twelve dollars later, Sami skipped over to the grocery store across the street, making a bee-line for their hot bar. His head was starting to feel woozy from the new glasses but he soldiered on, picking a fresh breakfast bagel sandwich from the bar. 

Before checking out, he double-taked the desserts and could not resist snatching up a container of vegan peach cupcakes. 

He power-walked back to the store and straight up the ramp to the back, finding Finn still nestled in his own arms, lightly snoring. It was a miracle that no customers had come in. 

“Come on, Finn, wake-y up-pey!” Sami chimed as he set the bags on the table. Finn snorted awake. 

Sami fetched the water from the 7-11 bag and removed the cap. 

“Here, drink. You're probably dehydrated.” 

Finn whined some more, like a wounded puppy. 

“Come on,” Sami gently placed a hand on the back of Finn’s neck and guided the mouth of the bottle to his lips. Finn drank greedily. 

Being this close, Sami could still smell the intoxicating cologne underneath the alcohol remnants. He helped Finn drink until the bottle was empty. 

“Good. Okay I got you a sandwich, you need some substance in your tummy.” He unwrapped the sandwich and blew on it so it wasn't too hot. Without asking, he brought it to Finn’s lips so he could take a small bite. 

Finn chewed a couple bites, seeming to perk up and improve with each minute passing. He hadn't spoken a word since Sami got back. He only stared, dreamy doe eyes half lidded and glued to Sami as he was cared for. 

The doorbell chimed. 

“Ooh. I’ll get that, okay? Keep eating.” Sami wanted to kiss Finn’s forehead but instead squeezed his shoulder and skipped to the front to greet and cash out the customer. 

After a particularly annoying and difficult interaction with the customer, Sami shook off his annoyance and returned to Finn. 

The sandwich had been finished and the energy drink cracked open. Finn’s eyes looked more open now; more present. 

“Are you feelin’ okay?” Sami dared to rub little circles on the muscled shoulders. 

“Did you know… “ Finn grumbled, cleared his throat. “... that you were hired to replace me?” 

Sami smirked. “No… I didn’t know that.” 

“You remember…” Finn chugged the rest of the drink in one swig. “... when you first met Rebecca and she was tellin’ you about me an’ she said I was ‘sick’.” He lazily finger-quoted. 

“Yeah…” Sami already did not like whatever story he was about to be told. 

“I was sick.” Finn nodded. “I was in da hospital ‘cause I nearly drank me’self to death on New Years.”

Sami’s stomach dropped. 

“Wha-what, why?” 

“I just… got outta control. I passed out at some random bar. T’ank fuck Charlotte was dere and dragged me body to her car and called Rebecca… I had to get my brain scanned and assessed to make sure I didn’t get brain damage an’ I wasn’t suicidal or any o’ dat.” he said, a signature lip bite accenting the words. 

“I mean…” Sami tread lightly. “Were you?” 

“Maybe.” A shrug. “Not sure. I may have just been really thirsty.” He managed a chuckle. Sami continued the little massage on Finn’s back and let him talk. 

“But like… after dat, my parents were ready to deport me… Again.” He rolled his eyes. “Dats dere answer to everyt’ing I guess. But Rebecca begged ‘em not to send me away. So they said ‘well, you’re takin’ care of ‘im if you want ‘im here so bad’. So she took me home, hired you so I could relax and not work… and den you ended up takin’ care of me, too.” He finished the story with a smile, still managing to be devastatingly gorgeous in this state. 

It was Sami’s turn to smile. “I like taking care of you… speaking of. C’mere.” 

Sami dug through the 7-11 bag, producing the antibacterial wipes, the Neosporin and the Band-Aids. He washed his hands, tore the package of wipes open and ever so gently began cleansing Finn’s face, as if he were a baby, incapable of doing it himself. The originally white wipe ended up yellowish-brown from whatever dirt and sweat had caked on Finn’s face. 

“Okay, nice and clean… Now I gotta put some of this on here.” Sami opened the Neosporin tube and squeezed some onto his fingertip before gently dabbing it onto the nasty scrapes. It probably wasn’t necessary to bent down and lean into Finn’s face to apply the stuff, but he wanted to be thorough. 

“It still hurts really bad…” Finn whispered. Sami could feel his breath against his own lips when he spoke.

“This has a pain reliever right in it. Fix ya right up.” Sami whispered back, now entirely too aware of how close their faces actually were. He wasn’t bothered enough to move away, however. 

Ointment was applied all across Finn’s nose, like paint on a footballer. Sami then carefully unwrapped two bandages and stuck them, X-shaped, on the pained forehead. A third was gently stuck over the perfect nose. 

“There ya go.” Sami beamed at his work. Color had started to return to Finn’s face; his cheeks and lips looking rosey once again. 

“It still hurts though.” Finn lamented. 

“Yeah,” Sami nodded. “It might take a few minutes for the stuff to seep in and start feelin’ better.” 

Finn sniffled. “Well… when I was a kid, my mum would always kiss where ever I got hurt, den it wouldn’t hurt anymore.”

“My mom did that too!” Sami bounced. Maybe it wasn’t weird to be close to his parents? 

“Um... Yeah.” Finn’s eyes searched the floor. “It still hurts…” 

The realization clicked. 

“... Oh!” He tried to mask the deep breath he took to steady himself as a cough.

With one hand on the prep table and the other on Finn’s shoulder, assurance that he wouldn’t fall over, Sami leaned in and placed a soft kiss, first on Finn’s forehead where the bandages crossed, then on the tip of his nose. 

When he stood up straight again, his hands had started trembling so badly that he had to shove them in his pockets so his nerves weren’t so conspicuous. 

Phantom feelings of Finn’s cool skin under his lips remained. He resisted the urge to lick and chew the sensation away. 

Finn, on the other hand, looked relaxed and pleased for the first time that day. He smiled slyly. 

“Ya know… when I fell, I think I fell kinda funny on my wrist.” 

“Did you?” Sami croaked. 

“Yeah… hurts.” Finn held the offending hand up, wrist limp as if it were broken. 

“Oh… I got it.” Sami nervously forced a laugh out and took Finn’s hand in both of his own. He kissed the inside and outside of the wrist, earning a giggle from the person attached. 

“Better?” 

“Yeah… That feels better. But y’know,” Finn rolled his eyes, as if something was irritating him. “I’ve got TMJ real bad… makes my jaw lock up like… right here.” 

He delicately rubbed under his cheekbone, the same spot Sami had touched days earlier. 

Trying to mask a shudder of a breath, Sami ducked to place a chaste kiss on the stubbled cheek. His glasses pressed against Finn’s temple, smudging them. 

He stood up straight and felt his teeth chatter involuntarily. The usual flutters he felt in his stomach when he was close to Finn had turned into knots. He tried to remain cool. 

“You’re… all better now.” He forced a smile, clenching his jaw. He didn’t know when his fingers had started drumming on the prep table, but the sound seemed deafening amongst the quiet. 

Finn hummed happily and Sami dreaded that he would invent another injury. 

“Y-you wanna come up front with me and j-just hang out until you feel okay?” Sami spat out. 

“Oh, I feel fine now.” Finn shrugged. “You look very handsome, y’know.”

 _Don’t…_ Sami’s subconscious pleaded as he felt his own cheeks redden. 

“Oh… gosh.. Th-thank you.” Nerves climbed down to his knees, making them as weak as his head was dizzy. 

“Your glasses.” Finn pointed to his own eyes to acknowledge. “They look good.” 

“Ha ha ha…” Sami forced out and squeezed his eyes closed for a moment. “Do you wanna g-go up from- I mean, front… now?” 

“Okay.” Finn chugged the last drops of his drink and lead the way, leaving Sami trembling. 

 

~

Yogurt mixes were filled, the floor was swept, customers were helped and counters were wiped while Finn sat a table, taking up two chairs, resting his feet on one. It appeared as though he had accomplished zero work chores in his inebriated state and had no intention of changing that. Sami picked up the slack, assuring an apathetic Finn that he didn’t need any help. 

He turned the radio on after quickly accomplishing an hour’s worth of work in twenty minutes. 

“Hey erm, I forgot to tell you something else.” Finn muttered, as if to himself. It didn’t matter how quietly he spoke however; Sami was always there to listen. 

“Yeah? What’s up?” He answered without looking up from the cash drawer he was counting. 

“I broke up wit’ Seth last night.” 

Sami accidentally dropped the quarters in his palm as a laugh, which sounded more like a gag, escaped his throat. He looked at Finn, bewildered, who was sat now with his arms crossed and a pompous expression on his perfect face. 

Despite himself and without explanation, Sami started laughing hysterically. Surely later he would ask for the story, an explanation. He couldn’t wait to ask what the final straw was; eagerly and quietly hoping that it was his own story about Seth that caused them to divide. 

As if on cue, the radio kicked on, and Pete Townshend’s “Let My Love Open The Door” began to play.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did y'all know Pete Townshend is also bisexual? 
> 
> anyway, sorry for the delay on this guy. I've been pretty mentally unwell the past month and kinda threw myself into work as a distraction, instead of doing the one thing that makes me happier than anything else, which is writing this fic. I promise I'll try my best to do better. 
> 
> Also- not sure if anyone reading is a fan of the movie It (both 1990 or 2017 version) but Sami's glasses are 100% based on Richie Tozier's glasses. Particularly the 1990 Richie, played by Seth Green. 
> 
> what can I say, I love me a redhead.


	12. Twelve

Thursday, March 16. 9:00AM. 

**Discuss an accomplishment, event or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others. Limit 650 words.**

_Loneliness and rejection are no strangers to me. I have seen myself mimicked, my beliefs mocked and heard endless slander and slurs hurled in my face. For the longest time, the actions and words of my peers left me brokenhearted. Feeling dejected, I would stay in my room for days at a time without a conversation or interaction, lost in self pity. After a while, this became routine. I would attempt to branch out, get hurt, and suffer in silence. Misery was my only companion for seemingly endless years. It took a hard-earned realization at the young age of sixteen for me to see the truth I had long fought to deny: I am an outcast. While this confession surely sounds dramatic, I have found solace in it. It comforts me, serving as a protector from the inevitable harm that may come from trying to fit in. I have spent so much time attempting to perfect the art of conforming, desperate to be anything other than myself. At times, I had even practiced different ways of speaking in the mirror, spent money on new clothes to help me blend in. Not long after realizing what I am, I asked myself why? Why should I worry? Why be so absorbed with appearing desireable to those I do not care for at all? This changed me and my outlook on the world drastically. I no longer feel a need to be a part of something that bends away from where I belong. I do not fret over the opinions of strangers, even though the thought of someone thinking the slightest negativity about me once would have shattered my heart. I have discovered that I do not need to meld or bend over backwards to please those who would not do the same for me. With this attitude, I have found peace, and through a beautiful serendipity, found other outcasts, other outsiders, to keep company with. Together we are completely ourselves and happy being such. The journey to this discovery was a challenging one, but it has made me into a stronger version of myself. I know now what, and who, matters the most to me, and I could not be any more grateful._

“Dude that’s depressing as fu-” Tye looked over his shoulder into the kitchen where Mom cooked. “... as ever.”

“What do you mean?” Sami threw his arms up. “I’m empowered!” 

“It’s sad!” Tye gestured to the document on the laptop, open on the dining room table. “Although I hear colleges do enjoy a sob story?” 

“Dude, I worked my butt off on this! And it’s all true! It’s like, _about you_ how could you dislike it? You like everything about you!” 

Mom came into the living room, balancing two plates and a mug of hot coffee. She set the plates, one stacked high with fluffy pancakes and another with bacon and a vegetable omelette in front of Tye. She handed him the mug. 

“Don’t tell your mother I’m giving you coffee!” She kissed his temple and returned to the kitchen. 

“Thanks, Mrs. S!” Tye yelled back and dug into the pancakes, dripping with syrup. 

Sami sighed and sipped his orange juice. “Have you started your essay?” 

“I dunno,” Tye replied, mouth full, “Have _you_ started my essay?” 

“Oh my god.” 

The guys weren’t exactly sure what a “Superintendent's Day” was, other than it was a free day off from school. Sami’s dad had just left the house for a week-long business trip out of state that morning, and it didn’t feel right to leave his mother all alone. So Tye was invited over for breakfast. 

Sami had already explained, in a harsh whisper voice, the tragedy of lying to his mother about planning a dinner date. Tye was not willing to assist the struggle and attend the dinner in case of emergency. 

“That’s my anniversary, broh, I can’t.” 

“Since when?!” Sami said, after nearly choking on a stolen pancake bite. 

“Since a year ago, are you heartless?” 

Sami grumbled and snarled, marveling at how he managed to always do the wrong thing. 

“Hey, man. Good things happen for you when I leave you alone.”

There was a dramatic groan. 

~

Friday, March 17. 8:32PM.

“Hey loser.” Lexi stomped to the back as Sami was cutting strawberries, singing quietly along to Journey. 

“Hey beautiful.” He said back with a smile. 

She rolled her eyes, feigning disgust. “Listen I wanna get a group together to go see Beauty And The Beast. What are you doing tomorrow? That’s when Rebecca wants to go.” 

“Ooh fun! I don’t think I’m doing any- oh wait.” Sami chirped, then remembered. Tomorrow was the day he had agreed to bring the Devitt’s to his house. 

They were still unaware of this promise. 

“What, did you forget that you have like, chess practice then.” 

Sami felt his lips go flat at the remark but chose not to mention his avid enthusiasm for the chess club in freshman year. 

Lexi was his friend, surely, but she was neutral enough that he thought her opinion would be a safe one to ask. He paused “Separate Ways” so he wouldn’t miss Steve Perry’s insane high notes.

“I um… Can I tell you something?”

“Oh my god.” She groaned but invited the confession. 

 

“I… uh well…” His eyes searched the floor. 

As if on cue, the front door swung open, bell chimed, and the twins stormed the back, decked from head to toe in green. 

“What’s up, bitches!” Finn screamed, much too loud for indoors. 

His jeans were green plaid, his feet covered in green canvas Vans, and the snug green tee shirt he wore read, brazenly, “Kiss Me I’m Irish”. 

Sami gulped.

Rebecca had a matching green plaid mini-skirt, with thigh-high striped socks leading to black flats, accented with Irish flag pins. Her tee shirt was cropped and read “100% Irish”. Sami briefly became concerned that she would be cold all day. 

“Woah!” Lexi called out defensively. “You didn’t do matching shirts?” 

“I wanted to but he’s too fuckin’ stubborn!” Rebecca pointed to her brother. 

“We got matchin’ faces, why do we need matchin’ shirts!” Finn snapped back. 

“Why is that the one you chose, though?” Lexi gestured up and down over Finn’s outfit. 

“Yeah, like anyone would wanna kiss dat fuckin’ face.” Rebecca laughed. 

Finn huffed, acting offended. 

“Sami likes kissin’ my face.” He said arrogantly, nose in the air. 

The sentence hit Sami like a bullet, and he instantly dropped the knife he was using and choked over the air in his lungs. He knew he had only a split second to decide how he was going to react to save the situation and only two options: Start crying and confessing feelings or keep the mood light and comical. 

Through a gasp of air, he chose the latter. “I sure do, bud.” was croaked out as he patted his own chest. 

Another chime from the front door went off as Charlotte came inside. She walked into a chorus of greetings and cheers. She bowed, like an actor to her audience. Her outfit was nowhere as over-the-top as the twins’, featuring only green bows in her braids, with casual work-out gear.

“Okay, okay.” She started, without acknowledging everyone. “The car is parked. Sami’s here. _YOU_ owe me a story, asshole.” She pointed to Finn. 

Finn nodded, turning to Sami. “I promised not to spill da beans on the Seth story before you could hear it too. So she made us drive here before going to the bar.” 

“Ooh.” Sami pulled his plastic gloves off. “Okay, you have my attention, sir.” 

“Alright.” Finn stretched his arms out, like one would before exercising. “So I go to his house, yeah? An’ I been dere a few hundred times, y’know. His roommates are there, like playin’ video games er whatever. He’s got one hot roommate and one is like, kinda greasy and weird. Anyway.” 

Sami leaned onto the table and folded his arms, giving his full attention to the perfect boy. Lexi rested her arm on Sami’s back, in a rare display of intimacy. 

“An’ he wasn’t invited to da party so he was bitchin’ dat he wasn’t gonna get laid for like a whole two days. This was after we’d already been fightin’ all week so me an’ Lex created a master plan.” He pointed to his temple to accentuate the _master plan_.

“Now not to be gross or too in-depth but we had like, really wild sex and he was lovin’ it and we were goin’ at it for over an hour.” 

Sami swallowed the lump that had crept up his throat. 

“So he finishes and I manage to finish because I was like, uh, thinkin’ about someone else da whole time.” Finn cleared his throat. “TMI, I guess?” 

Charlotte barked a laugh. “I miss Chaddie too.” 

Finn paused to sigh and clutch his chest dramatically before continuing. 

It felt as though a thousand knives were stabbed into Sami’s heart. 

“So he goes,” Finn plugged his nose to imitate Seth’s nasally voice. “‘Wow, that was amazing, what has gotten into you!’” 

Back to the low, rumble of his own voice. “An’ I get dressed and say, ‘oh did’ja like dat? I’m glad. Remember it well ‘cause yer never gonna fuckin’ touch me ever again’.”

Charlotte interrupted with a ‘Woo!’ and a clap. 

“So Lexi was waitin’ like at the store a few blocks away so when I texted her da heads up, she was waitin’ outside the house. I casually strolled out, in front of his roommates, and he actually didn’t even bother gettin’ fully dressed. He ended up chasin’ me out the house and down da block a few houses in his fuckin’ boxers.” 

Finn was met with applause from everyone except Sami, who hadn’t felt normal since the ‘thinking about someone else’ comment. 

“I blocked his phone number and as far as I’m concerned, he’s dead.” Finn casually shrugged. 

“Bravo, lad.” Rebecca clapped him on the back. “You made a good choice for da literal first time in yer whole life.” 

“I t’ink I’m gonna keep it up.” He nodded. 

Sami’s hand covered his entire mouth, his eyes hyper-focused on the sink across the room. It was an innocent enough place to stare, until a shadow eclipsed his frame of vision.

“Are you proud of me?” 

Sami raised his eyes then winced when they were met with the baby blues he adored so much. He reminded himself how to speak. 

“Of course I am. I told you I was proud of you the day after!” 

It was true. 

After had Sami had stopped laughing, he congratulated Finn over and over, but didn’t dare pry into the reason behind the split. He was both too scared to hear that his story about Seth caused it, and too nervous to be told that it was anything else. 

“I don’t remember you ever being single, though, like… What are you gonna do?” Charlotte asked, sounding half serious. 

Finn made a face. “Hmm. I mean, tonight I’m probably gonna go have some anonymous sex and den uh… Yeah dats all I got. Dats my plan.” 

Sami must have visibly cringed as well as mentally. Finn leaned into the table to force eye contact. He rubbed circles into the back of Sami’s hand with one finger, same as he had done at the fort. 

“D’you think we can get married when I’m done bein’ a slut?” He muttered. 

Sami panicked, eyes flicking to each girl surrounding them. Was Finn being serious or teasing? People are watching! Why did he call himself that mean name? Unacceptable. 

“Aw, don’t say that about yourself.” Sami’s voice came out hoarse. 

“But can we?” Finn persisted. 

_Ah, jeez._

“I mean,” Sami forced out a chuckle. “I’m not doin’ anything next week.” 

The girls all laughed, making him feel safe, despite the thunderstorm going on in his chest. 

Finn kept staring with the doe eyes, making Sami anxious, wondering if he could see into his thoughts. 

Sami avoided staring back, an action he knew was bizarre. He did allow himself one look at the healing scratches on Finn’s face, and wondered if Chad ever nursed him and cared for him like he had. 

He bit his lip to keep from cringing. 

_... I was thinkin’ about someone else da whole time…_

~

Saturday, March 18. 11:15AM. 

Sami was hesitant to even type the name out. 

He had opened the ‘incognito’ browser, pulled up Finn’s Facebook account, clicked to view his friend list, and selected the ‘search’ bar. 

But somehow typing the name made it feel like he was really doing something wrong. Something he shouldn’t be doing. 

He typed the first letter. 

**C**

Because he was unsure of where this feeling was coming from, he tried to dismiss it as his own anxiety acting up. 

**h**

No one would even find out that he was doing this, after all. 

**a**

No one was gonna call him a creep. And why should they! He was just curious. 

**d**

He had muttered “ _thinkin’ about someone else the whole time…_ ” under his breath the rest of the night. His stomach boiled with jealousy every time; a nasty combination with the ache of inadequacy he felt in his heart. 

Sami couldn't even explain the feeling, and that may have been the worse part. He had never dreamed, literally or figuratively, of Finn in a sexual manner. Kisses and cuddles, sure. Sometimes he was bold enough to imagine playing with his hair, but never further than that. 

Lack of education may have been the cause of that. He was aware that most seventeen-year-olds have gone _all the way_ a time or two, and he was aware that no one referred to it that way. 

But growing up, he had never been given a “birds and bees” talk, and somehow the sexual obsession phase never came to him. He and Finn were the opposite in that regard. 

Still, he was bothered. 

Finn had texted him cute selfies from the Irish pub where he was partying. It only made it worse. 

He hit ‘enter’ on the search bar. 

**Chad Gable** was the first result. 

Sami couldn’t exactly remember the handsome face he had seen in the photo from Finn’s memento box, having only looked at it for a minute. 

But this had to be him. The location read ‘Minnesota’ and he recognized the long hair. The likelihood of Finn knowing multiple Chad’s with those qualities were pretty low. He clicked the profile and immediately went to the photos. 

Chad’s first profile photo looked like a professional headshot. He had an attractive smile; no weird teeth like Sami’s. _And he’s important enough to have his own headshots._ Another pang of self-insufficiency. 

Sami clicked over. The next photo showed a distant Chad clinging to a rock-climbing wall. _Whatever, I could do that._ Even from far away, the toned muscle covering his body was extremely apparent. 

He clicked over. The next, Chad was giving a confident thumbs up in the foreground with a gorgeous spread of forest and mountains in the background. The caption read “ **I think I’m gonna like it here.** ” 

“Good, stay there…” Sami growled involuntarily, surprising himself. He didn’t feel enough guilt, however, to stop his digging. 

A second later, he realized he should have stopped digging. 

The next photo was a scanned version of the Polaroid photo Finn kept. 

Sami felt his stomach drop, as if it weighed twenty pounds. 

He read the caption. “ **Best day ever with my love!** ” 

Pressure built behind his eyes so Sami clicked away, just to make the image disappear. 

To his horror, the next photo was even cuter. 

Finn and Chad were holding hands, standing on the stairs of the Albright-Knox art gallery. Any Buffalo native knew that the historic and beautiful building was a traditional location for wedding photo shoots. Which made the caption, “ **Someday <3**” under the photo even more heart shattering. Finn was wearing the army green pants here. Sami _loved_ those pants on him. 

A sob escaped Sami’s lips when he noticed the adoring, loving, head-over-heels expression on Finn’s face. He quickly shut all browsers and glanced at the time. 11:28AM. 

Today was his first day opening the store by himself and he had to leave now to get there by noon. Cursing himself for managing to ruin his day before it even started and _why do I have to be so nosy, who cares who he thinks about_ , he pulled his work shirt on and headed downstairs to grab something to eat on the way. 

As soon as the bedroom door was opened, the smell of Mom’s sauce hit him. The scent was so enticing, with notes of every fresh ingredient blended together. 

Sami practically floated down to the kitchen, straight to the humongous pot where the sauce simmered. She must have heard him from the living room. 

“Sami, tell your friends not to eat lunch, I’m makin’ five pounds!” 

“Ha ha, okay!” He called back, mentally rehearsing his excuse of ‘all the machines broke’ and that’s why no one could come over. 

“And don’t touch the sauce or the pot, it’s boiling!” 

“Okay, mommy, I won’t!” He said, deciding as the words left his mouth that had zero intention of listening. A traumatic morning was had and he deserved a taste. 

He took the same wooden spoon that had been used as a microphone many a time and dipped it into the bubbling sauce. A billow of steam fogged his glasses up as he brought the spoon to his lips, giving it a blow to cool it off. 

Comfort took him over as he sipped from the spoon. Years of fond memories of dinners with his extended family gathered around this sauce made him feel warm and soothed. He closed his eyes to properly appreciate the flavors and hummed happily. 

That is, until, a few drops spilled off the spoon and onto his chin, instantly singeing the skin. He held in a pained shriek, dropped the spoon back onto its rest and ran to the sink. He splashed cold water onto his face then tenderly dabbed at the burn with a paper towel. 

To avoid being caught, he slipped out the side door of his house and began his walk. 

Once the store was unlocked and the alarm system was deactivated, he ran to the bathroom to observe the damage. 

“Aw… fizz!” He growled as harshly as he could. 

The burn was almost a perfect circle, bright red in the center of his chin. The seared skin was extremely obvious and stung when he spoke. 

He looked at his phone. 12:03PM. 

With a defeated eye roll, he headed to the back to turn the machines on and check the mixes. All yogurt flavors had to be tested upon opening, as per Lexi. He spooned a small portion of each, one at a time, into his mouth, giving himself a little extra of the sea-salt caramel. _I deserve this, okay._

He removed the cold toppings from the cooler and set them in their spots on the bar. The floor needed a little extra attention so he turned the music on and swept. Finn would be arriving to check on him sometime soon, and he only had to stay until 5PM when Bayley came arrived to close. 

When it was time to unlock the door, he did, then took a seat at the counter and stewed instead of completing more tasks. He craved his journal, feeling desperate to release the overwhelming emotions he felt. His jealousy over Chad and anxiety over lying to his mother had intertwined into one emotion; intense irritation. 

Today was already too much. 

Customers came inside quickly after open so he had to put on his trademark ‘Golden Boy’ face and greet everyone with a smile. It helped pass the time, and every smile that was returned made him feel a little better. 

The silver pickup pull into the coveted parking spot directly in front of the store right at 2PM. Finn hopped out and sauntered into the store as if he owned it. 

_I mean, technically he kinda-_

Finn stepped inside, flipped his sunglasses up and Sami’s heart stopped when he flashed perhaps his most gorgeous smile yet. 

“Hey!”

Eyelashes batted. “Hey! You look… refreshed!” 

“Yeah?” Finn flicked at his nose with two fingers; Sami’s favorite habit of his. “I feel refreshed. I didn’t drink at all last night and I got a ton o’ sleep.”

“Nice! Why no drinking?”

“Meh…” Finn said as he walked the store, “I just wasn't feelin’ like it. Didn't sound fun. I’m t’inking of seein’ how many good decisions I can make in a row.” 

He looked here and there, making sure everything was up to code and looking its best. He inspected the prep room for a few minutes before trotting down the ramp and declaring that everything was beautiful. Sami bit his tongue and resisted saying ‘no you are’.

Even in his anxious and stressed out state, Finn made him feel joyous and carefree. He approached the checkout counter to straighten the chocolate and caramel sauces.

“Yeah, you did a really good- what happened to your face?!” Finn gawked, mid-sentence. 

Sami recoiled. “I uh… got burned.” 

“When?!” 

“Right before I left…” Sami’s feet shuffled nervously below him. 

Finn gave him another look of horror before epiphany seemed to strike him. He marched back to where he had just left, returning moments later with the same bandages and Neosporin Sami had used days earlier. 

He pointed to a chair. 

“Sit.”

“But, but…” 

“SIT.” Finn pointed again at the same chair, adding a foot stomp for emphasis. 

“There’s people in here…” Sami grumbled, but complied. Finn sat backwards on the opposite chair, so close that the back of it was in Sami’s chest. 

Much less carefully than Sami had, Finn applied a gooey glob of ointment to the burn. He spread it around, tapping and rubbing, making Sami flinch from discomfort. A bandage was stuck on the wound, decided to be not good enough, ripped off, and replaced with a fresh one before Finn smiled with pride at his work. It had been done, Sami noted with disdain, with much less intimacy and tension than when he fixed Finn. 

There was no ‘fix the ouchie’ kiss either. He was too shy to ask for it. 

“How did ya manage to burn a perfect circle inta yer chin?” Finn asked, wiping the excess ointment on his black jeans. 

“Uh. Well, my mom makes this sauce? And she told me not to have a sip of it ‘cause it was hot. But I did anyway because it's so good?” Sami sheepishly admitted. 

“You goof. But I don’t blame ya. I love me mum’s cooking.” Finn crossed his arms on the back of the chair. “I miss her.”

“Your mom? Where is she?” 

“Oh, she’s at home.” Finn shrugged. “I just haven’t seen her in a few days.” 

“Oh…” Sami stopped and considered. Did he dare? Finn had never thought he was weird for anything else before.

“Um… Y’know my mom’s sauce is really great if uh… you wanted to come over and have dinner with us?” 

As if by miracle, Finn’s face lit up. “When?!” 

Sami choked back a laugh from relief. “Tonight?!” 

“Really! Is that okay, do you have to call her an’ ask?” Finn stepped up from the chair and grabbed his phone from his pocket. 

“Well, funny story, I uh… told her you would?” Sami’s voice grew high with the confession. 

“Why didn’t you tell me!” 

Sami struggled to find a good excuse for a moments, before realizing he never actually had one. 

“I dunno, I just didn’t think you’d want to?” was what he came up with. 

“Of course I wanna have dinner wit yer mum! Can my sister come?” 

“Yes please!” Sami answered, perhaps too quickly. Finn bounced with excitement. 

“I just have to call her, hang on!” He skipped away, probably headed for the back patio, before turning on his heel and returning to the dumbfounded redhead. 

“I almost forgot…” He muttered, as if to himself, before leaning down and pecking a soft kiss on Sami’s chin where the bandage was stuck. His nose filled with the incredible fragrances of Finn’s shampoo and cologne. 

It happened so quickly that Sami did not have time to formulate or plan a reaction, but instead broke into stupid giggles.

Butterflies swarmed in his stomach, knocking into each other. They worsened when Finn playfully pinched at his cheek. 

“You need’ta shave, Sami.”

Looking self satisfied, Finn brought the phone to his ear and gave Sami an adorable wink as he walked away. 

~

Finn left work after the plans were set. Rebecca was on board with attending the dinner and even cancelled her prior plans to go. Everyone agreed on 6PM for dinner time, leaving them more than enough time to get tickets to a showing of Beauty And The Beast after.

Mom had called, panicking that she forgot to buy a few dinner essentials. Bread, crushed red pepper, a few other odds and ends. He told her not to worry and they agreed to stop by the grocery store together to grab those and a few desserts. 

He hopped in the parked car, waiting outside the store. 

“So honey, I was thinking of maybe grabbing a pie and a cheesecake with some fresh fruit, will that work?” Mom asked. 

Sami chuckled. She was speaking in _the voice_ that she always adapted while under stress. It was comforting to know she was as nervous as he was. 

“That sounds perfect, mommy.” He said softly, reaching to turn the radio on. Only commercials were on each station. He settled on the least annoying one and sat back. A new text came in on his phone; a photo from Rebecca. It was a picture of her in a cute pale pink dress, with a blue ribbon belt over it. **Is this ok??** was the caption. 

Sami replied with several heart-eye smiley faces, something he’d always wanted to send to a girl. 

**Sooo excited!** she texted back. Sami grinned.

It was hard to believe that the twins were looking forward to something he had been dreading, yet here they were. He thought again about the look of joy on Finn’s face… then the soft pink lips that had graced his chin. 

He shuddered. 

A song he had heard a thousand times before started on the radio: Coldplay’s “Yellow”.

Mom gasped and turned the volume dial up. “This song is about Gwyneth.” She said, amazed. 

Sami chuckled and closed his eyes, resting his head. Giving his silent respect to singer Chris Martin and his ex-wife, but as he listened to the lyrics, he could have sworn the song was about Finn. 

_Look at the stars. Look how they shine for you… and everything that you do._

Another text came through. A photo from Finn this time. 

He was wearing a black tee shirt, covered by a steel grey, expensive looking button down. He had sneakers to match under his pressed pants. Sami zoomed in on the photo and noticed that his facial hair had been cleaned up since they were together earlier that day. 

The thought crossed his mind to remind Finn that he didn't need to look so fancy, but he looked entirely too good in that outfit to change. 

_Your skin, oh yeah, your skin and bones… turn into something beautiful…_

He didn't even respond immediately. He locked his phone so the screen turned black and rested back. 

His heart was pounding again, even if he looked relaxed on the outside. He had gotten good at acting normal around Finn.

He turned so his face was towards the car window, and without thinking, his lips sang along with the song. 

“ _You know I love you, so._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was supposed to be a filler chapter then ended up being almost 5k words. 
> 
> my bad.


	13. Thirteen

Saturday, March 18. 5:59PM. 

“Are you sure this is fine?” He frantically whispered, pointing from his shirt to his shoes. 

“You look great.” She assured. “It’s cute that yer nervous.” 

“My fuckin’ hands are shakin’.” He absently mumbled, eyes searching the front door, as if to find an answer to a test question. “I want her to like me…”

“Yer future mother-in-law?” She mused, only to immediately receive a light jab to her side. 

6:00PM. 

She rang the doorbell and turned to her brother, who anxiously chewed his lip apart. Two separate barks started, one yappy and shrill and one deep and menacing. 

“Just be yerself.” She said. 

“Yeah… right.” He scoffed. 

~

Sami accidentally swung the door open. His nerves had taken completely over his body at that point. 

“Hey guys!” Sami tried to steady the door from rattling as he looked both Devitt’s up and down. They looked more phenomenal than the pictures could have let on. The simple pull-over hoodie and corduroys he wore felt extremely inadequate in their presence. 

He was busily swooning and complimenting when his mother came from behind him, nearly knocking him over, to greet her guests. She was followed by Tank, who was on high-alert, and Butterfly, who just seemed eager to make new friends. 

“Hello! Oh my goodness, hello honeys, come inside!” She nearly screamed. Sami looked on with shock. The twins both offered hands. 

“Hey! I’m Rebecca!” The first said. 

“Rebecca! I’ve heard so much, oh my gosh princess, you are beautiful!” They shook hands enthusiastically. 

“T’ank you so much! T’ank you fer having us over!” Rebecca bounced. 

“Of course, sweetie!” Mom shooed Tank away before turned to the next twin. 

“And hello, handsome prince.”

“Hey. Fintan Devitt.” He spoke in his natural low and calm tone. 

Mom, never one to waste time, didn’t hesitate to cup his face in her tiny hands. He seemed alarmed at first, but quickly grew comfortable. 

“My goodness, you are _gorgeous_!” She gestured back to Rebecca. “You both are! Wow, Sami, you know how to pick ‘em.” 

“Oh my gosh, ma…” Sami delicately pulled her hand from Finn’s cheek. Unfortunately, she busied her hands again, taking the twins by their wrists and pulling them towards the kitchen. 

“Where are we- oh my _god_ is that real!?” Rebecca pointed at Butterfly, now dancing in circles at their feet. 

“Oh, that’s my sweet baby Butterfly.” Mom cooed. “Well, she was _supposed_ to be my baby but she loves Sami more than anyone.” 

Sami tried to take Rebecca’s purse from her but, much like his Boxer, was shooed away and left in the dust. 

“Go set the table, Sami Zayn!” Mom called back from the kitchen. 

“Is dat yer middle name!?” Rebecca’s voice reached him from across the house. 

Mortified, he trudged to the dining room and searched the cabinets for the good silverware and plates. Lively conversation could be heard as he assigned every plate a napkin and fork. The dinner table was round so everyone could talk and see each other. It was supposed to be comfortable but it made him more nervous. 

When he finished, Sami slunk into the kitchen and found Rebecca stirring the giant sauce pot, under the watchful eye of his mother. 

“Honey, I can give you the recipe, it’s so easy.” 

“It smells amazin’.” Finn loomed close behind her. 

“When do ya t’ink da spaghetti will be done?” Rebecca asked, peeking into the next pot over. 

“Only a few minutes, honey!” Mom chirped and patted her back. “What a pretty dress.” 

“Umm…” Rebecca turned around with a sly look on her face. “Do you t’ink we have time for... “ Her eyes shot to a confused Sami, then to her brother. 

“... for some baby Sami pictures?” She asked, biting back a smile. 

“What.” Sami’s eyes grew wide with horror. 

“Yes!” Finn cheered. 

“Oh.” Mom held up one finger, then ran in the direction of the living room with a ‘come hither’ motion. “Right this way!” 

~

“So the officer stops my husband… They were doing sobriety checks before the bridge. The officer asks ‘Where you headed?’ and my husband just gestures over to me in the passenger seat, literally about to burst!” Mom was sitting in the middle of the couch, photo album open in her lap.

“Oh my gosh!” Rebecca exclaimed, sitting at her left. Butterfly was wrapped in her arms, receiving scritches behind her fluffy ear. “Did he let you go?” 

“Well, he had to, we weren’t bothering anyone! But we had to wait behind all the other cars- they only had one lane open. By the time we got to the hospital, we were barely there an hour before Sami came.” 

“Dats incredible.” Finn marveled, snuggled into her right side. Tank had curled up on the floor at his feet. 

Sami was sat next to Finn, practically beet red in the face. He had only glanced at _one_ of his baby pictures before the embarrassment overtook him. He had decided to look absolutely anywhere but at the photo album; his eyes presently resting on the tan line around Finn’s ring finger. 

Despite his discomfort, everyone else was happily snuggled in together. No one was being awkward except him.

He reminded himself to breathe and relax, and casually stretched an arm around Finn’s shoulder.

“Aw man…” Finn whispered after another page was turned. Sami’s first grade yearbook photo was next. Even at age five, he had the same dorky grin. 

“If I ever have a baby, I want ‘im to look like that.” Finn beamed at the tiny Sami, making the real one gaze at him with amazement. 

Their eyes met for one warm moment, but before anything further, Mom squealed in agreement. 

“Yes! I couldn’t even dream of how beautiful he was. And still is of course!” 

“Yeah… Still is.” Finn nodded his agreeance. 

Sami’s stomach turned upside down, as it usually did after one of Finn’s out-of-the-blue compliments.

_You’re crazy._ He thought, eyes drifting to the lips he thought about so frequently. 

“And he was the sweetest baby.” She went on. “He never cried. All he wanted to do was cuddle all day. I tried to bring him into our bed every night and after a few minutes, my husband would take him and put him in his cribbie. I would cry because I wanted to snuggle him so bad! But my husband always wanted him to be independent.” 

“Aw!” Rebecca clutched her heart. “That’s why yer so snuggly.” 

Another page was turned. Sami had to be around 10 years old in the next photo, sitting next to an older and taller boy on a swingset. 

“Oh, look at you, sweetheart.” Mom reached across Finn’s chest to grab Sami’s chin and force him to look. He grimaced at the photo. 

“Cute!” Rebecca squealed. “Who else is there?” 

“Oh, that’s Stephen.” Mom said plainly. 

“Do you have a brother?” Finn asked with an eyebrow raised. 

“Yeah.” Sami said, void of emotion. 

“They were never close.” Mom said to Rebecca, in her trademark whisper-scream. 

“How come?” 

“He’s-” Sami started to explain but was cut off. 

“Well, my older son Stephen is an asshole.” Mom shrugged and continued flipping pages. 

Sami barked a laugh at her honesty. “For real?” 

“Well!” She paused to coo at a young Sami holding Tank as a puppy. 

“It’s okay, Miss S, I’m sure my mum would say da same t’ing about me.” Finn smirked. 

“Finn, you just stop it!” She started. 

_Beeeeep!_ the timer on the oven called out. 

“Oh, the food is ready!” She delicately closed the photo album, left it on the coffee table and brought everyone back, volunteering Sami to wait the table. 

Plates were filled, sauce was poured. Finn took the chair between Sami and Rebecca; across from Mom. 

The Devitt’s each took three meatballs from the sauce and devoured them in record time. Rebecca’s face was coated in sauce after only ten minutes. Finn finished his first plate in that time, and to Sami’s amazement, made another one right after. 

“So…” Mom continued while twirling spaghetti around her fork, “how many kids are in your family?” 

“T’ree boys an’ Rebecca.” Finn said, mouth full of garlic bread. 

“Ah… see I wanted that many. More, even. But Stephen was just such a hassle and he was so mean to Sami. It just didn’t seem possible.” She took a bite. 

Sami felt his face heat up again, and not from the crushed red pepper he had doused his plate in. He wanted to stop her from going on… _why is she getting so personal anyway?_ but could not think of a valid reason to interrupt. The last thing he wanted was to appear rude. He ate and suffered as she went on. 

“Y’know, Stephen had his own thing, he liked playing sports and all that. And Sami liked musicals and coloring and Stephen just couldn’t resist being so nasty about it. So we had to care for their totally separate needs and also try to keep them apart. It was nuts.” 

_.... Hmmpf._

“How old is he?” Rebecca asked, wiping a beat-up napkin across her mouth. 

“He’s 23 now… We haven’t heard from him in weeks now. Hope he’s having fun, with whatever he’s doing.” She threw her hands up, as if to do a Sami impression. 

“It’s uh… nice to hear you admit that.” Sami pushed his food around on his plate. Guilt crept up his spine. He knew that he should not be enjoying her frankness about Stephen’s behavior. But after feeling isolated and being convinced that he was loved less than his brother… It felt good.

“What? How mean he is? I know, sweetie. He’s got his own issues, just keep that in mind. Not everyone is as lucky as you are. He doesn’t have friends like this.” Mom concluded. 

Sami considered her words. He was unsure of how true they were in regards to Stephen but silently and happily concurred over his own luck. 

He felt even better when he noticed the warm look Finn had been giving him. Sami shyly smiled back.

“Truth.” Rebecca added. She unfolded a fresh napkin. Somehow she had managed to get sauce on her chest, in a noteworthy display of professional messy eating. 

Mom stood up and clapped, at perhaps the perfect time to change the subject.

“Would anyone like some wine?”

“YES.” The twins replied together. 

“Alright! I just think it goes so well with the sauce. Don’t tell your mommy.” She scurried to the kitchen. 

“We’re Irish, Miss S, we’ve had worse!” Finn yelled in her direction. 

While she was turned away, he reached under the table to poke Sami’s hand, then gently caress at it with two fingers. Sami playfully poked back. 

~

Between the three of them, an entire bottle of Yellowtail Red Cabernet was drank. Sami stuck to lemon water. 

“This probably is a terrible idea...” Finn said between sips, “to load up on carbs and then wine, all to go sit in a plush recliner for two hours.”

“Are you going to the show?” Mom asked. Sami usually cringed when she called the movie theater that. This time, he thought it was cute.

“Yeah, we’re seein’ Beauty an’ the Beast! Sami, why don’cha keep yer mum informed?” Rebecca laughed. 

“Yeah, Sami, why not!” She teased. “And why do you not listen when mommy tells you not to touch the hot sauce pan?” 

Everyone laughed as Sami sheepishly rubbed at his bandaged chin. 

“Anyhoo, how are you getting there?” Mom asked. 

“Oh, my fiancee is coming to get us!” Rebecca chirped. 

Mom frowned deeply. 

“Oh… That’s disappointing. I was hoping you were dating my son.” She admitted. 

“ _Mommm!”_ Sami groaned, but his friends broke out in laughter. 

“Oh my god!” Rebecca shook her head. “No, no, unfortunately not… I mean I would if I wasn’t… well, no actually. I wouldn’t date him even if I was single, since he’s a boy and I’m a lesbian so. It doesn’t work, y’know.” 

Sami’s nerves and anxiety propelled from casual flare ups to _DANGER: RED ALERT!_ Out of instinct, his head whipped to his mother. He half expected her to be visibly horrified, or to declare that the dinner was over that instant. 

Instead, she tut-tutted and looked at Rebecca with a gracious face. 

“Sweetheart, you are lucky. Don’t ever mess with men. They aren’t worth it. Sorry, boys!” She waved a hand around to Finn, who grinned behind his wine glass, and Sami who was gaping incredulously. 

“I understand.” Finn added after a big gulp. 

“What about you, handsome prince, how’s your love life?” 

“Erm, I am actually very newly single. Got cheated on a few times, guy was a jerk. He was always a jerk but I hadn’t really realized it until Sami helped me see it.” 

Sami’s eyes ping-ponged from parent to Devitt. What was happening? Why was Mom being so cool? Why was _everyone_ being so deeply personal? _Is that what wine does?_

“Oh yes, he’s always been very intuitive.” Mom nodded. “Let me tell you something, sweetheart.” 

She leaned in and pointed with her fork as she spoke. 

“Any boy who is stupid enough to not appreciate you is exactly that: Stupid. So let him go! He doesn’t deserve to even be in the same room as your sweet self. Now it may take a while and you may get frustrated while you’re waiting, but you’ll find a boy who _is_ worthy. Maybe somewhere you least expect him! The world is funny like that. You’ll see. You are too smart to put up with some kind of asshole like whoever your ex-man is. You gotta find a boy like my Sami.” 

Finn had been listening intently until the final sentence, where he broke into a fit of giggles. His cheeks turned to a full blush. Usually it was Sami himself who was all giggles and blushes, so to see Finn turn into a bashful mess was both thrilling and enlightening. 

The perfect, mysterious boy was indeed human. 

“Now who wants dessert?” Mom asked after joining in the laughter. 

~

Sami cleared the table from all plates and napkins a little past 8PM. Lexi had been informed by Rebecca that now was a good time to start the 20 minute drive over to pick them up. 

The dishwasher was just starting to hum when he heard the twins voice beg in unison. 

“Pleeease!” They both said. He returned to the dining room. 

“Can Sami sleep over pleeease?” Rebecca asked. Finn had his hands folded in front of his chest. The puppy-eyes were out in full force. 

“Oh my goodness, how did your mommy ever to say no to those faces!” Mom laughed. “It’s alright with me.” 

A chorus of cheers sounded while Sami was just standing in the doorway, blinking. 

~

Lexi stopped at the front door to say hello and pet the dogs before summoning everyone into the truck. She, too, was complimented on her beauty and offered a to-go dish of food, which she happily accepted. 

“She’s sooo funny!” Rebecca gushed as she pulled herself into the bench, squeezing next to Lexi. 

Finn climbed in, next to his sister, and even while they tried their best to all fit, space was limited. 

“I’m sorry I’m so tall, guys…” Sami lamented, hands on his hips as he watched them struggle. 

“Wait, no… I got it. Fintan, get in da middle and I’ll sit in Sami’s lap.” Rebecca suggested.

Finn made a face. “But why would you… I mean I guess but why…” 

He looked from his sister to Lexi, who was making something close to a snarl. He seemed to drop whatever he was thinking of saying. 

“Okay sounds good…. Switch wit’ me.” 

She hopped back out and they switched. Sami climbed in next to Finn and helped Rebecca onto his lap. She snuggled into his chest as he wrapped an arm around her protectively; as a seatbelt would do. 

Sami remained slightly confused about their brief disagreement but accepted the snuggles from Rebecca as they pulled away. 

Finn’s lips had formed a pout of sorts. It had only been a few minutes of driving when he sneakily slid his hand across the bench to grab Sami’s and hold it tight. 

His pout vanished then.

~

Finn paid for everyone’s tickets and Rebecca paid for the snacks. They got two giant popcorn buckets, one of which Rebecca swore she would consume entirely on her own. 

They found their seats, square in the middle of the fifth row back. Lexi sat farthest right with Rebecca to her left, Sami to Rebecca’s left, and Finn holding up the other end. 

The seats were like high-end overstuffed recliners with moving tables on each; similar to the tables on older style classroom desks. 

Finn put on popcorn bucket down on the table as Sami moved to pull his sweater off. Somehow, he managed to move his arm in such a way that resulted in him knocking the bucket to the floor, spilling popcorn everywhere. 

“Oh my god... “ He covered his eyes with both hands as his friends erupted with hushed snickers. He took a handful of napkins that Lexi had grabbed from the concession and piled spare popcorn bits into them. Finn crawled to the floor to help him. 

“Just gonna… scoop scoop… scoop.” Sami narrated as he cleaned. He heard Finn giggle, even past the loudness of the surround sound speakers. 

He awkwardly ran to the trashcan and threw away about a fourth of the bucket. When he returned to his seat, Finn was holding it safely in his lap. Sami gave him an apologetic look, then curled into his chair, reclining it all the way back. 

~

The movie started, and the four were tantalized by the colors and effects. 

Sami was crunching a handful of popcorn when Finn leaned over his seat until their shoulders touched. 

“Hey.” He whispered so only Sami could hear.

Sami kept his eyes on the screen but sank into his chair to meet Finn’s ear. 

“Hey yourself.”

“I’m really cold… Can I have your sweater?” Finn stated, sounding almost pathetic. That is, if he had the ability to sound such a way. 

“Oh!” Sami, without a second thought, scooched forward in his seat so he had room to pull his hoodie off. He handed the bundled fabric over so Finn could use it as a blanket, but instead he pulled it over his own smaller frame. The sleeves covered most of his hands, leaving only his fingertips to adorably poke out. 

Finn pulled the hood over his head and snuggled back into the armrest closest to Sami. 

Sami mentally noted that it was not cold at all in the theater, but didn’t bother mentioning anything due to how cute the boy next to him looked. 

~

“Um, I can sit on Sami on da way home.” Finn said as they strolled out of the theater.

_What._

Sami eyed the girls cautiously but Rebecca merely shrugged apathetically. Lexi turned around to say something as they walked, but before she could speak, her eyes landed on Finn, wrapped up in the borrowed sweater. Sami saw what he recognized as her trademark scowl. 

_Oh my gosh. She’s mad. Why is she mad, he was just cold. It doesn’t mean anything! If she had been cold, I would have done the same thing… It’s just a hoodie okay, my mom got it for me at Kohl’s and-_

But the scowl vanished almost as soon as he’d seen it. 

“Are we going straight home?” She asked.

“I t’ink so… Hey d’you guys wanna watch the Disney cartoon one when we get back?” Rebecca suggested. 

“What! Yes!” Sami beamed, instantly distracted from his anxiety. 

They agreed to make a Tim Hortons first, then home. In a pack, they scrambled across the parking lot to find the truck. 

“Scoop, scoop…” Finn imitated Sami’s previous mantra while they walked. Sami felt a little poke at his hand as he did.

“Scoop.” Poke. “Scoop.” 

“Scoop!” Sami giggled, opening his hand so Finn could _scoop_ it up and lace their fingers together. 

Sami used his thumb to stroke at the hand in his as they walked, marveling at how anything he did became a thousand times cuter when Finn did it. 

Lexi pulled herself into the driver seat, Rebecca climbed in the middle seat after. Sami sat on the edge of the bench and held Finn’s hand as he clambered into the presented lap. 

Finn made himself comfortable. 

Sami’s nose filled with his favorite scent; Finn’s cologne. The warmth of this flawless body made his own propel from cool calmness to the heated excitement he had come to dread over the past few weeks. 

“Um… Finn?” He mumbled as the truck pulled out of the parking lot. 

“Hmm?” Finn leaned deeper into Sami’s chest and pulled an arm around his own waist. He relaxed his head back against Sami’s shoulder and closed his eyes. 

_Don’t ruin this. Don’t ruin this. Don’t ruin this._

“What, baby?” Finn turned his head to face Sami. 

Too nervous to actually speak, Sami instead pecked a soft kiss on the stubbled cheek. It seemed innocent enough. Luckily, the girls had been having their own conversation while he did.

Finn happily wiggled in place; an otherwise adorable action but also the worst possible thing for him to do given the circumstance. 

The ride home may as well have been on the bumpiest roads in existence, causing Finn to slip and slide all around Sami’s lap. Panic was setting in. 

_It’s okay. It’s okay. This just happens sometimes. He’s a guy, he knows this. It’s cool. Doesn’t mean anything._ He soothed himself as everyone else chatted away. 

They ran through the Tim Horton’s drive through on Niagara Street for hot chocolates and pulled onto the freeway to South Buffalo. 

Only another ten minutes of torture passed until they were home. Every time Sami thought he could convince his body to relax and stop its horrid mutiny, Finn would sleepily sigh or stretch or nuzzle his nose into whatever part of Sami was easiest to access. 

He was doomed. 

~

Back at the house, Lexi parked and hopped out. Rebecca followed. 

Sami felt entirely too tense and embarrassed to even consider moving. Finn leaned over him to open the truck door. 

“I’ll just kinda…” Finn turned his body towards the door and stretched his legs out so he slid to the ground; providing probably the most possible friction against Sami’s lap as he possibly could.

“Come on…” Finn beckoned, as if to a puppy.

Sami tried to casually smile. 

Perhaps Finn hadn’t noticed at all? 

“O-Okay.” He choked out and awkwardly climbed out; a mess of limbs and nerves. He accidentally slammed the truck door behind him. A glance was shot down to his corduroys and to his relief, nothing was apparent. 

“It’s okay.” Finn looked at him graciously and reached his hand. 

Sami frantically looked back and gulped. 

“It’s okay, baby.” Finn almost purred, now waving his hand to summon Sami along. 

_... He definitely noticed._

~

Sami ran to the upstairs bathroom to splash cold water onto his cheeks. He ran his fingers through his hair so the droplets ran back down to his chin. A few deep breaths were sucked in as he looked up into the mirror to glare at his reflection.

“Listen to me.” He started. “Do **not** ruin this for us.”

A finger was sternly pointed into the mirror. 

“You need to get your stuff together, stop being a DWEEB.” He grabbed a hand towel off the rack on the wall to pat his face dry. 

His body finally relaxed after a few minutes in solitude. Begrudgingly, he knew he had to return to the group downstairs soon. One more look was shot in the mirror. 

“Can you just be cool for once, _please_.” 

~

The general consensus was that no remake could ever compare to the magic of the original Beauty And The Beast.

Rebecca and Finn cuddled under a fluffy blanket beside them after changing into their pajamas. Lexi had slumped over onto Sami’s chest and fallen asleep somewhere in the middle of the movie. 

Sami himself was not far away from sleep as the end credits rolled. It was past 11PM and no matter how silly he felt because of it, there was no denying how tired he was.

“Lex, wake up.” Rebecca gently shook her. “Time to go in bed.”

Lexi stirred and yawned, blinking her big eyes. 

“Come on, sleepy boy.” Finn freed himself from the cocoon and stood, reaching out to pull Sami up with him.

“Um!” Lexi interrupted, sounding suddenly wide awake. “Sami you can sleep with me and Beck tonight.” 

“... I got it.” Finn replied before Sami could; his brows knit together in either confusion, annoyance or both. 

“Our bed’s bigger, it’ll be more comfortable.” Lexi matched his expression. 

“I know, but… I um... “ Finn sputtered and avoided eye contact with her. 

Again, Sami gazed at him in wonder. _He’s… he’s nervous? What is that?_

“I’m good wherever…” Sami offered sheepishly. 

“Fintan, why don’t you sleep wit us and Sami can have your bed?” Rebecca asked, her voice soft. 

Finn flicked at his nose again, still looking to the floor. “Um, yeah. Sounds good.” 

~

Sami followed Finn upstairs like a faithful puppy. 

The bedroom was now familiar and comforting to him, instead of awe-inspiring and intimidating like it had been at first. He sat down on the bed and was rewarded another nose-full of the amazing _Finn smell._

He sat contently, smiling to himself as Finn fidgeted with something on his dresser top. 

~*~

Finn pretended to read the label on an expensive moisturizer and tried not to feel the deep brown eyes on his back. 

One hand was on the little jar on the dresser while his other hand had traveled to the zipper on his slacks. The itchy fabric had clung to his body for over five hours now and they needed to come off. 

But, _Sami’s here… Maybe he’s not paying attention._

He peered over his shoulder to check. Sami was staring back, gaze unbroken, with eyes full of hope and beauty and it was almost too much for Finn to handle. He mustered a weak smile to return and returned his focus to his dresser, holding his breath to conceal a shudder. 

_Okay, very much paying attention. Jesus fuck._

The hand on the button found the dresser knob and pulled it open to aimlessly search. 

_Just take your pants off. It’s fucking fine, you over-dramatic twit._

“Finnie, what are you thinking about?” The redheaded angel piped up. 

_Fuck._

“Erm…” Finn pondered. “What I’m gonna do tomorrow?”

There was a pause. He looked back again to see Sami nodding contentedly. 

“What are you thinking about?” Finn dared. 

“Did you know crayfish can swim forward and backwards but like, they swim faster backwards?” Sami said; a look of devastating innocence stuck on his freckled face. 

Finn faked a laugh. “No. I didn’t know that.”

“What did you think of the movie now that we re-watched the oldie?” Sami asked. 

His voice sounded so cheerful and... present.

Sami wasn’t stressing over some weird made-up tension between them. He was completely okay with being alone together. _And he was the one who got excited in the car!… Ugh._

Finn gingerly sat on the edge of his bed. He felt the weight shift from Sami moving closer to him. _Don’t fucking touch him._

“Erm… Ya know, I liked the remake, I did. But I can’t imagine it bein’ nearly as timeless as da Disney one. Y’know?” Finn heard himself prattle on. _What the fuck are you even saying._

“Right, yeah.” Sami nodded. His eyes seemed hyper-focused on Finn’s. 

“Like, da Disney cartoon one is gunna stand da test of time. Y’know? People ‘ave been watchin’ it since it came out and lovin’ it and dats gunna continue forever. Whereas this movie was good, but in da way that any trend is good. It appeals to an audience right now but probably only right now.” He went on, mostly unsure if he was even making sense. 

Sami considered the words, turning his gaze to the floor as he thought. It was only for a moment, but that was all it took for Finn to swoon. 

Sami had a perfect angular jaw, juxtaposed by delightfully round cheeks. Red-tinted stubble had started to grow about his chin since Finn first met him. It was incredible. The color matched that of a lone ringlet that had managed to fall into Sami’s forehead. It looked so out of place; in dire need for someone to gently brush it back into place...

“Man, you’re so smart.” Sami said after the pause, snapping Finn back to planet earth. 

He involuntarily barked a laugh. Of all things to respond to his mess of a sentence, Sami came up with the most flattering and sweet one. Because he’s Sami and _of course_ he did.

“What?” Sami chirped, breaking into his wonderful smile. “I mean it!”

Shaking the cobwebs from his head, Finn snorted. “You are da only person in da world who has ever accused me of bein’ smart.” 

“Well, you are.” Sami retorted, seeming almost offended. “You just have this way of thinking that is so insightful and completely different from everyone else… I’m really jealous of it, actually.”

Finn felt himself start to gawk. The smartest and most interesting and enviable boy in the entire world… was jealous of how he _thought?!_

_Me? The fuckin’ dipshit dickhead ME?_

Finn blinked as the bizarre concept ran laps around his mind. 

Sami giggled after a moment of quiet. “You’re makin’ the face again!” 

Another slow blink. “What face?” 

“You make this face at me sometimes…” Sami explained, his eyes drifting back to the floor. “You look at me like you’re staring into my soul.”

“Oh…” Finn forced himself to look absolutely anywhere else. Anywhere but the curve in the bridge of Sami’s nose. Anywhere but his pink lips. Anywhere but at that one goddamn curl out of place. 

He cleared his throat. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean ta stare into yer soul… Sometimes you just say t’ings and I get like, shocked.” 

Sami smirked. 

“I hate that you don’t know how smart you are. That’s all. You’re like my favorite person to listen to.”

_Fuuuuck._

Finn opened his mouth to respond, but was met with a feeling of his vocal chords being constricted or pulled. He saw his own hand, half-way covered in the long sleeve from Sami’s hoodie, reach up to the perfect boy’s perfect face. 

_Don’t._

“Sami?” He breathed. 

“What’s up, buttercup?” Sami said, suddenly more alert, then visibly bit his own lip. 

Somehow, Finn laughed. 

_Do not._

“Can I touch yer hair?” Finn’s lips formed the words without his conscience’s permission. 

_DON’T!!!_

“Oh yeah!” Sami grinned and ran a hand through his own hair, pushing the one offending curl back before Finn could. “You and Beck both seem to really like it.” 

Finn nodded and allowed his fingers to seep into the forest of curls. The sensation made Sami close his eyes and happily hum. 

_Just fucking stop._

“I love how long it’s gettin’.” Finn said; adamantly not stopping. 

“My mom hates it…” Sami whispered back, clearly experiencing some sort of ecstasy. 

Of course he was. The only thing Finn was confident in was his ability to make a boy feel good. 

The meaning of that thought sliced through Finn’s heart like a hot blade, and he slowly took his hand back. 

“A-are you ready for bed?” He asked; horrified to hear his own voice crack. 

“Yeah!” Sami beamed again. “Did you have fun today?” 

“Of course I did.” Finn forced a sweet smile. “Every day with you is fun.” 

There was that amazing blush in Sami’s cheeks again. “Thanks, Finnie.”

Finn felt his heart start to flutter; the feeling so overwhelming this time that he wondered if he’d faint. 

_Leave._

“Course… So we’ll be just in the other bedroom… if you need anything.” Finn stood up, although unsure if he could recall how to walk. 

“Okay. Goodnight, muffin.” Sami said with a yawn. 

_Don’t do it._

Before leaving, a nagging urge pulled Finn to lean down and press a chaste kiss onto Sami’s forehead. 

And the look in those brown eyes after he did was more addictive than any alcohol Finn had ever tasted. 

“Goodnight, love.” He barely whispered before slinking out of his own room. 

As soon as the door was closed up tight, he was finally able to let out the shudder he had swallowed earlier. He pressed his back to the wall in the highway to take a few calming breaths. 

_You were just supposed to say goodnight._

Finn turned on his heels and scampered downstairs to the basement. 

The space was almost finished, having just had the walls insulated and carpet installed. The washer and dryer were still on the far corner, and he made a beeline for them. Besides those, the basement was mostly just a hang-out space. All it needed was some furniture and paint and it would have been all set to become an office area for Chad and himself.

_Hah. Would have been._

Finn freed himself from the tight slacks and rubbed his hands all over his legs to get rid of the phantom polyester feeling. He pulled Sami’s hoodie off and set it on the washer to remove the dress shirt and undershirt he was wearing until his chest was bare. Grabbing the plain hoodie, he bunched the fabric up and held it to his nose, taking a deep inhale in before letting out a sigh of peace. He pulled the hoodie back over his tiny frame, so it and his blue briefs were all he was wearing. 

For once, he was pleased that he left his phone upstairs, otherwise Lexi would probably be calling him and asking what was taking so long. 

There was a groan. 

_Lexi._

Finn climbed on top of the dryer to sit. It was cold on his bare skin but still his favorite place to think- he could even fit inside it if he desperately needed privacy. 

_Just don’t touch him… That’s the only thing she asked of you._

He hid his face in his hands and thought about how soft Sami’s hair was. How good it smelled. How happy he looked during. 

And then how off-limits he was supposed to be. 

Another groan was let out; turning into a whimper somewhere towards the end. 

“She’s gunna kill me…” He muttered into his hands. They fell to his lap with a loud smack. Surely he could just not tell her. But he knew he _had_ to tell Rebecca. There were no secrets between them. Not since he was forced to leave home. 

And there was no way Rebecca wouldn’t tell Lexi; whether on accident or deliberately. 

Soft mewing interrupted his pity party. 

“Baby?!” He hopped off the dryer to the basement door and opened it, squealing when he found Gucci waiting on the stairs. 

“Hi sweetie.” He picked the purring fluff bundle up and held her tightly against his chest. “Are you ready for bed, little girl?”

She meowed and gave his cheek a few licks. 

“You wanna go cuddle with Sami, don’t you?” 

Her purrs became louder. He sighed. 

“Yeah, I do too.”

Back up the stairs they went. 

In the girls’ bedroom, Rebecca and Lexi were laying spaced out in bed, leaving enough room for Finn to climb in. 

“Oh wow, a brat carrying another brat.” Lexi remarked. 

“Ha ha.” Finn rolled his eyes and let the cat down on the comforter. 

“Did you tuck Sami in?” Rebecca asked, eyes already closed and voice low from sleepiness. 

“No.” Finn said bluntly and curled into his place between the girls. Gucci quickly made a nest on his hip, poking and sticking as she kneaded. 

“Took you a long ass time in there…” Lexi said with her trademark scowl. 

“Well, he’s a talkative lad.” Finn pulled the neck of the hoodie up and over his face, earning a squeak of protest from Gucci. 

Lexi must have gotten the message and didn’t respond again, but Finn knew without seeing that the dirty look had not left her face. 

At some point, all the lights had been turned off and his sister had wrapped an arm around him. Surely, Lexi could snuggle into him like she always did, no matter what they disagreed on. Gucci purred and purred; a warm little motor engine making him feel loved. 

Finn dreamt of red curls that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was, for the entire time I as writing it, my least favorite chapter. up until the very end when POV switched to Finn! 
> 
> i’m curious to see if anyone else likes a POV switch? i’m into it.


	14. Fourteen

Sunday, March 19. 9:33AM. 

Sami woke up cradling Finn’s stuffed giraffe. Faint music could be heard from another room. 

This was the first morning in recent memory that he had woken up without the help of an alarm, so he felt extremely rested and refreshed. Stretching his long limbs out, he yawned and checked his phone. There was a ‘good morning my precious angel boy’ text from his mother, littered with hearts, and a message from Finn. 

**Come downstairs when you wake up!** It read. 

Obediently, Sami crawled out of bed to assure he didn’t fall back asleep. Somewhere during the night, his pants had been kicked off and were in a heap on the floor. In his sleepy state, he merely kicked them to the side and trudged down the stairs in his boxer briefs and tee shirt. He followed the trail of music to the kitchen. 

“ _Straight up! What did you hope to learn about here! If I was someone else, would this all fall apart?_ ”

To his surprise and delight, Finn was in the kitchen, bouncing and singing in his bare feet to the song playing. He was dressed only in Sami’s own hoodie and blue briefs. On the kitchen counter sat bags of flour and sugar and mixing bowls; next to that was Gucci.

“Oh hey!” He beamed when he noticed Sami in the doorway. “I’m makin’ breakfast!” 

“I can see that! Need some help?” Sami rubbed his eyes and picked the spot on the counter next to Gucci to lean against. 

“Yeah, sure! Da girls already went out to Wegmans so it’s just you an’ me.” Finn winked, still swaying along. 

Sami blinked hard, unsure if he had imagined the flirtatious nature of that sentence. His eyes trailed to Finn’s bare legs and he briefly scolded himself after noting how smooth and touchable the skin looked. _You’ve only been awake for five minutes and you’re already being a pervert!_

Finn giggled after a moment of silence. Sami snapped back to real life and smiled, silently hoping that his weirdness could be blamed on the early hour.

“I like your legs.” Finn said, eyes angled downward. 

The words confused Sami for a moment, then he frantically double-taked and remembered that he was nearly naked in Finn’s presence. 

“Oh! M-my legs? Ha ha, yeah uh… Do you want some? I don’t need all this.” Sami gestured down to the long, red-hair covered legs he had always despised. 

“Nah, they suit you perfectly.” Finn nodded, still staring. 

Sami felt himself start to squirm under what felt like scrutiny. Sometimes Finn’s eyes felt far too much like magnifying glasses, enlarging any and all imperfections. He searched for a subject change. 

“Thank you… I like your um…” Sami thought fast. 

_Don’t say butt. Please don’t say butt._

“... your undies!” was what he came up with. 

“T’anks! I t’ink these are Rebecca’s actually…” He mumbled, examining himself. “Wanna make some waffles?” 

“Yes please.” 

Finn smiled and turned with his back to Sami so he could wash his hands at the sink. 

_Your undies?_ Sami rolled his eyes, marvelling at his own stupidity. However, while Finn’s backside was presented, he did allow himself an investigative glance at the undies in question. Surely it wasn’t deliberate, but Sami couldn’t help but notice the way the curves of Finn’s bottom were exposed, as if there wasn’t enough fabric in the briefs to cover him completely. 

“What’re you listening to?” He asked, eager for any type of subject change. 

“Matchbox Twenty! My favorite. Here, mix this.” Finn pushed the ingredients over to Sami, who happily got to work. 

So Sami mixed the batter while Finn took a turn doing the singing. He was not good by any stretch but he was having fun doing it and that’s all Sami needed.

“Please don’t change, please don’t break! Cause the only thing that seems to work at all, is you!” He sang while pointing at Sami. 

Just the idea of Finn dedicating songs or lyrics to him was enough to get his heart beating faster.

They borrowed Lexi’s fancy waffle maker instead of dirtying any frying pans. 

The waffles smelled amazing by themselves, but then Finn got the idea to break out the fresh fruit, whipped cream and chocolate sauce. Sami knew the added toppings would lead to a stomach ache, but that was an issue for the future version of himself to deal with. 

Sami was chopping strawberries in quarters (because that’s how it was done at the store) when Finn swooped in with the whipped cream can and squirted a dollop onto the tip of Sami’s nose. 

“I’ve been attacked.” Sami stated, crossing his eyes to see. 

After a giggle fit, Finn stood on his tip-toes to kiss the whipped cream off. It was innocent enough but it still caused a beet-red blush in Sami’s cheeks.

The boys made their plates and sat across from one another at the dining room table. Eating mostly in silence, they exchanged loving glances here and there. 

For once, Sami had nothing to say. He felt perfectly content just sitting and staring. Finn was even cute when he was eating. Gucci was circling their feet, taking bites directly off of their forks. 

With his mouth full, after a mostly wordless breakfast, Finn asked, “Did anyone tell you about da party we’re t’rowing fer Charlotte?”

Sami shook his head. 

“Her birt’day is da first week of April. It’s supposed to be like, da best party of all time, ever. An’ it probably will be ‘cause my sister is planning it.” 

“Mmm.” Sami sawed another piece of chocolate drizzled waffle. “I’m not much of a party guy.” 

Finn gently kicked him under the table. 

“Wha- hey now!” 

“You have to go to this one!” Finn exclaimed, obviously holding back a laugh from Sami’s reaction. 

“Ugh, I don’t wanna.” Sami groaned. 

Sure, he was definitely the most boring seventeen-year-old on earth. He was content with that. Satisfied, even. Nothing about loud, abrasive music or drunken strangers appealed to him. 

“I won’t have fun if you don’t go.” Finn whimpered, bringing out the puppy eyes. “Please?” 

Sami gave his best snarl, focusing on his plate instead of the sparkling blue. 

Then Finn said, softer now, “Baby, _please_?” 

And Sami felt his whole body melt into a puddle on the floor. 

With his own whimper, he nodded. 

“Okay! Alright, I’ll go.” 

“You promise?” Finn pointed his fork. 

“Yes! I promise I’ll go with you. Only for you.” 

Now self-satisfied and smug, Finn happily wiggled in his chair and went back to finish his plate. Sami tried not to audibly grumble, and instead of thinking about what he just suckered himself into, thought about the incredible tone to Finn’s voice. _Baby… That’s me._

After some calm silence, “Have you seen Interstellar?” 

Sami sipped his juice. “I haven’t, no!” 

“Do ya want to? It’s really good!” Finn almost bounced.

Sami bit back the dorky smile he felt coming over him upon seeing how excited Finn looked. “Of course I want to!” 

~

A warm nest was made on the couch, with fluffy blankets and plenty of pillows. Finn had the movie all ready to go, meaning he had been planning on asking Sami to watch it. It was an interesting quirk of his- he was always prepared for the best but seemed to expect the worse. 

Sami settled in, sitting cross-legged on the couch and Finn snuggled next to him, resting his feet on the coffee table. 

While the opening credits rolled, Sami found his gaze drifting over to the pair of legs next to his. Finn had told him before, during one of his over-sharing sessions, that his legs were kept shaved for modeling. And knowing Finn, he probably had some expensive, all-natural cream applied over them that made them look so soft and welcoming and… 

Sami casually reached a hand out and rested it on the inside of the presented thigh. He slowly let his fingertips drag along the skin, finding it just as smooth and velvety as he could have imagined. Bravely, his hand drifted dangerously close to Finn’s undies, but when no protest was made, he kept it there.

Finn hummed as he rested his head on Sami’s shoulder, snaking his arm under and around Sami’s to hold.

Sami kept his hand where it was for the entire two hour and forty-nine minute movie, unsure if he had ever experienced a better feeling before.

~

2:15PM. 

“Oh my god, if you even say the words ‘Rob Thomas’ in front of him, he’ll cry.” Lexi cackled after Sami told her about Finn introducing him to Matchbox Twenty. 

“It’s so weird, I thought he only liked gangster rap.” Sami shrugged and laughed in the passenger side of the truck. Lexi had volunteered to take him home after bringing Rebecca to work. Finn had volunteered to go back to sleep. 

“No. I mean, he _does_ like the rap stuff, but that’s more like, the Instagram version of Finn, y’know? Like the ‘Finn Balor’ social media modeling king. He’s a lot more… sensitive than he lets on. It’s weird. He’s weird.” She said with her signature eye roll. 

Sami’s nose wrinkled. He did not have an Instagram account, and only used the Facebook he had to keep up with relatives and creep on Chad Gable. So the meaning of her words weren’t entirely appreciated.

“Aw, that’s… nice though, right? He’s got like, the side that he shows the world and then the side that he saves for… I dunno, those that matter?” Sami rubbed his open hand on his cotton tee shirt, as if to recreate the softness from Finn’s leg. When he looked back at Lexi, she was making a skeptical face at him. 

“I don’t think it's that deep.”

Sami chuckled to himself and turned the radio up. 

Back at home, his mother inquired about his missing hoodie, frantic over the possibility of him catching a cold. He conveniently forgot to mention that it had been abducted by the boy he spent the morning cuddling with. 

“What did you think of Beck and Finn, Ma?” Sami hesitantly asked, kneeling on the kitchen floor to pet his dogs. 

“Oh, they’re sweet. They seem like good kids.” She said, rinsing off dishes in the sink. 

“Yeah.” Sami nodded, scooping Butterfly up for kisses. 

“Can’t believe how good looking that young man is, though. And he’s got that nice butt, too!” 

Sami choked over the air in his lungs and nearly dropped the puppy. 

“Mom, what?!” 

“Don’t tell me you didn’t notice!” 

“Oh my _gooodd_.” 

Deciding that he and his mother were adequately caught up, Sami trotted upstairs to retreat to his bedroom and listen to every Matchbox Twenty song ever made until he found the perfect one to play during his and Finn’s first dance at their wedding. 

~

Wednesday, April 5. 3:30PM. 

April showers bring May flowers- and a soaking wet Sami to Angels & Devitt’s. 

He stepped inside and shivered off the excess water from his spring jacket. To his delighted surprise, he saw the entire staff, minus the birthday girl Charlotte, standing around the checkout counter, and he was welcomed with cheers and smiles.

“Hey friends!” He grabbed a napkin from the dispenser on the table to wipe his glasses before joining the group. Finn gave him a wink and a hip-bump as soon as he was close enough.

On the counter laid five scraps of printer paper and a pen. 

“Are we having Charlotte’s party here?” Sami sniffled. 

“No! But dat is why everyone is here!” Rebecca raised a finger. “Okay, everyone write yer name on a piece-a paper.” 

The pen was passed around from Rebecca to Finn to Sami to Bayley, with Lexi last. 

“What we’re doing…” Lexi said as she drew a heart over the I in her name, “... Charlotte’s party is on Friday and we’re all invited. But someone has to work. So we’re gonna leave it up to chance.”

“O-oh….” Sami nodded. His eyes shot to Finn, who happily stared back.

This was it. The fabled Best Party Ever. 

Sami had _promised_ that he would go, and yet now found himself silently praying that his name would be selected. 

He’d even volunteer if Finn hadn’t been standing right beside him. 

Bayley collected the scraps up, folding each in halves. 

“Sir?” She held her hand out to Finn, who nodded and removed his snapback. 

Without thinking about it, Sami tidied the mussed hairs from Finn’s forehead. 

Bayley dropped the papers in the hat and gave it a shake so they shuffled about. 

“Alright, Sami.” Rebecca said. “Yer the most neutral here. Pick a name.” 

“What?!” Sami stared at her incredulously. “Uh… alrighty.” 

Partly for added drama and partly to hide the dread that was surely present in his face, Sami clasped a hand over his eyes and stuck the other one in the hat. He hoped for a moment that somehow, either through magic or miracle, that his hand would be drawn to his own name.

He selected one paper, considered it, then dropped it and pulled the next one he felt out. Uncovering his eyes, he held his breath and unfolded the paper. The moment was entirely too suspenseful, and he avoided letting out a sigh when he read the name. 

“Lexi.” He turned the paper to show the group. 

“Yes! It’s finally not me!” Bayley cheered. 

“Aw…” Finn disingenuously mourned. 

Lexi rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest; full pout on display. 

“Well, we get to take Sami to his first party now!” Rebecca tried to liven the group back up. 

Sami blinked hard, feeling his mouth form a line. 

“Yup.” was all he could offer. 

He attempted to make eye contact with Lexi, wondering how he could propose trading spaces without anyone noticing. 

~

 

Friday, April 7. 8:37PM. 

Sami was not able to process the trade.

“Are you just staying there all night?!” His mother shrieked, both of her tiny hands holding one of Finn’s. 

They stood in the front doorway of Sami’s house. Finn’s other hand was absently stroking Tank’s head. Sami was eavesdropping from the other room, under the guise that he was ‘cleaning his glasses’.

Rebecca, Dana and Tye had stayed outside in the running car, since picking Sami up was supposed to be a quick in-and-out situation.

“More den likely? I know I am, at least. It’s in Orchard Park so I don’t t’ink anyone’s gunna wanna drive back.” He answered honestly; a good trait, but it still made Sami nervous. 

“Well, is everyone going to be _drinking_?” Mom whispered the last word, as if it were some filthy secret. 

“I mean, it’s a twenty-first birt’day party?” Finn made a face. “There’s definitely gunna be alcohol.”

Sami crept from the kitchen to the front of the house. 

“But _he’s_ not gonna be drinking, ya know that.” Finn reassured. Sami could only imagine the distress on his mother’s face. 

“Don’t you let him out of your sight!” She said in the trademark whisper-scream. 

“He’ll be fine!” Finn said, through a giggle. “But I wasn’t plannin’ on leavin’ him. Even if I did, Tye will be dere, Dana’s goin’, my sister.” 

Annoyance reared its head. 

Did he _really_ need to be assigned a babysitter? He didn’t even want to go! Now he was being treated like a liability or burden. He could handle himself.

Sami made his presence known, apathetic to if his grumbling thoughts showed through. 

The weather was starting to warm up, and his favorite hoodie had yet to be returned to him, so he opted for a red flannel shirt over a plain white tee with black jeans. Finn’s outfit was incredibly similar; only difference being his denim button down instead of flannel. Of course, however, the simple garb looked stunning when _he_ wore it. 

“Ready to go?” Finn called out over Mom’s shoulder. Sami nodded and leaned over to kiss his mother’s cheek. She was obviously reluctant to let him go, but gave her best ‘have fun!’ as they left. 

Once the door was closed and the fresh spring air surrounded them, Finn helped himself to grasping Sami’s hand, if only for the brief walk up the block to the truck. 

“Are you excited?” He asked with a sly looking smile. 

Sami tried not to swoon and quickly coached himself on how to appear independent. His natural instinct was to admit his nervousness. 

“Meh, should be fun.” He came back with instead, keeping his voice as flat as possible.

Finn shot him a glance, slight worry evident from the way his sculpted brows furrowed. He could have questioned further, but to Sami’s relief, just squeezed his hand instead. 

In the parked car, Tye was sitting driver seat with his body angled backward, talking to Dana and Rebecca in the back. Sami’s shotgun spot was reserved, as always. 

With no more words spoken to each other, Sami and Finn climbed into their saved seats in the car. 

“Sami, you look cute!” Dana chirped. He noticed her blonde hair was brighter than normal, styled in a high pony. 

“Thank you, I’m trying my best.” Sami pulled his seat forward as much as his legs would allow so Finn wasn’t crushed behind him. 

“Uh, hey bud?” Tye asked, sounding unsure.

“Yes?” 

Sami casually looked over as Tye took off his hat to reveal that his long hair had been chopped completely, with only a shoulder's length remaining. Dana had shaved his neck, an elaborate pattern cut into the short brown stubble. 

“WHAT.” Sami sat up straight in a jolt. 

“Do you hate it?!” Tye’s voice cracked. 

“I was in the mood to do hair! Doesn’t it look great?” Dana piped up again. 

“It’s… different!” Sami tried to smile. 

“I dunno if I like it and your response is _not_ helping, dude.” He pulled his hat back on and pulled away from the curb, sounds of snickering coming from the back. 

“I mean… I love you?” Sami tried. 

Tye only groaned and directed them off to Orchard Park. 

~

9:19PM. 

Google Maps said it was a twenty-six minute drive, but hadn’t taken Tye’s manic driving into consideration. 

Charlotte’s house was picturesque. The front door was bookended by gorgeous pillars, behind a magnificent staircase. It sat right atop a grassy hill, past a vast front lawn. 

Sami had heard about the wealth in Charlotte’s family, but had no idea how _extravagant_ even a house could be. He felt himself shrivel on the inside, suddenly self conscious about his clothes from Target. 

The driveway already had cars lining it, and Tye had to park on the street after doing a few loops to search. Sami had recognized Bayley’s car as one of the closer ones to the door. 

He tried to issue himself a miniature pep talk before Tye’s grand bravado interrupted. 

“Alright, party people, let’s go!” He turned his hat backwards and leapt from the driver’s seat. Dana, Rebecca and Finn poured out as well, giving Sami merely a moment to mumble a prayer before following. 

Sami trudged slightly behind his friends, moody as ever. 

Finn stopped before the staircase and waited for him to catch up, extending his hand to hold before they walked in. 

The look of pained concern on his face hit Sami like a smack. 

_You need to drop your attitude!_ His brain screamed at him, sounding dangerously similar to his mother. _Don’t ruin this for Finnie._

Sami took Finn’s hand, bringing it to his lips to kiss the knuckles before joining the group and walking through the front door. 

“We’re gunna have fun, right?” Finn asked him. 

Sami nodded, biting the inside of his cheek. “Yeah… I think so.” 

~

10:39PM.

The music was entirely too loud, and it wasn’t good music.

There was no food- not even little snacks. Only alcohol.

The house was literally **packed** with strangers. 

Sami was not having fun. 

Tye had started shooting liquor as soon as they walked in, thus eliminating one of the few people he could talk to. 

That is, if anyone could even hear themselves think over this garbage hip-hop. 

Sami felt himself sneering as Dana and Bayley teamed up to drag him this way and that way. He was the ever-familiar third wheel; sometimes fourth or fifth wheel when they ran into people they knew. They chattered about useless fluff; never anything of value or interest. 

At one point when Dana was pulling him over to greet someone, he bumped into a random partygoer and caused that person to spill his drink. A vague apology was screamed and more than likely not heard, making him despair even more. 

Despite this being her party, Charlotte was nowhere to be found. Sami had only seen a glimpse of her icy-blonde hair once, flanked by fiery-orange, holding a giant whiskey bottle as they walked from one room to the next. 

The worst part, however, was how quickly he managed to lose Finn. They had walked in holding hands and danced to one or two songs together before their friends pulled them into opposite directions. That was the only shred of a good time Sami had so far. 

He managed to slink away from Dana and Bayley to explore the lesser-occupied parts of the magnificent house. 

One of the many bathrooms had a vanity with two sinks like the ones his mother lusted after when she watched House Hunters. He adjusted his curls in the mirror, trying to give himself that ‘apathetic bad boy’ look, before brushing everything back to his usual ‘good boy’ style and sighing.

He wandered the hallways, where cheerleading and gymnastics photos of young Charlotte hung. They somehow made his bad mood worse, as he lamented about his mother not having any photos like that of him, since he was never good at anything. 

It may have been rude or frowned-upon to head up the stairs, away from all the socialization, but he was bored and unhappy enough that he didn’t care. 

The stairs leading to the second floor were spiraled, with the top hidden from the first level. He wandered around hallways, not daring to open any doors. With a sigh of defeat, he eventually pressed his back to the wall and slid down. Legs crossed, he mindlessly played with his phone for a few minutes before the sounds of footsteps interrupted his peace. 

To his annoyance (but granted, slight relief) the steps were from his favorite feet as Finn tiptoed near. 

“Hey.” He said gently, as one would when approaching a wild deer. 

“Hey yourself.” Sami said, maintaining a bratty smirk. 

Finn hesitantly walked beside him, only to join him on the floor right after. There was a moment of tense silence, apparent even while the music blasted from downstairs. Finn fidgeted in place.

“Hey look-” Finn abruptly started, after realizing that Sami was not willing to speak first. 

“Look, I know you’re miserable an’ I dragged you here.”

“Uh huh.” Sami acted smarmy as possible, scrolling his Facebook feed without actually seeing any of the posts. 

“An’ I’m sorry I ditched ya, it’s just I saw all dese people I haven’t seen in ages and I got caught up an’ lost track of time, den I couldn’t find ya and-” 

“Yeah, I know...” Sami whispered, phone now discarded. He instead was completely occupied with picking his cuticles. He heard Finn exhale through his nose; something he always did when he was thinking too much. 

“How ‘bout this?” Finn offered. “They got a bonfire goin’ in the back… Do you wanna go out with me? Just you an’ me, we can spend the rest of the night toget’er.” 

Sami finally looked back into his eyes, finding an unusual type of pleading behind them. 

“Promise?” He asked, so quietly that Finn had to read his lips to understand. 

“Of course I promise.” 

He leaned in to nuzzle their noses together, cracking Sami’s grumpy demeanor. 

“C’mon.” Finn stood and held out his hand for Sami to grasp and use to pull himself up. Their fingers entwined as Sami felt himself smile and start to feel alright again. 

~

Outside, a few odd dozen people were gathered around the fire, either sat in lawn chairs or on the ground. 

Severed logs had been placed closest to the fire pit, carved to be flat on top, making for rustic seats. Finn and Sami claimed the last unoccupied spot there.

The moment they had sat, their hands went from clasped together to all over each other. Fingers ran through hair, shoulders and thighs were squeezed and rubbed, blushing cheeks were kissed. It was as if they were the only two there, completely unbothered and uninterested by anyone else’s presence. 

This was all Sami had wanted, and not just today. 

Finn lightly nipped behind Sami’s ear before trailing kisses down his jaw to his neck, making him shiver and hum. Before Finn could reach his collarbone, Sami grabbed him by his chin and brought his face back up until their eyes met. 

From his peripheral, Sami could tell that quite a few people had left the area. He smirked at the thought of them leaving due to discomfort from their display. Finn matched his expression.

“What’s up, baby…” He breathlessly mumbled against Sami’s lips. It wasn’t a question- it came off more as a dare. _How many more people can we make leave?_

This was it.

This was his chance. 

Sami tried to think of something clever to say. 

_You’re kissing me all over but… You missed a spot? What’s up with... smooching me? Hey… we should make out?_

Finn tempted him with his trademark lip bite. 

Sami mustered all the courage he had ever possessed in his life. Every day had lead up to this. He was going to do it. He was going to have his first kiss. Right now. 

Just… have to… lean in… and…

“Finn! Come ‘ere!” Bayley’s voice chimed in from across the lawn. 

Finn perked up, doe eyes aimed to the source of the noise. 

Bayley and Rebecca were waving him over, apparently not concerned by him nearly straddling Sami in public.

“Wat?!” He yelled back, annoyance extremely obvious.

“Chad’s on the phone!” Bayley pointed inside. Charlotte could be seen in the background, pacing and holding her phone before her face; probably on FaceTime with Chad. 

Sami felt that ever-present despair creep up his spine again, bringing anything in his stomach up with it. 

“Oh…” Finn looked back at him, flustered. “Sami- I…” 

“Go on.” Sami mumbled, eyes towards the crackling fire. 

“Are you sure? I can always talk to him later, I-”

“It’s fine, go on.” Sami felt his head shake against his will. He manually unwrapped his fingers from around Finn’s waist and released him. 

Finn pranced over to the door and disappeared inside the house. 

Sami exhaled hard. Since there weren’t many people around, he allowed his head to fall into his hands. Surely if anyone had been watching, they would be thinking to themselves about what a loser he was. 

At this point, he was too sad to care. 

He was aware that he could invite himself into the house with the others, maybe say hello to Chad for the first time, then continue where he and Finn left off in a more private setting. 

But, Finn _promised_ that they would be together the rest of the night. 

And here Sami was, broken hearted and now shivering since the heat from the other body left his. 

Swallowing and blinking to avoid vomiting or crying or both, Sami retrieved his phone from his pocket so he could appear occupied, but before he could start the charade, the shape of a body blocked out the light from the fire. 

Embarrassingly, his head sprang up, in hopes that Finn had returned to him, but he was met with a new person instead. 

“Hey.” 

He, a short and thick-built boy with short dirty blond hair and a cigarette between his lips, made himself comfortable in the place where Finn once sat. 

“Hello?” Sami couldn’t even make the attempt to sound friendly anymore. 

“Y’know, you owe me some dry-cleaning money.” He said, gesturing to his tacky Lynyrd Skynyrd work shirt. There was a noticeable wet spot right at the chest… where Sami had caused him to spill his drink earlier. 

“Oh! Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry about that.” Sami faked a chuckle. He was actually sorry, of course, but was using too much energy being upset about Finn to focus on anything else. 

“That’s okay! I’m Dash, by the way.” He took a drag from his cigarette and offered a hand to shake. 

“Oh, hello.” Sami shook his hand. “Sami, nice to meet you.” 

“Sami… Cute name for an even cuter face.” Dash winked. 

Sami felt his stomach drop. He looked all over Dash’s (admittedly, pretty good-looking) face, as if searching for some sort of sarcasm. 

He found none- just a comforting smile. 

“Oh… gosh. Thank you.” Sami tried to relax his tightened shoulders. 

“No problem, just stating fact. I’ve been trying to find you since you bumped into me. I love a tall guy.” Dash’s eye contact was unwavering. 

Sami felt his body becoming warm, although he couldn’t tell if it was from nerves or excitement. He was… He was being hit on. Legitimately! Sami himself!

“Well… I got legs for days.” Sami stretched the long limbs out and crossed them at the ankles. Dash’s eyes intently moved all the way up and down, like a dog staring at a treat. 

“Yeah… I could probably climb you, if you’d let me.”

Sami accidentally let out a laugh at the sheer absurdity of the sentence, but found himself leaning in closer to the other boy despite it. He struggled to think of a comeback, but luckily Dash took the floor again. 

“Tall and cute… You’re a perfect catch, y’know that?” He took a final drag from his cigarette before dropping it and stomping out the ember. 

“You’d be the only one who thinks so…” Sami faked shyness, hoping that the facade would lead to Dash complimenting him more. 

“I mean it… What are you even doing here all alone?” He said, quieter now. The little rumbles in his voice actually made Sami swoon, much like the ones in Finn’s voice did. 

“I came here with friends. I work with Charlotte so a group of us came… but… everyone ditched me.” He shrugged. It was a white lie- he himself had slipped away from the girls. 

“That’s crazy… I been here all night and haven’t found anything worth seeing until just now.” Dash winked again. 

Sami couldn’t help himself now. He knew he was giggling like an idiot, leaning into this complete stranger and flirting back, as much as he could. 

“You like what you’re seeing?” He tried his hand at teasing, only ending up laughing at himself mid-sentence. It didn’t matter. 

“Yes, I do. I like your little laugh. And your hair.” 

Without permission and without second-guessing himself, Dash grabbed a fistful of Sami’s hair, much rougher than anything Finn had ever done. 

Surprisingly, Sami just felt himself get hotter and made no objections.

He was now completely oblivious to the rest of the party, much like he had been when Finn’s hands were in his hair. There was no doubt that later on, he would scold himself for being so hungry for attention, but right now it felt perfectly fun and healthy and normal. 

Yeah… Normal. 

He was being a normal teen, at a party packed with people, speaking to new people like other normal teens did. 

_Didn’t think I had it in me._

~*~

Finn slipped out of the backdoor of Charlotte’s house. He had every intention of returning to his spot next to Sami and continuing their love fest but stopped short when he saw his seat taken. 

Sami was laughing and smiling and so was the guy next to him. 

Finn hadn’t seen him smile all night… and felt his own practically melt off of his face. 

Checking in with Chad had been fun, and of course they promised to talk more than they had been as of late. Had he not been using Charlotte’s phone, Finn surely would have taken a moment to gush about the redhead waiting for him outside. 

But there he stood, completely frozen in place, watching another person touch Sami’s copper-colored hair. Watching another person keep Sami company and make him happy, after Finn had broken his promise to do just that. Another person making Sami’s party experience worth while, after the only reason he had even agreed to come was from Finn forcing him. 

He may as well have been watching himself be cut open and gutted. 

The panic set in, and Finn’s nerves suddenly felt aflame. He ran back into the house to find someone- fucking _anyone_ \- to take this feeling away. 

~*~

11:58PM. 

Sami had lost track of time while talking to Dash. As it turned out, they were both fans of watching but not playing sports, both liked 70’s era music, and both really liked saying kind and overly-flirtatious things about each other. 

At this point, Sami had just assumed that Finn found more interesting people to talk to and abandoned him once more. It hurt his feelings, for sure, but he tried to give all his attention to his new friend instead of crying about it. 

Unfortunately, he was interrupted once again when Dana ran out from the house’s backdoor, holding Tye’s wrist as he was quite literally dragging behind her. 

“Sami, let’s go!” She called across the lawn. 

“Wha-” He whipped around just in time to watch her pull Tye’s limp body onto her shoulders in a fireman’s carry. From his new perch, Tye could be heard saying mostly gibberish. Something vague about pancakes. 

“Oh my gosh…” He pinched the bridge of his nose once he realized that Tye had drank himself into near-unconsciousness. 

“That your ride?” Dash said, looking disappointed. 

“Ugh, yeah. I gotta head out. Really great talking to you, though!” Sami stood up and moved to run towards Dana, but was stopped when Dash grabbed his wrist. 

“Wait! Lemme get your phone number!” He said with urgency. 

“Uhhh-” 

“SAMI LET’S GO.” Dana called, furious now. 

“Hang on!” He screamed back, clumsily unlocked his phone and threw it at Dash, who in turn, handed his over. 

Sami spelled his own name wrong in his haste but made sure the number was correct, before reclaiming his device and running over to his friend. 

Dana’s pillow lips were pursed, irritation and impatience making up her whole face. 

“I just gotta go say goodbye to Finn first-” 

“No, we have to go! Finn’s not even here anymore.” Dana rolled her eyes and snatched up Sami’s wrist. She pulled him and supported Tye on her shoulders literally effortlessly. 

“What, where did he-” 

“WHERE ARE YOUR KEYS.” She snarled into Tye’s ear. Sami noticed his hat was missing, and his long platinum hair bounced with each step Dana took. 

“I WANT PANCAKES.” Tye shrieked back, sounding near tears. 

~

Tye had been unceremoniously shoved in the back seat and his pockets searched until his keys were found. 

Sami was afraid to make a noise until Dana calmed down, but she had been going thirty miles over the speed limit for ten minutes now so he figured _no time like the present_. 

“I guess I’ll just text Finn that we left?” He said hypothetically, as if he hadn’t heard her earlier. “He’ll probably wanna know that we did…” 

“Uhh, good luck with that.” Dana smirked. 

“What do you mean?” Sami dared. 

“Well, he went back to The Gigolo House with Dean after you and uh, Douche over there were getting all warm and comfy. So he’s probably a _leeetle_ too busy to answer any texts.” 

Sami felt every word she spoke as if it were a knife. He felt a tingle in his spine, as if some awful inevitable thing was happening, but his curiosity couldn’t be contained. 

“They went… They went to where?” 

Her face contorted to some rare ugly thing, as if she had never been more inconvenienced in her whole life. 

“You’ll just have to ask him!” She growled. 

“Dana, please…” Tye’s weak voice snuck up from behind them. “Can we please go to Denny’s…” 

“You’re gonna be lucky if I ever take you anywhere ever again!” She shouted into the rearview mirror. Tye whimpered a response.

Sami reluctantly pulled his phone back out, frowning when he noticed no new messages. Ignoring all the worry in his belly, he typed out:

 **hey, sorry we left without saying goodbye. Tye is a mess right now and Dana wanted to go. But I had fun with you. And I’ll see you later I hope! :)** and hit ‘send’. 

They drove back to Dana’s parents house in the north side of Buffalo where Sami shared Dana’s bed with her as Tye was banished to a couch. 

He closed his eyes and tried to rest. Like most other nights, his thoughts were consumed with Finn. Usually they soothed him to sleep, but tonight, he stayed up and formulated some sort of apology or plea to get Finn to text him back.

Maybe Finn was angry at him? Maybe Finn hated him? Maybe he never wanted to see Sami’s stupid face ever again. 

Whatever it may have been, at the end of the night, Sami found himself just hoping that Finn was happy.


	15. Fifteen

Sunday, April 9. 4:00PM. 

Sami smirked to himself when he discovered that username ‘samizayn’ hadn’t been taken on Instagram. Once again, his unique name remained his best trait.

It had been a few days since Lexi sneered at the mention of Finn’s social media presence and also a few days since Sami had received a text from the angel boy. 

Of course, he had spent plenty of time worrying himself to the point of nausea over why on earth Finn was ignoring him. He had sent another text, something something ‘I hope you’re not mad at me but it’s okay if you are’ something… but that hadn’t warranted a response either. 

He tried not to think about it. Finn had no reason to be mad at him, after all. And text back or no, they would see each other on Tuesday.

Until then, with silence from Finn and him being too shy to ask anyone else for whatever his username was, Sami used Instagram’s ‘sync contacts’ feature and watched all his friends pop up. He tapped follow on ‘rebeccaquinxo’ ‘blissbakery’ and ‘tyedillinger10’ before finding ‘finnbalor’. Just seeing the name caused his breath to hitch in his throat. Before tapping follow, an examination was given to the profile.

The profile photo looked like a modeling headshot, and Sami’s eyebrows raised when he noticed that more than five-thousand people followed Finn. His eyes drifted to the bio section. It read: **100% Irish. I like iced coffee and boys with red hair. Pay me to wear your clothes.** followed by a business email.

Sami blinked hard. “I like boys with red hair…” he read out loud, as if he had been mistaken earlier. _I’m one of those._

He scrolled downward and almost instantly felt his eyes glass over at the sheer beauty of Finn’s photos. There were modeling shots of Finn in expensive-looking jackets, some of him holding Gucci, some of him beside Rebecca. Even his bathroom-mirror selfies were breathtaking. 

One photo, however, made Sami’s heart stop completely. 

It was a shot from inside the coffee shop, Brew. The plain wood table was instantly recognizable. Finn had to be the one taking the photo here, since the person sitting at the table, holding an iced coffee and smiling was Sami himself. 

He gawked at the photo, mentally replaying the day Finn had begged his permission to take a photo of him during their date. He said Sami looked extra cute that day. 

The photo was captioned, “ **my two favorite things** ” with a multitude of hearts.

Sami’s curiosity grew when he noticed a few comments under the photo. He tapped to read them all, eager to have his heart broken over something horrible a stranger could have written about him. 

Amazingly, some comments only contained smiley faces or hearts. One, from a username he could not decipher as any of his friends, read “ **who’s the cutie?** ” 

Sami mumbled, “That’s me…” to himself, feeling a smile pull at his lips. Then, he noticed that Finn had replied to that very comment, answering “ **my baby** ” with a kissing face.

His eyes grew so wide that they threatened to pop free from his skull. He read the question and the answer over and over, and double-checked that the photo was indeed of himself before busting out in a fit of hysterical laughter. 

Feeling bold, he decided to add his own comment to the photo. **I loved this day.**

Giggling and feeling a strange but uplifting rush of blood throughout his whole body, Sami continued to scroll and examine every one of Finn’s photos until he reached the pre-breakup ones with Chad. Not wanting to spoil a good mood, he went to exit Instagram and lock his phone up to go do some chores when a new text came in. 

The contact read ‘Dash Wilder’. Sami audibly said “Oh!”, after having mostly forgotten their time talking. He opened the text. 

**What’s cookin, good lookin.**

A scoff. _How cheesy… sounds like something I would say._

Sami considered not even responding. Clearly, since Finn referred to him as his baby, he never needed to talk to another person ever again. But, never wanting to seem rude, he typed back some vague greeting. Smiley face emoji. Whatever. 

His parents were out grocery shopping and Sami had promised to organize the DVD’s in their absence so he padded in his barefeet to the living room. Butterfly and Tank followed him around, as if he was doing anything of interest. 

There were two giant bookcases behind the couch in the living room, all shelves filled to the brim with new and old DVD’s. Some hadn’t been touched in years, surely. 

Sami took one look at the miserable scene and decided he would need a cup of coffee before taking on this beast of a task. 

The Keurig was started up and he selected a blueberry flavored cup. While it brewed, he re-opened Instagram to check out the brilliant and beautiful cakes Lexi had posted on her account. He went back over a year ago to see a birthday cake- one half decorated with dinosaurs and the other half with pugs. It read ‘Happy Birthday Prince Finn & Princess Rebecca’ in icing. Sami found himself grinning over it while he sugared his coffee. 

Lysol wipes and paper towels were grabbed from under the sink and he walked back to the dining room. His coffee was set on the table and the couch pulled away from the wall. With only a little strain, he managed to navigate it over to the opposing wall, giving himself plenty of room to work. The dogs helped themselves to hop on the couch cushions and watch him. 

Another text came in, making his heart skip a beat. 

Disappointingly, it was from Dash. 

**I had a really good time getting to know you and seeing those long legs ;)**

Sami smirked, and took a moment to consider if he was even interested in flirting with Dash anymore. Organizing DVD’s was boring and tedious, and he had no one else to talk to, so he responded, but kept everything mild. 

**Me too. Sorry if I ruined your shirt haha.**

He placed his phone on the floor and started removing DVD cases from the shelves. Each case was given an individual wipe to remove any dust or dirt, then once a shelf was cleared, he wiped all in and around the corners. Some of the wipes came up black after he used them, making him marvel at how long he’d waited before doing this. 

The room quickly became too quiet, however, so Sami turned the television on and selected one of the channels that played music instead of shows. He had been put in the mood for 70’s hits for a few days so he selected that one and got back to work while singing along to “California Dreamin’”. 

Dash texted back after he finished wiping another shelf. **Naw, don’t worry about my shirt. Next time I see you, u can make it up to me by taking yours off**.

Another loud burst of laughter escaped Sami’s throat. He didn’t recall Dash being this… _forward_ when they talked. He had said something about his ability to ‘go hard all day and all night’ which Sami had misinterpreted being about exercising. Now, what he meant seemed more apparent. 

Before he could think of a response to deter anymore suggestive ideas, Dash texted again. 

**I wanna see your cute face again** .

Sami’s nose wrinkled. _That’s… harmless I suppose._

He tapped the camera icon and held his phone out in front of his face. Looking as innocent as possible, he plainly smiled, snapped the photo and sent it off. His phone was left alone for another few minutes after that, and one bookcase was completely cleaned. All the movies had been left in stacks so he could alphabetize them later. He moved down to the other bookcase to start the same thing again as Manfred Mann’s “Blinded By The Light” started to play. 

Sami was busily singing along with the complicated verses when Dash replied. 

**Wow.** It said. Sami didn’t even bother unlocking his phone for that one. He knew his face wasn’t ‘wow’ worthy. Not sure what this guy was thinking. 

Butterfly carefully hopped down from the couch to join him, making special care to knock over one of the DVD piles. 

“Baby girl, I was fixing that!” He scolded between laughs, unable to maintain any stern tone of voice while her tail swished back and forth. 

Another text. 

_Finn?!_

He tapped his phone to check, almost sighed when it was Dash again, then found his jaw slack at the message. 

**Your skin is so milky… I wanna drink it.**

“Wha…” His brow knit so tightly that it became sore. He tried typing a response, deleted it, started over with something different, deleted that as well… Finally he became so confused that he exited Dash’s chat window, opened the one with Tye and hit the FaceTime button. 

Tye answered after less than three rings, as he always did. Sami’s screen was filled with the visual of Tye washing his hands in his parents kitchen sink. 

“Sam, I’m glad you called, dude. How long do you microwave Hot Pockets for?” He yelled, as if Sami wouldn’t be able to hear him over the whooshing water of the sink. The short hair with the long fringe, which Sami had now grown to love, was tied up.

“Two minutes for one, three minutes for two. Hey, are you in the middle of something?” 

“Well, I’m soon to be balls deep in some Hot Pockets, what’s up?” Tye shut the water off and dried his hands. 

“Okay, just eat them, don’t get crazy, please. Uh I need your advice on something.” Sami asked, smirking at his own dumb face in the corner of his screen. Butterfly had now seized her opportunity and made a nest in Sami’s now un-moving lap. 

“Shoot.” Tye rested his phone against the timer on his mother’s oven so it remained upright. 

“You remember that guy I was talking to at the party? Dash?” 

“Uhhh…” Tye fought with the Hot Pocket box until he ended up ripping an entire corner off. “If I'm honest?… I don’t remember anything from that party.” 

“Okay, well, I was talking to this guy after Finn like, left me. And we were flirting, it was whatever. But now he’s sending me really weird texts and I don’t know how to respond.” 

“What kinda weird? Like, he’s tryna fuck?” 

“I guess!” Sami sighed. “I mean, maybe?” 

“What is he saying?” 

Sami exited the FaceTime screen to pull his texts back up and read them verbatim. As he could have predicted, the last one had Tye doubled over in laughter. 

“Like, what does that mean?!” Sami asked, unable to stifle his own chuckles. 

“He wants to DRINK YOU.” Tye howled. “Please send me a screenshot of that!” 

“I will. But how do I respond?!” Sami tried to get him back on track. 

Tye took a deep breath and wiped a tear from his eye. 

“Ah… Well.” He started. “Do you _want_ him to drink your milky skin?” 

“Not really?” Sami shrugged. “I never even thought of myself as very milky but… I’m the only one in the family who doesn’t tan, it’s not fair.”

“Then you should probably request that he uh, not do that.” Tye said matter-of-factly. 

“How do you say that without being weird?” Sami groaned. 

“Tell him you’re not a milkshake, I dunno?” Tye said absently as he pushed buttons on the microwave next to the oven. 

“Alright, I’ll… do my best?” Sami said. “Have fun with your Pockets.” 

“Thank you. Lemme know how it works out, Milk Boy.” 

“Stop.” 

Tye ended the call. 

To his dismay, another text from Dash had come in during his call. 

**I wanna bite you all up and down your neck.. Give you some color** read this one. 

“Oh my god…” Sami felt his cheeks flush, this time not from feeling complimented or flattered. Dash had managed to take an extremely boring and simple conversation from zero to a hundred in only three texts and Sami was extremely uncomfortable. 

Now he mentally berated himself for ever seeming like he was interested or flirting back. Of course, he could have never predicted that the conversations would turn this way. He was just _so_ lonely when Dash first approached him… This had to be karma, he thought. 

**Oh gosh, that’s super flattering…** He lied, grateful that his voice couldn’t be heard over text. 

_But…_ He thought, wondering if Dash could see the typing bubble as he tried to come up with an innocent response. 

_But… frick what would Finn say, what would Finn… Oh! Finn!_ A lightbulb appeared over Sami’s head as the perfect cop-out excuse made itself known. 

He typed, **I actually have a boyfriend that I’m very faithful to.** and hit send before he could feel guilty about it. 

Where was the harm? Sure, Finn hadn’t talked to him in over two days. And yeah sure, Finn was probably furious with him for some unknown reason but he had called him his baby on that one Instagram photo and that was enough. 

**Oh yeah** Dash texted back after a moment. **I know your boyfriend and he’s a fucking douche nozzle. Good luck with that. Bye.**

Sami clutched his chest. Not only was the choice of language alarming, but he felt genuine offense over anyone saying anything less-than-complimentary about Finn.

“Heavens…” He mumbled and asked Dash what he meant by that. Although, when the message never ‘delivered’, he realized that his number had been blocked. 

_Hmpf!_ He thought. _What the heck bothered him so much._

Deciding to not think about it, he snapped a screenshot of the texts, sent it off to Tye and promptly deleted the entire conversation after. 

Any other day, it would have been tempting to sit and despair over whatever Dash meant, but Sami was left giddy by the sound of his own lie. 

He giggled to himself and whispered, “Sorry, I have a boyfriend… His name is Finn.” 

Butterfly was gingerly removed from his lap and the rest of the second bookcase was finished. A random DVD case was picked up. 

“Oh yeah, me and my boyfriend love Star Wars!” Sami’s voice spiked high with glee. Butterfly tried to distract him from his work by licking his hand. 

“Me and my boyfriend have the cutest puppy!” He said, rubbing her ears. 

At this point, he may as well have been floating around the room instead of walking. A stupid grin was plastered on his face as he found more and more examples around the room. _My boyfriend Finn only ever drinks iced coffee! My boyfriend has the cutest laugh. Oh, my mom loves my boyfriend!_ It sounded incredible. 

The movies were organized completely, from About Schmidt to Zootopia. He finished just in time, just a few minutes shy of when his parents arrived home. 

While carrying grocery bags inside, his father actually stopped to ask what he was smiling about. 

“Oh y’know… Just in a good mood!” He said, setting the bags on the kitchen table so Tank wouldn’t be able to root through them. 

_I can’t wait for my boyfriend to meet my dad..._ was the last thought he had before retreating to his room, causing himself to bite his own lip to stifle another giggle.

~

Monday, April 10. 2:45AM. 

Sami jolted awake from the sound of his phone ringing. 

He turned over in his bed, legs tangled in blankets, and blindly grasped for his phone. Eyes searing from the brightness, he managed to read ‘Finn’ as the contact calling him. He accepted the call. 

“Hullo…?” Sami squeaked. He heard nothing other than Finn’s breathing for a moment and it nearly lulled him back to sleep. 

“I’m sorry, Sami.” Finn finally spoke. There was something different about his voice now. It was solemn, almost emotionless. Nothing like what a genuine apology sounded like. 

“About what?” Sami asked weakly, snuggling his head back into his pillow, eyes closed again. He was much too sleepy to recognize that this was odd behavior. 

“Not answerin’ you.” 

“It’s okayyy…” Sami yawned into the receiver. 

Another moment of silence. 

“Can you come out with me right now?” Finn breathed. 

“Mmm… What do you mean?” 

“Can I see you right now? I really need to… I need to see you.” 

“What time izzit?” Sami stretched his limbs out and rolled into a more comfortable position. 

“Almost 3AM in da mornin’.” Finn said, sounding hesitant. 

“You should be sleepin’, Finnie…” 

“I can’t.” 

“Mmmm…” Sami fought away from the wonderful feeling of his flannel sheets. For the first night in recent memory, Butterfly hadn’t joined him in bed so he was able to completely sprawl out. Sleepiness clouded his head, but he tried to shake himself and take some deep breaths to waken his body up. 

He pushed himself up from the surface of the mattress to rest on his forearm. 

“Where are you?” He asked with another yawn, voice starting to become clear. 

“Outside yer house in da truck.” Finn said plainly. 

At that, Sami’s eyes shot open. What if the truck’s engine was too loud and his parents would wake up?! 

“Wait, what!?” 

“Yeah. Can I see you right now?” 

“Um! Oh gosh, Finn.” Sami struggled to free himself from his blankets, feeling his heart race with worry and sudden adrenaline. 

He thought about coming up with a lie about why he couldn’t see Finn. Momentarily, he even considered feigning anger towards Finn. But judging from the sound of his voice, Finn needed help. He needed it now. 

“I’ll be right out, okay… Can you like, park a few houses down?” 

“Okay.” Finn mumbled and hung up before Sami could add anything else. 

Sami, now completely awake and trembling from the pounding in his chest, was faced with quite a conundrum. 

He had never been one to sneak out. Never had a need for it. He didn’t drink or party and his best friend was never one to miss a full eight hours of sleep, at least. If the dogs were stirred at all, they would bark relentlessly until his dad calmed them. Because of this, the idea of changing his clothes seemed impractical, in case just the sound of his dresser drawers opening and closing set them off. 

So, clad in pajama pants and a tank top, he yanked a sweater from a hanger in the closet and started his delicate journey to the side door. 

After living in the same house for seventeen years, he knew the hardwood floors were worn and creaky. However, he had found a way around them during countless trips downstairs for glasses of water in the middle of the night. 

The trick was to tiptoe across the sides of the floors, with his body pressed to the wall. Any other circumstance would have found him smiling at how silly he looked, creeping along like a bad Mission Impossible knockoff. Tonight, there was simply no room to joke. 

The stairs were climbed at an excruciating pace, perhaps as slow as one stair per minute. He held onto the railing because knowing his luck, he was almost guaranteed to trip and tumble down them without the added balance. 

Once he made it to the first floor, he unlocked the side door and opened it just a crack, barely enough for his slim frame to shimmy out. 

Once he reached the back hall, he couldn’t help but let out a sigh of relief and relished in the ability to walk and breathe normally. 

He held the doorknob of the side door with both hands to keep it from rattling and stepped outside. 

The air was much colder than he could have anticipated, and as soon as he reached it, he realized that he had forgotten his phone upstairs. There was no way he could silently make his way back up again to grab it, so with a shrug, he trudged to the front to find the truck. 

Finn had parked almost a whole block away, the taillights being the only clue to help Sami find him. He jogged up the block to the running truck and let himself into the passenger side. 

“Hey!” He said, still happy to see Finn despite the bizarre situation.

“Hey yourself…” Finn muttered, quoting Sami himself. 

“What are you… Oh.” Sami attempted to question him, but was stopped when he noticed Finn’s gaunt appearance. 

There were pronounced bags under his half-lidded eyes. His stubble had grown in too much, making him look unkempt. He hadn’t slept in days- that much was obvious.

Sami recognized his own hoodie on the smaller body. 

“What’s going on…” Sami started again, much softer now. 

Finn licked at his dry-looking lips. 

“I did somethin’ really stupid.” He whispered, looking away from Sami and towards the empty road. 

“Do you… Do you wanna talk about it?” Sami asked, feeling stupid as soon as he did. He wouldn’t be in the truck at 3AM unless Finn wanted at least, a discussion. 

“Yeah…” Finn breathed for a moment, fingers lightly drumming on the steering wheel. “Where’s that pier you were tellin’ me about?” 

“Uh… Broderick Park? You go up the street here, then make a left on West Delavan until Niagara then you make a left to the bridge, then a right until you run into it.” 

“Okay.” Finn pulled the truck into drive and pulled away without further words. 

Sami, after doing his research, recognized the song playing was by Matchbox Twenty and turned it up. 

Finn focused on the road, keeping both hands on the steering wheel. 

Sami fidgeted awkwardly for the first few blocks, quietly singing along to “Push”. He wanted to reach out and take Finn’s hand; give him some shred of comfort as he drove. 

He folded his hands in his lap instead. 

Broderick Park was a small island, separated from the United States by a canal, known as the Foot of Ferry. It sat between the canal and the Niagara River. Past the river was Canada, where all of Sami’s family were asleep right now. 

Finn made the right turn to cross the bridge over the canal and found a spot to park with ease. 

The park itself was modest, with grass and trees and benches like all other parks. A snack shop was locked up tight in the center of the park, and past that was the concrete pier, jutting out far as the eye could see. On the canal side, ducks and geese could be found resting and wading. The river side featured eroded rocks, perfect for climbing if the climber had a flair for danger. A wrong step would find a human easily swept away into the rushing current of the river. 

Sami had climbed the rocks countless times. 

“Wanna go for a walk?” Finn asked, turning the ignition off so they were drenched in silence. 

“Yeah, for sure.” Sami escorted himself out of the truck and walked around to meet Finn at the driver’s side door. 

Finn kept his eyes on the river as they started a journey up the pier. The only light guiding their way was the decorative neon ones illuminating the Peace Bridge. Even at this late hour, cars and trucks steadily came back and forth across the massive structure. 

They walked. And walked. And walked and walked. 

The rushing and babbling from the water surrounding them was usually relaxing, but now only reminded Sami of the silence from his company.

Sami was crawling out of his skin after what felt like an hour of walking. It definitely had only been ten minutes or so, he knew that. 

They reached the Peace Bridge itself and kept walking, now bathed in artificial light. 

“Can you go on those rocks?” Finn startled Sami with his question. 

“Oh yeah, look.” Sami gestured for Finn to follow him as he ducked under the flimsy wires that secured the pier from the rocks. 

He made sure to take the easiest route, choosing only flatter surfaces to step on, keeping a sharp eye for wet spots. There was no way Finn was going to slip and die on his watch. Not before they’ve kissed.

So now, the journey continued for a few minutes more. Sami glanced back every couple paces and proudly observed that Finn was having no issue keeping up. 

Admittedly, he started having a bit of fun with their makeshift game of chase. Finn, on the other hand, hadn’t smiled yet, making Sami feel a tad bit of guilt. It was just impossible for him to not enjoy any time around Finn. He couldn’t help it.

Before finding a challenging gap between two massive rocks, Finn spoke again. 

“Hey, can we stop here?” 

Sami looked back. The Peace Bridge was quite a ways behind them now, its brilliant lights now dimmed from distance. 

“Definitely!” Sami nodded, wasting no time and sitting casually with his legs crossed on the cold rock. 

Finn curled up next to him.

Sami knew another bought of silence was on its way so he tried to stop it from coming. 

“What’s up, buttercup?” He asked, then cringed at himself for being cute when Finn was clearly distressed. 

Finally, however, a smile. It was small and it was slight and masked by sadness. A sigh followed it. 

“I, erm…” Finn stared out across the river. “I did something really dumb.” 

Sami nodded and bit his lip to keep any stupid utterances from slipping out. 

“Do you know Dean Ambrose?” He asked. 

Sami’s face turned, remembering what Dana had said as they left the party. _Oh, no._

“Uhm, I knew of him?” Sami answered. “He went to my high school. I remember one time he got in trouble for like, trying to climb the flagpole because he wanted to ride the flag down like Aladdin? Yeah… He didn’t graduate.” 

Finn let out a laugh, similar to a scoff. “Yeah, him.” 

“What about him?” Sami feigned ignorance. 

Another pause from Finn. 

“So… Him and Seth are like, best friends. Them an’ their ot’er roommate all live in toget’er in what dey call The Gigolo House.”

“Uh huh…” 

“An’ The Gigolo House is… literally just a party house. They t’row wild parties like every weekend and it always gets crazy. I’ve been to probably a couple hundred of their parties. Me an’ Chad used to go, me an’ Rebecca would go but den she decided that she hated Seth so she stopped. I met him at one of their parties. Anyway.” 

Finn had been holding in whatever he was about to say. Sami could tell. It was obvious when he spoke in grand soliloquies, rarely even stopping to take a breath.

“I knew… I knew this past weekend that Seth is out of state at some fuckin’ like, hockey tournament so it would be safe to go over there wit’out seein’ him. So that’s where I went after Charlotte’s, I went home wit’ Dean.” 

“...Yeah?” Sami felt a knot turn and tighten in his stomach. 

“An’ I slept wit’ him.” 

Finn spoke with no effort and no emotion but the words dropped onto Sami’s head like bricks, making his teeth clench and his shoulders contract. 

Finn continued. 

“An’ like… I knew that Seth wasn’t there and I knew that he more den likely won’t find out that I did that, but… I kinda fuckin’ wanted him to find out. I dunno. I wouldn’t have done it if he wouldn’t find out. I know that doesn’t make sense. But we were at the party and I was bein’ so fuckin’ awful to you and I saw you talking to Dash and I just-” 

The sentence stopped sharply and Sami heard a noise he had never heard before. 

It was unmistakably the sound of a shuddering chest and a sob escaping from Finn’s throat. 

Sami was unable to keep his hands to himself anymore and practically lunged onto the boy beside him, enveloping him in a big hug. _I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’M SORRY. I’M SORRY!!!_

Finn’s hands stayed in his lap but he allowed himself to be held as he continued. 

“I just… you looked so happy and I couldn’t make you happy and I just wanted Seth back so bad right then in that moment but I know I don’t really want him back and I don’t even know Dean he was just fuckin’ THERE and…” 

A second sob wracked Finn’s whole body, making him tremble. Sami’s thoughts broke free from his mind. 

“... I thought maybe if he told Seth that we fucked that Seth would get jealous and want me back but that doesn’t make any fuckin’ sense because I don’t want him back, I just wanted you. I just wanted to be with you but you were with Dash and you looked so happy!”

“I’m sorry, Finnie, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry, I don’t want you to feel-” He tried to explain as his grip tightened. 

“No, Sami, you should be able to talk to other people without me freaking out!” Finn’s hands splayed out towards the black sky. 

“I don’t want to!” Sami cried. His eyes had welled up. “I don’t wanna talk to anyone besides you, ever. I don’t like talking to anymore more than you, I don’t even know him. I don’t want you to be sad because of me.” 

“I’m not! It’s me! It’s always me!” Finn was nearly screaming now. His subtle trembling had turned to full on back-and-forth rocking as he broke down. 

“I can’t stop! I can’t stop fucking up, I do everything wrong. I’m not fucking good at anything and you’re the only person who loves me and I can’t even love you back. I do fucking everything wrong!” 

Sami hated how high Finn’s voice got when he shouted. It sounded so raw and unhinged, a complete juxtaposition from how unfeeling he had sounded before. 

He wasn’t able to focus on questioning why Finn was under the impression that he couldn’t love Sami back. It was absurd; Sami felt loved an appreciated and accepted every day from Finn. Hand holding and cute texts and stupid things most other people may overlook were what kept Sami sane. 

“That’s not true!” He said between sobs of his own. His cheek was pressed against Finn’s forehead, probably causing the tears that leaked from his eyes to drip into the messy brown hair. 

“Everyone loves you, you d-don’t even know. Your sister loves you and our friends love you and my mom loves you and I-” Sami’s breath caught in his throat, nearly strangling him as he hiccupped.

Finn buried his face into Sami’s chest, soaking his sweater with tears, hugging him back finally. 

They stayed like that, completely apathetic to the hour of night or the discomfort of the hard rock beneath them. 

Sami cried over Finn’s sadness. He cried over the hopelessness he felt from it, and his lack of courage to say the words that described how he truly felt. 

Still, he did his best to console Finn, patting his back and his hair and letting him release what must have been months worth of sorrow and frustration. They cried together.

“I’m sorry, Sami, I’m so sorry…” He said, muffled by fabric and his own sniffly nose. 

“Don’t be, please.” Sami brushed his own tears away on his sleeve. 

“I don’t deserve you, everyone is right.” Finn broke away from the tight grasp they had on each other to rub at his eyes and take a cleansing breath. 

“I don’t care what anyone else says.” Sami said, stretching his cramping legs out. 

Finn’s crying ceased and he returned his gaze to the water. 

“I just… dunno what I would do wit’out you. Everything is so fucked. Yer the only t’ing that makes any sense.” 

Sami shook his head and chuckled. “But I’m the worst, dude.” 

Finn turned back into his collected self. “Not to me.” 

“Well…” Sami thought for a moment. “I appreciate it.” 

Finn took some time to breathe and stare into the distance. A few lights could be seen from across the river. The moon was hanging low behind the buildings.

“T’anks for sneakin’ out for me.” Finn looked from the water to Sami’s tear-streaked face. 

“My pleasure. Do you feel better after talking about it?” Sami asked with one last sniffle. 

“I guess.” Finn shrugged. “I feel better knowin’ dat like… I dunno. You just make me feel normal.” 

“I usually make people feel normal by comparison.” Sami laughed again, earning a smirk then a real, genuine smile from Finn. 

At last, he felt comfortable enough to reach out and take the other boy’s hand. Like always, their fingers automatically intertwined. 

“You wanna leave it here?” Sami asked, tilting his head towards the bridge. 

“Yeah.” Finn nodded. “I’m ready to leave it behind.” 

“Anything else you wanna talk about before we do?” 

“Erm…” Finn’s chest heaved with another breath. “I guess… I wasn’t able to really laugh at it at da time but like… Dean?” 

Sami flinched. “Yeah?” 

“He like… wouldn’t stop lickin’ my face? An’ tellin’ me that I tasted like Lucky Charms?” Finn said with obvious hesitation. 

Sami snorted at first, but then couldn’t help but explode with laughter. Finn did the same, and now they laughed until they were breathless instead of crying. 

“Let’s get you home, boogie.” Sami took his hand back, only to rest it on Finn’s shoulder and give it a squeeze. 

~

The walk back up the pier was free of tension. 

Finn cranked the music as they drove back, and they both grinned and sang along for the few short blocks back to the Sebei household. He parked far away as agreed upon so they could relax and talk for a while longer. 

“What time is it anyway?” Sami asked, suppressing a yawn. 

“It is…” Finn recovered his phone from the glove compartment and tapped the screen. “4:43AM… Don’t you have school soon?” 

Sami sighed. “Yup.” 

“Oh…” Finn frowned at the steering wheel. “I’m sorry fer draggin’ ya out so late over my bullshit.” 

“No…” Sami waved it off. “I liked it. We should go to the pier one of these days, though. It’s really fun to just climb the rocks and hang out.” Another yawn. 

“Right, yeah.” Finn said, suddenly sounding distant. 

Sami noticed immediately. 

“Are you okay?” 

“Oh, yeah!” Finn said, voice sounding high with forced happiness. “I’m just… really tired and… I don’t wanna go home. I don’t wanna sleep alone but I can’t go in my sister’s bed ‘cause Lexi’s mad at me.” 

“Oh no…” Sami hummed, not daring to ask what they had fought over. 

An idea made itself present. 

Sami tried to shoo it away. 

He looked over at the sleepy blue eyes and the idea perked up again. 

_No, no._

“Yeah, I might just stay out… See what’s open before I have to go to work.” 

_He’s gonna stay up all night then go to work?!_

Sami couldn’t shoo the idea away again after that.

“Well, listen…” He whispered, as if he could trick his own brain. “If we’re really super quiet, you could come upstairs with me?” 

And just like that, Finn’s face lit up more beautifully than the Peace Bridge itself. 

“Really!” 

“Yeah! We just have to be like, SUPER quiet or my parents will end me.” Sami nodded, easily influenced by Finn’s joy. 

“I promise I’ll be so quiet!” He tore the keys from the ignition and hopped out of the truck, gently closing the door behind him. Sami followed. 

The side door had been left unlocked and he silently instructed Finn on how to sneak about, as if they were police officers investigating a crime scene. 

They conquered the stairs and slipped into Sami’s room without detection. 

On instinct, Sami flicked the light switch on and gasped when he discovered Butterfly, in a perfect circle, directly in the middle of his bed. 

“Oh, my goodness!” Finn whispered. 

The papillon lifted her soft head and yawned adorably, but did not unravel her silky body from her position in bed. 

“Come here, baby girl…” Sami’s arm outstretched, intending on scooping her up and moving her to the foot of the bed. 

“Oh, no, don’t move her!” Finn pulled him back. 

“She’s taking up the whole bed!” 

“She’s beautiful!” Finn said, both scolding and in awe. 

“Well… alright.” Sami scratched his head. He was more than used to sharing his space with the fluff ball, but uncertain of how to do so with another person. 

Finn helped himself to climb in the bed, starting at the foot and resting his body around the puppy. It had to be practiced for him, Sami thought. 

“Does Gucci do this to you?” 

“Duh.” 

Sami took a moment to admire the scene. 

The world’s most incredible boy, clad in Sami’s own hoodie, was snuggling the world’s cutest dog, in Sami’s own bed. 

Wild. 

He wasn’t sure if his father was working from home that day. If he was, he and Sami’s mother probably wouldn’t wake up until 8 or 9AM, giving Sami more than enough time to sneak the handsome fugitive out of the house and go to school like normal. 

Any other situation… He decided not to think about it. 

Awkwardly, he got in bed after flicking the light off, despite there being hardly enough room for his body. The blankets could only be pulled up to his hip, otherwise they could smother the dog. 

Still, he thought, there was no sleeping arrangement he could imagine being more perfect.

“I love bein’ in yer room.” Finn mumbled in the darkness. 

“Yeah?” Sami found Finn’s hand under the pillow and linked their fingers.

“Yeah… I just like knowin’ that yer here all the time. It’s comforting. Everything smells like you.” Finn found Sami’s other hand and cupped it.

“What do I smell like?” 

“Sami.” 

“What?” 

“No, you smell like Sami. There’s a Sami smell.” 

Sami giggled and tried to relax his nerves. Had it not been for the puppy between them, he knew he’d be shaking and stuttering and very possibly crying again over how wonderful it felt to be in bed with Finn. 

This was enough for now. 

“Goodnight, boogie.” Sami said, scooting close enough to give Finn’s nose a kiss. 

“Goodnight, baby.” 

~

6:48AM. 

Tank’s bowl had been filled and he attacked it the moment it was set on the floor, greedily gobbling up his kibble as if he had never eaten before. 

Sami’s mother searched the downstairs rooms for Butterfly, having sworn she saw her sleeping on the couch last night. After no luck, she assumed the puppy had made her way to Sami’s room so she headed upstairs to find her. 

She turned the doorknob as quietly as possible and slunk inside. 

Her chest was clutched at in a dramatic display of shock when she discovered not just one, but two boys asleep in the small bed. 

Butterfly had rolled onto her back, paws in the air. 

Gently, she hovered over the sleeping boys to cradle the puppy like a newborn into her arms, very nearly bumping into Sami as she did. 

She placed the puppy on the floor, where she stretched and shook her fur out. 

Of course, she considered waking the boys and demanding an explanation. An apology? Something. Anything. 

Instead, she guided the puppy out the door with her foot and turned to leave as well. 

Before she could, something nagged at her to turn back. 

The blankets had been kicked down during the night. Taking cautious steps, she walked back to the bed and, slow as could be, hitched her fingers under the blankets to pull them up over the boys’ shoulders. Finn stirred and whimpered in his sleep, but did not wake up. His hand was clasped around Sami’s and… that hoodie. That was Sami’s hoodie.

“Oh…” Escaped her lips when she realized. A million thoughts bombarded her at once, along with a million questions and concerns. 

She guessed, reluctantly, that it could all wait until they were awake.

Sami’s phone was plugged in on the nightstand. It was against her better judgement being that the school year was coming to a close and he shouldn’t miss a moment, but… She turned his phone on its side and switched the ringer to silent. 

With a final ‘tsk’ and a heavy-hearted sigh, she exited and closed the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear to god this was supposed to be a filler chapter. 
> 
> anyway I forgot to note this last time but. Matchbox Twenty is one of my absolute favorites and I wanted so badly to incorporate their music into the fic but they don't match Froyo Sami's musical preferences. 
> 
> However, I know Actual Finn likes Coldplay and stuff like that so I figured they'd be a good match for him, yeah? 
> 
> anyway. 
> 
> I hope everyone is enjoying. I think its obviously by the last 2 or 3 chapters that not everything's gonna be peachy keen forever in the Froyo Verse. I hope y'all will stick by me still. 
> 
> (If its hard to imagine what Broderick Park looks like, google it, its brilliant.)


	16. Sixteen

Monday, April 10. 9:32AM. 

Sunlight shone in through the thin curtains over Sami’s window, gently waking him with their rays. Stretching and yawning, he accidentally nudged Finn with his arm and- 

A gasp. 

_Finn!_

Sami snatched his arm back so he didn’t wake up the boy accompanying his bed. He turned his body around so he could face the sleeping angel. 

Finn’s body moved only with the rise and fall of his chest. He had rolled over onto his back during the night, giving Sami view of his gorgeous profile. 

He stared, shamelessly for once, at the smooth bridge of his nose and the way his full lips pursed, even with the contentedness on his face. 

There was no way Sami would be able to focus during school after seeing such an incredible… 

_Wait._

He reached over and snatched his phone from the bedside table. It flashed ‘ **Alarm!** ’ with a picture of a clock but made no noise. The sound had been turned off at some point, although when, he couldn’t recall. He was nearly two hours late for school. 

… Meaning his mother was definitely awake. 

As if on cue, he heard her voice scolding a dog from downstairs. Panic seeped into his veins, making his entire body feel hot and heavy. 

Regrettably, he saw Finn beside him and knew he had to be awaken so they could devise a plan together to maybe sneak him out the window. 

Sami turned the alarm off and gave his best attempt to crawl right over to Finn’s face. Softly as possible, he pressed a kiss on each of his cheeks, followed by his forehead, then his nose. When he eased back, a smile was pulling at Finn’s lips and his eyes fluttered open. _How is he beautiful first thing in the morning, jeezum…_

“Hi…” Sami squeaked, trying to conceal the chaos.

“Top of the mornin’.” Finn said before taking his turn to stretch out. “That was the best sleep I’ve had in… I dunno how long.”

“Me too…” Sami moved to push the blankets away… _I didn’t tuck us in like this last night… Did I?_ but before he could, Finn reached over to pull him into a warm and sleepy hug. 

“Oh!... Finn, we have to-” 

“Shhh… Hold me.” Finn mumbled.

Sami knew that he should object, but instead tucked his head in Finn’s neck. It was entirely too comfortable to resist. He was already late and probably doomed to be murdered by his mother… May as well enjoy the final moments of his life. 

He nuzzled his nose against Finn’s neck, giggling from the tickle of stubble. Finn’s hand was flat on his back, rubbing circles. Their free hands intertwined, as they always did. 

Sami breathed in as much of Finn’s skin as he could. 

He thought, _no feeling in the entire world could be better than this one_ , as he yawned again. 

Sami wasn’t sure who had fallen back asleep first, but when he woke back up twenty minutes later, it wasn’t nearly as peaceful.

His mother had dropped something, probably a cooking pan, onto the kitchen floor, which lay directly below Sami’s bedroom. 

Finn jolted up, arms still tight around Sami’s ribs. 

Sami couldn’t even have the peaceful few moments of sleepiness, as he was instantly awake from the sound. He remembered where he was _supposed_ to be, and who was _not_ supposed to be in his bed.

“Is that yer mum?” Finn asked, voice quavering. 

“Mhm.” Sami nodded, nerves causing him to shake. 

“Oh dear.” Finn climbed over Sami to step onto the bedroom floor. He recovered his Vans from the corner of the room and pulled them onto his small feet in a hurry. 

“Uh, what do we do?” He asked, now chewing his lip apart. 

Sami, who had been distracted briefly, answered Finn’s question with one of his own. 

“Do you see Butterfly anywhere?” 

“What?”

“The dog? Where is she?” 

Finn turned all around the room, searching. Sami got up with him and pulled the hanging clothes back from the closet, in case she was hiding in there. After a minute, they shrugged at each other. 

“She’s not here?” Finn asked, one eyebrow raised. 

“Well… if she’s not here, then she’s downstairs…” Sami spoke slowly. The pieces were falling together now. 

“... And she can’t be downstairs without the door opening… and she can’t open the door herself… so my mom… probably…. Ohh god. Oh boy.” And then his hands were in his hair, grabbing fistfuls of red curls and pulling as the gravity sunk in. 

“Hey, listen!” Finn pulled his hands away and held them. “Listen, yer mum loves me. She’ll understand… If she did already see us, she could have said somethin’ then!” 

“Finn, I dunno, she’s-she’s different when there’s other people around and-” Sami’s sentence halted when a sob interrupted it. 

Finn released his hands to instead reach up and scoop him into another hug. 

“It’s okay, sweetheart.” Finn purred into his ear. “I’m here. It’s okay.” 

Sami took a deep breath, inhaling nothing other than Finn’s scent. He was reminded in this moment of how much he despised his own emotions. No one should cry this easily… Somehow Finn didn’t mind.

“Let’s go downstairs and have a chat, baby. It’s okay. Nothin’ bad has happened.” 

“Okay.” Sami sniffled and put on his brave face.

~

“Good morning, prince!” was shrieked when the two of them padded into the kitchen. There were pans set up on the stovetop, confirming Sami’s suspicion that she had dropped one earlier. Now he wondered if it was an accident when she did. 

“Hi mummy!” Finn beamed. 

“What I surprise I got this morning, seeing two boys instead of one…” She said. Her smile faded a little as her eyes trailed from Finn to Sami. 

Sami could actually feel his insides curl and shrink and hoped that somehow he could melt into the floor. 

“Ah, yea.” Finn took the lead. “I called Sami in the middle of the night and came over… I hope that’s okay?” 

“Well. It happened whether it was okay or not, didn’t it!” She said, curtly. Her smile had a way of being more menacing than friendly. 

“I’m sorry…” Finn didn’t lose his bravado. “I wasn’t feeling well and-” 

“Oh, honey, it’s fine!” She cut him off. “Do you want to stay for breakfast?” 

Sami blinked, now unable to tell if she was mad or not… _Of course she’s mad, moron._

“I can’t.” Finn frowned. “I have to go home an’ get ready to open the store. T’ank you for askin’!”

“Of course, sweetie… Me and Sami-Sam will be here if you need anything okay? Just a little heads-up would be nice next time.” 

“Sorry... “ Finn said again, now smiling sheepishly. 

Sami fidgeted nervously in the doorway and watched his mother pinch Finn’s cheeks, as if he was one of her own. The knot in his stomach grew tighter and tenser as he prepared for Finn to depart and him to be alone with what would surely be an interrogation session.

“Sami?” Mom asked, snapping him to attention. 

“Wha?” He blinked hard again, already feeling tears sting.

“You have to walk the prince out, sweetie.” 

“...Oh! Yeah. Okay.” 

Sami trudged away from the kitchen and Finn followed. 

Once they reached the front door and were out of sight, Finn reached up like a toddler so Sami could bend down and tuck himself into a comforting hug. 

“Everyt’ing’s gunna be okay.” Finn whispered. 

“I hope so.” Sami mumbled into his shoulder. 

“Text me, okay?” Finn said, kissing Sami’s temple right before he left. 

Sami slowly closed the door after he was gone, treasuring every second that he didn’t have to face his mother. After a few moments of staring blankly at the doorknob and wondering if he could afford his own apartment on a part-time froyo store paycheck, she called him over. 

It had been difficult, the past few months, to look at her after she asked him how his day was, and tell her that nothing special happened, on days that he had held hands with Finn or got a kiss on his cheek. The love he had for his mother was unrelenting, no matter what cruel things she may say. After all, she was the only person in the world who stuck by his side throughout everything. She may not have always understood why he didn’t want to go to school during the harsh bullying days… She didn’t agree with what she called his ‘sensitivities’ but she was always _there_. She always let him talk, always listened. 

That couldn’t be said about anyone, not even his father.

Deep down, he wanted her to know. He wanted to tell her all about cuddling with Finn and the way it made his heart pound, but... There was no way he could share those things. 

So as he padded back to the kitchen, he squeezed his eyes shut over and over to banish the tears back into their ducts. 

“Did you turn my alarm off, mommy?” He asked, accidentally mumbling. 

“Yes, baby.” 

“Oh…” He found himself lingering in the doorway again, but felt as though his bare feet were frozen to their spot on the floor. “How come?” 

“I thought you could use a day off… and I wanted to spend some time with you.” She nodded.

He looked to the floor when his lip started to quiver. 

“Are y-you mad?” He asked, barely audibly to conceal the emotion in his voice. He didn’t even know what emotion was taking over in this moment. Sadness? Fear? Guilt? Or a nasty combination of all three? 

“I’m not mad, sweetheart! I’m just waiting for you to tell me what happened last night.” She turned away from the pans on the stove to fish through the tall cabinets atop the sink. 

Sami tried to swallow the dry lump in his throat.

“Finn called me super late… He was really upset about some stuff and asked… If he could come over. So I let him in the side door. And we just talked until we fell asleep.” It was _mostly_ the truth. 

“Hmpf.” She said, pulling random ingredients from the cupboard. 

That was all. 

Sami anxiously gritted his teeth over being unable to see her face.

After an age, she asked, “What was he so sad about?” 

“Uh…” Sami tried to think of another white lie. “You know that party we went to? It uh… didn’t go well for him… A guy like, hurt his feelings… He was really upset.” 

“Well, that’s how they are, you know.” Finally turning back to the kitchen counter with her ingredients and a mixing bowl. 

“They?” Sami dared. 

“You know! Gay men are so overdramatic.” 

“Mom, you-” Sami stopped short before correcting her. It was just her opinion, after all… 

But no. It wasn’t an opinion. It was a stereotype and an unfair one at that. Finn was the coolest, most level-headed person Sami knew. He wasn’t overdramatic at all. _She_ was overdramatic. 

“You shouldn’t say that stuff.” He settled on. 

“Well, Sami it’s true. It’s not a bad thing! Don’t be so sensitive.” 

“I’m not!” Sami said, finally at an audible tone. 

Never one to beat around the bush, she spat out what she had probably been dying to ask. 

“Sami, are _you_ gay?” Her hands were on her hips now. 

His instinct, without thinking, was to blurt out **no!** and then run and hide. He stood his ground instead, but could not continue the conversation without a tear spilling out. 

“Does it matter?!” He wiped the tear away as fast as he could. 

“Of course it doesn’t _matter_.” She retorted, sounding very much like it mattered. “But I have a right to know.” 

“Mommy, you don’t-” 

“Your father thinks you are.” 

The knot in Sami’s stomach changed to feeling like he had been punched hard. 

“That’s fine.” He said. Another tear. 

Now, as if she were doing an impression of Finn, her face turned calculating. She scanned his, seeming more accusatory and nosy by the minute. 

“Can you just tell me?” She said sternly. 

“I have nothing to tell you.” His voice sounded thick as he tried to mask sobs. 

“Yes you do, I can see it on your face!” She pointed now. 

“I have nothing to tell you, ma!” He crossed his arms over his chest, as if to make himself seem closed off. It didn’t work, as she cleared the room to stand directly in front of him. 

“Why are you being like this? This is so unlike you.” 

The words managed to pierce deeper now that he could see her up-close. She was treating him like a criminal; like she was waiting for a confession. 

“Mom, I can’t... “ He said, before more tears slid down his cheeks, completely blowing his attempt at a cover. 

“You can tell me anything, Sami Zayn. I’m not being ridiculous here! I just found you with another boy in your bed, _holding hands_! I just wanna know what’s going on!” 

Her voice was so loud, echoing in the small kitchen space. It eclipsed his own thoughts, keeping him from thinking of something smart or deflective to say. 

He closed his eyes now, feeling emotionally unable to look at her face. 

“I can’t tell you, mommy…” 

“Why not?!” 

“‘Cause I’m scared…” 

“Scared of what?!” 

His breath shuddered now. 

“I’m sc-scared that you w-won’t love me anymore.” 

There it was. 

He peeked with one eye just in time to see her hands fly to cover her mouth, as if it was the most terrible, offensive thing anyone had ever said. Her expression was one of pure horror and despite the tension and truth revealed in the situation, Sami found himself mentally scoffing at it. Thinking, how could _she_ be the one offended? After everything he had to listen to growing up? 

“Sami Zayn… “ She said in a hush. 

He felt his shoulders and neck tighten up now. 

“You come here right now, young man.” She said with… with her arms extended. He looked at her quizzically. 

“I’m sorry?” 

“You get over here.” Now, taking his choice away, she snatched him into her arms, pushing his head onto her shoulder in a rib-cracking hold. 

“How could you ever think that way?! You should know that me and daddy love you more than anything in this world and absolutely nothing can ever change that.” She said, much too loudly, in his ear. 

His arms just kind of dangled as he was held. 

“But mommy, you always say such messed up things and it makes me so uncomfortable then you tell me that I’m overly-sensitive or whatever and ask me why I care so much and it’s like… How could I _not_ be scared? Of course t-that’s how I feel!” The words just tumbled out as he resisted against her. 

“Sami…” She let him go, but pressed a hand to his back to guide him over to a chair in the adjacent living room. 

He reluctantly sat, wondering both how stupid his tear-streaked face looked and what she had up her sleeve now. 

“Sweetheart.” She started now, taking one of his hands into both of hers. “Help me, then.” 

He sniffled. “Help you?”

She nodded. Her face had returned to normal, but something was hidden underneath. It could have been disappointment or resentment… Either way he just looked at the fabric placemat on the table instead of directly at her. 

“Mommy needs help, honey.” 

He hated the third-person voice but listened anyway. 

“There’s a lot that you know that mommy doesn’t… In fact, I think you’re already so much smarter than I ever could be and you’re only seventeen!”

“That’s not true, mommy…” He used his free hand to brush at his own cheeks. 

“Yes it is, baby. You are so smart… and so kind. I want to do better, Sami but you have to help me. I don’t want to upset my baby.” 

He sniffled again, wanting so badly to believe her. 

“Do you mean it?” 

“Of course I do, sweetie.

“Well... “ He took his hand back. “Of course I’ll help you, mommy… You always help me. But… can you promise me something?” 

“What’s that?” 

“Please…” Sami sighed. “Please don’t tell dad, okay?” 

“Sami Zayn!” The sternness returned to her voice. “Your father will not be upset or mad or anything Sami… He already asked me if Finn is your boyfriend, he’ll wanna know that-”

“He did?” Sami’s head shot up. 

“Well, yes!” She shrugged, as if it was obvious. 

“How does he even know Finn?” 

“He asked me all about our get-together! He wants to know who your friends are, sweetie, he wants to know everything about you! I told him all about Finn and Rebecca and that cutie that she’s dating. And he asked me if you and Finn were dating, I said I didn’t know!” 

Sami chewed his lip, tasting salt from the tears that had fallen. He would, in time, inform her that Finn was _not_ his boyfriend, after he took a few hours or days to process what she just shared. 

For his entire seventeen years, Sami had been under the impression that his father didn’t care about any move he made or word he spoke… sometimes he wondered if his father remembered his name. 

So, this was an interesting development. 

Despite that, all he could muster was: “Huh.” 

“Oh, Sami.” She dropped from her chair and ran over to his to hug him again, resting her tiny head on his chest. At last, he hugged her back and rested his chin atop her hair. 

“We love you so much, sweetheart, we just don’t understand sometimes.” 

“That’s okay, mommy…” He agreed. Sometimes he didn’t understand himself. He certainly didn’t understand what was happening between him and Finn but at this point, that was a conversation for a different day. 

“I’ll help you any way I can… Just still, can we not tell him yet?” 

“If you want to tell him yourself, I think that’s fabulous.” 

“Okay.” 

He squeezed her nice and tight, finally able to exhale all the stress from his chest. Everything still felt strange inside; he hadn’t even had time to process his overnight with Finn yet. 

“Do you want Mommy to make you some pancakes?” 

“Yes please.” 

“I love you, Sami. And Daddy loves you.” 

“I love you, too, Mommy.”

~

Tuesday, April 11. 3:56PM. 

“Just say it!” Lexi said through stifled giggles. 

“No!” Sami exclaimed. 

“Please! Just one time, say it.”

“No way, lady.” Sami crossed his arms and stomped a foot for emphasis. 

The front door opened and closed and shortly after, footsteps were heard as Finn walked into the back room where Sami and Lexi were supposed to be cutting fresh fruit. Sami’s Matchbox Twenty playlist was playing from his phone. 

“If you say it, I’ll kiss you!” Lex offered. 

Sami loudly groaned before another “No!” 

“What’re ya doin’ to him?” Finn tsked, unbuttoning his jacket. 

“She wants me to say bad words!” Sami whined to Finn, as a child on a playground would. 

“I just want him to say ‘fuck’ one time!” She threw her hands up in defense. 

“Oh my goodness, get out.” Finn gestured to the door. 

Lexi had stayed late after opening to catch-up on chores. A broken machine in the morning had hindered any success at basic tasks like sweeping and refilling topping bars. 

She shrugged and ran to the computer table to grab her flannel shirt from the chair. 

“If you insist! Keep working on him, though, I think I’m close.” She pointed to Sami, who did his best attempt at a glare. “Oh, and go over paperwork!” 

The glare quickly turned to a smile as Lexi departed, flipping her long blonde hair as she did. 

Finn smiled _his_ smile and pointed to Sami’s phone. 

“I’ve got you hooked, eh?” He asked as “3AM” played from the speakers. 

“Oh yeah!” Sami nodded. “I’ve listened to this like a hundred times already.” 

“Good boy.” Finn nodded his approval. “This song is on my Sami Mix.” 

“Your what now?” Sami said with a chuckle.

“I have a list of songs that I keep together… All the ones that make me think of you.” Finn admitted coyly. “You wanna get started on that paperwork?” 

“Yeah for sure! But uh… Could you send me that playlist? I’d love to see it.” 

“I’ll think about it. Head over there.” Finn nodded to the computer. 

With a grin, Sami snatched his phone from the prep table and moved over to the computer chair to take a seat and start up the monitor. He tried to sit facing the screen but couldn’t fit his long legs under the desk, so stretched them out, off to the side. 

Finn was finishing where Sami had left off on the fruit, calling instructions out over the music. 

The sales recorded in the register on the check-out desk were stored in a system connected to the computer Sami presently sat at. It was his job now to make sure that all money collected matched the digital sales, and the missing inventory matched up with the sales, and to find the cause of an issue if there was one. He had a stack of receipts and reports on the desk to reference if he got confused, but more than anything, the paperwork was just a boring and easy part of the day. More than half of the chore was just clicking here and there.

However, it had been Rebecca’s idea for him to learn the process and her confidence in him as an employee was a welcome compliment. Boring or not, he was going to do his absolute best with the task given. 

Finn was now trotting back and forth between store floor and prep room, fixing things here and there while Sami checked numbers. He had managed to condense quite a few boxes of product on the shelves between customers, leaving only rolled up and taped bags. They could be stacked high so more new product could be stored in the saved space. 

To be environmentally friendly, Finn folded up all the cardboard boxes he collected and headed to the back patio to throw them in recycling. It was a routine thing. 

However, Finn must have been busy thinking about the song playing or whatever he was going to do next, because on his walk back into the prep room, he completely overlooked Sami’s extended legs and with a surprised yelp, tripped over them. 

Somehow, Sami’s reflexes were on his side at the time, and he managed to grab Finn before he tumbled to the floor and hurt himself. 

Nothing had been planned, or even could have been planned, to work this way, but the way Sami reeled Finn back in caused the older boy to land square in Sami’s lap. On instinct, Finn’s arms wrapped around Sami’s neck. 

“Ohmigosh, Finnie, I’m so sorry! Are you okay? I wasn’t even looking!” Sami frantically explained. 

He checked Finn’s face for any sign of discomfort or pain. There were none there, but what he did find was unusual. 

Finn had his calculating stare put on, but it was different now. 

This look was similar, but it was void of any animosity or judgement like the other one carried. 

Finn seemed entranced.  


“Did you roll your ankle? Do you want me to check it out? I’m sorry I’m so clumsy, I’m always making you trip on me.. Are you.. Finn?” Sami halted his questioning when he realized that one, he wasn’t getting an answer and two, Finn’s unwavering gaze was making him nervous.

“Finnie?” Sami squeaked, unable to stop a little smile from tugging at his lips. He felt Finn’s strong arms tighten around his neck, causing his head to tilt forward the slightest bit. In turn, he placed his feet flat on the ground instead of having his legs stretched out, so they created a proper seat. 

Finally moving, and finally turning his inspecting stare into something more loving, Finn unwrapped his arms and carefully removed Sami’s glasses from his face, setting them onto the desk beside them. 

Sami squeezed his eyes shut for a second, adjusting now to the blurriness. 

“I can’t see, Finnie…” Sami mumbled, sounding accidentally childish. 

“Don’t want yer glasses to get in the way…” Finn leaned in. His face now was mere inches from Sami’s. 

Inches. 

Centimeters. 

Millimeters. 

Sami’s nose touched Finn’s cheek. 

“In the way?” He breathed, now realizing that his lips were right in front of Finn’s. 

The Matchbox Twenty mix switched from “Our Song” to “Long Day”.

Sami’s vision focused now on the long, batting eyelashes so close to his own. 

Unsure of what else to do or say or think, Sami slowly closed his eyes and moved forward just the absolute slightest bit, closing the remainder of the distance between their lips. 

They kissed. 

They kissed, in each others arms. 

They kissed, completely by mistake at first glance, but nothing in the world could be a happier accident.

They kissed and it was everything. 

Everything Sami had imagined it could have been; Finn’s lips were pillows against his, slowly brushing, disconnecting and connecting again. He felt his face being softly held, as one would hold a precious antique. 

Finn was turning his head the slightest bit so Sami followed his lead. Parting his lips a bit more, he allowed Finn to kiss him deeper.

Blood was flowing throughout Sami’s entire body now, making him feel excited and dizzy and turned on and so many overwhelming emotions all at the same time. His hands had turned from loving to desperate as he held onto Finn’s tee shirt, as if it was grounding him from floating into space. 

There was a noise from up front as a customer entered the store. There always seemed to be a customer when Sami was either in the middle of a story or a good conversation or perhaps the most devastatingly perfect first kiss in the history of lips touching lips. 

A wet noise narrated them finally breaking apart, and both boys gasped air into their lungs. 

Between breaths, Sami slowly opened his eyes and found Finn smiling sweetly right before him. 

Gently, and still while cupping his face, Finn kissed one of Sami’s cheeks… then the other… then his forehead… and lastly, his nose. Just like how he had been awoken by Sami a few days earlier. 

“How ya feel, love?” Finn asked, eyelashes batting in slow motion. 

Sami forced himself to focus on the beautiful face, even though it felt like looking into direct sunlight. He licked his lips, tasting residual strawberry chapstick from Finn’s lips and croaked: 

“Bewildered.” 

His ears, despite the pounding he heard from his heart, now filled with the sound of Finn’s amazing giggle. 

They kissed again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (((: finally.
> 
> Not sure if anyone reading this is a fan of Matchbox Twenty? I've mentioned before that they're one of my faves but if you're a fan of this story, listen to the song "Long Day"... It sounds to me exactly like it was written by Finn, as if he was talking to Sami. which is why it was carefully selected to narrate such an important scene.


	17. Seventeen

Saturday, May 20. 7:46PM.

“Just on a precaution, Sami!” 

“Mom, please.” 

“Don’t worry, Daddy didn’t notice! I didn’t tell him!” 

“Mom, _please_?!” 

“Sami, what kind of mother would I be if I didn’t make sure you were prepared!” 

“Mom, I told you, we’re not- it’s not- like that!” 

Sami’s hands were in his hair, adamantly refusing to take the box of condoms that his mother was shoving into his chest. 

“Just keep them in your bag! You never know!” 

There was a groan. 

Rebecca and Lexi were waiting outside the house to collect him for a sleepover. He had been looking forward to spending one last night of quality time together as a group before he had to hunker down and prepare for finals and graduation. 

He had only twenty-three days left of high school and twenty-seven until graduation. 

“I gotta go, mommy!” He hastily took the box from her tiny hands and ran back upstairs to grab his bag. He considered just throwing the condoms on his bed, but decided against it in case his father went into his room for any reason. With a snarl, he threw them in the front pocket of his backpack and shouldered it. Giving himself a look-over in the mirror, he decided that his plain track pants and tee shirt were fine for a casual night in.

Scurrying back down the stairs and out the door, he shouted a quick “I love you, goodnight!” and scampered over to the running truck. He heard his mother call back “Be safe!” as he left, giving him the chance to roll his eyes one last time. 

“Hey sweetie!” Rebecca said once he stepped in. She was in the middle of the truck bed, leaving him just enough room to wiggle into the far passenger side. Lexi just smiled. 

“Hey guys!” He snuggled in and buckled his seat belt. 

“Sami- quick question.” Lexi started. 

“Yes.”

“Would you be interested in going camping for a weekend?” She started the truck and pulled away. 

“Camping! Really? When?” Sami found himself grinning. 

He had always envied the wealthier children in his school who were sent to fancy summer camps every year. They would come back when semesters started up and exchange their stories and bracelets made at camp… He was always left out, as usual. 

“We’re going as soon as possible but we need to know when you’re down.” 

“I’m always down!” He was almost screaming in the small space. 

Rebecca laughed lovingly at his eager face. 

“We’ll make a plan.” She said through giggles. 

~

 

The rest of April and most of May had served uneventful for Sami. 

Save of course, for the new hobby that had miraculously found its way into his life: kissing Finn. 

After their first- and Sami’s first ever- kiss, he had biked home and written a journal entry which, looking back, was mostly just shrieks and scribbles in pink ink. The emotion overwhelming his entire body took days to wear off. 

Then the questions started. 

Why did Finn kiss him? Were they dating now? Was it official? Or was it just something casual that they did as friends? He would be okay if it was. Surely, Finn enjoyed kissing him. _He_ was the one who started it, anyway. Maybe he’d enjoy becoming a real couple in the near future? Imagine how much they could kiss then. 

Whatever the reason may be, was never brought up. Sami didn’t have the courage to ask, in fear that he wouldn’t like the answer. 

So the kissing continued, but only behind the backs of their friends. Finn would run up the back ramp of the store after Sami came in to give him a few welcoming kisses. Same thing when one of them would leave for the day. During hang-outs away from work, any time someone turned their back, Finn would sneak one. 

They were particularly lucky one afternoon that Sami came over the Devitt house to “watch movies”. Now, he couldn’t recall what movie was put on the television in the living room, as they had spent the entire duration of the film attached at the mouth.

Now he walked into that same living room, disappointed when his handsome kissing-partner didn’t run to the door to greet him. He had to stay behind and close at the store since Bayley had come down with a nasty flu. Change in season always seemed to take a few people down. 

With a few hours to kill before he’d be home, the three had dinner and played a very intense Settlers of Catan game in the dining room.

10PM came around and Sami was squirming in his seat in anticipation of Finn to return. A thought crossed his mind of wondering if his mother felt this same way when his father was coming home after one of his many business trips. 

A few minutes passed then loud knocks were heard at the door. Finn was pretty notorious for forgetting his keys. Sami kept his cool so Lexi wouldn’t glare at him, but his heart skipped a beat when he heard the first thing Finn said upon coming inside: 

“WHERE IS SAMI?” 

“Um, hi, how are you?” Rebecca scoffed from the living room where she had padded over to let him in. 

Finn steam-rolled past his sister to the dining room. He was holding a paper with some colorful letters printed on it. When he located his target, his face lit up and turned from a power-walk of determination to a fluttering skip. 

“Sami! Look what I found!” He presented the paper- a local performance flyer- over. 

“What is… Oh.” 

Sami read to himself: **Open Auditions! Now casting roles for Allentown Art performance of RENT!**

“Oh, Finn, that’s… cool. You wanna go to the show?” Sami asked, looking up at the gorgeous face. 

“No, Sami, you need to try out!” Finn pointed directly at the word “auditions”. 

Sami barked out a laugh and handed the flyer back. “I uh… don’t think so. Thank you for thinking of me, however, where did you see this?” 

“Sami, I mean it!” Finn pushed the flyer back into his chest, like his mother had done to him earlier with condoms. “And I stole it off the wall at Brew.”

“Finn, I-” 

“Lemme see this.” Lexi snatched it. She mumbled as she read, “Open auditions… call ahead to reserve… all parts available… Sami this could be fantastic for you.” 

“What? No. Guys.” Sami crossed his arms. Rebecca chimed in, much less monotone than her partner.

“Sami, why not!? This is perfect! It’s local, it’s excellent experience for you. Why not just try?” 

“Guys, I wouldn’t get into something like that. I’m like, a shower singer, the people doing that have probably been singing and acting forever.” 

“Yeah? And yer probably better than all of them.” Finn jabbed a finger into Sami’s shoulder. 

“Finnie…” He sighed. “I’d never be able to practice even if I did that. I couldn’t tell my parents about it. It would cause a whole thing.” 

“You could practice here!” Finn chirped. 

“Uh.” 

“Yeah, we’ll help!” Rebecca added. 

“Well.” 

“You want me to call and reserve your spot?” Lexi asked, taking her phone from the tabletop for added effect. 

“GUYS.” 

“Just t’ink about it!” The twins said in unison, startling Sami. 

It was, despite his protests, tempting. He had never decided on an exact ‘goal’ for his future, since anything he had ever truly wanted would be squashed by his parents. But if something had to be pegged as a real goal or at least passionate desire… Singing in plays and musicals would be that. 

Finn knew that. It had been discussed in the past. 

Sami took the flyer back to give it another look over. His eyes landed on something he had missed before: 

**Open auditions: June 16 from 11AM to 5PM!**

“Uh… Yeah, bad news, guys.” 

“What?” 

“Auditions are on my graduation day.” 

The girls groaned together dramatically. Sami shrugged, feeling both disappointment and weird relief. 

He looked from the words on the flyer to Finn’s face, and back again. He snickered for a moment at the thought of Finn, iced coffee in hand, seeing this posted on the corkboard at Brew and ripping it down before running out. 

_He did that… for me._ The thought landed dead center in Sami’s mind. 

He did that. _Because he thinks I can do this._

Sami, eager to lift everyone’s spirits back up, suggested playing another round of Catan to stray everyone’s minds from the topic. 

~

Sami sat cross-legged in Finn’s bed, hugging his stuffed giraffe. He and Rebecca had just finished cleaning up from when Finn flipped the board over. 

By some miracle, Lexi had decided to head to sleep earlier than everyone else, which meant Sami and Finn were free to retreat to the bedroom together without the sting of glaring eyes.

Sami had been hoping for some peaceful alone time, hopefully with a vigorous make-out session, but Finn brought up an earlier topic as he got changed. 

“Y’know Sami…” He started. “If you decided that you wanted to go to that audition _before_ graduation, I could take you. Allen is super close to yer school, we wouldn’t be late.” 

“I know, Finnie, I just… uh…” Sami’s sentence faltered as his jaw dropped. With his mind too consumed with the idea of the audition and hindsight expertise on how he could have beaten Lexi in Catan, he had failed to notice Finn stripping away his clothes. 

But now, as he watched Finn’s muscles contort and bend as he pulled his tee shirt over his head, Sami felt his eyes glaze over. 

He had heard before that people piercing their nipples was a thing that happened, but had never actually _seen_ it before. Having never thought about it enough to form an opinion, but looking at the silver barbells pierced through each of Finn’s nipples now, he was able to conclude that he was a _very_ big fan. 

“I know yer nervous, but you can just practice a little!” Finn said, unzipping his jeans. 

Sami’s attention was drawn to the plain of flat muscle that was Finn’s stomach. His pale skin was interrupted by an occasional freckle. 

“Yeah… practice…” was Sami’s best attempt at a sentence. 

“I mean, you do it enough fer fun, imagine how good you’ll be if you have a reason for doin’ it.” Finn peeled the jeans off of his legs. 

Sami stared at the amazing thighs he had once had the honor of touching and felt his entire body heat up. He suppressed a shiver from the sudden temperature change and reminded himself to speak. 

“I just… everyone there is probably gonna be b-better than me and uh… ya know…. My uh… parents… “ 

He would have been better off staying in stunned silence. 

Finn had pulled his socks off and kicked his jeans away and was now standing in only a pair of tight black briefs. Sami felt his breathing become labored, as if there had been a weight placed on his chest.

“Yer mummy wouldn’t mind if it was me takin’ ya.” Finn said, fiddling with a jar of night-time facial moisturizer. His famous smirk adorned his face.

Sami did not respond again, now finding himself completely slack-jawed with a fresh sweat broken out on his forehead. He had never before experienced such an extreme desire to _touch_ someone. In protest, he moved his legs to hide his hands under them. The slight movement made him even more aware of his own arousal. 

Finn smeared the expensive cream all over his face and kept talking. Sami knew he was talking. He also knew he was being rude by not listening, but in his defense, he could barely hear anything over the sounds of blood rushing in his ears. 

Sami’s eyes were travelling from Finn’s feet to his hair, mentally pointing out everything that he loved along the way. 

“.... It may be a little short on you but that’s okay fer one night… Right?... Sami?” 

“Wha?” Sami snapped back to earth, ripped away from his fantasy of running a fingertip around Finn’s defined stomach muscles. 

He blinked hard and met Finn’s eyes, finding them bemused. 

“Are ya listenin’ to me?” He asked. 

“Uhh... “ Sami hesitated, unsure if lying was a good choice. 

Finn took a few steps over to his own bed and leaned in to meet Sami’s eyes. Dangerously close, their noses brushed.

Sami felt himself squirm under the analysis. 

“Sami would you like to change your clothes before bed?” 

A gulp. 

“I’m good…” He mumbled out, afraid to speak too loudly in such close proximities. 

Finn stood up straight again, giving Sami perfect view of a freckle on his pectoral. 

“Well, if yer good, then…” 

And with that, Finn pounced. 

Sami’s back crashed into the comforter as his face was attacked with kisses. Normally he would react to such a thing with giggles and returned kisses. Now, while sinking his teeth in Sami’s neck, Finn accidentally- _Sami thought it was accidental, at least_ \- rubbed his pelvis against Sami’s, causing the most fantastic friction. A moan escaped Sami’s mouth, quickly silenced by Finn’s lips connecting to his. 

Sami wrapped an arm around Finn’s ribs and used his other hand to push their bodies over, so now Finn was lying on his back and Sami could climb on top. 

While their kissing sessions had become frequent, this was the first one to reach such an intense level. Tongues were swirling and hands were in hair when Sami felt bold enough to trail his kisses down Finn’s jaw to his neck. Finn whimpered and arched his back to meet Sami’s lips. 

Sami was considering giving Finn a few bite marks to match the ones he now wore when one motion made all thought cease from his mind. 

Finn had taken one hand out of Sami’s curls and reached downward, between their bodies, to grab and squeeze the prominent arousal outline in the front of Sami’s track pants. 

“Oh... “ was the only sound he could make as Finn squeezed again and kissed his cheek. 

“I want this…” Finn whispered, his low voice sounding different than Sami had ever heard. 

Sami held in another moan and forced himself to focus. 

Yes, what Finn was doing felt wonderful. Yes, it had the potential to feel _even better_. Yes, his mother had given him condoms before he left the house. 

But. 

Something didn’t feel right. 

Sami wasn’t able, in that moment, to pinpoint exactly what it was that caused his hesitation. But it was strong and heavy and caused him to nervously clear his throat among the electric air. 

“I’m… not ready for that.” He squeaked out against Finn’s collarbone. 

“Oh!... okay.” Finn took back his hand and placed it gently on the back of Sami’s neck instead. “That’s fine… when you’re ready we can…”

“Yeah… thanks…” Sami choked out. 

Finn must have been able to feel the tension in Sami’s body. 

“D-d’you wanna keep kissing?” He asked, obviously trying to settle any awkwardness. 

“Um… Do you?” Sami relaxed slightly, now resting on his forearms. Their eyes were still perfectly met. 

“Um… yeah? But also, y’know, I was t’inking… if you wanted... “ 

“Yeah?” Sami let his muscles ease down more. 

“Maybe you could… practice now? If ya wanted to sing to me?” Finn’s eyelashes batted as he cautiously asked. 

“Oh!” Sami felt his body completely calm as the relief sank in. “Well, sure! Do you, uh, have any requests?” 

“Hmm…” Finn scooted his body closer to the wall so Sami could properly lay next to him instead of on top of him. “Something that makes you think of me.” 

“Oh, gosh.” Sami slid an arm under the pillow to get comfortable. 

“Whenever you’re ready…” Finn mirrored his statement from earlier as he snuggled into the bed and closed his eyes. 

Since he had spent the evening thinking about Rent, both movie and Broadway production, Sami knew exactly what to sing. He took a few extra calming breaths. 

“ _Live in my house; I’ll be your shelter. Just pay me back with one thousand kisses. Be my lover; I’ll cover you._ ” 

Finn smiled into his pillow. Sami softly ran his fingers through the short brown hair as he sang. 

“ _I think they meant it, when they said you can’t buy love. Now I know you can rent it; a new lease. You are my love._ ” 

As he continued, Finn’s smile eventually faded and his breathing turned slower as he drifted asleep. 

“ _All my life, I’ve longed to discover something as true as this is…_ ”

Sami paused and took his hand back. 

Something about the way Finn looked when he slept never ceased to amaze him. 

A face that was usually so expressive and inquisitive, now peaceful and dormant- getting the rest that he deserved and was so rarely given. 

“ _Be my king… I’ll be your castle…_ ” Sami was more whispering than singing now. He let a few moments of pure silence pass to assure that Finn truly was sleeping before leaning in to press the day’s last kiss on his forehead. 

~

Sunday, May 21. 3:52PM. 

Sami had wasted most of the last weekend day in Finn’s bed. 

Of course, it didn’t feel like a waste at the time. 

But after realizing that most of the day had passed him, Sami had reluctantly torn himself from his kissing-partner’s arms and went home to get to work. 

He had been in his room for maybe an hour when the loudness of his mother’s voice threw off his concentration for the third time. With a frustrated groan, he shoved his laptop and books in his backpack and snatched up his keys to find a quieter study spot. 

It was finally warm and snow-free enough outside to skateboard so Sami threw his earbuds in and ran out the house and onto his board for the first time in months. 

He skated up towards Elmwood- a longer but more scenic route- to his destination. He had considered going to Angels & Devitt’s to study and mooch wifi, but surely that would result in more distractions. The park wouldn’t work- no internet. Starbucks and Brew had too many people. So he happily settled on Wegmans grocery store. 

To anyone living in a place without Wegmans, it probably seemed odd to hang out at a grocery store. This one, however, featured much more than groceries. One half of Wegmans served as a food-court like one would find in a mall. There was a sandwich shop, pizza and chicken wings station, themed hot bars on the main floor, and even their own cafe. 

All the food lead to a cafeteria area with televisions and comfortable chairs next to dining tables. 

Sami kicked his skateboard up and paused the Electric Light Orchestra in his ears once he arrived. The smell of spices and breading from the take-home fried chicken greeted him. Several laps were taken around all of his lunch options before he chose a fresh salad, loaded up with vegetables and seasoned tofu. 

While he carefully selected slices of red pepper to accompany the black beans and cucumbers in the bowl he carried, a conversation was overheard that piqued his interest. 

“You better not.” One voice said, oddly recognizable to Sami. 

“I’m doing it.” Another voice said. 

“You’re trying to kill me! Thai peanut chicken _will_ kill me, you know my allergies are no joke.” Familiar Voice said.

“Come on babe, I just gotta use some Listerine or whatever.” Another Voice rebutted. 

Sami’s curiosity got the better of him and he turned his head just slightly. 

Familiar Voice belonged to a boy just as lanky as Sami but nowhere as tall. A mop of brown hair was repeatedly falling into his eyes and being pushed back as he spoke. His face was covered in patchy stubble that was harshly juxtaposed by the braces that filled his mouth. He was cute, in the same way that Sami thought he himself was cute, with full lips and a curved nose. He playfully bickered with the owner of Another Voice; a taller and much more muscularly built boy, with long hair slicked back into a ponytail. 

Sami stared until the source of the familiarity dawned on him. 

“Drew?” He asked himself, apparently louder than intended, since he was met with a surprised glare. 

“... Sami?!” 

“Oh my gosh, hi!” Sami set his salad bowl down on the counter of the bar and extended his arms to hug who he now recognized as Drew Gulak from 8th Grade AP History. 

They had been partnered together in class after no other child would voluntarily work with either of them. Drew was weird, had strange, specific works, and his own unique way of speaking. Their classmates despised him, but he still had managed to become the leader of student council _and_ class president. That had been especially easy for Drew since no one else wanted to run for the position. 

Needless to say, he and Sami hit it off in that class, had a great time together for a measly eight months, then were separated and sent to different high schools.

“Jeez, how are you? You’re so tall!” Drew exclaimed, falling into Sami’s embrace with no hesitation. “You know, I saw you the other day!” 

“Really?” Sami said, giggling nearly uncontrollably. 

“Yeah, I saw you at the mall! I work at the Lush Cosmetics!” Drew bounced as he spoke. 

“What! I go there all the time! That’s wild! Do you live around here? I work at the frozen yogurt shop on Elmwood.” 

“Yeah, we live on Ashland!” 

Sami knew the exact street Drew named; only three blocks from Angels & Devitt’s. He also noticed the emphasis on ‘we’ in the sentence and it reminded him of the third person, now standing to the side with his giant arms crossed. If anything was evident of this person, it was both that he was a frequent gym-goer and also extremely patient. 

The look on his face, directed at excitable brace-faced Drew, was one of pure love and understanding. 

Sami knew that look. He had seen Finn wear it too many times to count. 

“Oh, is this…” Sami held a hand out to the third person. 

“Oh yeah!” Drew scampered over to grab his partner. “This is Tony! We’re dating!” 

Tony barked out a sympathetic laugh, resting his hand on the small of Drew’s back. 

“Nice to meet you… “ He and Sami shook hands. “How do you guys know each other?” 

“We were study buddies because everyone else hated us.” Sami said plainly, after wondering if Tony had gripped his hand extra hard on purpose. 

“That’s true.” Drew nodded. “What high school did you end up going to?” 

“Uh, I go to the technical school.” Sami said with dismay. 

“Really. I ended up at Performing Arts!” Drew said with a laugh. 

Oh, _irony_. 

Sami hadn’t had the courage to apply to Performing Arts; where he _really_ wanted to go, even as a confused and conflicted thirteen-year-old. 

“That’s… kinda hilarious, actually.” Sami scratched at his head, at a loss. 

“Wait, give me your number.” Drew poked his stomach. 

“Oh, yeah for sure!” Sami said, playfully swatting Drew’s hand away. They exchanged phone numbers and prepared to part ways. 

“You gotta come to Angels & Devitt’s, okay? It’s like, a five minute walk from Ashland. I work there with my boyfr- uh. I mean. I work there. And uh. My… not boyfriend is there as well.” Sami sputtered. 

_What the flip was that._ His brain scolded. 

“You mean the guy you were holding hands with at the mall?” Drew asked, eyes bright with some incredible kind of hope, as if Sami’s love life directly affected him. 

“Yes, him.” Sami deadpanned. 

Drew doubled-over with laughter. “I know that feeling… took me quite a while to bag the captain of the basketball team, but I did it!”

Tony now pushed Drew’s hair out of his eyes and gave him a wink. 

“We’ll definitely come see you.” Drew concluded, reaching to give Sami another hug before they parted ways once more. 

~

Sami found one of the coveted high-set tables on the second floor of the cafeteria. The chairs were tall enough that he could comfortably cross his ankles as he sat, and this one was right next to the guard rail so he could look out onto the entire store if he chose. 

There was no television in the second floor; just customers quietly reading or playing on their phones while eating. A generic notebook with his exam schedule times was taken out, as well as his laptop. While waiting for it to connect to the wifi, he took his phone out one last time. The screen bore one new message; just a smiling face from Drew. The phone was powered off. _No distractions whatsoever._

His English teacher had emailed out a study guide for the impending exam. Sami had little concern over passing that subject, being that it was his best. He decided to start with that study guide as an easy warm-up. A big forkful of salad was shoved into his mouth as he read.

Example essay questions from past exams were given on this study guide as a means to prepare students for the type of criteria those grading the tests were looking for. 

_Name an example of a journey a book character had to take to find happiness, despite circumstances… You called Finn your boyfriend._

Sami stopped his reading and shook his head as if he had received a shock. 

_God- focus!_

He tried to remember exactly what it had been that Jay Gatsby was so upset about and if it would work well for this answer. 

_I mean he threw that whole crazy party to impress Daisy… I get it. I bought those thirty dollar jeans because Finn said they made my butt look good wait oh my god, FOCUS!_

Figuring his English knowledge was sufficient enough, Sami closed that document out and reopened the one containing his college essay to read over before submitting it tomorrow morning. 

_Discuss an accomplishment, event or realization that sparked a period of personal growth… blah blah blah…_

His eyes followed each line of words but didn’t actually process what they meant. He saw a lot of themed words together… _rejection, loneliness, outcast… Jeez, Tye was right. This is depressing._

Frowning at the words, he looked at the date he finished writing the essay. Mid-March. 

How bizarre. The essay read as though an entirely different person had written it. _I thought this was empowering at the time?_

Frowning turned into scowling as he gave it another thorough read-through. 

_What the heck was I so upset about?! Life is not this serious, past version of me._

His hand hovered over the laptop’s clickpad as he considered editing the work. But where could he start? The entire thing was pathetic sounding and not at all a reflection of how he viewed his life. 

A new distraction presented itself as Sami mentally made a list of everything wonderful in his life, as if to show the past version of Sami how wrong and foolish he was. 

_I’ve got a job and I get to be there with Finn, and I’ve got awesome friends and my mom likes me and my dad is cool, and puppies exist. And I get to listen to Finn talk and smell his clothes and kiss him and last night he touched my- Oh boy._

Sami shifted awkwardly in his seat as the memory of sensations from last night caused another wave of heat to rock his body. 

“Whew…” escaped his lips. He ate another bite of salad to try and off-set his dancing nerves.  
Now off-track once again, he glanced down the guard rail of the dining room just in time to see Drew and Tony standing in the check-out line. He smiled as Drew fluttered around Tony, touching his hair and his arm until he was awarded a chaste kiss. 

Ever the romantic, Sami let out a deep sigh, comprised halfway of envy and halfway of pride. 

_Look at him… He’s so in love…_

Another sigh. 

_Me too, buddy._

His jaw stopped chewing suddenly. 

“Wait.” He said out loud, causing a few people to look at him with confusion. He tried to smile but surely whatever his face made came off as a weird contorted scowl. He looked down again and watched Drew and Tony walk out, holding grocery bags and each other’s hands. 

_Me and Finn do that…_

A snort came from Sami’s nose. 

_Me and Finn… Finn... who I love._

This time, a loud laugh came out and Sami clapped a hand over his mouth to stifle it. His chest shook with more laughter as he felt his eyes well up. 

“I love him…” He said to himself, voice muffled from his own hand. 

_I love him._

_I love him!_

_I LOVE HIM!!_

Sami managed to turn his boisterous laughter into quiet giggles. 

“I love Finn.” He whispered to himself. The green pen that kept his place in his notes was snatched up as he scribbled the same phrase in the corner of the open page. 

_And Finn… Finn loves me back._

Sami grinned from ear-to-ear, so big that he had to mask his face in the bend of his arm so no one around him thought he was insane. 

_Finn has to love me back… He wants me to audition for Rent! And sing to him! No one has ever wanted me to sing to them…_

His head snapped up at the open essay document. He read the prompt over again. 

Now with his own smirk, Sami selected all text in the document and slammed the ‘delete’ button. 

In a frenzy, and giggling the whole time, his fingers danced along the keyboard as he wrote a brand new essay. A brand new expression of the most important event, realization _and_ accomplishment he had ever experienced. 

He read it back two, three, four times before deeming it perfect for submitting. 

The laptop was closed and the rest of his salad was gobbled down. He had accomplished enough work for this day. 

Now it was urgent that he get home where all the college applications he had filled out were tucked away in one of his dresser drawers. 

He changed the desired major on every one of them to ‘Music’, and handed them in Monday morning.


	18. Eighteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! A few points: 
> 
> 1) The Enzo character has been completely cut from all further chapters of this work. If needed, the entire work will be edited later to remove him and replace him with a different likeness. 
> 
> 2) This chapter contains sexual content throughout. If that makes you uncomfortable, feel free to skip! 
> 
> 3) This will be the only chapter with sexual content. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Monday, June 12. 6:03AM. 

_Sami walked up the ramp and into the prep room with a purpose. Finn’s presence was felt and lead Sami to the cooler that held back-stock containers of yogurt mix. He pulled open the usually heavy door, now finding it effortless to move._

_Finn turned his head away from whatever task he was performing, either marking or checking delivery dates. The blue in his eyes glowed like diamonds among the bland silver metal walls._

_“I’ve been waitin’ fer you!” Finn said._

_“Here I am.” Sami heard himself reply, uncharacteristically nonchalant. The question of why Finn would choose a walk-in cooler to wait for Sami did not cross his mind even remotely._

_Finn, who normally would have laughed, instead pounced on Sami’s body. Their lips connected as Sami moved in to allow the cooler door to close behind them. They were suddenly surrounded by the smell of ice and a shocking coldness, but could not be bothered to stop their activity to fix it._

_Finn’s hands squeezed and caressed every part of Sami that they came across. Goosebumps broke out over his freckled flesh, both from the freeze in the air and the alarming rate at which blood was pumping through his veins._

_In a flash, Finn tore away from Sami, narrated by a wet sound from the accumulated saliva between them. Dropping to his knees, Finn wasted no time in unbuttoning Sami’s jeans. He stroked at the obvious arousal before his eyes, causing a new shudder to rock Sami’s entire body once more…_

A shudder so harsh that he was jerked awake as a result. 

Sami rubbed at his heavy eyelids and, on instinct, looked to the other side of his bed, expecting to see Finn beside him. All he found was the stuffed penguin he had been gifted by the other boy, which had long since lost the distinct smell of Finn’s bedroom. 

It took a moment for his brain to register the low humming noise coming from the wall opposite his bed. Squinting in the dark, he was able to see a neon **HIGH** glowing from the screen of the air conditioner. 

With a groan, Sami attempted to roll out of bed but was met with the unfortunate weight and reality that while his dream had been fantasy, the unsatisfied arousal was very, _very_ real. 

He powered through the discomfort and switched the air conditioner off, only to flop back into bed among the new still silence. 

Internally whining over how abruptly the dream had ended, Sami tried to snuggle in and continue the dream from where it had stopped. Laying on his back, he could only harshly squeeze his eyes shut as if to force his brain back to sleep. Nagging feelings kept him not only awake, but unable to keep still. He squirmed and readjusted until exasperation overtook him and his eyes shot open once again. 

The phone on the bedside table was snatched up and unlocked and to Sami’s absolute horror, he read the new message it held from Finn. 

At this point, Sami had reluctantly immersed himself in school and hadn’t had extra time to hang out. He and Finn could see each other at work and ignore the store responsibilities to make out on the back patio, but it wasn’t nearly enough to satiate. Now, he reminded, he only had to get through his final day of high school.

But still, Sami missed Finn so desperately, so opening the message containing a shirtless selfie from the beautiful boy was too much to handle. It wasn’t uncommon for Sami to be blessed with such images, especially since their kissing sessions had started, but this one came at much too tense of a time.

A whimper escaped his throat. Whatever actual text that accompanied the photo was unable to register as Sami felt a brand new rush of arousal and an unignorable pressure in his underwear. 

Sami zoomed in on the photo while his unoccupied hand travelled downward. A combination of naivete and self-imposed shame had kept him from exploring his body, so he proceeded now with caution. He stared at the smooth skin and perfect curves of muscle captured in the photo while attempting to find some sort of rhythm in his lackadaisy hand movements. Filled with about as much emotion and as many hormones as one body could possess, Sami’s brain began to manifest loosely-connected scenarios.

 _Kissing his neck. Running your hands up and down his sides. Touching his thighs. Those blue briefs that barely covered him up. Imagine if he was the one doing this to you…_

The last thought brought Sami back to the last night he had slept over and how escalated things had gotten in Finn’s bed. 

He felt one last surge of heat on his flushed skin before wave after wave of pleasure erupted, making him tremble. The phone was nearly dropped on his face and tumbled to the floor as he exhaled the breathe he hadn’t noticed was being held. 

As if to imitate some sort of terrible roller coaster, Sami’s emotions turned from overwhelmed and turned on to a mix of guilt and disgust. 

The gravity of what he had just done sat on top of his chest, making him crave more sleep or anything to keep him from facing the day. 

Cursing his vile behavior, Sami shuffled to the shower across the hall as quickly as possible, struggling to walk from the trembling that shook his frame. In hopes to wash away the evidence and memory of his actions, he turned the water as hot as he could stand and stepped in. Usually he would bring his phone along to rest on the bathroom sink and play music while he showered, but he couldn’t chance having to see the same image of Finn again. 

He didn’t feel worthy. 

It was unlike him to curl back into bed after a shower, but he figured a few minutes could be spared to sit and process what had just happened. Not that he _wanted_ to process it; it just felt necessary. 

His eyes closed once more and he thought about how he could ever see Finn again. If Finn would be able to detect the sick perversions that ran through Sami’s mind. If Finn would even want to talk to him again. _Just don’t do that again. Not ever._

Despite the river of shame Sami was presently drowning in, he fell victim to a sudden sleepiness and dozed off. Never having recovered his phone from where it lie under the bed, the school alarm going off failed to reach his ears. 

~

9:23AM. 

Sami snorted awake in a panic. 

A trail of drool was wiped away from his chin and he turned onto his stomach to fish the phone out from where it had landed. 

He saw the time and snarled. He had already been angry with himself before, but the anger turned to fury as he gritted his teeth and slammed a thumb into the ‘alarm stop’ button. The alarm symbol faded and despair took over as Sami saw another new unread message from Finn. 

“ **Good mornin, my sunshine. I hope you have an excellent last day! You did it!! (:** ” 

Sami’s eyes welled up and he placed the phone back on the bedside table, screen down. Burying his face in his dampened pillow, heavy breathing soon gave way to crying as he dwelled over how awful of a human being he was. 

He had only indulged in a few minutes of pathetic crying when, surprisingly, both of his parents voices broke the silence from downstairs.

He sucked his breath in to optimize eavesdropping. It was quickly clear that _he_ was what they were discussing. 

The distance made it hard to make out exact sentences, but some alarming keywords made the hair on his arms stand up. 

“... he’ll be so… disappointed, hon… understand… he’s sensitive… Finn could... “ 

_What._

He sprang from the bed, causing a creak in the floorboards that would surely alert them of his existence. Sweatpants and a tee shirt were hastily pulled on and he trotted downstairs, completely indifferent now of any consequence that could come from him missing school. 

Oddly enough, both parents were sitting casually at the kitchen table. The layout of the house had the kitchen directly below Sami’s bedroom; giving the only way he could hear them from the second floor.

“HEY, uh… Guys? Are you okay?” Sami started strong, maybe even demanding of an answer of why Finn’s name was brought up. But when the somber mood of the room was felt, his attitude changed.

His mother’s eyes were wide with concern and she looked to her husband before offering a response. 

“Of course, sweetie!” She spat out, seemingly in a hurry. “Me and Dad are just talking… about your graduation.” 

“Oh!...” Sami let his shoulders sink. “W-What about it?” 

She nervously drummed at her coffee mug. 

“Well… honey... “ 

A thick cloud of tension and confusion hung in the air, as all three bodies were rigid.

“Buddy, I uh…” His father spoke up. “I won’t be able to make it to your graduation.” 

Sami blinked. 

“Oh, you uh… you have a thing?” He asked, unsure how else to proceed. 

Graduation hadn’t even crossed his mind. Now giving it the slightest thought, he had figured that he would show up, receive his diploma then leave.

Nothing special. It didn’t have to be special. 

His dad didn’t have to be there.

It was fine. 

It’s fine. 

“I tried my hardest to get out of the next trip, bud, I... “ His voice trailed off. 

“That’s… I mean, hey. Stuff happens, right?” Sami faked a laugh. 

Now stuck in the doorframe, he considered going on about how the ceremony was pointless anyway. Maybe his dad would feel better if he knew that Sami was apathetic at best about leaving high school. Anything he could say to dissipate the sadness that hung in the air.

“So!” Mom chirped. “We were thinking that maybe Finn and Rebecca could come… instead.” 

“Oh… yeah, yeah!” Sami nodded as enthusiastically as he could manage. “Yeah, that’ll be fun.”

He bit his lip, unable to manifest anything else worth saying, but not comfortable enough to 

remove himself from the situation. After what seemed like an eternity but was surely only a minute, his mother addressed the other elephant in the room. 

“Did your alarm not go off, sweetie?” 

Sami jerked his head up from the floor to her, suddenly remembering. “Oh! Yeah! Uh… I knocked my phone off the table and I didn’t… hear it.” 

“Oh…” She looked torn. “Well, that’s gotta be okay! They probably didn’t have anything for the kids today, anyway.” 

“Hah… Right.” Sami manually unclenched his jaw. “I’m gonna go… go.” 

Without another utterance or thought, Sami turned tail and trotted back upstairs. 

Too many thoughts circled and crashed into each other in his head, making him pull at his hair once he reached the solitude of the bedroom. 

A nagging feeling insisted that he be as upset as possible about the future absence of his father but he couldn’t put a finger on _why_. Frantically, he snatched his phone up and looked at the time; relieved to see it was almost 10AM. 

The day being Monday meant that Finn should be opening the store and would head in around this time to start the week-ending paperwork. Sami had learned that in one of his recent training sessions. 

It was bold to think that his parents would permit him leaving the house on a day that he had accidentally skipped school, but given the circumstances, it was worth a try. 

Already showered, but now a bit sweaty from the stress, Sami picked whatever clothes he could find, doused himself in cologne and ran back downstairs to announce his leaving. 

With one hand on the front door knob and his skateboard tucked under the arm, he called out: “Hey, uh, guys? I’m gonna...uh… go help Finn set up shop. If that’s… okay?” 

A bit of silence. Hushed talking could be heard from the kitchen. 

“Okay, sweetie! Be careful!” Mom yelled back. 

Her compliance was almost more foreboding than endearing. 

Unable to stand any more of this atmosphere, Sami nodded even though they couldn’t see him and freed himself. 

~

10:08AM.

Angels & Devitt’s was still locked up, as Sami assumed it would be. 

He anxiously paced around the front patio, sipping his iced coffee from Brew. The silver pickup was present, right up front where it should be, so he knew Finn would be in the back, typing away.

Now, Sami realized, his nerves had shifted. 

He had been concerned during his entire skate over about his dad and how he should feel. Upon arriving, he realized that he had another dilemma that had been pushed to the wayside: what he _did_ this morning while thinking of Finn. 

There was that dreadful emotional mix again: guilt and disgust and every other nasty thing that made Sami’s stomach curl and his chest tighten.

It had been a long time since he had hated himself this much. 

But nothing was more comforting than Finn. 

So with shaking hands, Sami fiddled with his key and opened the store door. He walked in as if he had never been inside before; taking each step with precision and fear. The skateboard was left propped up against the wall behind the counter. 

A noise from the back startled him. Taking a deep breath and shoving his hands in his hoodie pockets, Sami slowly made his way back. 

Finn was turned almost completely around in the office chair, head turned to inspect the camera footage of the floor. When Sami made himself seen, Finn’s face changed from quizzical to elated to concerned in record time. 

“Well, hello there! I t’ought you were in school, did they let out early or… Baby are you okay?”

“Oh hey!” Sami said awkwardly, as if he hadn’t known Finn would be there. “I just uh… I didn’t go.” 

Finn stood up, pushing the chair away as he did. 

“Sami, what’s happened?” 

“I just... Overslept.” Sami was admittedly giving his best attempt at a poker face, but it served absolutely no purpose. Finn’s expression wasn’t visible, as he stared at the ground to avoid it. 

“That’s not like you.” Finn said, more factual sounding than accusatory. “Has something upset you? Do I have to fight someone?” 

Sami faked a laugh. “No, no… I’m not… Hey, do you wanna go to my graduation? It’s uh… on that Friday.”

The bluff didn’t work. 

“Baby, talk to me.”

Sami summoned all of his bravery and forced his gaze up to meet Finn’s. The blue eyes had grown cold, as they always did when his ‘protector’ mode was engaged. His mouth was pressed into a thin line, matching the tautness of his jaw. 

“Um... “ Sami found the prep table to lean against. “My dad… isn’t going to my graduation. So I thought maybe you’d wanna come.” 

His words came out much closer to a whisper than he had anticipated. Upon reflection, he realized it was because speaking them any louder would have resulted in a voice crack or a sob being let out as well. 

“Baby… I mean… Of course, I’ll be there but… Why not? I mean, do you wanna talk about it? I can see how sad this is makin’ you.” 

“I’m not sad…” Sami sighed. 

Finn met him at the prep table where he was perched and melted into his arms. Sami wanted to resist the hug, not because he didn’t want it but because he didn’t feel that he deserved it. Finn must have detected the feeling and took Sami’s hands away from the cold metal of the tabletop and rested them on his own hips. 

“Tell me.” He said, voice muffled by the fabric of Sami’s hoodie. 

Sami told him. 

Finn already knew about the semi-strained relationship. The disagreements. The frequent business trips. How sometimes he would speak and receive no answer or attention. Despite his knowledge, here Sami was, describing every instance he could think of with excruciating detail. 

“... and I know he went to Stephen’s graduation because he _insisted_ that we all be there because it was so important but how come mine isn’t?! Why did I even have to go? Why do I have to go to my own! I don’t care! I could be going to that audition! But no-” 

Finn was resting his head on Sami’s chest, letting him get everything out. He hadn’t interrupted until Stephen was brought up. As Sami sucked in a breath to start another tangent about his brother, Finn stopped him by placing a finger on his lips. 

“Not to be rude, darlin’ but erm… I’ve got an idea.” 

Sami swallowed his words and kissed the fingertip. “What’s that?” 

“Why don’t we go on our camping trip after yer graduation?” 

Sami smirked. Instinctually, his brain hissed. _Well, of course we can’t do that._

But… _Why not?_

“We could just go.” Finn said, now with his face turned up to meet Sami with hopeful and loving eyes. 

“We could… just… go.” Sami repeated, as if the words tasted funny. “Huh.”

“What’s stoppin’ us? We can bring Tye an' Dana and da whole squad!” Finn said, now more excitable and teasing that amazing smile. 

Sami mulled it over. _I mean, there won’t be school the next day… Everyone else would be having a grad party… This could be that!_

“Nothing’s stopping us… Let’s… Let’s just go!” Sami modded. 

“Yes!” Finn bounced on his toes to catch Sami’s lips with his own. “We’ll make our own party! Ya know… in the woods!” 

It was truly magical how Finn made all of his negative feelings go away. First he listened; then, he fixed. It was incredible. 

For the first time that day, Sami laughed. 

“Let’s do it!” 

~

Friday, June 16. 2:16PM. 

Graduation ceremonies, as it turns out, were extremely boring. 

 

Tye ended up being too caught up in work to make the ceremony or the camping trip... Something about a piercing sale going on at work kept his hands tied.

In a flash, the Class of ‘17 students walked down the aisles of the high school auditorium, collected their diplomas, big cheers and hollers, then all congregated outside the school for photos and goodbyes. 

All but one. 

Sami hadn’t the mind to pay attention to anything that was said in the speeches given or even notice who was seated next to him on the stage- especially not after seeing how tightly the pants that Finn wore clung to his thighs. 

Once the deed was done, his mother and Rebecca both gave him kisses on his cheeks, leaving fuschia and red lipstick stains respectively. Sami yanked the cap and gown off and unceremoniously balled it up. Expecting chagrin from his mother, he gave her a sidelong glance, but found her preoccupied with fishing her ringing cell phone out of her purse. 

“Sami, take this! It’s Daddy!” She thrust the phone in his face once it was recovered. 

“Uh, what? Uh, okay!” Sami snatched it before the call ended and brought it to his ear. 

“Hey, dad?” Sami asked instead of greeting. 

“Hey, bud. Congratulations, how did everything turn out?” 

“Ah, ya know…” Sami failed to recall any of the ceremony, even though it had just ended. “Glad to be done… I think we’re gonna head home and get changed and packed and hit the road.” 

“Good, great.” Dad sounded just as apprehensive as Sami felt. 

After an uneasy pause, he said, “I’m proud of you, Sami.” 

“Well, thanks dad.” Sami shrugged, partly from disbelief and partly from apathy. 

“I wish I could be there to at least see you off, bud.” 

“Ah, it’s fine… I’ll take lots of pictures and stuff.” 

The group walked to Mom’s car together. Sami was looking around to each party member, as if they would be able to save him somehow. 

“I hope you do.” Dad said. 

Another pause. 

“You know, Sami.” He started again. “I truly apologize about missing it. For what it’s worth, me and your mother are so proud that you made it, no matter what any of those assholes did to you. You’ve always been the better person, and the better man, and-” 

Sami blinked hard in the middle of his father’s sentence. _Is… Is this happening right now?_

“... and we can’t wait to see what comes next. With whatever you do.” 

_Prepare to be disappointed._

“Well… I hope I can continue to make you guys proud?” Sami offered. “Even though I’m like, the worst.” 

“No way, bud.” Dad said. “Not the worst at all. You are, without question, the greatest thing I’ve done with my life. By far.” 

Sami stopped in his tracks, causing Rebecca to bump into his back. 

“Wh… Really?” He squeaked. 

He had not planned on any emotion besides relief getting to him on this day. But now the floodgates had opened, and he felt the familiar sting of tears biting at the corner of his eyes. 

“Yes, really… I hope you have a good trip, bud. I love you.” 

Sami nearly choked. “I love you too, Dad… I’ll talk to you when I get back, okay?” 

It may have been rude but Sami ended the call there, unsure if he could handle hearing anything else. One tear did manage to roll down his cheek and was quickly brushed away, _hopefully_ before anyone could notice. 

~

Sami, Finn, Rebecca and Mom drove back to the Sebei house in one vehicle. Lexi had texted, saying she successfully picked up a small SUV for them to drive up to camp in. Bayley and Charlotte would be holding the store down for the weekend, with help from Mr. & Mrs. Devitt when needed. 

Everyone assembled in Sami’s kitchen for a quick lunch before heading out. 

Butterfly was at attention, sitting in Rebecca’s lap and secretly receiving sandwich scraps. 

“She loves you so much!” Mom exclaimed, giving the puppy’s ear a scratch. “I don’t know what she’s going to do without Sami for a whole weekend.” 

“Aw, mom, don’t make me sad!” Sami laughed. He squeezed Finn’s hand that he was not-so-discreetly holding under the table. 

“She’ll be waitin’ for ya when we get back!” Finn reassured. 

“I wish she could come…” Lexi said mournfully with a pushed-out lip. She reached over to stroke Butterfly’s fluffy tail. 

Mom collected a few dirtied paper plates from the table and smirked. 

“Well… do they allow dogs on the site?” 

Lexi and Rebecca perked up. “Yes!” was exclaimed in unison. 

Mom discarded the trash at the bin under the sink and turned back around, arms folded in that stern-but-considerate way that only moms can. 

“I _suppose_... she could tag along.” 

‘REALLY!” Sami almost bounced from his seat. Finn was the only one without a physical reaction but still smiled in support. 

“As long as you promise to keep your eye on her and stick to her feeding schedule and bring her boots and jacket.” She wagged a finger at Sami, cutting his celebration short. 

“Of course! Yeah! I can do that! I’ll go pack her a bag!” And with that, he ran to his bedroom and collected up sweaters and boots and a leash, then back to the kitchen to store a few days worth of kibbles in a Tupperware container. 

~

Sami couldn’t admit- because he barely had time to notice- but the events of the day truly had him in a whirlwind. He had been counting down the minutes until they could get in the car and drive, if anything but just for the peace that would come with it. 

“Let’s go, team!” Lexi gave Tank a few final pats and used the fob keychain from the dealership to start up the Subaru Forester she rented. It had a spacious trunk that she had already packed basic food essentials in: bread, peanut butter and jelly, Pop Tarts, dried fruits. A big empty cooler was waiting to be filled with ice and whatever else they needed to grab. 

Mom was sure to give the passengers final kisses and demand promises of safe driving before she could let them go. 

Out front, Lexi made a bold declaration. 

“Okay, twins in the back. Sami, you and the princess are navigating.” 

“Aw yeah!” Sami chirped as he climbed into the passenger seat amid groans from the backseat dwellers. Butterfly was off her leash since she never proved to be a hassle in car rides.

“He’s gonna get ya lost.” Finn grumbled, giving Sami a playful poke once they had settled into positions. 

“Nonsense! Besides, I know exactly where I’m going.” Lexi rolled her eyes, started up the car, adjusted the seat so she was nearly on top of the steering wheel, then looked around hesitantly. Leaning in so only Sami could hear, she asked, “Now how do I get to Wegmans?” 

Lexi, being the only party member aged 21, instructed Finn and Rebecca to grab their supplies on the north side of the store and checkout there while she purchased enough alcohol to drown a whale on the south side. The plan was to meet back at the car, where Sami and Butterfly waited, by 4PM so they could make it to camp by 6PM. 

~

“Okay, is everyone prepared? Everyone good?” Lexi called around while plugging her phone into the car’s speaker system. 

“I think we got it all?” Finn ran down the list of what he picked up: water bottles, vegetarian hot dogs, miniature cereal boxes, marshmallows and one small carton of chocolate almond milk that was picked up specifically for Sami.

He dramatically pointed to the car radio from the back seat. “Hit it!” 

With that, Lexi started up a playlist that Sami could see was titled “Camp Vibes”. As she pulled out of Wegmans, he instantly recognized Europe’s “The Final Countdown” starting up. 

Everyone sang along as they pulled onto the highway. 

~

5:37PM. 

The sun was centered perfectly in the sky, giving out peak heat and nearly blinding light across the entire countryside. 

Sami had been informed exactly where they were going a handful of times. The names and locations couldn’t stick in his head as he was much too focused basking in freedom. Half the drive was spent with his head stuck out the window, filling his lungs with the crispness of the fresh air. The other half was laughing and singing with friends. Butterfly spent time on everyone’s lap in turn.

This was paradise. 

A quick check-in with the overseers of the area- _Evergreen Trails Campgrounds_ \- and the group was off to set up. Driving became difficult as they passed onto the property; no pavement lead to bumpy roads. 

Each cabin in the campgrounds had to be half a mile apart, maybe more. Sami was never good at geography or measuring, but he was absolutely grateful for the privacy they would have. The cabins were standard looking, wood-built and just smaller than single family homes. They all seemed to sit atop hills, overlooking a marvelous dock and lake that spanned the entire campgrounds. 

The Devitt’s cabin would have been recognizable to anyone, with a giant flag of Ireland hanging from the front door. Lexi pulled behind the cabin, since the front door was facing the lake. A few dozen feet from the door was a firepit with sawed off tree trunks laying horizontally as chairs. Past that, trees were densely collected, only leaving way for a narrow trail that lead to the lake overlook.

Sami popped the passenger door open as soon as they stopped and Butterfly wasted no time in springing from his lap and getting to work on sniffing everything. 

Finn hopped out from the back and scooped Sami’s hand up to pull him inside the cabin for a tour. They stomped up the creaky stairs together while Lexi kept an eye on the dog and Rebecca unpacked. 

“So this is the main floor,” he started.

It was one wide room with modest features: a table for eating and four chairs. A rustic looking rug on the floor. The kitchen appliances were right against the wall, just waiting to be turned on. 

“Bathroom is right there. Up top is da loft where we can all sleep, but there's separate bedrooms if y’want…”

Sami craned his head up to see a ladder, like one on a bunk bed, leading up to a padded flat space. Everything was open, except for the doors of the two bedrooms. Given the space of the entire cabin, those rooms probably had just a bed and _maybe_ a dresser, each. 

“Wow... “ Sami said, in awe of the alarmingly humble space. 

Rebecca hauled the cooler into the main floor and dropped it right in front of the fridge. 

“Alright, lads…” She said as Lexi followed her inside with Butterfly tucked under-arm. “What do we wanna do first?” 

“Did the lake look occupied?” Finn asked, “If its not crowded, we could go swimmin’ first. Use up the rest of the daylight.” 

Sami swung his and Finn’s hands and looked from person to person with radiating joy. 

“That sounds good!” Rebecca added. She had already knelt down and thrown the lid of the cooler to the side. With a loud _crack!_ , she opened the first beer of the weekend and downed it in one gulp. 

~

Everyone ran back to the car to unload their personal duffel bags and backpacks. Wordlessly, Finn collected both his bags and Sami’s bags and stored them away in the smaller of the two bedrooms, since Lexi had beaten him to ‘dibs’ on the bigger one. 

Finn had changed into black swim trunks before running over to the lake overlook to check on the population. Sami stayed back with the girls while they changed and he took photos of the cabin’s interior.

“Are ya gunna be hungry after swimmin’ ya think?” Rebecca asked, peeling her tee shirt and jeans off. 

“I dunno, maybe? I had already eaten before having lunch.” Lexi responded. 

Sami’s head had been turned, first because he was taking pictures, and now as he looked over everything in his camera roll. He was only half-listening to the conversation between the girls and aimlessly stroking the soft material of the swim trunks he borrowed from Finn. 

“Sami, what d’ya think?” Rebecca offered. 

“Wait, what were we-” Sami’s head snapped up from his phone screen to give her his attention, but he nearly choked on the air in his lungs after he did.

Unbeknownst to him, while he had been distracted, Rebecca had stripped down to her pink and lacy underwear and was now standing in only those. Her bra had been discarded to the floor and Sami (completely _accidentally_ , of course) was now staring at her exposed breasts. 

Lexi must have immediately noticed, since Sami felt his face distort into a combination of guilt and embarrassment and turn what was surely a beet red. He chose a spot on the floor to fixate his gaze on while he chewed his lip and Lexi busted out in hysterical laughter. 

Rebecca stifled her own laughs by covering her mouth and made quick action of changing into her bikini. Lexi did the same, in the privacy of the bedroom.

Sami faked a few laughs then muttered something about checking on Finn. 

Needless to say, the trip was already a blast. 

~

Finn found the lake completely vacated and was trotting back to report when Sami met him at the door.

“Alright, let’s go!” He called towards the door. 

“Yeah, coming!” Rebecca was heard yelling back. A few moments passed and she walked out the door, holding a can of spray-on sunscreen in each hand. Lexi had produced an armful of towels, perhaps from a storage closet in the cabin. 

Finn pulled at Sami’s wrist, bringing him back down the stairs. 

“What’s up with yer face?” He asked, half-smiling. 

Sami considered playing stupid as they strolled towards the trail. “Um... “ 

Before he could come up with any type of response, he felt a tugging at the back of his shirt. 

“Come on, Sami, I gotta sunscreen you!” Rebecca announced. 

“What? It’s 6PM!” Sami argued. 

“I’m not bringin’ you back to yer mother wit a sunburn! She’ll never let me see you again!” 

Sami rolled his eyes and crooked his fingers under the hem of his shirt. Before making the motion to pull the garment up, he stopped short. 

His eyes looked over the three bodies before him, finding each of them lean and chiseled with visible muscles. Rebecca, for one, had a cool tattoo to show off. Finn had his pierced nipples and his marvelous collection of freckles. Lexi had the perfect bronze tan…

Sami gulped. 

He had none of those things. No tan, no piercings or tattoos and _definitely_ not any muscles. Without thinking, one palm was pressed into his own stomach, feeling how soft and pliable it was. 

“Um…” Sami was unsure if it was the anxiety or the rays from the sun making him sweat. Enough time had passed as it was, so he internally said a little prayer and pulled the tee shirt off. They were still close enough to camp that he could ball it up and throw it onto one of the overturned logs.

He tried not to shake as Rebecca got to work, spraying and smoothing the summer-scented lotion over his shoulders and back. The spare bottle was tossed to Finn who mimicked the same motions on Lexi. 

Sami knew he was standing awkwardly, with his hands doing the best job they could to cover his tummy. He was chewing his lip apart, just hoping that no one would have anything to say about his bared body.

Once everyone was adequately sprayed and protected, they followed Rebecca as leader to the lake. Butterfly held up the back, stopping every so often to root around a bush or find an exceptional stick. 

As they reached the water, Sami’s nerves didn’t let up enough for him to appreciate the vast beauty of the sparkling water ahead of them. The girls went ahead and ran into the water, screaming back about how great it was. 

Sami had forgotten why he was even there until he felt the familiar touch of cautious fingertips running down his arm. He flinched from the touch but allowed it to continue. 

“Yer freckles are beautiful…” Finn said. In the open air, he didn’t have to whisper, but still did, as if he knew that Sami was panicked inside. 

Of course he knew. 

“Oh! Hah… thanks. They’re uh… yeah they’re there.” Sami grimaced at his own pasty skin and the orangey spots that interrupted it. 

“I love them.” Finn said and, with closed eyes, nuzzled his nose against the blade of Sami’s shoulder. 

Sami tried not to swoon. 

~

Lake swimming was more fun than they could have imagined. 

Butterfly was doted on as she paddled around the water to receive kisses from each person. They stayed relatively close to the docks to be on the safe side. There was still plenty of room to splash and play. Finn and Sami stayed together, holding hands and spinning around, sneaking kisses when the girls weren’t looking.

Well over an hour had passed before the group decided to head back inside and get a fire started for dinner. 

Sami was thankful for the shred of decency that the towel provided while wrapped around his middle. His tee shirt was recovered from the log as soon as they got back.

Enough firewood had been left over from last time the Devitt’s had camped out. Finn found it in the unfinished basement of the cabin, along with a tee shirt he thought he had lost.

Finn made the fire with almost no effort at all while Lexi used a common pocket knife to sharpen tiny stakes for marshmallows. Rebecca had continued her earlier task of drinking as much alcohol as quickly as possible while Sami indulged in the almond milk Finn had gotten him. 

While the fire burned and casual conversation was had, Sami could not resist staring into the wide open sky ahead of them. It was remarkable, he thought, how beautiful the stars managed to look. How he had gone so long without being able to appreciate them. How much mystery and wonder they held. 

And how the only thing that could make his stargazing better was the way Finn was resting his little head on Sami’s shoulder.

~

10:23PM.

“You wanna check da bed for spiders?” Finn asked. He had never changed out of his swim trunks- didn’t need to since the sun dried them so quickly. Now that it was just about bedtime, he had changed into plain briefs in the other room.

“I don’t see any creepy-crawlies, Finn.” Sami concluded after shaking the bed sheets and examining under the mattress frame. 

“Alright good… Are you gonna take some of yer clothes off?” Finn said absently while crawling into the full-sized bed. 

Sami hesitated. The bedroom was very small and _very_ hot and he knew that stripping down to his underwear would be the much more comfortable option. 

_But… But Finn’s here._

Now, after they had swam together all evening, he wouldn’t be exposing anything new. But still, the nerves he felt made fresh goosebumps break out on his freckled arms. 

“I don’t… no I’m good.” Sami cleared his throat, standing weirdly in the middle of the room while Finn snuggled into bed. 

“Are ya sure? It’s really hot an’ I’m gunna be all over you.” Finn said, adding a torturous laugh and wink at the end. 

“Yeah, I uh… “ Sami’s nerves caused his body to shake. “I don’t like my tummy…” 

Finn’s face, in an instant, went from flirtatious to horrified. 

“Wh-Why?!” He asked. “I love yer tummy.”

Sami’s long limbs attempted to curl inward. To try and hide the shaking, he sat on the edge of the bed by Finn’s feet. 

“I… I dunno. I don’t like… being all soft.” He mumbled, forcing himself to look at Finn. 

“Sami…” Finn wiggled out of the covers to meet Sami and pull him into a backwards hug, with Sami’s shoulders pressed to Finn’s chest. 

“Don’t dislike yer body, Sami, please?” Finn squeezed him tight. “It’s perfect, jus’ like you are.” 

“Finnie, stop…” Sami whined, unable to hide the smile that tugged at his lips. 

“No, I mean it!” Finn went on, quieter now as he rested his chin on Sami’s head. “Yer nice and soft and squishy and warm and it’s beautiful I wouldn’t have ya any other way. You hear me?” 

Now the smile shown through in its entirety. Sami buried his face in his hands. “Finnie, oh my gosh…” came out muffled. The butterflies that had sprouted in Sami’s stomach were in a mad flurry. 

“It’s true, baby.” Finn kissed Sami’s head. “Now get comfy… Yer makin’ me overheat, just lookin’ at you.” 

“Okay…” Sami now, completely willingly and without a second thought, undressed down to his boxers and joined Finn in bed. 

“Now come lay on top of me. An’ don’t let me hear a single word about you bein’ too big or whatever.” Finn opened his arms so Sami could climb on top of his chest. 

It was ritualistic, how cuddles lead to kisses which lead to making out.

The only difference in today’s session was how the background noises were that of crickets and the occasional cry from a distant animal instead of some romantic playlist coming from someone’s phone. 

Sami, feeling particularly bold and confident, scooped Finn up into his arms and brought both their bodies to where they rested on their knees. Now the ripples of muscle all over Finn’s back were free to be massaged and scratched. 

As tongues clashed and gasps of air were taken, one of Sami’s hands traveled to Finn’s prominent collar bone. He ran his finger along the protruding bone, then moved it down to stroke between the pectorals. Sami found himself unable to focus on both kissing and touching, so he broke them apart and panted as he watched his hand, seemingly independently, move closer to Finn’s pierced nipple. 

“You can touch…” Finn whispered, sounding oddly cute and innocent. 

“R-Really?” Sami said, voice full of carefulness and insecurity. 

“Yeah… Can I touch you?” Finn asked with his alluring lip-bite. 

Sami blinked at the question and took the free moment to wipe away leftover spit from his mouth. 

“Yeah, of course!” 

“Are you sure? Because you told me you weren’t ready that last time and I uh… I don’t wanna do anything yer not okay with-”

“No, I’m…” Sami stopped to grin again. It was true, he had requested that they slow down the last time a makeout got as intense as this one. That was only last month but it may as well have been eons ago, in terms of how different Sami felt now. 

He took the invitation and ran his fingertip around Finn’s nipple. The contrast of his heated skin against the cold metal of the barbel made Sami’s breath catch in his throat. 

“I’m more than okay with touching now… if you are.” He added the last part for precautionary measure. 

Finn responded by connecting their mouths again and pressed Sami’s hand into his own chest, encouraging more touching. They were right back where they left off now, now occasionally breaking away to bite necks or jaws. Hands were everywhere now that permission had been given from both sides. Sami pinched and rubbed at Finn’s nipple with one hand while cupping his face with the other. Finn pulled Sami closer, both hands on his hips, closing any little space between them. 

Now Sami, with his doughy stomach pressed into Finn’s smooth and tight one, took a courageous two-handed hold onto the mounds of sculpted and barely-covered buttocks and squeezed as his teeth bit into a presented pulse point. 

Finn moaned fantastically, right into Sami’s ear, and rolled into his touch, causing their matching arousals to drag across one another. 

Sami gasped at the feeling, but instead of shying away like he normally would, responded by bucking his own hips into Finn’s to recreate the feeling. The pressure and the heat together produced the best sensation Sami could ever recall experiencing. 

In a frenzy, both boys took firm grips of any available body part and continued grinding and rutting into each other. The movements were narrated by pants, gasps, squeaks from the bed and Finn’s whimpers of “ _yes… baby… please…_ ”

The warmth from the friction, within minutes, turned into a tingling that made Sami’s head spin and his eyes roll back. He lost his grasp on Finn’s back as all of his muscles seized up, accompanying the most shocking and awesome pleasure. He couldn’t stop his voice from climbing high as he moaned, and revelled in the sound of Finn’s doing the same moments later. 

In a daze, Sami dropped onto his back, barely avoiding smacking his head against the wall behind them. His entire body quivered. 

Finn fell on top of him, full weight laying slack on Sami’s chest. All they could hear was their matching heavy breathing and pounding heart beats. Neither of them even stopped to consider if the girls had been woken by their raucous activity. 

A few minutes passed, allowing sweat to dry and breathing to return to normal. Finn moved onto his side, resting on one forearm, to catch Sami’s eyes. 

“Are you okay?” He mumbled, having definitely noticed the way Sami trembled. 

Sami, without opening his eyes, nodded and stuck his lips out for a kiss. Finn obliged. 

“C’mon… Let’s get you cleaned up.” Finn offered. Sami groaned slightly but shook the sleepiness from his head and followed Finn’s lead to the bathroom. 

Finn stripped his underwear off, leaving nothing for Sami to imagine anymore, and started a shower for them to share. Now completely alert and awake, Sami used his newly gifted confidence to get naked and even managed to make himself chuckle with the last thought he had before stepping into the water jets: 

_Best summer vacation ever._


	19. Nineteen

Saturday, June 17th. 9:52AM. 

Rebecca had mentioned something the previous day about being afraid to take Sami home to his mother with a sunburn. 

Finn covered his smirking mouth with his hand as he looked over the blotchy red marks from teeth indented into Sami’s neck and chest. _What ever would Mama Sebei think of that…_

There had been no use, they decided together upon waking up, in trying to hide the evidence of their frisky night. So Sami picked out a white tee shirt and sat there at the table with only that and a clean pair of boxers on. Finn eyed his legs, giving the closer thigh a squeeze every couple minutes.

Sami was minding his own business, oblivious to the lustful stare aimed at him. He had opened a tiny box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch and was popping a few pieces into his mouth, followed by taking a sip of chocolate almond milk. 

Last night had been incredible, but it happened so fast that Finn couldn’t tell who initiated it. Last he had checked, Sami was uncomfortable with any _advanced_ physicality… What changed? 

“Okay... “ Rebecca interrupted his thoughts as she pored over a map of the campgrounds. “So we already done the trail leadin’ to the lake… There’s another one for hiking just up the road. Or we could go swimmin’ again but it'll probably be a lot more crowded. Thoughts? Gang?” 

“We could just explore around… I think Sami would really like the trail though? Or we can catch some bunnies for the princess to play with!” Lexi suggested, mussing up Butterfly’s ears. The puppy was focused on getting a sample of Sami’s breakfast and only offered a minor tail wag as response. 

“We could rent a boat again?” Finn said, reminding himself to at least pretend to be a part of the conversation.

“That didn’t work last time!” Lexi snapped at him. 

“Only cause Chad was driving!” Finn threw his hands up. “I t’ink I can manage driving a boat without crashin’ into the dock, okay?” 

“Aw, wait... “ Rebecca’s eyes widened as a thought dawned on her. “We haven’t played Extreme Hide N’ Seek in so long!” 

“Ooooh!” Finn perked up, actually at attention now. 

“Wait!” Sami snorted. “What’s ‘extreme’ about it?” 

“It’s the best! You uh… Oh, Sami might have to be the Seeker at all times here.” Lexi started. 

“Hmm… Or we could make like, really strong coffee and he’d take that instead.” Rebecca offered. 

“Yeah, but then we’d have to keep going back to camp to get the coffee… Did you bring like a travel mug?” 

“Guys?” Sami asked again, mouth full. 

“It’s like this.” Finn leaned in to explain. “A couple people go hide. A Seeker counts fer a minute, then equips themselves with a few cans a’ beer. They go around and whoever they find first has to chug all the alcohol the Seeker brought. However,” Finn raised one finger to make a point. “... this is the time when the ot’er Hiders can move around. But if they’re caught moving, they have to chug too.” 

“So it’s Hide N’ Seek, plus alcohol?” Sami cocked an eyebrow. 

“It’s a great way to get fucked up on a rainy Tuesday, is what it is.” Lexi concluded. 

Sami laughed, in that beautiful sexy way that made his eyes crinkle, and Finn instinctively cleared his throat. 

“I’ll be Seeker then.” He said, and downed the last of his milk. “I just gotta feed her and then we can go!” 

He stretched his long legs out and waltzed over to the kitchen space to prepare a kibble bowl for Butterly, who now skittered and danced around his feet. Finn now noticed a few reddened scratch marks across the back of Sami’s thigh and felt his own ears heat up. Hopefully, the elephant in the room would continue to go ignored by the girls. 

~

“... 57… 58… 59… 60! Okay, here I come!” Sami called out from his Designated Seeker Counting Place- pressed against a tree with his hands firmly planted over his eyes. 

Finn hadn’t noticed where Lexi ran to, and Rebecca stole his idea of climbing up a tree. They silently cursed at each other while Sami was halfway through the minute. 

Finn found a suitable hiding place behind a particularly fat tree trunk, where Sami and the firepit were still in sight. It may have been lazy, but he preferred to think of it as the old ‘hiding in plain sight’ method.

Sami stuffed a beer can in each pocket and started his hunt, disappearing into the thatch of trees towards the overlook trail, talking to himself as he did. 

Finn peered from around the tree once it was safe. Keeping his breathing as steady and quiet as possible, which was easier said than done because of the wheeze his deviated septum caused, Finn strained his ears to listen to whatever Sami was going on about. 

It had to have only been two or three minutes passed when Lexi crept up behind him and tapped his shoulder, giving him a proper scare. 

“Gah! Alexa, what the fuck! Yer tryin’ to make me lose, ya cheater.” 

She glared at him with piercing blue eyes to rival his own. “First of all, I am not a cheater. Your sister cheats and you know it.” 

Finn rolled his eyes and briefly looked back around the tree when he thought Sami’s words became louder. 

She let barely any silence pass over them before asking. 

“So what happened last night?” 

“I dunno,” Finn played dumb and kept his stare directed at the trees, “What happened?” 

He heard her exhale through her pierced nose. 

“I’m serious, what did you do? He’s literally tore the fuck up, did you think no one would notice?” 

“I t’ink the dog did that.” Finn said curtly, now completely aware of and apathetic to what an absolute shit-head he was being. 

“Did you fuck? In the cabin, seriously?” Lexi said, louder now. Finn shot her a glare of his own. 

“No, we didn’t _fuck_. Get yer head outta the gutter, mate.” 

“Well, you kept me up doing something. Again.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “Becky made me leave you two alone and let you have your own room because she said there was ‘no way he would’-“

“Ya know, yer supposed to be hiding.” 

“You know, you’re not supposed to touch him. You promised you wouldn’t.” She said. 

Lexi may have been unaware of the way the words left her lips and attacked Finn like needles to his skin. That, or she didn’t care. Both options were possible, and while she was correct- yes, he _did_ promise- it didn’t stop the reality from hurting. 

“I know that.” Finn snarled now, leaning into her face. She braced herself from the sudden closeness, making him aware of what he had done. Backing off, he took a deep breath, which is what Sami would do in any pressured situation. 

“It’s different now… Different than when I promised that.” 

“Finn, he’s seventeen. And a virgin. And a giant dweeb. He probably thinks that because you kissed him, that you’re going to marry him.” 

“Who told you we kissed?” Finn snapped. Only two people were informed of that fact, and he seriously doubted Chad would reach out to Lexi just to tattle. 

Lexi let her hands drop to her sides. “No one actually! But thanks for the info!” 

Finn let out a groan, unable to believe that he walked right into that set-up. 

“Fuck!” was growled between gnashed teeth. 

“Can you just… not let this go any further please? You know it won’t end well.” Lexi attempted to switch her tone to something sympathetic, but just came across as condescending. 

Finn turned his body around to rest his back on the tree trunk. Now facing her, his _bratty, spoiled, always having a goddamn point_ soon-to-be sister-in-law, he chewed the inside of his cheek and considered his next words carefully. 

Should he tell her the truth? Tell her how he felt? Could she be trusted? Would she get angry and scream at him? Would that ruin the camping trip?

“Lex… What you don’t know… besides the kissing thing… “ Another breath. “Me an’ Sami have…” 

“I _GOT_ YOU!” Sami’s voice broke their tension. 

“Aw, fuck you! Unfair advantage, you’re too tall!” Rebecca yelled back. Branches rustled as she dropped from her stowed-away position, followed by the cracking of a beer can. 

This was Finn’s chance. While Lexi’s head was turned, he chose the cowardice route and ducked around another tree, snapping twigs and crunching leaves as he ran. 

“Hey! HEY FINN.” She screamed at him. 

Years of training, both in the gym and running around Bray, made it easy for Finn to dip around trees and under loose hanging branches and vines. He ran until the blood coursing through his body was electric and hot- similar to how it felt the night before with Sami. His feet stopped short at the lake overlook. Scanning the area, it was surely much too open to be considered a hiding spot. Perhaps it would be frowned upon to take a time-out from an active game, but Finn still dropped to the ground and crossed his legs. 

Hands in the grass, he uprooted a few blades, turning them around his fingers. 

Lexi’s questionnaire had been expected. A moment of pride was taken in his sister, who had kept her Twin’s Honor Promise. She wasn’t usually very reliable with those. 

A couple family and friend groups splashed around the lake, reminding Finn of how alone and creepy he may seem in that moment. 

_What’s your plan, mate?_

“I dunno.” Finn mumbled and wiped his forehead with the palm of his hand, definitely smearing green grass across his face. _Whatever._

_What were you even… planning on telling her?_

Finn swatted at a fly buzzing around his ear, but may as well have been swatting the intrusive thoughts away from his mind. 

“I _dunnoooo_.” He said again, more anguished this time. 

_You were gunna tell her what? What exactly? That you love him? You think you’re even capable of loving him? You fucking pathetic FUCK._

Itching for a cigarette or a new identity or both, Finn sighed. It had been weeks- hell, it could have been months at this point- that he came to the solid conclusion that Chad wasn’t coming back for him. Minnesota was his home now. During a late-night Facetime call, Chad had admitted that he had started dating again. Finn remembered the fake-ass laugh he gave out. The whimsical hand motion as he assured his ex that everything was _a-ok, mate_! 

In all honesty, it was a-ok. Finn had been counting on Chad’s eventual return to Buffalo, to his life, to their cozy relationship… But he wasn’t disappointed when he learned it wouldn’t be coming. He didn’t have to be. He had Sami now. He had Sami to kiss and cuddle and whisper sweet things to and maybe someday fuck up against a wall, or something. 

Maybe.

But either way, Sami was there. And at first, he was serving as a red-headed crutch that soothed Finn’s wounds with compliments and attention as bandaids. 

It was different now. It had been for a long time. _Since the fort? Earlier?_ Finn didn’t know. He couldn’t recall exactly what made him fall in love with Chad, either. He had started out as just the cute jock who asked for too many samples at the store. Perhaps things like that- things like unwavering and undeniable love- just kind of happened. 

Perhaps.

It had also been a while since Lexi felt it necessary to heed another bullshit warning about leaving Sami alone, and _he’s not ready for this, you’re too intense for him, he’s a baby_ or whatever the fuck she went on about.

Finn found himself snorting. There was nothing babyish about Sami’s behavior last night. He thought of the bites and hickies and smirked. _His mum’s gunna kill me._

Suddenly:

“GOTCHA!” Sami screamed as he pounced onto Finn’s back, nearly making them both tumble off the overlook and into the lake. Sami wrapped his arms around Finn’s chest and attacked his cheek and temple with kisses, giggling all the while. 

“You’re not good at hiding, Finnie.” Sami stated, hugging and nuzzling now. 

Finn gave his own giggle and pressed against Sami’s chest. 

“No, no! Drink up, asshole!” Rebecca’s voice sounded from behind them. Butterfly ran out from behind the girls and up to Finn, adding her own tiny wet kisses to the mix. 

“Alright, ya fuckin’...” Finn stood himself and Sami up and took the now-warmed beer can from his sister. He cracked the top and threw his head back with a dignified chug.

“I’m good at this game.” Sami beamed with pride. 

~

7:30PM. 

Daylight seemed to last forever in the summertime, which was always Sami’s favorite part of the warm months. 

While there was still an hour or so of light to spare, he took Butterfly onto her leash and volunteered to go find extra thick branches for firewood. His phone was pocketed, just in case any photo opportunities came about. 

The gang had spent the day, following a few rounds of Extreme Hide N’ Seek, swimming, hiking around the trails, looking for cool insects and evidence of Bigfoot. (There was none.)

Sami’s mind, even while consistently occupied with a game or task, tracked back to the events of last night in bed with Finn. 

“Like… I just… Is that sex? Did we have sex?” He asked his puppy, since she was the only one around. “I don’t think that’s sex. I had my undies on. Okay, shut up, I know what actual sex is. I’m just not sure if that was one of those, like, sub-layers of sex.” He sighed.

“I mean, I’m okay if that was sex… I think? I don’t even know! I don’t regret it, like, I’m glad that it happened. I just don’t know what the logistics are and ooh, that’s a good one. Grab that branch… Good girl. Anyway, I don’t know what the rules are.” His free hand flailed around while the other one held the leash.

“And it’s like… Are we a couple now? If we have sex, that means we’re a couple right? Ugh, probably not. I don’t think that’s how it works. Are you listening to me? Are you even looking?” Sami looked back at Butterfly, finding only half her body visible as the other half was buried in a bush. 

“Hey. Listen to me. Hey. Did you drop that stick? Ugh.” Sami groaned and backtracked to recover the branch Butterfly had discarded. He bent over to grab _a_ stick, not sure if it was actually _the_ stick since they all looked alike, and had his attention stolen by something else. 

There was a rock on the ground. In the forest, that was nothing abnormal or strange. This rock however, had an attractive smooth surface and almost no dirt or moss on it. It looked as though someone had misplaced it from a tree bed in front of rich people’s front lawns. 

An idea, flashing like a light bulb before Sami’s eyes, made him gasp with excitement. He snatched the rock up and admired it now in his palm. He clicked his tongue to summon the dog over.

“Look, Butter-baby, look!” He held it out in front of her. She thoroughly sniffed it but lost interest when she realized it wasn’t a snack. 

“You know how penguins give each other rocks when they wanna mate? I could do that with Finn! Except not to mate, cause y’know…” He shrugged. 

“Do you think he’ll like it? He got me that stuffed penguin that you like to lay on, remember?” 

Her tail swished back and forth. Sami adored her the most when she stared directly at him, her giant eyes so loving and focused. 

“What do you think? This could be how I ask him out! Like, for real! What do you say, girl?” Giggles interrupted his sentence as the thought of successfully executing the plan made him giddy. 

Butterfly stomped her tiny paws into the earth, causing barely enough force to move a leaf.

“Do you think I should do it?!” Sami asked one last time. 

“ _ARF_!” She answered and Sami could have sworn that he saw her nod her head in approval. 

“Yeah!” Sami pocketed the rock, quickly gathered up an armful of any suitable sticks and branches and skipped back to the campsite. 

~

9:34PM.

“Come on, it’s good!” Sami tried his best to coerce. “It’s got spinach baked right in.” 

“Mmm… just tear off a little piece.” Finn’s lip curled at the offering of the fake-meat hot dog. 

Sami used a spare twig to stab a segment of the fire-cooked hot dog. Finn smelled it first, then tore it off the twig with a dramatized growl. 

“You know it’s good because Sami gets the expensive Wegmans kind.” Lexi offered. She had already eaten one hot dog and now moved on to toasting marshmallows. A paper plate of graham crackers with dark chocolate segments sat between her and Rebecca. 

Finn mulled the taste over. He swallowed after serious consideration and rated: “Erm, I’ll give it a six outta ten.” 

“I accept that.” 

The sun had been away for a while now, but the gang could have never noticed because of how warm the fire kept them. Butterfly had already been given her night kibbles and went to bed; a warm croissant in Rebecca and Lexi’s bed. They would meet her there for cuddles soon.

Sami however, had a plot. 

He was nothing without his journal so naturally it was brought along, stowed away in his backpack. Once he got back to the cabin with his rock and his heart full of hope, he got to scribbling down the careful steps of his elaborate plan. 

_One: Have dinner._

_Two: Talk about stars a bunch._

_Three: Suggest that Finnie join you in the field to look at stars. (Or the overlook? Which is more romantic?)_

_Four: Give Finnie rock._

_Five: Tell Finnie that you wanna be penguin’s for life._

_Six: Make out._

It was fool-proof. 

Sami cleared his throat after his second s’more and tried to get the plan in motion. 

“Man, these stars huh? Wild.” He said, sounding extremely staged and fake. 

_Frick. Act natural!_

“I mean, uh… You just don’t get them like this in the city… Am I right, lads?” 

_Oh my god._

“Yeah, it’s incredible… Can’t believe Luke Skywalker is up there, savin’ all us of from certain death as we speak.” Finn nodded in awe. 

“Alright, that’s it.” Lexi got up from her log-seat. “You nerds have fun… I’m gonna catch some sleep.” 

“That sounds good.” Rebecca agreed. “You comin’ boys?” 

“In a few!” Sami said, much too quickly. Finn looked to him with a mischievous grin, as if he knew that Sami wanted to be alone. _Dang it, he always knows._

“Alright, g’night. Be good.” Rebecca said as she followed Lexi in. The statement was innocuous enough, but still made Sami’s cheeks blush from the implication that she was aware of what happened the night before. 

Soon as the cabin door was closed, Sami’s mouth connected to Finn’s. Temptation quickly flooded his body and submerged all of his good ideas. Maybe the plan could be executed later and right now they could… maybe even go a little further than last night… 

_HEY FOCUS._

Sami broke away from Finn; his whole body shivering from the urgency to get back on track and the sudden lack of contact. 

“Heyfinndoyouwannagolookatstars?!” He spat out, somehow managing to be more awkward than usual. 

Finn blinked, a tad surprised, but nodded. “Erm, yeah! Do you wanna go over like-”

“Like the overlook? Yeah let’s do that!” Sami bounced from the log and pulled Finn by the wrist up with him. 

Giggling through his confusion, Finn allowed himself to be dragged along. Sami looked back and smiled proudly. 

_Nailed it._

~

As predicted, the lake overlook was nice and deserted; the water still and relaxing. The boys were comfortable in just their tee shirts and shorts as the humidity from the summer air still hung low. 

They laid out on their backs, hands held, as always. 

“That one looks like a bunny.” Sami pointed to a loose connection of bright lights. 

“That one looks like the Nerf gun I have at home.” Finn pointed elsewhere.

Sami was _pretty certain_ that he was maintaining some air of coolness. His sweaty palms could be excused by the thick air, and totally did not have to be a sign of the stress and anxiety he felt. Everything in his heart and brain were screaming to just get the thing over with so the happiness and the makeouts could begin. His body tried to comply, but somewhere along the way, his lips couldn’t form the words needed. 

A few more mock-constellations were observed, accompanied by guessing the owner of the occasional bird or animal cry.

Finn stretched and rolled over so he could rest his head on Sami’s chest. He was welcomed with circles rubbed into his back and a forehead kiss. 

_Okay now. Just ask now. SHOW HIM THE ROCK._

“Uhm, hey Finnie-”

“Erm, hey Sami-” 

They started at the same time. 

“Oh, you go!”

“Oh, you go!”

In unison, again.

“No, go on then!” Finn adjusted his body so it laid on top of Sami’s.

“Please, you first!” Sami opened his legs so Finn could melt into place.

“Okay, I’ll go.” Finn appeased them both. “Erm… I wanted to ask you somethin’.” 

“Yeah?!” Sami pushed himself up to rest on his forearms. Was Finn going to do the work for him?

“Y’know me an’ Rebecca go home like once a year… see the nieces and stuff… We’re only gunna be gone for a month probably it’s… It’s not that long. An’ it might seem silly but I just really don’t wanna be away from you that long.” He laughed. “So I was thinkin’ that maybe… you’d wanna come to Ireland with me? Just the t’ree of us. But we can spend lotsa time together an’ you can see Bray Head and-”

“Really!?” Sami squeaked. 

“Of course!” 

“Finnie, I… Yes, I want to go! I don’t want to be away from you either! Wait, look at this rock I found you!” 

The last part slipped out, but Sami was too ecstatic to care. 

“Wait, what?” Finn climbed off so Sami could go into his pocket. 

“Look, see! I found this in the forest!” Sami produced the smooth, shiny rock and thrust it over. “‘Cause when penguins wanna impress other penguins that they wanna mate with, they give them fancy rocks and-and-and I like penguins and I like you!” The words now fell out without rhyme or reason, which made sense when considering how long they had been bottled up. 

Finn turned the rock over in his palm, petting its surface and admiring. 

“Sami you uh, wanna mate with me?” He asked between chuckles. 

“No, it’s ‘cause when penguins find mates, they stay together forever.” Sami smiled, weaker now and shrugged.

“Oh…” Finn looked from the rock to the goofy face ahead of him before rewarding it with a kiss. “Yer so sweet, baby boy.” 

“Do you like it?” 

“‘Course I like it. I love it.” Finn used his rock-less hand to brush away stray curls from Sami’s forehead. “My sweet angel... “

The ground was hard and uncomfortable at this point, but they still fell into each other’s arms for a much-more chaste and gentle kissing session under the stars. 

It wasn’t until waking up the next morning that Sami noticed that his plan hadn’t worked how it was supposed to. It wasn’t his fault, though. Being presented with a free trip to a beautiful country with two beautiful twins was a bit distracting. 

He remained unsure about their relationship status as he packed his bag back up to head home on Sunday afternoon. 

Plan B, however, he thought…. 

_Plan B can’t fail._

~

Monday, June 19. 4:38PM. 

Any fluttering feelings in Sami’s stomach that he’d had before couldn’t compare to these. 

_Today’s the day._ He scribbled in red ink. _Play time is over! No more guessing after this. It’s happening. I’m gonna make him mine. I mean it this time._

He was prepared. 

A few Monday’s ago, when submitting his final college applications, Sami printed and attached a copy of his final essay to each. In hasty Sami fashion, he had pressed the ‘print’ button one too many times in the school library and ended up with an extra copy. It would have made sense to just toss away the extra, but something nagged at him to keep it. Until this day, it had been stored away in a spare folder and ignored. 

Today, Sami dug the folder from his stack of school books and flattened the essay paper out. 

It was read and reread a hundred times over to make sure it was worthy of presenting. 

Sami himself was groomed to perfection. His unruly curls were tamed with a bit of pomade and he made sure to wear Finn’s favorite jeans and v-neck tee shirt. Hands trembling, he looked himself over one last time, uselessly rubbing at the still-reddened marks on his neck. He scampered out of the house with such excitement that he instantly had to run back to grab his essay and glasses before shouting a vague goodbye to the parents and running back out. 

Finn would be just about finishing up his shift at Angels & Devitt’s at 5PM. Sami had everything timed perfectly. The walk from his house to the store was about 17 minutes, giving him plenty of time to breathe and calm his nerves while he reread the essay for the hundred-and-first time and practiced his pitch. He decided against listening to music while he walked so he could hear himself talk. 

“Finn… I love you. I’ve always loved you. I’ve _always_ loved you.” 

Rehearse, rehearse, rehearse. 

“Finn. I love you. I _love_ you. You are everything to me. You’re all I think about. All I dream about. _I love you_.” 

He turned the corner from his home block onto Lafayette Avenue. 

“You’re all I dream of. Because I love you.” 

Trotted up Lafayette to Richmond’s Colonial traffic circle. Testing out different word inflections. 

“I love _you_.”

Left turn off Richmond to cross Auburn Avenue. 

“I want to be with you. Because I love you. We should be together. Because we love each other.” 

Butterflies in a mad frenzy in his stomach. 

“I wrote this essay about you because you’re the only one who has ever believed in me. And because I love you so much. You inspire me _so much_.”

Cross Auburn at the 7-11 intersection to Elmwood Avenue. Angels & Devitt’s was in his view, just at the end of the next block. 

“I love you.” 

Silver pickup truck was visible in front of the store. 

“I love you so much.” 

His hand was on the door. 

With laborious breaths, he shoved it open. 

The chime went off, as it always did. There were no customers in the store- not unusual for the hour. The same soft-rock station that was playing when Sami first met Finn played over the speakers. 

“Finnie?” Sami called out, cautiously stepping onto the back ramp. 

“Sami?” Finn called back, sending a shudder down Sami’s spine. He stomped up the ramp after nearly dropping his paper from the uneasy sensation in his hands. 

Finn met him halfway, using that stunning smile to greet him. 

“What are you doin’ here, baby?” He asked, wrapping his arms around Sami’s shoulders for a hug and wet kiss before letting him answer. 

“I came to see you…” Sami mumbled against Finn’s lips before tasting them again. 

“Mmm… what a lovely surprise. Ya look so sharp… What do you have there?” 

“Oh, I just uh…” Sami released Finn and tapped at the paper. “Uh… Can we go back here?” 

“Yeah, sure.” Finn shrugged and walked them backwards to the prep area. “What’s up, buttercup?” 

“I just…” 

_Deep breath, Sami. Like we practiced._

“I brought you this…” 

_Look at him, not the paper._

He forcibly turned his chin up to look at Finn. The blue eyes stared back, glittering with some sort of amazing hope and awe and gorgeous shine. Sami felt his lip quiver. 

“I brought you this… It’s the essay I wrote for college. I… wrote it.” 

_Calm down._

“I wrote it for you… well, I suppose it’s about you… not for you.” 

“Aw… Really? That’s so sweet, I can’t wait to read it.” Finn reached out so Sami could hand the paper over. 

Sami wasn’t ready to hand the paper over just yet, but instinctually did anyway. Now, feeling a panic over his minor mistake, he felt a sudden urge to get all of his words out before Finn could read them instead. 

“Finnie, don’t… not yet.”

Finn’s eyes had merely glanced over the black-and-white words. “Hmm?”

“I just. I need to tell you first.” Sami took Finn’s free hand to hold. 

_Go on, then._

“I… love you so much.” Sami whispered, miles less confidently than he had been on his walk. 

“I’ve loved you since I first saw you.” He cleared his throat to regain some clarity to his voice. “And I think you know that. But I wanted to tell you finally.” 

The quivering lip gave way to stinging eyes. 

Finn, to Sami’s surprise, looked exactly the same. Two tears already streaked down Finn’s cheeks. Sami wasn’t sure which person’s hand was shaking more. Sami couldn’t hold in a few sobs between his sentences. 

“I love you, Finnie.” He said, loud and clear. “I love you and I want to be with you forever. Like penguins.” 

Sami managed a weak little laugh, and may have even smiled if he hadn’t seen the way Finn’s face dropped.

Again, Finn looked from the paper to Sami, to their intertwined fingers. He gently let go, allowing their hands to drop. 

“Finnie?” Sami asked, voice now small and unsure. 

Another tear fell down Finn’s cheek. 

“Sami… we can’t.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry everyone. 
> 
> (jk- it ends well. stick with me.)


	20. Twenty

Monday, June 19. 5:07PM.

“Sami… we can’t.”

“Hah…” Sami chuckled a little, since he must have heard Finn wrong. “We can’t? Like we can’t be penguins? Well, that’s okay, Finnie, we can be giraffes if you want. But I don’t know their mating or relationship patterns?” 

“No… “ Finn took a shaky inhale. “Sami, we can’t be together. We can’t.”

Sami blinked. Another tear fell from his eye. 

“Wh-What?”

“We. Can’t. Sami.” Finn placed the paper down on the table and crossed his arms, probably in attempts to mask his trembling. 

“... Why would… Finn?” Sami quickly brushed at his cheeks. “Finn, why are you sayin’ that?” 

Finn just stood there, jaw rigid. 

“Finnie… what… why aren’t you... “ 

“Sami, you don’t… you don’t want me, okay?” Finn stated as plainly as his cracking voice would allow. He stared towards the back door. Any focal point was better than looking directly at Sami’s confused and devastated face. 

“What do you mean? Of course I want you, I j-just told you that I want you! I just told you that I love you!” Sami spread his arms out, as if for a hug. Maybe Finn would accept the embrace and take back these awful words. 

“You need to find someone else to love, okay?” Finn moved his eyes to Sami’s feet. “Someone who deserves yer love…” 

“No, Finnie... “ Sami stifled a hiccup as another bought of sobs crept up his chest. “I only love y-you… why are you… don’t you love me too?” 

Finn’s head snapped up and he took a step back, so his body pressed against the sink. It was the farthest he could get from Sami. 

“Of course I love you, Sami.” 

“W-Well… Why are you saying these things, Finnie?” 

Finn bit his lip, like he always did, but stressfully now, as if he was in great pain. 

“Sami, I’m… I’m not good.” 

“Finn…”

“I’m not good, Sami… You need to find a good boy.” 

“I don’t... “ Sami’s throat contracted as he tried to talk. He tried to relax it with a few breaths, but they only came to him as gasps. 

“I…”

_Gasp._

“Don’t…”

_Gasp._

“Want…”

_Gasp._

“Anyone else!”

The last fragment came out as a shout, wracking Sami’s ribs and nearly causing a collapse. He rested a forearm on the prep table, rustling the essay paper. 

“Sami, I’m not good!” Finn stomped a foot and finally forced his gaze to the other boy. “I’ll fucking ruin you, Sami, I’m a fucking disaster, I’m fucking trash! I didn’t want to fucking hurt you, Sami! That’s why we can’t! What don’t you understand?!” 

“You said we could get married!” Sami shrieked back. “You said I was your baby! You said my eyes were pretty!”

“I know what I said, Sami!” Finn’s fists were clenched hard at his sides now, making his veins protrude as his face grew flushed. “And I fucking meant all of it, but I didn’t think you would… Ugh, Sami!”

Sami would have come up with a response to Finn’s accusatory words, but his brain had almost definitely short-circuited. No word or thought could process without a new one manifesting and bumping into the prior, making him tug at his gelled-up curls and let out an anguished whimper. 

“Sami, please!” Finn snatched at his arm so he wouldn’t hurt himself anymore. “Please, Sami, nothing has to change between us! We can be the same! Just please, please Sami we can’t put a label on this, we can’t-” 

“A label!?” Sami let his arms drop, flinching at Finn’s touch. “Finn, we love each other, we should be together! Who cares about a label?” 

“Sami, I-” 

“Why did you kiss me, Finn?” 

All the thoughts came out at once. 

“Why did you kiss me? Why did we mess around in the cabin? Why did you let me fall in love with you?” 

“Because I wanted to!” It was Finn’s turn to fall apart now. His trembling hands now rocked his whole body. “Because I fell in love with you, too!” 

“Then just be with me…” Sami shrugged. His face was soaked in tears, hair a mess, body cramping in pain from so much tension and stress. 

“I can’t... “ Finn repeated one last time before dropping his face into his palms and crying. 

Sami, at first, reached out to hold and comfort him, but stopped before contact was made. He felt his head go dizzy and vision blur as the front doorbell chimed. The weight on his chest made running seem impossible, but somehow his feet complied. 

Without saying goodbye, without a kiss and without explanation, Sami high-tailed it for the door. Through his tears, he made out Bayley’s shape at the counter, taking her jacket off. 

“Sami, wha-” She started, but was quickly cut off as he bolted out the door. 

Living an entire lifetime in the Elmwood and West Side area of Buffalo meant that Sami knew these streets like the back of his hands, but now found himself whipping his head around, as if planted in unfamiliar territory. Something pulled his body to the left, so he pivoted his feet there and took off. Memorized buildings and landmarks passed his vision like mosaics, undistinguishable and strange. 

Already breathless from screaming and sobbing, he was only able to run a few blocks before his ribs threatened to break under all the strain. His legs dragged the last couple paces, and without the ability to control them, buckled under and sent him plummeting to the concrete sidewalk. 

If any passersby were around, they did not bother to assist. 

Sami squeezed his eyes shut and opened them a couple times in attempts to regain clarity. He saw his own palms before his eyes, scuffed and dripping blood from his fall. Past that, he blinked and blinked and blinked before he made out the street sign on the corner pole. 

**Ashland Avenue**

He hastily recovered his cell phone from his pocket. Several wrong names were selected as he smashed letters into the search bar before finding ‘Drew Gulak’. He pressed the call button. 

A few rings. 

“Hey, hello?” 

“D-Drew?!” Sami coughed into the receiver. 

“Hey, Sami?”

 

“Are you home?” Sami felt the phone rattle against his ear as he was unable to keep his hand steady. 

“Yeah, I’m just working on my blog! What’s up? Are you okay, you sound sick!” Drew asked, ever chipper and helpful.

“I’m on Ashland.. Can I come to your house?” He spat out. 

“Uh, yeah sure. It’s 258, it’s the green one.” 

Sami hung up and staggered to his feet. Noticing that his glasses were askew, he pushed them into place and focused his eyes on the corner house that he lay before. 

232\. 

The blocks-length walk felt like a marathon before he reached the front porch. Drew had cracked the front door slightly to peek out, but ran down the stairs with urgency when he saw the state of his friend. 

“Sami, holy shit!” Drew met him at the steps and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “Sami, what has happened?!” 

“Can I come inside please?” Sami muttered, having barely heard Drew’s words. 

“Yes, get in here!” 

Sami staggered through the front door. Like many west side houses, the front door lead into the living room. Drew had a modest set up inside. An impressive sectional couch (that he only had since it was a gift) sat on the far wall, opposing the entertainment system, where he had every game console imaginable. The non-functional fireplace on the side wall, much like Sami’s house, had a mantle adorned with framed photos ahead of it. On the archway leading to the rest of the house was a metal plate, much like a street sign, that read **Plaza del Nese et Gulak**.

Sami, however, noticed all of these things on his future visits to Drew’s house, since presently he was too delirious to remember his own name.

“Sami, what has happened to you?” Drew asked again after forcing Sami to sit down beside him on the couch. 

“M-my… boyfriend… doesn’t wanna… be my… my… “ Sami did his best to get through the simple sentence, but was attacked with another burst of tears before he could. 

“Oh no…” Drew reached up and took Sami into his arms, allowing him to stain his shirt with tears. 

Past his wailing, Sami could hear footsteps stomping towards them. He kept his eyes pressed closed and squeezed Drew a little tighter, embarrassed of his crying. 

“Woah, hey what’s wrong?” Tony’s distinctly soft voice asked. 

“Babe, we’ve got a serious heartbreak here, you’ve gotta get the provisions!” 

“Oh, shit, okay!” 

Tony, who was wearing only gym shorts and a tank top, locating the nearest pair of sneakers, apathetic if they were his or Drew’s, and pulled them on. He snatched a twenty dollar bill that Ariya had left him on the coffee table and dashed out of the house. 

Drew stared towards the door with sympathetic eyes for a moment before returning all of his attention to Sami, petting his hair and kissing his forehead. 

~

Tony got back twenty minutes later, long hair all over his sweat-slicked face. Sami had continued to be inconsolable the entire time he was gone, and flinched when he felt another body sink into the couch besides him. 

With a sniffle and a child-like rubbing of his eyes, Sami detached himself from Drew’s chest to look at Tony. 

“Hey… uh, Andrew told me that you don’t really like animal products so uh… I got you the non-dairy kind.” 

Sami was confused for a moment until Tony pulled out a pint of non-dairy peanut butter Ben & Jerry’s ice cream. Amazingly, the sight made him cough up a laugh. 

“I got you some dark chocolate too ‘cause I think that’s the vegan one.” Tony brushed all his hair back with a swipe of his palm. 

Drew chuckled as well and took a hand away from Sami to cup Tony’s cheek. 

“Marvelous, darling.” 

“Thanks.” 

Sami tried to smile, but felt a soreness in his cheeks and forehead. Maybe he was finally starting to calm down? Out of instinct, he reached for his phone and gave the screen a glance. He had only a minute to process the seventeen missed calls from Finn before his chest was sinking in on itself again and he was back to shrieking into Drew's shoulder.

~

Finn, like Sami had before him, ran past Bayley, clutching his chest. Of course he heard her yell after him, but couldn’t bother to stop and explain. 

He could barely remember how to drive but still fiddled with his keys for seemingly endless minutes before he could unlock the truck and pull away. A dangerous U-turn was made so he could speed up Elmwood and try to find Sami. 

The silence in the truck bed was disgusting to him usually, but now all he could focus on was the sound of his own breathing- unsteady and labored- and the streets of Elmwood- populated but not by the one he sought out. 

Why he was determined to find Sami; he wasn’t entirely sure. Nothing would come from it. He couldn’t change his mind. They couldn’t be together. 

It had already been decided by factors outside of Finn’s own control. 

Finn hadn’t had time to notice that he left both his hat, jacket and wallet at work. But he did have his cell phone, and ripped it from his pocket to dial Sami’s number while making another loop around the area. 

The phone rang and rang until the voicemail prompt came on. 

“Uhm, hey this is Sami Zayn Sebei. I’m either busy or just biking around right now but I’ll call you back ASAP! Thanks, friends!” 

“SAMI.” Finn barked into the receiver. “Baby, where are you… I’m looking for you, I… Sami I’m sorry. Can we just-” 

Finn startled himself at the sight of a redheaded pedestrian, but after a moment’s examination, found it not to be the one. 

“Can we just talk, Sami? Please?” He hesitated for a moment, wondering if he had anything else to say. If he should close the message with an ‘I love you’.

Of course he shouldn’t. 

Finn threw his phone to the passenger seat and cut off several people in a transition to the turning lane to head down West Ferry and pull onto the I-190 highway to South Buffalo. 

~

Once inside his house, Finn slammed the front door as hard as he could, alerting Rebecca and Lexi in the kitchen of his presence. 

“What’s all that about!?” He heard his sister’s voice from the other room. 

Finn followed the sound until he too was in the kitchen, inches away from her face. 

“I hope you’re happy now!” He shouted. “I did what I was supposed to do!” 

“What are you sayin’?” Rebecca shouted back. 

“I did what I was supposed to do! Sami came to see me today and told me about how much he loves me and how we should be together and I had to tell him to go fuck himself!” Finn’s voice grew high and strained with his screaming. “So I hope you’re both happy!” 

Neither of them had time to answer before Finn gasped and another bought of painful sobbing took him over. He ran up the stairs to his bedroom, where he would stay for the next week. 

~

Tuesday, June 20. 12:02PM.

Sami awoke with a splitting headache. He opened his eyes but was met with a painful glare from the sun rays. His head throbbed so strongly, it seemed his skull was threatening to burst. 

He didn't remember coming home from Drew’s, anything his parents had said to him, or falling asleep. But once he was awake, he was met with vivid flashes of the nightmare that played in his brain throughout the night. 

_There was dark. A horrific, isolating dark. He searched, arms extended through the blackness, in hopes of finding some refuge. He tried to scream but his voice shriveled and cracked, leaving him helpless._

Although he could never see him in the nightmare, he felt Finn’s presence. Between the darkness, perhaps he saw a glimmer of blue eyes, smelled the expensive cologne. He tried to locate him; tried to catch and hold on to him. But as soon as he was given a glimpse, it vanished just as fast. He could not find Finn. He could not have him. 

An overwhelming nausea run through his body, starting at his stomach then climbing, making his whole body feel weak. 

Sami stumbled out of his bed, lips smacking from the dryness in his mouth. When he stood, he was hit with a horrible vertigo that nearly knocked him to his knees. Barely able to stand, he retreated to the bathroom across the hall. 

Doubling over to where his head was nearly inside the toilet bowl, he tried to vomit but was only able to choke and gag. Each cough sent another wave of pain rocking through his head. 

He sat on the bathroom floor for a moment, remembering the events of the day before. Another wave of nausea. Another attempt to empty his body of this feeling. He remembered Finn pleaded with him. Another stab into his brain. 

He all but crawled back to his bedroom, unable to hold his head up straight. He knew the tap-tap-tap noises from downstairs came from the dogs’ feet, probably now up and eager to investigate. He closed the door as quickly and quietly as possible to avoid interaction. 

His phone was thrown unceremoniously onto the floor the day before. He tapped the screen, momentarily blinded by the light it gave off. The screen displayed more text notifications than he could process. His eyes merely skimmed the messages, not comprehending anything he read. 

With shaking hands, he opened Rebecca’s contact. He could see that a few paragraphs had been texted to him while he slept. Ignoring that, he typed “can i pleade atay home toda” and sent the message, apathetic towards his poor spelling. 

He placed the phone on the bedside table and plopped back into bed, limbs everywhere. His head pounded again, as if from overexertion. 

A beep from his phone came in and he tilted it from the bedside table so he could read what it said. 

“ **Of course. Please get some rest. Call me if you need anything. I love you.** ” 

Finn obviously must have informed his sister of what happened. Sami cringed. Maybe they made fun of him together; mocked him for how pitiful he is. 

Sami pressed his face back into the pillow where he was free to whimper and moan from the physical and emotional agony that tormented him. 

To his dismay, he was only left alone for a couple minutes of despair before he heard knocking at his bedroom door. 

“Sami, honey?” Mom called from the other side.

Sami almost threw a fit. Why couldn’t she just mind her own business and leave him alone, doesn’t she realize what’s going-

“Yes, mommy?” He answered, sounding scratchy and tired. 

She opened the door without being invited, as usual. “Honey are you feeling okay?”

If Sami looked even half as badly as he felt, surely she would understand instantly that he was not okay. 

“No…” was all he could answer. 

“What’s wrong, baby?” She sat on the edge of his bed. 

He flinched at the pet-name.

“My tummy hurts…” He sighed while she pressed the back of her hand against his forehead. 

“Oh… Mommy will go make you some ice chips and a nice ginger ale.” 

Sami’s bottom lip started to quiver once again. “Okay, mommy... “

Now, feeling guilt on top of the overwhelming sadness, he closed his eyes again so he could worsen his headache with more crying. 

~

2:00PM.

“I dunno what happened… They both just ran out?” Bayley said while yanking on her ponytail to tighten it. Rebecca nodded. 

“They… kind of broke up. I guess. My brot’er won’t tell me details.” 

“Oh yeah? Why not, is he home?” 

“Yea, he’s home. He just won’t talk to me. I try to go in ‘is room, he screams fer me to get out.” Rebecca crossed her arms and frowned. 

“Gosh… I’m sorry. I wanted to text him but I didn’t know what to say!” Bayley smirked. “Well… at any rate. I got all the fruits cut up for you and the garbage is already changed.”

“Thanks, Baylz… It’s been a rough twenty-four hours, I really appreciate it.”

Bayley smiled softly and headed back to the prep room to grab her things and head out. Rebecca tried to occupy herself with counting the money in the register. 

“One more thing Becks? Finn left this here… I bet he’d want it.” Bayley awkwardly handed over a piece of printer paper. 

“Oh? What’s… Oh.” Rebecca skimmed the words typed out but waited until Bayley left to really focus on the essay. 

~ 

**Discuss an accomplishment, event or realization that sparkled a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself and others. Limit 650 words.**

_I have lived through what I thought to be a boring and uneventful life, so naturally this question came as alarming to me. What could possibly be worth talking about in such a grand scale? A few things ran through my head before: claiming my own independence, deciding that I want to sing professionally, becoming confident in myself. These are all important and valid choices for me to elaborate on but while trying to decide which, I noticed something. All of these revelations, and more that I haven’t even mentioned, are all results of what is without question the greatest thing that has ever happened to me: Falling in love. I met the love of my life on a freezing afternoon in February and nothing has been the same since. I haven’t been the same since. Never in my life have I seen a man more breathtakingly beautiful. As if that wasn’t enough to swoon over, he is also the smartest, funniest, most interesting and insightful individual probably on the earth. For the first few weeks, it was just a pleasure being around him, occupying the same space as him. As we got more comfortable, he learned more about what I have always viewed to be an annoying and unlikeable disposition. He took everything that I dislike about myself and never once tried to manipulate or change it, but instead showed me his perspective of how amazing it can be. He made it clear. Just like being myself has always been so easy, falling deeply in love with him was effortless. Like being myself, falling in love with him has released me from the restraints put on me by other people, by my parents. I no longer concern myself with the negativity of the world. I may not know that everything will always end up alright, but being with my love makes me feel like nothing can ever hurt me again. My fears and insecurities do not even cross my mind anymore because of him, and because of him, I am freed. There cannot possibly be anything better than this._


	21. Twenty-One

Tuesday, June 20. 

Sami restlessly slept all day and night; waking up every hour, gasping and sweating from nightmares.

~

Wednesday, June 21.

Finn must have read that essay a thousand times.

~

Thursday, June 22.

Sami received his first college acceptance letter, prompting an argument with his mother when she saw that it was for the Music major. It ended with him crying hysterically, more from frustration than anything else.

~

Friday, June 23. 

Finn hadn’t consumed anything more than orange juice and dry toast in four days.

~

Saturday, June 24. 

Sami returned to work, for a mostly silent day with Charlotte. Occasionally, she would stroke his hair or kiss his cheek when he was zoned out.

~

Sunday, June 25.

Every day, Finn called and texted Sami. No response yet.

~

Monday, June 26. 

Officially a week had passed since what Sami had decided was the worst day of his life. 

He felt more and more numb as the days went on. 

~

Tuesday, June 27. 

The words printed on the essay paper had smeared from Finn’s tears dropping onto it.

~

Wednesday, June 28.

Tye brought Sami soup and cuddled with him all morning, neither of them speaking.

~

Thursday, June 29. 2:05PM. 

_Finn strolled around an unfamiliar house, though he was not at all confused about his whereabouts. The hallways were steep and painted a deep red, leading to a grand kitchen with sparkling appliances and a clean tiled floor. He followed a noise- whistling._

_Occasional meows filled his ears and a look behind showed that he was being followed by a litter of kittens, every coat color and pattern he could imagine._

_He had always wanted a whole litter of kittens to keep and to love._

_Unbothered by the cats, he headed to the counter- his counter- and stopped the whistling of the tea kettle on the stovetop by turning off the burner. A cup with a teabag already inside it appeared, seemingly by magic, on the counter and he poured the boiling water in to make a fresh cup of tea._

_Nothing Finn enjoyed more than piping hot tea._

_Grabbing the cup by the handle, but feeling no burn from the heat, he sauntered over to the front of the marvelous house._

_The front door was opened, and all the kittens ran outside, mewing and prancing about._

_His front lawn was green as could be, the only other colors coming from the magnificent, flourishing flowers and shrubs and the bright orange from-_

_Ah. Sami._

_Finn felt his cheeks ache as he grinned._

_“My love!”_

_Sami was kneeled in the garden, scooping some dirt or replacing roots. He sprang up and looked back at Finn._

_His eyes seemed to glow when the sunlight hit them the right way. Deep and glittering, they resembled melted chocolate and honey._

_“What are you up to, baby?” Finn asked._

_“I was singing to the flowers to help them grow!” Sami exclaimed._

_They laughed together then fell into an embrace. It was so natural; so soothing for Finn to have Sami’s arms wrapped around him._

_“I love you, sweetheart.” Finn said._

_“I love you so much, Finnie.” Sami replied with an audible smile in his voice._

_There was peace- an indescribable, unable to be mimicked type of peace._

_Finn felt everything that Sami gave him all at once: the comfort of belonging. Safety. Security. Warmth, even better than that from the sun. An overwhelming love, the kind that could end wars and melt even the coldest hearts._

_Finn was exactly where he was supposed to be, in those arms._

Blue eyes lazily drifted open. 

He rolled over, arm stretched out to wrap the redhead that should definitely be beside him up in a cuddle. 

Patting the other side of the bed and feeling no weight beside him, Finn realized. 

_Oh… That’s right._

With a sigh, he curled his arm back into his chest to cuddle himself since no one else would. 

Not that just anyone would do. It was Sami he needed. 

As of late, dreams depicting the angel he had lost felt only torturous. It wasn’t uncommon for him to dream of his perfect life with Sami. After all, he’d had it planned out for months already. It used to be the only thing that could ease him to sleep. 

Now it just hurt. It was a painful look into the unattainable life he so craved. The life he had ruined for himself before it could even begin. 

Eyes still cloudy, he snatched his phone from where it had fallen under the blankets and opened it, disappointed at the lack of messages. His thumb pressed the ‘home screen’ button and revealed his background- a photo of the smiling perfect boy from mere weeks ago. 

Weeks ago, when things were still good. 

And so, with another day begun, Finn started his ritual. Hands clamored around under the bed until he felt the crumpling. He recovered Sami’s essay and brought it into bed to read. 

Half the words had smudged from him crying over them and the other half were almost unreadable from wrinkles made when Finn threw the balled-up paper across the room. 

With another sigh, somehow more pathetic now, Finn felt his lip quiver as he started reading over the words he had memorized by now. 

Visions of Sami’s hair nearly glowing in the dream’s sunlight flashed behind his eyes. 

“I met the love of my life on a freezing afternoon in February…” he muttered. The statement was just as factual for him as it was for Sami. 

“Never have I seen a man more breathtakingly beautiful…” Finn sniffled and remembered all the drawings and sketches he had made of Sami and how they would probably never see the light of day now. All that hard work. All that time swooning over his gorgeous little face and trying to immortalize it. 

“He made it clear…” 

It was Sami who made fucking everything clear. He brought clarity to the haziness of Finn’s life. All the shattered pieces were super-glued back together by that boy’s goddamn smile. And when he was finished glueing, he found that one piece was still missing. 

He was supposed to be that fucking piece. 

“... because of him, I am freed.” Finn tried to cry in anticipation of the final line. He wanted to cry so fucking bad but finally couldn’t do it anymore. He thought of the past bullshit he had wasted tears on; the useless boys he’d lusted for in the past or the self-imposed lack of confidence that held him back from getting what he wanted. 

“There cannot possibly be anything better than this.” 

There it was.

Eight words that Sami had drafted in his brilliant mind and used to describe Finn, of all people. That’s what he thought about them being together. Nothing better. 

Finn closed his dry and tired eyes, only to be met with another flash of _Dream Sami_ singing to his garden. The feeling… That incredible feeling. The belonging. 

His heart ached for it. 

_Nothing better than this… Nothing better than him._ Finn thought, as if to torment himself further. 

Nothing will ever match the comfort of Sami, no matter how hard he tried to find a replacement. 

_Nothing better than him._

Two tears managed to seep through his heavy eyelids. 

_So why try for anything other than him?_

“Because… “ Finn whispered, answering his own question. “I can’t… I don’t have… permission…” 

He heard himself snort. What a bullshit concept. Here he was, miserable and depressed and reeking from a week without a shower, all because his sister and her girlfriend wouldn’t give him… permission. 

Slowly… Finn’s eyes opened. 

_They didn’t give me permission to cam model either…._

He sat up. 

_No one gave me permission to pierce my nipples or talk to strangers online…_

Swinging his feet over the side of the bed, Finn stood up for the first time in recent memory. 

_And I’m pretty fucking sure I never even asked for permission to date whomever the fuck I wanted._

The bones in his knees and spine cracked from lack of use. Dizziness shook his head for a moment in a miniature fit of vertigo. 

Balor, the mannequin in holding up the corner of his room, was posed to offer him a hug. 

“Balor… Did you ever ask permission for what you wanted?”

Silently, the lone eye Finn had painted onto the beast stared back. 

Finn smirked. 

“I didn’t think so, mate.”

In a new frenzy, Finn stomped downstairs, following the sounds of music into the kitchen. He hadn’t seen his roommates in a few days, since the last time Lexi tried to apologize and bring him a sandwich. If he remembered correctly, that had been her third attempt at repentance. 

Sure enough, there they were. Rebecca was stirring a hot pan of peppers and onions. Lexi was next to her, leaned against the counter. Mid-sentence, she stopped her speech to gawk at Finn, in his no-doubtedly crazed appearance. 

“Hey buddy?” She asked, one sculpted eyebrow raised. 

Finn felt his jaw tighten. “I’ve never asked anyone for permission to do anythin’ in my life.” 

Rebecca turned around and stared at him, concern visible. “Okay…” 

“I have _never_ ” He raised a finger to point at no one in particular. “- never once needed permission.”

“Uh huh…” Rebecca nodded along, shooting Lexi a concerned glance. 

Finn felt his teeth bare, growing animalistic in his frustration. 

“So I’m not askin’ permission now, Rebecca Quin!” He yelled. 

“What are you sayin’?!” She yelled back. “I haven’t held you back from anyt’ing, you freak?”

“Listen to me!” He threw his hands around in frustration. “I’m not askin’ permission to be happy! I’m gonna get my boy back! The boy I’m _supposed_ to be with! And you’re gonna help me, damnit!” 

Finally, after having it spelled out, Rebecca shared a smile with her partner. Lexi, snarky as ever, flashed her most mischievous look to date. 

“Finn…” She started. “I think… I think you’re right here. As much as I hate to admit it. And if you wanna get him back… I have an idea.”

Finn ran his fingers through his wild hair. Something about Lexi of all people agreeing with him brought him back to life. 

He was back. 

The confidence he had been lacking in, the clarity and brilliance that Sami had gifted to him shown through now.

“That’s what I like to hear.” 

~

Wednesday, July 12. 3:05PM.

Sami typed away at the paperwork computer. 

Officially 18 years old, he probably would not have even noticed the day if his mom hadn’t awaken him with pancakes and kisses. He didn’t notice much of anything lately. Not the unkempt appearance he kept. The uncharacteristic standoffish attitude he gave off. 

_Whatever._

Bayley, chatty as always, had offered him condolences for what happened, as if someone had died. He appreciated the effort, sure, but was more just annoyed that everyone knew his business. 

It wasn’t like him to be snippy or irritated with his close-knit friend group, either. 

With a grumble and a sigh, he continued crunching numbers while Bayley somehow managed to _loudly_ sweep the floor up front. A glare was shot to the camera, then the clock on the computer, and he mentally noted how many exact minutes he had left before he could go home. 

~

3:06PM. 

“Are you ready, champ?” Lexi asked, reaching up to squeeze at Finn’s trapezius muscles. 

“No.” Finn admitted, eyeing the box he held with concern as his sweat-coated palms threatened to drop it. 

“Get it toget’er, boy!” Rebecca poked a finger into this chest. “You’ve got this!” 

“I dunno, Beck…” The words came out more as a groan than a sentence. 

“Do you want him back or no?!” Lexi nearly shrieked from behind.

“Yes!” Finn nodded as hard as he could without dropping anything. 

“Do you want to apologize or no?!” Rebecca added. 

“Yes!!” 

“Are you gonna go in there and get your mans?!” Lexi, again. 

“YES.” Finn stomped a foot for emphasis. 

“Do you have all the provisions?” Rebecca asked in a normal tone now. 

“YES- actually, lemme check.” Finn looked at what he was holding. 

A large ornamental box was in his hands, with a sketchpad balanced on top, and a tiny gift box on top of that. 

“I’ve got da goods.” He said. 

“Alright, let’s move out.” Lexi said. 

The three had been standing outside Angels & Devitt’s, off to the side driveway as to avoid the range of the cameras, for about twenty minutes now. 

Finn’s nerves were absolutely aflame at this point. 

Plan ’FinnZayn In The Membrane’ as Rebecca titled it, had been adapted by the three of them as a unit. He had gone back and forth about whether or not it was worth the execution maybe a few dozen times. 

Now there was no room for indecision. 

Finn’s outfit was completely on point, from the army green pants that Sami loved to the plunging v-neck that left a few token bite marks still visible. He had spent about an hour in the shower that morning, grooming and preening and assuring that he smelled and looked completely stunning. 

The question of if he was able to feel the same way, however, would be determined by Sami’s reaction to the plan. 

“Move out, squad.” Rebecca made a generic police-imitation hand gesture to the door. 

They regrouped before the front door. From inside, Bayley’s back was turned so she did not see them quite yet. When she did, she would surely either yell or dramatically wave, thus alerting Sami. 

Time was of the essence here. 

“You gonna get the job done?” Lexi asked one last time. 

Finn’s stomach did flip-flops and somersaults and nearly made him sick. 

He took deep breaths through the anxiety. 

“I sure hope I will.” He mumbled. 

Finn watched Bayley return the broom and dustpan to its spot in the side closet of the store floor. 

Her back was turned. 

The space to the ramp was cleared. 

No customers in the store. 

This was it. 

This was his chance. 

“Now.” Finn said clearly. 

Rebecca jolted forward, swung the door open as fast as it would comply and he ran inside, past Bayley and up the ramp. 

~

3:11PM. 

Sami ignored the footsteps stomping up behind him. If Bayley wanted to have another conversation with him about the weather or the store or whatever dumb thing a customer said to her, he would probably scream. 

His back was rigid as could be as he tried to wordlessly give off the least friendly vibe possible. 

“Sami?” 

Of course she-

_Wait._

His hands froze mid-type. 

That wasn’t Bayley’s voice. 

Slowly, as if he didn’t want to see what he _knew_ was behind him, Sami turned the chair around to face the source of the voice. 

It was…Finn. 

Sami gulped and looked him up and down. Somehow, he had forgotten how gorgeous Finn was, and that was a shock, but any high from that was instantly brought down at the memories associated with that gorgeous body and face. 

“Hey.” he whispered, and set the packages he was holding onto the prep table. 

“Hi.” Sami croaked out. 

“Can we talk?” Finn fidgeted uncomfortably.

Sami shifted in the chair, suddenly hyper-aware of his own breathing and blinking. He felt under scrutiny again, in the way that only Finn could cause. His eyes drifted to the camera monitor, seeing Rebecca and Lexi had now appeared in the dining room. _Finn’s entourage._

“What d’you wanna talk about?” He gave it a chance. Better judgement was telling him to run away again or tell Finn to leave, but better judgement had failed him before so he went with what his heart wanted. 

And _god_ , did his heart want Finn. 

“Well, I’d like to… a couple t’ings, actually.” Finn said, nervously picking at his nail beds. 

Sami, cautiously like a deer, stood from his chair and crept over to the prep table, keeping it between them. For the first time in over a week, he became concerned over if his clothes were visibly wrinkled. 

“Go on…” He nodded, and Finn responded with that lip-bite. 

“I just, erm... “ Finn swallowed hard. “I miss you.” 

Sami stared, and _Jesus, it’s been over a month since we’ve seen each other_ nodded himself. 

“I miss you too, Finn.” 

Finn smiled weakly. “I’m… happy to hear ya say that, if I’m honest. I been worried you’d never wanna see me ever again.” 

Sami shook his head. “Nah… I always wanna see you.” 

“Really?” 

“Mhm…” It wasn’t easy for Sami to admit. 

“Well… I brought yer birt’day gifts… My baby’s eighteen.” Finn smiled again, bigger now. 

“Finn, don’t…” Sami started to correct him, to tell Finn to never call him that again, but felt his heart plunge into his stomach before he could. It was _so freaking good_ to hear that again.

“Listen, just…” Finn pushed the packages over to Sami, almost frantic now. He knew he messed up by uttering the pet name. “Here, open this first.” 

Sami hesitated, unsure if it was wise to let this continue. Finn was holding an unwrapped sketchpad out. 

He took it and opened the cover page. 

Inside, there was a beautiful and detailed portrait of… 

“That’s me?” Sami said, incredulous. 

“Of course… in the fort.” 

Sami’s likeness was sleeping, curled up with a pillow and a stuffed penguin. He remembered this day, _of course_ he did. He had woken up to Rebecca snuggling him after a day of fun with Finn. 

“Oh my god…” Sami flipped the page over without a second thought. 

The next drawing was even more impressive than the last, featuring Sami’s grinning profile next to Tye’s… had to be during one of their many hang-out sessions as a group. 

“Oh my god…” Sami whispered again, feeling his eyes well up at the flawless attention to everything from his own angled nose to the pattern shaved into Tye’s head. 

Another page. 

Sami’s own doofy face next to Lexi’s pretty one. They had taken that selfie together in Target, the day before Valentine’s Day.

Another page.

Sami in his favorite sweater with an iced coffee from Brew. 

All of Sami’s best memories sketched out. 

Another.

Sami holding Gucci like a baby. 

All drawn with Finn’s expensive pencils, not a mistake or smudge or error to be seen. 

Another.

Sami looked more attractive than he could ever view himself as being in these drawings. _Maybe that’s just how Finn sees me…_

“Finnie, these are phenomenal? I’m just… I mean, I know you drew these but did you draw these?!” 

Finn laughed; the sound swelling in Sami’s ears and making him tear up. 

“Yes I did… and half the pages are blank. I saved ‘em for the next memories we make.”

Sami covered his mouth and closed the book up, feeling a little too overwhelmed to continue looking. Feelings of joy and sadness fought it out inside him.

“Do you wanna see yer other presents?” 

“Yeah…” Sami said, eyeing the bigger box. 

“I made this…” Finn followed his stare. “Lexi helped…” 

He opened the flip-top lid of the box to show Sami what was inside: a cake. 

The most delicious and spectacular looking cake he had ever seen, white buttercream covering it with plumes of rainbow colored frosting making the border. In the center, clumsily applied frosting wrote out: 

_Sami_ with a heart dotting the I, 

_I love you so much. Be my penguin?_

A sob, mixed with a gasp, left his throat and he used both hands to cover his eyes and mouth. 

“I didn’t have room to write ‘happy birt’day’ on it… but I’ll make you an even better one next year.” Finn vowed. 

Sami couldn’t hold back the weeps now, but in a change of pace, he wept out of sheer gratitude and relief and a type of happiness that made his whole body feel tingly. 

“You always use food to apologize…” He said, muffled by his hands. 

“What’s that?” Finn asked, sounding concerned. 

Sami brushed tears back and placed one hand on either cheek. 

“Lexi told me that you always use food to apologize… when you do something wrong and you feel bad.” 

Finn smiled shyly. “Ah, yeah… I do that. But this is the best type of food I’ve ever used as an apology because… I’ve never fucked up worse than when I hurt you. And nothin’ has ever been more important than this. Nothin’ has ever been more important than you.” 

Sami, wondering if he should balk or run away, just muttered, “I can’t believe it…” 

“Please…” Finn snatched the smaller gift box and walked around the prep table so his tiny frame was right in front of Sami’s taller one. 

“Please forgive me, baby. I fucked up so bad, and I said things I didn’t mean. I promise I didn’t mean them. I’m not trash, I’m not a bad boy, I’m a fucking good boy… I’m the best boy for you to be with. The only one you should be with, I swear.” 

Finn ripped at the wrapping paper as he spoke, clearly trembling. A plain white cardboard box was under the paper and he opened that as well. 

Inside, a brand new, sparkling and silver, Claddagh ring. Just like the one Finn himself had, like Rebecca and Lexi had. 

“I’m so sorry that I hurt you, Sami Zayn, and if you want me to, I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up.” 

“Finn, oh my god…” Sami was more tears than human at this point. 

“I love you so much, baby boy. You said in yer essay that I make you free… Well, you make me the happiest guy on the entire planet. An’ if ya let me put this ring on yer finger, we can be happy forever… just like penguins.” 

Sami watched the ring glitter in the fluorescent lighting of the prep room. Unable to find words that could properly convey the hurricane of emotion in his belly, he opened his arms and swept Finn literally off his feet. 

“I love y-you s-s-so m-huch!” Sami yelled through the tears, apathetic to who heard him. 

“I love you, sweet boy!” Finn wrapped his legs around Sami’s waist. 

They kissed. 

After over a month of separation, over a month of despair and loneliness and pining so unbelievably hard for each other, they kissed and kissed and kissed, wetting each other’s cheeks with their tears and smiling against lips. 

The three girls tripped over each other as they ran to the back. Upon discovering the two boys in their embrace, an uproarious applause was made, complete with cheers and hollers and whatever else was drown out by the sound of Sami’s thoughts: 

_My boyfriend! My boyfriend!! Mine!!_

He broke their connected mouths apart briefly to whisper in Finn’s ear. 

“I love you so much, Finnie.” 

Finn cried a little harder as he was reminded of _Dream Sami_ , although nothing could compare to the real one in his arms. 

Sami held his own dream boy and wondered if he’d cry ever again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, folks. 
> 
> This fic has been the product of every one of my emotions and thoughts, for not only over the year it took me to write it, but my whole life. all of my personal experiences have been poured into this and it means the whole world to me. 
> 
> while I sit here with tears in my eyes over the ending of this work, I would really like to issue another blanket THANK YOU to everyone who has spent time reading this, everyone who has commented or left a little kudos. I appreciate it so much. if anyone would be interested in seeing insights in these character's future in the form of a few one-shots, let me know.
> 
> also, it goes without saying that I gotta thank Fergal and Rami for creating the base for these characters. Thank you guys, for giving me my creativity back. for making me believe I can make things and be happy with myself. 
> 
> this truly is my favorite thing to do and I hope to continue to entertain y'all in the future with my next creations.


End file.
